by Megan Hart
Lila gave a simple reply. "Yes. You can’t run away from the fact that you’re gorgeous, Tom. Not any more than I can pretend to be anything more than average. It’s the way we’re made."
"It’s not!" he shouted, suddenly angrier than he’d ever been. "You’re not average, Lila! Not to me!"
Lila, concern clear in her blue-ice eyes, reached out to cup his cheek. He leaned into her touch and covered her hand with his own. He kissed her fingers.
"You’re beautiful to me. I’ve never felt so comfortable with anyone before. A thousand women could come on to me and I wouldn’t even look at them twice. I love the way you look, the way you smell, the sound of your voice. I love everything about you."
His speech had left him breathless. Lila looked stricken, not the way he wanted her to look at all. Tom kissed her, and she let him. At least she didn’t pull away.
"Be careful what you say," she murmured against his chest.
He thought he heard the threat of tears in her voice, and the thought he might have made her cry stung him like a blow.
"Words can be powerful, Tom."
"I meant everything I said."
She took a deep, trembling breath and shivered. Tears glistened in her eyes. As he watched, one crystal droplet slid down her cheek. He wiped it away.
"Don’t…." She paused as if to gather courage. "Don’t say it if you’re not sure."
He hadn’t been sure when he’d blurted the words, but somehow, seeing her single tear had made him certain now.
"I’m sure. I love you, Lila."
She let out a tiny cry, half laugh and half sob. "You hardly know me!"
"How well do you have to know someone who feels so much like part of yourself?" His tone was quiet.
The snow fell faster and covered her hair with lacy flakes. She looked as though she wore a veil. A wedding veil.
"Those women—"
"Sharks." The word was blunt. "Sharks who feed on bachelors. Any eligible guy with a decent job is up for grabs to them, and they just circle and circle until they snag one."
Lila twisted her mouth. "That’s somewhat chauvinistic of you. Not all women are like that. I’m not, and I’ve never been married."
He was glad to see the tears had faded. "You’re smart. You know who you are, and that’s what I like about you. You don’t need a man to define who you are."
She looked doubtful. "You make me sound like some rampant feminist career old maid."
Her fingers toyed with the ends of his scarf. Tom liked that she felt comfortable enough with him, even now, to touch him so casually. He laced his fingers with hers as best he could through the mutual bulk of their gloves.
"Because I’m not." She might be allowing him to hold her hands, but her voice was still all thorns and no rose. "I’d like to get married someday, Tom. Have a family, all that."
"Good."
Lila’s creamy cheeks flushed. "I just meant—"
"You’re no shark. They are, and you’re not."
Lila smiled mischievously. "They were both rather predatory."
Tom rolled his eyes. "You don’t have to tell me."
She peered at him through the snow fringing her lashes. "I’m sure it’s not as nice as it might seem. Being chased like that, I mean."
He noticed her shivering. The air had become much colder, and the snow was coming down faster. "Let’s get inside."
Tom helped Lila into the Tahoe, then climbed in. She was right. Having women throw themselves at him had seemed great for a while, but had lost its luster lately. "When someone likes me or dislikes me because of the way I look.…" Tom voiced aloud for the first time thoughts he had barely realized he had. "I can’t really care about how they feel. Their opinion of me isn’t real."
Lila bit her lip and appeared to think. "At least my relationships have been with people who like me. Really like me, I mean."
Except for William, he knew she was thinking, but didn’t say. Again, he wanted to find the jerk and throttle him.
"I was a lonely guy before you came along." He wanted to lighten the mood that had suddenly grown too serious. "I was shark bait."
Lila gave him the look again. "That you are incredibly handsome helped, I’m sure."
"The only person I want to think I’m handsome is you." He pretended to think. "And maybe my mother."
"Well good luck, sweetheart." Lila laughed. "I think you’re out of luck there."
Tom grinned. "Then you’ll just have to stay with me all the time so you can help me fend off all those man-hungry women."
"Maybe we can get you one of those cages like on Underwater Kingdom."
She linked her fingers with his. He suddenly noticed how cold the air in the truck had turned with the snow coming down so quickly. The roads were going to be dangerous if they didn’t leave soon.
"I’m sorry it bothers you so much." He buckled his seatbelt and heard her buckle hers.
