My thoughts couldn’t stay focused on them though because there were too many other things to do. Slowly things were gettin’ better. It was hard for some of the staff to care when it seemed like the management didn’t, but the small improvements I was seein’ in the day-to-day morale gave me hope. It made me determined to work under Declan until the team was completely back on track—maybe longer if I could. I wanted to keep the legacy alive for my girls—for the daughters of the great Phoebe Reede
By the time I was on my way home, worry that somethin’ catastrophic had occurred while I was out filled my mind. When I arrived at an intact and quiet house, my heartbeat calmed, and I was able to release the fists my fingers had curled into.
Angel and Cass were sittin’ on the floor with the three girls. Angel was usin’ her professional camera and to snap some shots of all three of the girls playin’ together.
“Angel tol’ me about her business plans,” Cass said when she caught me watchin’ all of them.
“I was showing her the baby books, and one thing led to another.”
“And she’s gonna take me to Harbourtown tomorrow.” Cass looked to Angel.
“I can’t tell ya both how good it is to see ya gettin’ along,” I said as I moved to the kitchen to figure out what I was gonna cook for dinner.
Angel gave Cass a sly look. “We’ve got a lot in common. In fact, that’s probably the reason we had our disagreement yesterday.”
Cass stifled a laugh. “Dinner’s on the stove already too. I made one o’ your favorite chilies.”
I lifted the lid on the pot that was simmerin’ on the stove. The waft of scents that rose from within took me back to Georgia.
“She wrote down the recipe too,” Angel added. “So I can make it for you when she’s gone home.”
“I was worried I was gonna come home to a house divided, but instead I walk in to find five pretty ladies and a Georgian chili. Maybe I actually died on the way home, and now I’m in Heaven.” As soon as the words left my mouth, my heart sank, and my stomach dropped to the floor. If I was in Heaven, it has woulda been Phoebe waitin’ at home for me.
Both Cass and Angel leaped to their feet to comfort me. Angel reached me first, wrappin’ her arm around behind me and leanin’ her head against my side.
Cass moved to the chili beyond, givin’ it an unnecessary stir. “Now that you’re home, we can have some dinner if ya like?”
“What have ya arranged for the girls?”
“We had another pot without the chili powder,” Angel said. “We blended it up and put it in the fridge. It just needs to be reheated.”
“And what about Hope?” I nodded in the direction where Hope was clangin’ on a toy xylophone.
Cass chuckled behind me. “Ya don’t think I’ve fed Hope chili before?”
I raised the arm Angel wasn’t leanin’ against in surrender. “Let me guess, she was practically raised on it?”
“Course. As well as most of the food that Mitch puts out.”
The three of us workin’ together made short work of settin’ the table and getting the girls in their high chairs. Angel heated up the blended chili for the two of them and set a bowl and two plastic spoons on each tray. The girls weren’t quite ready to feed themselves yet, but they were fiercely independent and wanted to try. It’d been that way for a few weeks, and they’d progressed from barely being able to hold the spoon to holdin’ it but just stirrin’ the food and not gettin’ any in their mouths. It made feedin’ them more interestin’, and I couldn’t help but wonder whether it was evidence that they were gonna grow to be like my beautiful, stubborn wife.
“I got ’em both,” I said to Angel when she sat opposite me, ready to feed Abby.
“Are ya sure?”
“Yeah. I ain’t hungry, and I haven’t had much time to spend with ’em lately.”
“Okay.”
For the rest of the evenin’, as we did the usual routine, my gaze continued to drift to Angel and the thoughts I’d been havin’ the night before played over and over. She was a wonderful mama and the strongest female influence in the girls’ lives. It made perfect sense to invite her in. Our life wouldn’t be perfect, but it would be good enough.
Would she even want to lock herself into our family though? To put her love life second, third, or even bottom of the pile and help with the girls instead.
When Abby splashed in the bath, I caught Angel’s gaze trailin’ my face. My stomach quivered and rolled at the heat in her eyes.
“Angel, I—” I cut off before I could say too much at once and frighten her away. The more I thought about the idea though, the extension of a temporary hand to a permanent family, the better it felt for me. “Are you okay for Friday night still?”
“Yeah. Of course, I am. You didn’t mention what the dress code might be though.”
“Anythin’ ya normally wear is perfect. I . . . I just wanna talk to you about somethin’.”
“Like what?”
“Like I’ll tell ya on Friday.”
She scooped her hand through the water and flicked it toward my face, which set Abby and Emma off splashin’ again as they baby-talked to each other.
Tuesday and Wednesday passed in much the same fashion as Monday had. By the time Thursday came, my nerves were shot. My leg bounced whenever I was still, and it was hard to stop my gaze trailin’ over Angel’s face. I ran through what I was gonna ask Angel over and over. Was it unfair of me to expect commitment from her when I had li’l to offer her in return?
When I came home from work on Thursday, both Angel and Cass were pale and visibly shaken. My first thought was that somethin’ had happened to the twins or Hope.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s, uh, wrong,” Angel said.
“At least, we don’t think it is,” Cass added.
“What is it then?”
