“Now I have to explain away a sudden limp,” I muttered low.
“What was that?” Zadok asked.
“Nothing,” I said louder. “Just talking to myself.”
“We thought something was wrong.”
“No. I said I’m fine.”
“You never said you were fine,” said Myra. “Just that you were awake.”
Gods-be-damned, that girl was too smart for her own good.
“Why is everyone all over me just for oversleeping a little?”
“It was more than just a little. It’s past noon. Zadok and I let you sleep in, but we came back to check on you when we learned no one had seen you yet today.”
I looked to the window, judging the position of the sun.
I mouthed a few more curses.
How could I have been so stupid? I could’ve killed myself with such a large dose. The thought of my kids discovering their dead father, naked and face down on the floor left me cold.
“Xola wants to see you too.”
“What does she want?” I asked.
“To help make sense of the information being thrown at her. She won’t admit it, but I think she’s feeling overwhelmed. The town kept her up late with questions. They picked back up as soon as she stepped outside this morning.”
I chuckled at that. “Be careful what you wish for.”
I wanted to say that the town’s questions were no longer my problem, but if I denied helping her, I’d only make the transition harder. No good would come from that.
“Rufaro and Ayodele both came back this morning too,” Myra added.
That perked my ears. Still, I needed to get into the habit of not sticking my nose into that sort of business anymore. I said simply, “Oh.”
“Ayodele’s raising a big production. Said she won’t report to anyone, but you. Regardless of who Xola is.”
I sighed. “Give me a few minutes, and I’ll come downstairs.” I paused. “Could someone get some food ready for me? I’ll eat on my way.”
“Sure. See you down in a few,” said Ira.
* * *
It took more than a few minutes to get my act together. Honestly, it felt like it took more than a few minutes just to finish emptying my bladder.
Then there was the putting on clothes, patting down my hair, and rubbing the crud from my eyes. As I got ready and did some quick stretches, my eyes kept drifting to the water skin that lay on the floor, debating whether or not to take it with me. If I left it behind, I wouldn’t run into the risk of taking too much again. However, without it I’d have nothing to help control my mental struggles.
In the end, I slung it over my shoulder.
Ira, Zadok, and Myra waited for me at the bottom of the stairs. None hid their concern.
“What?” I asked while moving to the heel of bread Zadok had set out for me.
“Prax’s balls, Ty. For someone that slept half the day away, you sure look like crap.”
“Just give me some time,” I muttered through my first bite. “Let’s go see Xola.”
Myra studied me closely while I moved toward the door behind Zadok. She said nothing, but I saw her already drawing conclusions. Her eyes flicked several times to my water skin. No doubt she still believed it contained alcohol.
The midday sun brought more light than I would have preferred and more heat I could have done without. The muddy streets from the rain we had experienced over the last few days had begun to dry, thickening the air.
We didn’t have to get far to find the councilors. Barasa and Gero were in quiet discussion with various townspeople while Xola and Ayodele looked to be engaged in a heated debate away from the others. Apparently, this debate had been going on for some time as Udo had even come in from the fields to calm his mother-in-law.
The old woman turned at my approach. “Tyrus. About time you show up. What’s going on? I go away for a few days and this whole town falls apart. Start explaining.”
Xola snapped. “I already explained everything to you twice.”
Ayodele spat back. “I wasn’t speaking to you.”
I kept my voice even. “I’m no longer mayor. Until a new one is elected, the councilors will make decisions on Kasala’s behalf.”
Ayodele regarded the councilwoman. “I don’t like it.”
A smug grin rested on Xola’s face. “It doesn’t matter.”
“We’ll just reelect Tyrus as mayor.”
“He is not allowed to be considered again.”
Ayodele looked her over in disgust. “Why would you make all these decisions without fully understanding our situation?”
Even for Ayodele, I could not get over how she spoke to the councilwoman. Apparently, the discussion had worn thin on Xola’s patience. The sweet demeanor from yesterday she had portrayed to others was all but gone.
“Why are you so resistant?” Xola hissed. “Even those from Turine are not fighting this change like you. You are of the Southern Kingdoms, are you not?”
“Yes. And that should tell you something. You keep focusing only on his mistakes.”
“Mistakes? They are more than just ‘mistakes.’ He almost started a war among our own people.”
Ayodele’s eyes flicked to Udo. “But he’s also done a tremendous amount of good.”
It touched me to hear that old woman defend me.
“The council does see his good. If not, he’d be in prison right now.”
Ayodele scowled. “That would be idiocy.”
“Careful. I have the authority to put you there as well.”
“Please,” I said. “Enough. What can I do to help you, councilor?”
Xola regarded me. “Stay at my side. Others keep assuming I’m aware of some small bit of information that we’ve never discussed.” Her eyes flicked to Ayodele. “Also, perhaps your presence will make some more pliable.”