Once again, Lila didn’t need to ask him to explain himself. He saw by the way her fingers played restlessly with her seatbelt that she knew exactly what he meant.
She sighed. "It does bother me. But I guess it’s something I’ll have to get used to."
"If I could change things, I would."
"Don’t say that." In the green glow from the dashboard her eyes were luminously, eerily lovely. "Don’t ever wish to change who you are. I like everything about you just the way it is."
It was only as he put the truck into gear and drove into the snow Tom realized one thing. She had said "like." He’d told her he loved her, and Lila hadn’t said it back.
* * *
In her own bed, sleep evaded Lila. She turned onto her side and grumbled when her nightgown tangled around her legs. The moment after she become comfortable in the new position, she suddenly felt too hot and had to toss off the covers. Moments after that, of course, she got the chills and had to wrestle the comforter back on.
It was because she was alone. The bed seemed too big and too empty. She missed Tom.
"Damn."
He’d said he loved her, and like an idiot, she had said nothing in return. Love! Tom Caine had said he loved her, Lila Lazin.
She had no doubt he meant it. Though the physical time they had known each other was short, the emotional time was much longer. Two people couldn’t talk for hours every night without learning something about each other.
But did she love him? What wasn’t there to love? She’d already established that he was handsome. A successful businessman. Kind, generous, and compassionate. He had a wonderfully witty and weird sense of humor. That they had nothing in common didn’t seem important any more; taste in soft drinks and reading material didn’t count for much in the long run. What really mattered was how they connected.
But love? Lila had only been wildly in love once—with William. Though the thought made her cringe now, she had definitely loved the jerk. That he had been completely and totally unworthy of even her lowest affections she had no doubt now, but at the time he’d been like a gift from heaven.
If she could tell William Darcy she loved him, what in the world had held her back from telling Tom? Fear? Probably. Definitely. Love had a funny way of showing up when you least expected it. She wasn’t afraid he was going to turn out to be another William. Nor was she afraid Tom was merely filling her head with pretty words to get her into bed.
She was afraid that what had happened in the mall would always happen. How could she stand up to that? Constantly standing aside while beautiful women made passes at Tom? Whether he responded or not, it didn’t really matter. The sharks would keep circling as long as he was in the water.
She needed to talk to someone. It was well after midnight. Rivka would either be asleep or busy with Mick. The last thing Lila wanted to do was interrupt either her sister’s sleep…or other activities.
Instead, she dialed Darren’s number. The phone rang twice before someone answered. She didn’t recognize the voice.
"Darren?" she ventured an
yway.
"This is Lance," the male voice on the line said. "Who’s this?"
She heard herself stutter. "This…this is Lila."
"Boss lady!" Lance had a deep, rumbling voice that reminded Lila of a freight train. "Hang on, Lila, and I’ll get him for you."
"Honey, what’s wrong?" Darren asked.
"Nothing." Lila was suddenly embarrassed. What was she thinking, calling Darren so late? He had a life, too, one it sounded like she was interrupting.
"You don’t call me at one a.m. to chat about the weather, honey. I know there’s a blizzard outside and all, but that ain’t exactly something I couldn’t figure out myself."
"There’s a blizzard?"
She had known it was snowing, but since she preferred sleeping in complete darkness, she’d drawn the blinds when she’d gone to bed. Now she sprung from beneath the covers and tugged up the window shade.
"That’s what I said, honey. Me and Lance here were just lighting a fire and toasting some marshmallows."
"At this time of night?" Lila asked dubiously.
"Well, no one’s going to work tomorrow, Lila." From the background came Lance’s deep, rumbling laugh. "Weatherman said we’re going to get four feet at least."
There was something so magical about a snow-covered world. The flakes were huge and soft, coating everything in a layer of white. She wished she could be sharing the snow and its magic with Tom, but they had agreed he wouldn’t stay over on weeknights. Too many tired mornings could wreak havoc on both their careers.
"He told me he loved me." Once the words shot from her mouth, it was too late to take them back. Lila slammed the pillow and groaned.
"He said he loved her!" Darren’s shout nearly burst her eardrum, and Lance whooped in the background. "Honey, I knew this guy was good for you!"
"I didn’t say it back."
