by Jon Voelkel
“Ha-ha, very funny. But actually, the next thing they face is—”
Max interrupted her. “It’s Rat Man!”
“We meet again,” said the concierge. “I trust you are replete?”
“We’ve had enough to eat, if that’s what you’re asking,” said Max.
“So you are ready to resume your tour? For most people, our next stop is their favorite part of the hotel. In fact, guests come from all over the world just to see our latest acquisitions.”
“Acquisitions? You have a museum? Maya artifacts?” Lola hopped around excitedly.
The concierge looked appalled. “This is a hotel. People come here for fun. I am referring to the acquisitions in our casino. We pride ourselves on acquiring all the very latest gaming machines. We have slot machines, arcade games, the latest holographic video games. Many of them are exclusive to our casino.”
Lola screwed up her face. “Thank you, but I don’t think we’re interested. I don’t even think we’re old enough.”
The concierge chuckled. “There’s no age limit here. All of life is a gamble, is it not?” He handed her a drawstring bag of tokens. “So live a little.”
Max looked at her pleadingly. “Couldn’t we just check out the holographic video games? I’ve read about them but I’ve never seen one in real life.”
“I’ll do a deal with you. If I come with you to look at your games, then you come with me to look at that”—Lola quickly thought of a code word for the jaguar—“that fur coat I was interested in.”
The concierge’s eyes lit up. “Madam has a taste for fur? We have a wide range of rare and exquisite pelts in our lobby boutique.”
“I bet you do,” responded Lola. “So which floor is the casino?”
“It is on eight, our penultimate floor. I will leave you to enjoy yourselves. Be sure to meet me in the lobby in one hour. I have a very special surprise for you.”
“Be careful,” Lola warned Max as they stood in the doorway of the casino. “The Death Lords are notorious for being crazy mad gamblers. If they’re hanging out anywhere in the hotel, this is where they’ll be. We shouldn’t even have come down here. It’s too risky.”
“I just want to try the new games. I’ll be quick, I promise. And then we’ll go visit your precious Bahlam.”
Max surveyed the room. He’d never been in a casino before, but it looked how he supposed all casinos looked: a huge, windowless space full of slot machines and gaming tables. The only light came from the machines themselves, a few candles on tables in a sitting area, and a scattering of fairy lights on the ceiling.
Lola smiled when she saw them. “It’s the Maya night sky. It’s what an astronomer would have seen, looking out of one of those old observatories.”
Max looked up and realized that the fairy lights were actually a map of the constellations in the Maya cosmos. He even saw a constellation he recognized. “It’s the Cosmic Crocodile! He guided me in Spain the night Lord 6-Dog was shot, and he guided me out to sea when— Whoa!” A fiery comet shot across the sky and Venus, the planet of warfare, rose on its predawn path. “That’s so realistic! How do they do that?”
A gentle breeze made all the candles flicker.
“It feels like we’re outside,” said Lola. “It’s so warm and humid in here. It’s the first time I haven’t been cold in this hotel.”
By the time they reached the center of the room, they were engulfed in noise. The screams of anguish and cries of triumph as the patrons lost or made huge fortunes were underpinned by the steady patter of card dealers and the constant clatter of regurgitated tokens from the slot machines.
“Over here,” yelled Max, spotting the large screens and inviting white glow of a cluster of video game pods. “Look! They have Pyramid of Peril!” he cried in delight. “Zia picked up an old version at a yard sale in Boston. You have to see it. There’s a girl in it who looks just like you.”
“Really? Is she strong, intelligent, and brave, with lightning-fast reflexes?”
“Of course. Do you want to play?”
“Nah.” Lola flopped down in an armchair in front of a low, candlelit wooden table. “I need to work out my rescue plan.” She took a pen and paper out of her backpack and moved the candle closer. Soon she was drawing complicated diagrams and scribbling notes like a scientist working out a formula.