Ayodele finally gave her report. It was a long and winding tale, as she felt it crucial to explain every detail and conversation had on the way there, during her visit, and back. Xola was noticeably irritated, but I managed to keep them from bickering again.
The gist of the account was that Paki had indeed contacted Lalara more than once already. In fact, he had tried to pressure them into shunning Kasala just as I had worried. Xola didn’t try to hide her surprise or disappointment.
The leader of Lalara did not wish to get involved in Paki’s vendetta against us, saying that he would trade and have relations with whomever he chose. I was pleased to hear that Ayodele had left on such good terms and commended her for her efforts. Xola begrudgingly extended that thanks as well which Ayodele relished.
Rufaro conveyed a similar message from his visit to Ekarta, though thankfully in a much more succinct way. Paki had asked Ekarta to form an alliance of sorts with Sinsca in an effort to make our life more difficult. Like Lalara, Ekarta refused Paki’s offers. Ekarta had enough problems trying to reestablish themselves without purposefully adding more.
Though Xola was pleased to hear of Lalara’s and Ekarta’s responses, her annoyance with Paki was clear. Like me, he had acted on his own rather than seeking guidance from the council. She still would not approve of my decision to confront Paki, but she had at least softened toward me as if she better understood the reason for my actions.
Following our discussion with Rufaro and Ayodele, Xola sent a rider out to convey the reports to Makeda and Lesedi in Sinsca so the two could properly reprimand Paki.
After the rider left, I gave the councilors an official tour of Kasala since they had seen nothing more than a small stretch of the main road. Barasa and Gero’s questions ranged from curiosity to criticism, but each held a great deal of respect and even awe.
Gero remarked more than once, “Many in the council thought you might have exaggerated your progress, but it seems you actually undersol
d much of it.”
Xola said little during the ride, studying every detail carefully through narrowed eyes.
Twice during the tour, I broke out into a cold sweat. In both instances I had been certain a past memory was about to force itself on me. However, the memory never came—just the physical sickness of a twisted gut and the beginnings of the shakes. I drank heavily from my water skin in response to both instances.
The last drink brought relief, but also a different sort of anxiety for my water skin was once more empty. I touched the vial in my shirt pocket that had held the concentrated potion. Because of my stupidity last night, it too was empty. I’d need to remedy that problem soon.
On the northern edge of town, we stood not more than fifty feet from the two recently completed towers. One lookout manned each tower, primarily watching the distant tree line. I explained that I thought it would be an area most likely used for cover by raiders.
Xola commented. “I’m not sure if I agree with leaving the northern part of Kasala uninhabited as you have.” She paused, looking back at town. “Had you given us the full truth of all that you had accomplished already, I doubt more than a handful would have believed you.”
“That almost sounded like a compliment,” I said, unable to help myself.
She stiffened a bit, and I braced myself for a snapping response. “It is, actually. I owe you an apology.”
It was my turn to stiffen. “All of Kasala should get credit. I just tried to focus attention to where I thought it was most needed.”
“You did that well. It’s a shame that your mistakes were just as great as your accomplishments.”
I said nothing for the use of the word ‘mistake’ sent a wave of anger through me that offset my gratitude.
“It’s also a shame that you continually refuse to join our army. In war, no one, including me, would have batted an eye at your aggressive nature. Instead of being reprimanded by the council and having power taken away from you, we would have likely given you more.”
“I’m not interested in power,” I said sharply. “I never was. Others just keep giving it to me and I have done my best with it.”
“The council tries to thrust it on you again, yet now you resist. I still don’t understand. You could be reunited with your sister, who I understand you are close to.”
I missed Ava greatly but what could I really do in war now? I no longer had a resistance and as evidenced by my confrontation with Paki, I no longer trusted my wits under pressure. Most importantly, I had Myra and Zadok to think about. I couldn’t leave them. Not even for Ava.
She must have seen something in my expression. “I can see your answer remains the same.”
“It does.”
“Then let’s return. Gero, Barasa, and I have much to discuss tonight, including Kasala’s next election.”
“You’ve thought of several candidates then?” I asked, fishing for a clue on who that might be.
She grunted. “We have. We’ll announce them tomorrow evening and hold a general election the day after. After that, we’ll validate the results and make sure the people’s choice aligns with the council’s wishes.”
Some election, I thought.
* * *
After dropping off our mounts with Boaz, the councilors thanked me for my help. I stared after them, wondering who their favorite was to lead Kasala going forward.
The light touch of a hand on my shoulder startled me.
Boaz asked, “Anything I can do to help?”
“Just what you’ve been doing.” I gestured. “They see your progress and appreciate it. They want Kasala to prosper so there’s no need to worry about them.”
“Never said I was. I’m worried about you.”
I gave him a look.
“When I asked if there was anything I could do, I meant is there anything I can do for you? You look like hell, Tyrus. Maybe worse than I’ve ever seen you look. Considering all that I’ve witnessed you go through, that’s saying a lot.”
Gods, and here I thought I was doing better after last night and this morning. “I’ll be all right.”
