God, now I was more embarrassed than ever...
The driver was scrambling around up front, looking all confused about what he should do. I felt terrible for having gotten him in trouble like that, but what could I do about it? I thought it would be better for me just to get out of his hair and let him deal with the problem without me causing him any more headaches. My office was only a few blocks away now, and anyway, I needed to make a quick stop at Starbucks on the way before I went in. Everyone where I worked might have been forgiving enough when it came to me being late, but the one thing they were sure to notice was if I didn't bring them in their coffee every morning.
I craned my neck up and stole a peek at the meter. The driver, still frantic and clutching his forehead, barely even noticed when I reached up and handed him a twenty dollar bill. “Here you go,” I said, “Keep the change.” I really couldn't afford to throw my money around that way, but it was the least I could do after making him wreck his cab. I was always screwing things up for people with my clumsiness that way...
“Happy holidays!” I added as I hurried off down the sidewalk, before I had the chance to make any more of a jackass out of myself.
By now I'd finally made it to Starbucks, and was waiting in line behind like a gazillion people. I hadn't really been paying much attention when the guy called my name, like I said. I could feel all the guys in the place making eyes at me, almost definitely judging me for looking so slovenly and pathetic (I didn't realize until about ten minutes into my wait that I'd forgotten to button my blouse back up, so that was probably one thing they were reprimanding me for in their minds.)
Instead of the crowd around me, I'd had my phone pulled out and was looking pretty hopelessly on this dating site app I had. It was pointless, I know, but I just was feeling so alone with the holidays coming on and everything. I thought, honestly, what could it hurt, just setting up a profile and seeing what happened?
It was pretty predictable though. I'd been on there two weeks so far and almost no one had messaged me. It made me feel pretty crummy about myself. I'd been reaching out to people and trying to start conversations, and I wasn't even really aiming that high. I knew a girl like me would be lucky to have anyone, and that I couldn't afford to be too choosy. I guess I'd kind of thought at least someone would be interested enough to write me back, but so far I wasn't having any luck. I'd even been too embarrassed to put my picture on my profile, and if I had I bet even the people who did message back with their polite replies wouldn't have bothered trying.
I was one hopeless case...
I was feeling down on myself when the barista called out my name, and so when I finally did hear him saying “Chloe, Chloe, Chloe” about a dozen times or so it was a pretty welcome distraction.
“Oh, thank you,” I said, starting back to life, and giving the man a smile.
He smiled back at me, with a look I couldn't quite recognize. But then, when I took the drink carrier from him, I realized what it meant. The carrier contained three drinks- one for Chandler De Louise, the CEO at the company where I worked, one for my supervisor, Liam, and one for me- Chloe.
Beneath the name Chloe, misspelled “Kloe,” like it always was half the time at this Starbucks, the barista had jotted down a phone number- his phone number.
God, he was making fun of me, just like those hunky construction workers I'd met that morning outside my building. Men could be so... So awful sometimes, I thought, my emotions getting the better of me.
“Thank you,” I said stiffly, holding back tears as I turned to head toward the door. I didn't give that big jerk a tip, either, I can pretty well promise you. I knew I wasn't much to look at, but that didn't mean people should just be allowed to make fun of me for it.
I was only a few more blocks away from the office now, and the gloom I'd been feeling throughout my taxi ride and in Starbucks was at its height as I walked through the crowd of happy couples. I'm going to be single forever, I just kept thinking, and it was like I couldn't stop myself or think of anything else in the world. I tried to walk faster, like that would help me escape the feeling, but it didn't. So I just kept going faster and faster, until finally I had to stop for a minute, catch my breath, before my heels gave out under me and I collapsed in the middle of the sidewalk.
I leaned against a light pole for a second, my cold breath puffing in front of my eyes as I tried to calm myself down. Just a few seconds, I thought, and I would be good to go again. I could stop thinking about all that relationship crap, and just focus on living my life, doing my job, and enjoying things by myself.
When I looked up again, my eyes brimming with tears, I was astonished to see that the very first snow of the season had started to set in. The sky had been white and overcast all morning, looking like it might just start to snow at any minute, but it had kind of been that way for a week or so without it really amounting to anything. But now, as I looked up through my emotional haze, I saw gently falling flakes making their way past the towering heights of the buildings, moving slowly, slowly down toward the ground.
Somehow, in all my sadness, it felt like the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen, sweeping all my troubles away.
I felt like a child again.
Slowly I stuck my tongue out from between my lips, standing in the middle of the sidewalk, and seeing if maybe I could catch one of the falling flakes in my mouth. Several of them whooshed past me, landing on my cheeks, and on the end of my nose. I had to laugh as they melted against my skin, and I just kept bobbing my head, again and again, trying as hard as I could to catch one of the sneaky little things before they blew around my face and disappeared somewhere else.