Max, meanwhile, was having the time of his life. The game was spectacular. It felt 100 percent real. He wasn’t sure how it worked, but all he had to do was stand on a pad and interact with what he saw on the screen. Then somehow the game surrounded him with all the sights and sounds and smells of a network of tombs inside an ancient Maya pyramid.
“Monkey Girl! Look at me,” he cried as he battled 3-D skeletons and avoided falling snakes and leapt over unexpected chasms.
“That’s what real life has been like lately,” observed Lola. “I don’t know why you’d want to do it for fun.”
“This is different. I know the rules. And I can’t get hurt.”
“It’s a shame the Death Lords don’t know the rules.”
“What? Sorry, can’t talk, coming to a tricky bit.…”
He had to sprint down a tunnel, timing it perfectly to avoid falling rocks, and hurl himself under a stone slab at the end before it slid shut.
It took quite a few goes, and Lola had lost interest long before Max finally made it under the slab. So she didn’t see that on the other side was a royal tomb, painted blood-red with toxic cinnabar. In the center of the room, surrounded by jade carvings, quetzal feathers, painted pots, jaguar pelts, cocoa beans, spiny oyster shells—all the wealth of a ruler whose trade routes stretched from the oceans to the mountains—was the sarcophagus of an ancient Maya king.
Flip, flip, flip, quick as a whip, a figure came somersaulting out of the corner like a ninja and landed already posed in attack position.
She stood in front of Max with her arms crossed. “I am the guardian. None shall pass.”
“Come see! Come see! It’s you!” Max called to Lola, who was deep in thought.
She looked up and did a double take. “Wow, you’re right—she does look like me!”
She stood up for a better look. “Hey, can you pan around a bit? That place looks familiar. What tomb is that? I feel like I’ve been there.”
“It’s probably just a mash-up of lots of different tombs. Video game designers go more for atmosphere than authenticity.”
“Watch out! Why am I pulling a knife on you?”
“You—what? Aaaargh.” Max ducked as the Lola look-alike began hurling a seemingly endless supply of flint daggers at him.
He dodged, he jumped, he ducked, he deflected.
It was exhilarating. This game was so lifelike, he could feel the wind as the daggers whirled through the air, could smell the chalky flint whizzing past, could hear the dull thuds as they hit the tomb wall behind him. One time he even felt the sting of a holographic blade as it grazed his leg.
With a scream, Lola threw herself on top of him, dragging him down to the floor, and rolling with him off the game pad. They crashed into the table, overturning it, and came to a halt against the armchair.
“What was that for?” asked Max.
There was a smell of burning.
“My hair! It’s on fire!”
Lola grabbed a pillow from the armchair. Little feathers flew in the air as she hit her head with it to smother the flames.
Now she was jumping on the pillow, which had evidently started to smolder, and simultaneously stamping out sparks on the rug.
Max watched her in a daze, trying to understand what was happening, until he realized that when they’d knocked over the table, a candle had fallen to the floor and caught her thick black ponytail.
Just to be sure that the fire was out, he leapt up, grabbed a pitcher of fruit punch from a passing server, and emptied it on her head.
“Enough!” spluttered Lola. “I am officially extinguished.”
“What was that about?�
� asked Max. “Haven’t you ever seen a video game before?”
“I was going to kill you!”
Max smiled. “No, you weren’t. It looks realistic, but it’s called a ho-lo-gram,” he explained, in a patronizing, talking-to-children kind of tone.
“No, you don’t understand. I had a dream. I was in that tomb. I was throwing knives at you. It was exactly like your game. Except … I killed you. And then your body was eaten by mutant cave spiders.”
“It’s okay; calm down. Those knives weren’t real.”
“No? Then look at your leg.”
Max looked down.
His jeans were slashed to ribbons.
They sat on the floor, stunned, Max in his shredded jeans and Lola soaked in punch and examining the frazzled ends of her ponytail, amid the upturned furniture.
Max picked an orange slice out of her hair. “Once again,” he said, “I must congratulate you on your ability not to draw attention to us.”
Lola hit him with the charred pillow.
But the funny thing was that no one else had noticed the ruckus.