"Oh." Silence. Then, not to her, "She didn’t say it back."
"Why not?" She heard Lance’s fainter voice.
"You heard the man. I know, ’cause that voice carries, honey. Why didn’t you tell Mr. Gorgeous the same thing?"
"I don’t know." Lila sighed and scrubbed her face.
"All you’ve done for the past two weeks is eat, sleep, and breathe that man. I know, ’cause I’ve been up to my ears with all the things that keep slipping your mind. Not that I’m complaining, Lila, ’cause you know I’d do anything for you. Just remember this when raise time comes around, that’s all."
"Have I been that bad?" Lila wriggled in embarrassment.
"Honey, I haven’t seen anyone smile so much since the time my Aunt Nita spent the night with Lefty and Righty, the Samson twins."
"I don’t think I want to hear the rest of that story." That was a picture she definitely did not want in her mental photo album. "Thanks anyway, Darren."
He laughed. "Lila, this guy isn’t William Darcy."
"I know."
"So what’s holding you back?" Darren paused. "Are you afraid?"
"I think so." Lila let the shade fall down and crawled back into bed. "He is different from William, Darren, and I think that’s what I’m afraid of. That he won’t leave me."
"Why is that a problem?"
She related all that had happened at the mall and how she’d felt. How watching women flirt with Tom day after day might wear her down. That even though he might not leave her, she might have to leave him because she couldn’t face comparing herself to all those women.
"Do you think he’s comparing you, Lila?"
"That’s the thing." Lila twirled the phone cord. "He says no, and I believe him. He says he thinks I’m beautiful."
"But you don’t think so."
Lila gave a flat reply. "Rivka is beautiful. The redhead at the mall is beautiful. The hostess at The Foxfire is beautiful."
"And so are you." She could just imagine his expression. "Lila, honey, you may not be RuPaul, but you’ve got all the right pieces in all the right places."
"Thanks, I think."
"It’s not the color of your eyes or what’s in your bra that made him fall for you. It’s what’s inside you, honey. And if you don’t love what’s in your own self, how can you love what’s in anybody else’s?"
"How do I know if I love him or not?" Lila waited for an answer.
Darren snorted. "What am I, your fairy godfather? You just know."
She sighed. "I really ought to start paying you more."
"Overtime, honey," Darren said. "Overtime."
CHAPTER 7
"What am I going to do?" Rivka shrieked so loudly Lila had to hold the phone away from her ear. "Everything’s snowed in! My paintings are stuck someplace in Pittsburgh, Lila, and the opening’s in three weeks!"
"Calm down." Lila tried to be as soothing as she could with Tom’s tongue tracing erotic designs on her stomach. "We still have time."
"Time!" Rivka was really rolling now. "This damn snow will be here until Memorial Day!"
Lila stopped Tom’s fingers just before they unbuttoned the last button of her blouse. It was difficult enough to think of ways to calm her frantic sister without him distracting her. Tom grinned as if he knew what she was thinking and mouthed, "Get off the phone."
"Lila, are you listening to me?" Rivka let out a wail. "This is a disaster!"
"Oh, Rivka." It was hard to be concerned about Rivka’s histrionics when Lila herself felt so darned great. Having Tom come over on his cross-country skis had seemed like a crazy idea when he’d mentioned it before; now she was happy he’d been crazy enough to do it. "The price of kumquats, now that’s a disaster. This snow is just a glitch."
Even Tom could hear Rivka’s response. Wincing, Lila held the phone away from her ear. Tom laughed.
"Who’s that with you?" Rivka paused. "Lila?"
"We’ve been caught," Lila whispered, punching him lightly. Then, to Rivka, "It’s Tom."
For once, Lila was glad to hear she’d shocked her sister into silence. Tom began his quest to reach her underwear again. She pushed his hand away firmly. Tom didn’t seem deterred.
"Tom Caine?"
"Yes." Lila giggled as the man-in-question’s lips found a particularly ticklish spot. "The one and only."
"He’s at your house."
"Yes, he’s here to talk about…the menu for the gallery opening." Lila knew her sister wouldn’t settle for that answer.
"How did he get there? There must be four feet of snow outside! Everything’s shut down!"
"He…skied." Lila struggled not to laugh, though Tom had continued his ticklish quest.
"He skied?"