Finally, I managed to get one on my tongue and was experiencing the chill as it melted in my mouth, when suddenly I felt it. The slamming of a body hard into my spine, knocking me completely off balance. A guy on a cell phone had been walking along not paying attention to what he was doing, and he rammed me hard from behind. I shrieked. I could feel my stilettos giving out underneath me, my ankle twisting, and my body toppling toward the sidewalk. It was like I was moving in slow motion, watching the world fall around me, but not able to stop myself. I watched, terrified, as the tray of coffees toppled out of my hands, and two of the drinks burst open in mid air, spilling all over the place.
As I went down screaming, Chandler and Liam's, hot, dripping fluids gushed over every exposed inch of my quivering flesh...
2
“Oh good, you decided to come in early today,” said Joanne at the front desk, when I finally managed to hobble into the office, sopping wet and on one heel, around ten thirty in the morning. She said it before looking up and seeing the state I was in. When she did see me, her expression changed a little bit. I thought, for just a second, that she was about to look at me with pity in her eyes. I held my breath expecting it, but then seconds later her expression fell into a really nasty, scornful look. She'd evidently thought better about feeling sorry for me, like no matter how bad it looked like things were going, I'd probably done something to deserve it.
Honestly, today in particular I really felt like I had.
As I made my way stiffly through the office, a lot of people's heads turned over the tops of their cubicles to gawk at me. Yeah, yeah, I thought. I know. The men in the office were especially fixated on me, which was particularly embarrassing. The coffee had seeped completely through my skin tight white blouse, and you could basically see everything through the fabric. My breasts were as abundantly visible as if I'd just woken up and decided to wear cling wrap to work. I tried to cross my arms over them to at least hide my nipples from view, but really it just ended up making them look bigger as I pressed them against my body. There was really no getting out of this day with my dignity intact...
Thankfully, as bad as the damage of my fall and the morning up to that point had been, at least one of the coffees had survived the collision- my own. Somehow, the lid had stayed on, and although it was peppermint mocha flavored, I thought mayb
e I could save at least a little bit of face by giving it to Mr. De Louise to replace his own.
Mr. De Louise was not the kind of man whose bad side you wanted to be on. He was a powerful guy, and ever since I started temping there as an office assistant I'd gone out of my way to keep from pissing him off in any way. As hard as I tried, though, I still didn't think he liked me very much. He was really hard to get a read on whenever I had the chance to talk to him, and he always said things like, “God I love watching you walk away” whenever I left his office. It was pretty obvious he wanted to spend as little time in my presence as possible, and I couldn't really blame him.
I won't lie, I'd always had a kind of stupid crush on Mr. De Louise. Not like a serious crush, like I actually thought I had any kind of shot with him or anything. But like when you have a crush on a singer as a kid. He had really dark hair, penetrating eyes, and wore a neatly kept goatee at the bottom of his chiseled face. His smile was infectious, and I could tell that beneath his angular gray suits that he had a ripped, masculine body, pulsing with muscles, and capable of driving any woman he came into contact with to the very edge of sanity with pleasure.
So, in short, he was the very sort of guy who would never have anything to do with a girl like myself. I could imagine myself in as many lascivious situations with him as my lonely heart desired, but the facts remained that he was A., my boss, B., extremely wealthy and powerful, and C., capable of nailing any woman in the sack who he set his sights on. What chance did a lowly office worker who couldn't even get a date through an online dating site have with a smoldering alpha male like that?
I found myself now making my way for his office, looking completely disheveled and inappropriate. I wished I could just go home and start this day all over again, and as I knocked on the door of his office I thought for certain that I would end up regretting it.
“Come in!” I heard him call to me, in that low, sexy voice of his.
I opened the door and stepped inside, and instantly he turned to look at me with his dark, piercing eyes.
“Hello Mr. De Louise,” I said feebly, my voice shaking. I knew that just about any business book a person could read would instruct a young woman such as myself to compose herself with confidence in the presence of her boss. I also knew that there was no possible way that a flake like myself could show any kind of confidence working for a stud like Mr. De Louise, and especially not in the state I was in. It didn't even really feel like it was worth trying.
“Please, call me Chandler,” he said, and he began to run his eyes over my body, immediately noticing the spilled coffee all over the front of my blouse, as well as my protruding nipples.
“Yes sir, M-Mr. Chandler sir,” I said. I could see him stiffening behind his desk, sitting up in his chair at the sight of me like something had suddenly started to bother him, like he had ants in his pants or something. I cleared my throat, and tried to stay focused. “I um... I had a bit of an issue getting your coffee today. Someone ran into me on the sidewalk, and... Well, if you like peppermint mocha, you're more than welcome to have mine instead. I was already running late, and I didn't think I should make myself later by turning back around to-”
I'd reached over to his desk to place the cup down in front of him, but before I could finish my sentence he'd reached forward to place his hand on mine, stopping me short. I froze, my heart beating hard. I'd imagined this kind of intimate contact with him so many times up to now, but I couldn't believe it was any more than him just trying to silence me, to get me to listen. I kept my gaze averted for several seconds, angled toward his desk. Then I slowly looked up to spy him staring back at me, gazing patiently into my own blue eyes.