All the other patrons of the casino were still glued to their games of choice.
Even the server had not batted an eyelid when Max had used the jug of punch as an impromptu fire extinguisher.
Apparently, this casino was used to drama.
“So,” he said, “shall we sneak out before anyone notices the damage?”
Too late.
Someone was coming; the lines of gamblers were parting to let him through.
“Not Rat Man,” groaned Lola. “I can’t deal with him right now.”
But it was Eusebio.
“Ix Sak Lol!” he cried. “Are you hurt? Who has done this to you?” He looked threateningly at Max.
“Done what to me?” Then she realized that Eusebio was looking at her ketchup-spotted shirt. “Don’t worry, Eusebio, that’s not blood. It’s a long story. But I’m fine.”
Eusebio nodded. “Then, if you do not need me, I will leave you to your silly games.”
“Wait, Eusebio, what are you doing in the casino?”
The boatman looked away sheepishly.
Lola’s eyes opened wide as she answered her own question. “Now I get it! You’re a gambler! You’re gambling all your money away! Does your wife know about this?”
“Please, keep your voice down, Ix Sak Lol.”
But Lola was on a roll. “So this is why you need money so badly. I was shocked yesterday when you tried to cheat Max’s uncle, but now I understand—”
Eusebio looked embarrassed. “I am not a gambler, Ix Sak Lol. I check the slots for tokens. Sometimes the tourists do not pick up all their winnings.”
“That’s even more pathetic! Have you no pride?”
Eusebio stiffened at the insult. “Have you no respect for your elders?”
“Not when they’re grubbing around for pennies in a place like this.”
“You are too quick to judge, Ix Sak Lol.”
“Tell me then,” she challenged him, “if you’re not gambling, why are you so obsessed with money these days?”
Eusebio crouched down and looked her straight in the eye. He spoke quietly. “If it is any business of yours, I am collecting money for Little Och’s hospital treatment. His parents are working double shifts, but still they cannot hope to pay for it. Do you have the money to pay for it, Ix Sak Lol?”
Lola said nothing.
“No? Then do not sneer at me for raising it in any way I can.”
“Here,” she said, pushing the drawstring bag of tokens into his hands. “I’m so sorry. How could I be so stupid?”
Eusebio nodded. “Things are changing so fast around here, it makes us doubt each other. I, too, am sorry. You were right to condemn my behavior yesterday. When I saw you stranded on the riverbank, I thought you were another group of rich tourists with more money than sense. Shame on me, I saw my chance and I took it. If I had known that it was Ix Sak Lol, of all people, who needed my help …” His voice faded away in shame.
“Actually,” said Max cheerily, “you’re right about one thing. Uncle Ted is rich. But I don’t think you have to cheat him. I’m sure he’ll pay for Little Och’s treatment. He likes children since he met me.”
Remembering how unlikable Max had been when he first arrived in San Xavier, Eusebio and Lola exchanged a smile. Max didn’t get the joke, but he smiled, too. It was good to know that, despite all the other depressing developments on the Monkey River, Eusebio was still a good guy.
“What are you two doing here?” asked Eusebio. “Shouldn’t you be on the bus to Puerto Muerto?”
“It’s the hurricane,” explained Lola. “The bus was canceled.”
“Of course, of course, the hurricane. They say it is a big one. I saw the ants marching this morning, but I forget about the outside world when I am working in this godforsaken place.”
“Is it bad out there?” asked Max.
“Without windows, who can say? But I was glad to cancel tomorrow’s blast-fishing trip.”
“Blast fishing isn’t fishing,” said Lola. “They just throw in some dynamite and scoop up the dead fish.”
“But they get a lot of fish,” Eusebio pointed out. “And that is what tourists want.”
“It’s those F.A.T.S.O. guys, isn’t it?” Lola thumped on the table. “I hate them!”
“They have taken over the hotel for their conference. Which reminds me that I must get back to work. It’s all hands on deck today. Everyone is getting ready for the big show tonight.”
