“I’m trusting you not to allow that.”
“Yes, Commander.”
Immediately, Ava felt relief.
A spell. The piece of garbage had cast a spell of some sort on me to restrain me. And for good measure he made sure it was one that hurt. Ao’s teats, I’ll remember that Baako.
She still wore chains and carried an intense headache, but she could at least function.
“Better?” Kamau asked.
“Yes,” she said hoarsely while moving to her hands and knees.
“Move slowly,” said Kamau.
“Won’t be a problem,” she said after a swallow to wet her throat. “Where are we?”
“We stopped in an abandoned town on our way to Batna. We’ve taken precautions to ensure you cannot perform any sorcery. Those will not be removed anytime soon. You need to understand your situation.”
“Did we win?” she asked.
“Yes. I guess we did win. At least against the enemy we faced on the field. However, little did we know our worst enemy was among us.”
“I can explain—”
“No need to. We learned the truth from our former commander.”
Her heart dropped. “Danso is dead?”
“No. He’s still very much alive. Danso admitted to a most heinous crime and until the Council of Batna reaches a decision on who should command in his place, I have the most seniority among the officers.”
“Crime?”
“Allowing the abuse of our dead.”
“I was the one who did that, not Danso.” Then she added, unable to hide the bitterness of how her efforts had been received. “Which by the way, helped save the Southern Kingdoms.”
Kamau’s mouth twisted, yet he maintained his composure. “Both statements are true. And your intentions, are why you’re still alive. It’s also why you’re still a prisoner. For you too must also await the council’s decision.”
“What decision?” asked Ava. “Hundreds saw me perform sorcery on the dead army. Anyone can conclude that I’m at fault. Not Danso.”
Kamau shook his head. “Danso explained that you acted on his orders.”
“That’s not true. He never said to destroy the dead.”
“Danso said you might lie out of some strange sense of duty. However, your own words before acting confirmed his story.”
“What words?”
“To stop the army by any means necessary.”
Gods, did I say that? I damned him without realizing it only so I could instill a sense of duty into the sorcerers to more quickly obey me.
“I only meant—”
“Stop. Danso already went into great detail about the plotting and planning he did to take advantage of your talents. He even said that he was careful in how he spoke to you, appealing to you through the love you hold for your brother so that you would no longer question his orders and obey him regardless of what he asked. He wanted you to feel obligated to help him.”
He manipulated me? That can’t be true. I would have seen through that, wouldn’t I?
Her world spun, trying to determine which Danso was the real one. The first she met, the one he changed into when she helped him plan his strategy, or the one who spoke to Kamau.
I have to be missing something.
“If you would allow me to speak to him, I’m sure together we could—”
“Absolutely not. You’ll remain as you are until you also face the council. Given Danso’s testimony, you’ll likely not face his level of punishment. However, I can’t predict the council’s ultimate decision. I know your positive actions over the last few weeks will play into their pronouncement, especially the towns you saved in the west. Now, do you understand your situation? Stay quiet and don’t cause any trouble if you wish your trip to be bearable. Cause any problems and it’s likely that whatever sympathy others, including myself, might have for you will be forgotten and you will be resigned to the same fate as Danso. Meaning you will not see your family again.”
She didn’t know if it was the pain, confusion over Danso, or Kamau’s mention of family, but all the fight from her left. She was tired and the pain from her head wound and the sorcery-laced chains had worn her down. Ava wanted nothing more in the world than to see her family again.
Especially after this. I did all I could to save them, saved countless lives, risked my own life, lost the lives of dozens of Turine soldiers, and all these people care about is what I did to dead, rotting flesh.
“I understand well enough,” she said bitterly.
“Good. Sergeant Margo has been most insistent about seeing to your head wound. So long as your behavior remains satisfactory, I’ll allow it. Don’t make me regret that decision.”
One of the nearby guards opened the cell door. Following a gesture, Margo hurried inside with wads of gauze and fresh water. He immediately gave her some of the water to drink, which she could have kissed him for. Gods, she was so thirsty.
After swallowing her fourth long gulp, he examined the back of her head.
“Pieces of garbage,” he muttered loud enough so Kamau could hear. “Throw whatever religious crap at her you want and Danso too, but you and I, and everyone else for that matter, know that without Ava we’d all be dead.”
Kamau’s eye twitched. “Just get on with it Sergeant. You have ten minutes.”
Kamau walked away, leaving the guards and sorcerer outside the cell to watch over them. Margo said in Turine to her. “I’m sorry. I tried my best to see you sooner. We all did. But today was the first day that Kamau would listen to us.”
“How many?”
“Huh?”
“How many of us survived?”
“Fourteen.”
“By Prax,” she whispered in both anger and shock.
We entered the war with eighty. I failed so many.
“Eder is one of the fourteen,” Margo volunteered. “Like I said, we all tried to come see you, but it’s been—”
“Margo?”
“Yes?”
“Please. Just clean the wound for now.”
“Of course.”