”Chloe,” he said, and hearing my name on his lips made my heart skip a beat. “Relax. Sometimes, I get the impression that you don't feel like you're welcome here. That none of us want you around. And trust me that is absolutely not the case.”
“Okay,” I said, shaking a little bit. Hearing this should have relieved me, I know, but really it just made me more nervous.
“Actually, I personally really like having you around here. It's... Nice, actually. Seeing someone so young and fresh-faced, someone to bring life to the place. You're so earnest, and sincere.... It's refreshing in this business.”
“Thank you,” I said, forcing a smile for about a half of a second before letting my lips fall back down again.
“That being said... Don't feel like you have to try so hard to impress everyone. Just do the best you can at your job, the way that you've been doing, and don't think every mistake you make is a matter of life and death. Like the coffee- you look like you've had one hell of a day already. You look like you could use some fuel to keep you going, you don't need to offer me your drink to make up for an accident. I think I can make it until noon without an extra rush of caffeine...”
“Right,” I said, trying to chuckle, like I considered it a lighthearted matter. But for me that really wasn't the case.
“You're as much an integral part of this organization as anyone here, and you're health and well-being are of the utmost importance to me...” The words, it should be noted, were completely professional, spoken in good faith and kindness. But, in the back of my mind, I couldn't help but let myself imagine there was something else behind them. Maybe it was me just seeing what I wanted to see, but I almost let myself believe that there was something flirtatious about his tone, something... Seductive... He still hadn't taken his hand off of mine after all, and had in fact only strengthened his grip further as he continued to speak. But surely I must have been going out of my mind to think that this man, my boss, could possibly be interested in me... Right?
“I really appreciate that, sir...” I said, still shaking.
“Sir... I like that...” I lifted my eyes slowly to his, and we stared at one another for several agonizing moments. It still felt completely crazy, yet seeing into him this way, letting his eyes burn through me like they were doing... Well, it made it almost believable that his interest in me at that point could be anything more than just the professional interest of a boss in his employee. My lip began to quiver, and I found my face moving forward almost imperceptibly in his direction, like I might somehow have the audacity to lean in and kiss him on the mouth.
Before things had the chance to go any further, though, Mr. De Louise made the fortunate move of breaking the connection, and stopping my girlish fantasies in their tracks. I leaned back away from him, and let out a sigh of relief as he took his hand off of mine. He took the cup I'd set on his desk for him, and pushed it gently back to me.
“Here,” he said. “You have this. Try to get yourself oriented and back on track. If you need to change your clothes, there are some women's items in the lost and found that might fit you for the afternoon at least. Then, when you're all ready to get started with your day, go find Liam. He's in a meeting right now I believe, but he had some business for you to attend to when you got in.”
“Yes sir. Thank you, Mr. De Louise, sir.”
“Chandler, please...”
“Yes, Chandler, sir...”
As much mercy as he'd shown to me, I still made my way out of his office with my tail between my legs, feeling completely humiliated.
“God I love watching you walk away,” I could hear him mutter back at the desk by the time I'd made it to the door. I felt sweat beginning to prickle up at the back of my neck. This guy really knew how to send some mixed signals, I'll tell you what. Maybe that was part of what made him such a successful businessman in the first place.
_____
I didn't manage to track down my supervisor Liam until around one o'clock. Apparently he'd gone straight from the meeting he was in to lunch with some clients, so I spent the morning and afternoon catching up on some filing, working through my lunch to make up for showing up to the office as late as I had that day. I wasn't always the smartest employee, but I really did work hard to try and do the best job I could.
“Oh, Chloe, t
here you are,” he exclaimed upon his return. “That's a very... Um... Festive outfit you have on. Appropriate actually, for what I've got in mind for you this afternoon.”
“Hello Liam,” I said, smiling at him a little bit less nervously than I had at Mr. De Louise. The festive outfit to which he was referring was the oversized green Christmas sweater I'd nabbed out of the lost and found that morning to replace my soiled dress. It had Christmas trees and snowflakes printed all over it at a pretty large scale, and it looked pretty ridiculous. But, it actually didn't look too bad in combination with the short black skirt I had on, if you took them together in a kind of ironic way. I normally didn't think very highly of my own appearance, but I guess all things considered that meeting with Mr. De Louise had left me just the slightest bit more confident in myself than I'd been going in there. “Sorry I didn't have your coffee this morning. I didn't set my alarm right, then I couldn't get a cab and...”
Game of Throbs Complete Series (Books 1-3) Page 27