Angel grabbed a small parcel from the table and carried it over to me. It was li’l bigger than a book and addressed to me. When I saw the return address though, my heart started to race.
It was from Phoebe’s lawyers.
Why are they sendin’ me anythin’?
One thing was clear, I needed some privacy to open it. Whatever was in there musta been somethin’ Phoebe had wanted to be delivered at least six months after her passin’, otherwise, why would they have held it?
“Are y’all all right takin’ care of the girls?” I asked.
“Yeah. I’ve got them,” Angel assured me.
Carryin’ the parcel, I headed into the kitchen to find the bottle of Fireball stashed at the top of the pantry. I didn’t want to drink myself into oblivion, but on occasion, I needed one in order to take the edge off. I had a feelin’ that after seein’ whatever was in the parcel, I’d need more than one.
I took the box and the bottle into my room.
After placin’ the parcel on the bed, I took a shot of the Fireball. While my throat was still burnin’ from that fluid, I moved to pick up Phoebe’s urn. I ran my fingers over the lid. “What surprise did ya have in store for me, darlin’?”
“Why don’t you open it and find out, cowboy.”
My lip twisted upward at the answerin’ reply in my mind. If I closed my eyes, I could almost convince myself the voice was real and not just a product of my own imagination.
“Okay, darlin’. Let’s see what we’ve got.”
I could still picture her as vividly as ever. If she were in the room with me, she’d be leanin’ forward, her seafoam irises dancin’ between green and blue as excitement rippled through her.
Takin’ care not to destroy anythin’ in the box, I opened it up.
On top was a note covered by two jewelry bags. Before readin’ the note, I opened one of the bags and slipped the contents onto my hand. It was a gold neck chain with a love heart pendant. The heart was tilted slightly to one side so that it was supported by one-half of the heart. Centered in that half of the heart was a pale blue gemstone of some sort. Beneath the st
one, someone had engraved the letter E in an elegant font.
I spent a moment examinin’ the necklace before slippin’ it back into the bag and grabbin’ the note that was beneath it.
My dearest Beau,
I know I left most of my messages with you so that you could watch them at the right time if you chose to. This one was a little different though. This one needed the gifts to go with it. Gifts I couldn’t arrange until after I was gone, and that I worried you might not understand until you held them in your hand.
I wondered what she was talkin’ about. It was evident the chain was a gift for Emma. Even without any other explanation that was obvious. Why would she think I mightn’t want it?
See, I had the funeral home take a portion of my ashes and send it to Eternal Phoenix Gems. They have some process where they take my remains and make diamonds. Something new and everlasting from my ashes. That’s the ultimate phoenix act, right?
The chains I’ve selected for the girls have one of those diamonds set in them. I chose for them to make blue diamonds because blue is the colour of our love. Apparently, it’s supposed to represent calm and communication. But it’s more than that to me. For me, it’s the colour of the lake, where we fell in love again and again. It’s almost the colour of my eyes, and you always told me how much you loved them. I just hope I make a pretty shade of blue because they explained the exact colour and how intense it is all comes down to the individual ashes.
When I spoke to them, I ordered the chains for the girls, as well as a couple of stones for them to set into any other jewellery they want when they’re older. Of course, if they think the whole idea is morbid and don’t want to wear them, please don’t make them. I love them with all of my heart, but I know for them I won’t even exist as a memory for them. I’ll just be a name and a few photographs.
I also had them replicate your wedding band. I hope you don’t mind, but I thought you might want the reminder even when you’ve moved on. Wear it on your right hand if you want to. Look at it and think about our good times.
As well as the new ring, there’s another stone in this box that is kind of for you. I’ll explain more about it on the recording inside the box. I hope you’ve been able to smile since I left, Beau. I hope you’ve been able to find joy in the little things, and that you’re still the man I fell in love with. Be that man, and Emma and Abby will have the life I want for them.
I will love you forever and always, wherever death takes me.
Yours,
Dawson
Anyone else mighta considered it strange that she’d signed that name, but I didn’t. It was clear she was makin’ reference to the last time she’d left me a note before leavin’ my life. Her chance for one last inside joke.
Takin’ care not to let the chains fall from their bags, I unpacked the top half of the box. I found the extra diamonds, sittin’ in two little boxes. I’d have to ensure it was all put away in a safe place until the girls were old enough to wear the chains without me havin’ to worry about the jewelry gettin’ lost. It was irreplaceable.
I set them on the bedside table, near Phoebe’s urn, before turnin’ my attention back to the rest of the contents of the box. There was a bag containin’ a ring almost identical to my wedding band, but with three blue diamonds set into it. Next to that, there was a box similar to the ones with the girls’ spare diamonds, but with a much larger stone. If I’d had to guess, I would’ve assumed it was around one karat.
Underneath that box was a memory stick. I didn’t even hesitate to load up my laptop and play whatever was on it. There was no doubt in my mind this was the additional explanation Phoebe had promised.
Once the folder that contained the footage was up, I took a moment just to breathe before double clickin’ to play it.