She heard a bit of hurt in Margo’s voice and knew he wanted to fill her in on all she had missed, but given the news she had just learned about their losses, as well as Danso’s imprisonment, she wanted to be alone with her dark thoughts.
* * *
It wasn’t until the next morning when Margo came to her again that she began to ask what had transpired while knocked out.
Margo said, “After you buried the dead army and were knocked unconscious, Danso and the rest of us with him wiped out most of the enemy’s sorcerers.” He paused with a shake of his head, obviously recalling those events. “You should have seen that man fight, Ava. I can’t find the words to describe him. Like a gods-be-damned walking myth. I would have loved to have had him in the Geneshan War.” He snorted. “Anyway, the few sorcerers who escaped were in such a hurry to keep their lives, they left behind many of their documents on necromancy. We burned ever last one of them.”
“At least there’s that,” she said with a twist of her mouth. She needed to find some good in all that had transpired over the previous weeks.
After we returned to the main force, Danso made sure you weren’t harmed, and he told us all it would work out, but we had to trust him. I don’t understand sorcery, but the Southern Kingdom sorcerers used some native form of it to keep you unconscious, almost suspended in time for the last two weeks. Because of it, your wounds never got worse, but they never had a chance to begin healing either.”
“I’m not familiar with anything like that myself,” she rasped between sips of water.
Under different circumstances she’d be intrigued to learn the spell herself, but having been on the receiving end, she found it repulsive.
“Once you were secured, Danso set out to harass the
remaining enemy forces. With such heavy losses and less sorcery to rely on, Kartan, Bozrath, and Noval all eventually begged for terms of peace. After that was settled, Danso spun the tale to Kamau that you heard yesterday.”
I still find it hard to believe.
“Where are we now exactly?” Ava asked, glancing around her cell as she tried to process the information before her.
“Don’t know the town’s name. Two days ago, we began the trip back to Batna. The weather turned bad and we took an extra day of rest here. Kamau decided to have his sorcerers release you from whatever kept you unconscious. We should be back on the road by midday.”
It seemed like Ava should have had other questions to ask, but none came to her. She simply sat in silence with Margo beside her, thankful for the company.
Commotion came down the hall not long into their silence and a door swung open, sounding as though it slapped hard against the opposite wall. A man shouted, “Get the prisoners ready. Commander Kamau says we move out in an hour.”
The guards came in afterward, ordering her to her feet. They swung their gaze to Margo. “You’re to leave now, Sergeant.”
Margo stood slowly and gave her a parting nod. “I’ll see you soon,” he said, before exiting the cell and walking down the long hallway.
CHAPTER 49
The warmth of the morning sun’s rays against my face woke me. I tried to shift away from them. Only then did I become aware of the weight on my chest. I opened my eyes as Damaris stirred.
Lifting her head, she gazed up and smiled. “Good morning.”
“Morning,” I said, returning her smile with ease.
“I hope you don’t mind, but I was too tired to make it to my room last night so I just decided to crawl in next to you.”
“Ah.”
“Ah?” She snorted. “That’s not quite the reaction I expected.”
“Sorry, I—”
She sat up. “I was just teasing.”
Perhaps, but I could see there was some hurt there as well. She got up and stretched.
“Did you sleep better at least?” I asked, trying to redirect her thoughts.
She grinned. “I did. You?”
I thought about it. I recalled some nightmares, but nothing intense enough to wake me. That was promising. “Surprisingly, yes.”
“Good. Hungry?”
“Very.”
“How about we try something more substantial today? Maybe some meat?”
My mouth watered. “That would be beautiful.”
She laughed. “I’ll go fix us some.”
She walked to the door.
“You know, I’m feeling better. I can probably come downstairs to eat. Maybe even try to find Myra or Zadok.”
“Maybe we can try the stairs later. I’d rather you not push yourself too much.”
She returned a short time later with cooked ham, eggs, and buttered bread. It was one of the best meals I’d ever eaten.
“It won’t take me long to put back on the weight I lost if I keep eating meals like that,” I said.
“I’ll take that as a compliment.”
I glanced around, inclining my head to the window as sounds of people talking and moving about came to us.
“Something wrong?” she asked.
“Just curious. I thought you said that others had been coming by to visit me. Ira, especially. He and Reuma even dropped off messages. Why haven’t they come to see me?”
“Once you showed a big improvement I asked if they could give us some time alone. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Well . . .” Considering that I finally had a decent night of sleep, I couldn’t really argue with her decision. “No, that’s fine.”
“So then, what shall we talk about today?”
“You.”
“No. I know you still have a lot to tell and—”
“It’s your turn for a while,” I said flatly. “It’s time you talk about your ‘demons.’”
She inclined her head. “I suppose it’s only fair.” There was a long pause as she bit her lip. “Hmm, this is actually harder than I thought it would be.”
“I can relate.”
“I’m trying to think about where I should begin and—”
I played a hunch. “Your husband.”
She started in her seat.
“Your father told me about your marriage.”