“Sure. But are you all right now?”
I smiled bitterly as he caught my subconscious wording. “As good as I can be, I guess.”
“What does that even mean? You’re dancing around a pretty simple question.”
I didn’t like Boaz’s pressing, but knowing his intent helped me from lashing out at him. “I don’t know what you want me to say. Of course, I struggle. None of this is easy. But I’m alive and I’m functioning. And I’m trying to get better. That’s all I can say.”
“That’s still not much of an answer to me.”
“It’s the one I have.”
He sighed. “All right. I’ll back off. But if there’s anything I can do, I mean it, anything. Please let me know. Dinah and I worry about you a lot. And so does Abigail and Nadav.”
I was touched by the sincerity in his words.
Between Xola’s admission of my accomplishments as mayor and hearing someone I cared for not look down on me given the recent turn of events lifted my spirits.
The sun dipped below the horizon as I left the stables. My stomach reaffirmed the time of day. I hadn’t eaten much since waking and little the previous night. Considering my scare with Dar’s concoction, I knew I was pushing my luck.
I went deeper into town with two goals. Remain as hidden as possible and obtain dinner. I failed at both.
I had not been very accessible to the rest of town since my return from Batna, which apparently hadn’t sat well. People came to me with countless questions, many of which had likely been answered already by the councilors. However, they wanted to hear me say the words.
Yes, I really wasn’t mayor any longer.
Yes, I respected the council’s decision.
No, I would not fight that decision.
No, they should not defy the council on my behalf.
My responses still didn’t sit well with quite a few. It surprised me how many not only expected me to fight the council by any means necessary, but also wanted me to. If anything, their reactions reinforced the point Xola had made. Someone more accustomed to peace needed to govern Kasala.
After a good hour and a half of these questions, people finally began to back off.
Those I was closest to came to check on me. Ira brought dinner, which I almost kissed him for. We ate together in front of the general store while sharing the most trivial, mundane conversation imaginable. It was like he knew I needed that to keep my composure.
Still, once or twice my hand drifted to my water skin, reminding me I hadn’t spoken with Lieutenant Dar yet.
After an hour with friends and my kids, our group began to break up and head home. Nason lingered the longest, hanging around until his kids convinced Myra and Zadok to play a game of tag. Leaning against a post on the porch, I enjoyed the view while imagining my kids running through the fields of our farm before I had joined the army.
Eventually, my gaze left them. I searched among others still out and about for the one person I hadn’t spoken with since my return that I had actually wanted to.
“She’s working,” said Nason with a faint, back of the throat chuckle.
“Who’s working?” I asked.
“Damaris.”
I grunted. “Oh.”
“Are you really going to pretend that’s not who you were looking for?”
“I wasn’t trying to pretend anything.”
He worked his jaw. “You know, she’s been working a lot since you left for Batna. Spends most of her time in the tailor shop. Barely speaks to anyone unless they make the effort to see her. Did you two get into an argument?”
“More of a difference in philosophy.”
“So, yes?”
I sighed. “Words were said. Ma
inly by me. They weren’t what she wanted to hear.”
“Ah.”
“I didn’t think I had upset her that much, but she hasn’t even made an attempt to see me.”
“Maybe you should go apologize?”
“No. What I said was true.”
“It was about Lasha?”
I gave him a furrowed brow.
“It doesn’t take a genius to figure that out, Tyrus.” He let out a slow breath. “Are you sure what you said about Lasha was actually true?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I assume you told Damaris you’re still not over your wife’s death. And that you still love your wife and feel guilty for also having feelings for her. Am I right?”
I raised an eyebrow. “Partly.”
He nodded. “Did she say she couldn’t be with you because of those feelings?”
“No.”
“You’re not going to ever stop feeling completely guilty for loving someone other than Lasha. And you’re not going to ever stop loving her or wishing she was still with you. She was too important to just forget about one day. But that doesn’t mean you can’t move on either.”
I almost said, “Easy for you to say,” but caught myself when I realized it wasn’t.
Many had lost loved ones in the Geneshan War or from the artifact’s eruptions. Nason was one.
I had watched him cradle his wife’s head after she died in his arms. I knew it wasn’t easy for him to admit what he just had. Though our situations weren’t the same, I couldn’t deny the similarities. My feelings for Lasha and Damaris were likely similar to what he struggled with in regards to his wife and Ava.
Nason sighed again. “Tyrus, I know we’re not as close as we were when we were kids, but take a bit of advice from me and just stop thinking for once.”
“Huh?”
“As long as I’ve known you, you’ve spent most of your time analyzing every gods-be-damned detail of the past, present, and potential futures. I understand how that probably benefited you in times of war when you needed to get inside the enemy’s head. But this isn’t war.”
“So I’ve been told,” I said bitterly, thinking of the council’s decisions and my own internal battles.
Forever Soldiers: The Tyrus Chronicle - Book Four Page 37