As always, Phoebe’s head and shoulders filled the screen, and my breath caught. Judgin’ by her gaunt appearance and the fact she was at home and not in the hospital, it was clear she had filmed the recordin’ near the end. The clothes she wore were the same ones I’d said goodbye to her in, but that did little more than narrow it down to one of a handful of days as she’d only had a few outfits she was comfortable in at the end.
“Hi, Beau. I know you’ve probably heard this a few times now, but I love you, and I’m sorry I had to leave you.” Tears filled her eyes, and I felt their counterpart building in me. Still, her smile remained fixed in place as she put on her bravest face. After a moment, she gave a frustrated sigh. “There’s just not enough time left to arrange everything I want for you. There’s so much I wish we could’ve done together just one more time. You don’t know how much I wish I could’ve seen the lake one more time. To have gone out on the boat with you again. To have watched the stars with you from there again. Now maybe when you look into the sky, there’ll be a new star. If there is, wish on it, Beau, because if it’s me, I’ll give you anything you want. I promise. Everything that is except one more day. I fear I’ve run out of those.”
She stopped and took a slow, deep breath, but her tears didn’t fall. It seemed this was a video from after she’d accepted the truth. After she’d fully faced her impendin’ death and had somehow worked through the emotions that still toiled within me even more than six months on. I couldn’t recall a time when she was utterly at peace though, not until it was almost the end.
“I hope you don’t mind the gift I’ll be arranging with this, and what I want you to do with it. See, I’ve requested my ashes be turned into a diamond that I think is more than fitting for an engagement ring. It’s a memorial gem that will hopefully let you think of me. If you don’t think it’s too crazy, I want you to find someone who will understand why that stone is important to you. Someone who will wear it on their finger with pride to not only be your partner but who understands the history of the girls and me. Maybe that’s selfish of me, but it’s not too much to ask, is it?”
She wanted me to get engaged again? Had she actually considered that an option before she’d passed away?
“I didn’t know how to tell you, but this is the last video I’ve made for you. There should be another one in Angel’s gift, but that’s for both Angel and you. I’d like the two of you to watch it together if you can. I’ve already spoken with the nurse about looking for the tablet and the name of this USB just in case. I’ve told her what I want to be done with the rest of them. Every other recording I’ve left you is for the twins. Please don’t force them to watch them if they don’t want to. And if you think it’s best for them not to see anymore, I want you to stop showing my memories to them. I don’t want them to grow up not knowing who I was, but it’s more important to do whatever is in their best interest. There’s nothing I want more in this life than for you all to find peace after I’m gone. I don’t want you to mourn me forever. Or for you to die inside the day I go. It’s not fair on our daughters, and it’s not fair on you. If you’re watching this when you’re supposed to be, more than six months will have passed since I was cremated. Maybe that’s not quite enough time for you to say all the goodbyes you need to say, but that time is coming soon. When it does, it’s time for you to let me go. Remember, Beau, you promised you would.”
How did she know I was still in mournin’?
Even as the question raced through me, I saw how foolish it was. She had to know I’d mourn her until the day I died too. Did she honestly think it would be that easy to stop? That I could just stop feelin’ everythin’ simply because she asked me to?
“Remember me. Love me. But please don’t stop living just because I’m gone. You deserve so much love and happiness for everything you gave to me, Beau, and I hope you find it. These last few days, you’ve given me more life than I believed would be possible at the end. Of course, that would’ve been over six months ago for you. In fact, I have faith that you will, if only you open your eyes and your heart. Let love in again, please? For me, and for the girls, even if you can’t do it for yourself yet.” She closed her eyes and then a sob left her, follo
wed by another.
Seconds later, I saw myself from the past runnin’ in to check on her, and my heart sank. It was durin’ this video, beggin’ me to say goodbye, that she’d accepted it. I recalled that day and the ultimate peace that had overtaken her after. Our final conversation.
My heart constricted as understandin’ spread over me; I’d witnessed the moment she’d come to terms with no longer bein’ in my life, and I still couldn’t come to terms with her not being in mine. Despite that, I had to fight a sorrow-filled grin, because I’d only promised to let her go after she’d made the recordin’. She musta had so much faith that I would never deny her anythin’ that she didn’t even need to question whether I would make that promise.
As I gathered her into my arms, I knocked aside the tablet she was recordin’ on. It lay at an awkward angle as I held her while she cried. My heart ached at the image and the memory it contained.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE: LIFE GOES ON
AFTER THE VIDEO had ended, I lifted the box with the large diamond in it and gently opened the lid. It was hard to reconcile the information that the cold stone was made from Phoebe’s ashes.
I plucked the diamond off the pillow and balanced it in m palm. In the light, the pale blue dazzled and reflected. Deep within the stone, the reflection was almost seafoam. The longer I stared at the stone, the more comfort I found from it.
There was a knock on the door, and Angel’s voice called out to ask if I was okay.
I couldn’t find my voice to answer her.
“Beau? Can I come in?”
“Please,” I croaked.
She came to sit at my side on the bed. “What was in there?”
I lifted my palm to show her the diamond.
“Wow, that’s beautiful.”
“It’s Phoebe. She had stones made from her ashes. Apparently, she wanted me to consider havin’ this made into an engagement ring.”
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