“So what’s the big deal about this show?” asked Max.
“I do not know,” replied Eusebio. “It’s down on nine. I am working in the kitchens on two, making tamales for intermission.”
Lola put a hand on his arm. “Wait, Eusebio, before you go—can I ask you something?”
“Anything, Ix Sak Lol.”
“Who owns this hotel?”
“I suppose it is some big company in San Xavier City. Why?”
“Do you ever think that the owners might be evil?”
“We don’t get health benefits or paid vacations, if that’s what you mean.”
“No, I mean seriously evil—like the Death Lords!”
Eusebio shifted uncomfortably.
“I’m right, aren’t I?”
“I do not know, Ix Sak Lol. But let us talk back at Utsal. In here the walls have ears.” His eyes darted to the security camera that hung above their heads. “So let us change the subject. Have you had a pleasant day?”
“Yes, thank you for asking.” Lola, too, glanced at the security camera and looked meaningfully at Eusebio. “We were fortunate enough to see the menagerie earlier, and you can imagine how much I loved it.”
Eusebio met her gaze. “Indeed. I know you are an animal lover.”
Lola nodded earnestly. “So I was wondering, if you had to evacuate the menagerie for some reason, say an emergency like a fire or something, how would you get all those animals away from here? Would you load them on your boat?”
It seemed to Max that they were talking in code—for the benefit, he supposed, of the ears in the walls—and that a plan was being hatched under his nose.
Eusebio stroked his chin. “In this hypothetical situation, I think it would be better to use a truck like the one currently in the loading bay at the back of the hotel.”
“How interesting,” said Lola.
Eusebio stood up. “I must get back to the second floor. Perhaps you would like to meet me later and revisit the animals? Come while everyone is at the show.”
“I’d like that,” said Lola. She went to give Eusebio a hug.
“One more thing, Ix Sak Lol,” he whispered. “Your hair is full of candle wax, feathers, and orange pips. The ketchup on your shirt looks like gunshot wounds. If you do not want to call attention to yourself tonight, you might want to visit our beauty salon on the sixth floor.”
And with that, he patted her sticky head and melted back into t
he throngs of gamblers in the casino.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Lola asked Max as she picked dried wax out of her hair. “I hope they can get it all out.”
“It makes a change for you to be the messy one,” said Max. “I’ve seen you walk through mud all day in the jungle and not get a splash on you.”
“Another reason for me to hate this place.”
Max lowered his voice to a whisper. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”
“I’m just getting my hair washed.”
“You know what I mean. About meeting Eusebio during the show.”
She put a finger on her lips. “He said the walls have ears, remember? The Death Lords must be spying on everyone.”
“Eusebio did not say anything about the Death Lords.”
“Come on, Hoop, admit it. How do you explain the last two tests?”
“Not this again—”
Lola counted on her fingers. “Dark, cold, jaguars, bats, then”—she paused dramatically—“knives and fire!” She pointed at Max’s shredded jeans. “Knives!” She waved her scorched ponytail. “Fire! See? It all fits!”
He shook his head. “If the Death Lords wanted to test us, don’t you think they’d go for something a bit bigger than shredded jeans and singed hair?”
“Maybe they’re playing with us?”
“Maybe this is just a really bad hotel.”
Lola attempted to run her fingers through her hair. “Time to break out the vouchers, Hoop. I’m going to the salon. Shall I meet you back here?”
“I think we should stick together. We promised Uncle Ted.”
“So you are getting spooked!”
“No, I’m not. But they had crocodiles in the pool and bats in the buffet. If they have snakes in the salon, you might need a little help.”
“Like you could ever rescue me from a snake.”
But, funnily enough, that was almost exactly what happened.
Never having considered the art of beauty from an ancient Maya point of view, Max was unprepared for the sights that surrounded him.
Things he had expected to see in a beauty salon: hair dryers, bottles of gloop, fluffy towels.
Things he had not expected to see in a beauty salon: a terrifying array of Stone Age tools, including flint chisels, saws, and hammers.