She frowned. “You never asked about it, so I didn’t feel the need to address it. Not a time of my life I think on fondly.”
Softly, I said, “I understand it wasn’t the most ideal of situations.”
“That’s putting it lightly. He was an awful person. I loved Roni once, though in hindsight it’s hard to piece together why. He told me he loved me constantly. Perhaps, that was it. He was the first person to truly gush over me and tell me things that I had always dreamed of hearing from a man. Maybe that’s why I was blind to all the other little things he said or did that contradicted his ‘I love you.’ Others saw those contradictions. Father never cared for him, and my brother, Paroh, was no different. Their opinions should have been enough to end the relationship, but they weren’t.”
“Why did both your father and brother feel that way?”
“Little things that grew over time. He never held a door open. Never offered to carry a load for me. He never did the inconsequential, daily things that someone does instinctively for the person they love. Nor did he ever acknowledge or express gratitude for the things I did for him. I thought they were overreacting, and so I married him.
“And then things changed. Looking back, I can see his level of manipulation was actually quite genius. It was a slow, subtle process of gradually belittling and demeaning me into feeling worthless. He’d mutter criticism over every less-than-perfect thing that I did like slightly overcooking a meal or spilling water on the floor when cleaning. That escalated into yelling, and even calling me names in private. He even got so bold as to tease me in public. He did so while smiling though, encouraging me to laugh with him to make it seem like I was in on the joke. I didn’t know any better, so I did. By that point, I was so confused I didn’t realize the harm he was doing. It got to where I was scared to say or do anything around him.”
“Did he ever strike you?”
She shook her head. “No. He did lay his hands on me once, but he never actually hit me. I think it would have led to that eventually if not for Paroh.”
She saw my interest and took a slow breath.
“I was cleaning up after breakfast one morning when Roni pushed his chair out as I passed behind him. I thought it was an accident when he bumped into me, but looking back, I wonder. Anyway, I dropped the plate I carried and crumbs spilled. He yelled at me immediately, calling me stupid, clumsy, and the worst wife ever. He grabbed my arm and threw me down, yelling at me to clean up the mess. My brother had decided to come by that morning for a surprise visit. He was outside at the door when he heard the commotion. Paroh burst in without knocking. He hadn’t seen what had happened, but he heard enough to get the gist, especially as I apologized to Roni for my clumsiness with tears in my eyes.
“I think Paroh would have killed Roni if I had asked him to. He had expected to give Roni a good beating at least, but he was too dumbfounded to do even that because I had actually started defending Roni. I truly believed I was the one at fault. I was such a gods-be-damned fool.” She shook her head. “That’s how low my self-worth had become. I actually believed I deserved to be treated like that.”
I grabbed her hand and she latched onto it tight.
“Paroh tried to get me to leave with him, but of course I didn’t.”
“That’s awful. I’m sorry you had to experience that. Did things get any better after Paroh stepped in?”
“In some ways, worse. We barely spoke after that incident, a
nd when we did it was only for him to belittle me. I always responded by apologizing and begging for him to tell me how to fix things. Roni never touched me again. Not out of anger, love, or even lust. He began to frequent whorehouses openly, which shamed me all the more. I felt even less of a woman because nothing I did made my husband happy.” She wiped away a tear. “Father told you Roni died in the Geneshan War, right?”
I nodded. “The first year, I believe?”
“Yes. One of the things that angers me most when I think about my marriage was how I reacted to his death. I cried when I read the letter. Despite all he had put me through, I still wanted him to come home. I had become so lost, I still wanted that life with him.”
I placed my other hand over the one of hers I held. “I’m sorry. When did things get better?”
“Not until a couple months after Roni’s death. Eventually, I was able to rekindle a healthy relationship with my father. Over time, I began to see what he had done to me. I think I improved the most when we moved to Denu Creek though, because we had left all those who knew the old me behind. It was truly a fresh start.”
“Do you think about Roni often?”
“Almost every day,” she said without pause. “That surprises you, doesn’t it?”
“It does.”
“Like I said, those are my demons. The worst of them at least. And they never go away.” She put her head down. “Logically, I know I should not have been treated as I was, but a part of me still wonders, still questions every now and then if perhaps Roni was right all along. And that brings me down even more because I lost my brother in the war without ever even thanking him for trying to look out for me or telling him he was right.”
I scooted on the bed until I sat directly across from her. Her demons hadn’t scared me away. If anything, they made me love her more. I understood how she could still love me despite knowing my problems.
“You are an amazing woman, Damaris. You’re beautiful, but your beauty is only a fraction of what astounds me about you. Your kindness. Your intelligence. Your bravery. Your strength. Your sense of humor. Believe me when I say, I could go on forever.”
She looked up with wet eyes. The corners of her mouth turned up. “I believe you. That’s why I’m here now. That’s why I’ve waited for you. You look at me how I always wanted Roni to. When you told me that you loved me, it had the honesty that his words lacked.”
Forever Soldiers: The Tyrus Chronicle - Book Four Page 44