by J. D. Mason
She made her way to the bathroom, turned on the shower, started to undress and paused.
And what if she did want to have a relationship with him?
“Dag, Terri,” she said out loud. “How long has it been?”
Years. She’d dated, had a few trysts, but Terri was married to her career and there was never time to focus on anything or anyone else but that. Until now.
She stepped into the water and pondered the concept. “A true, blue boyfriend.”
Normal people dated. Hell, even actors had relationships, complete with full-blown husbands, wives, kids. Terri had never even allowed herself the luxury of a pet, but that was before. Her life was different now and there was space to explore all the things she hadn’t had time for when she was scratching and clawing her way through her obsession. The revelation washed over her like this water. Yes. She was officially retired, and it was time to move on to the next half of her life.
“I wonder if I can still get pregnant?”
Kids? Terri got a visual of her pregnant, then her trying to breastfeed, changing a diaper and… crying?
“I’m good,” she said, quickly dismissing the thought. “Maybe I’ll get a cat.”
The phone rang just as she crawled into bed.
“Hey, Rox,” she said, slipping underneath the covers.
“Don’t tell me you were sleeping,” she fussed. “It’s not even midnight.”
Terri groaned, snuggling deeper into fluffy pillows. “You know I’m on country people time now, girl. Quit playing.”
“Well, wake up. I’ve got something important to tell you.”
“I’m listening,” she sighed.
Roxy had that tinge of enthusiasm in her tone, that in the past, would’ve had Terri standing at attention, eager to hear what she had to say. This time, though, Terri had to fight the urge to end the call before the woman could delivery her news.
“Now, it’s not official, but I’ve been told that that something big is headed our way, Terri.”
“Don’t, Roxy,” Terri warned, sitting up in bed. “Please.”
She knew where this was headed, and Terri didn’t want to go there.
“Just listen, T. This is major, honey, and I think it’s the role you’ve been waiting for… dreaming of, Terri.”
“How many times have we had this conversation?” Terri interjected, not bothering to hide her frustration.
“I know. I know, Terri, but this could be the one. Word has it that an announcement is going to be made soon in Variety and that you’re being considered for the lead role in a feature film.”
Word has it…. being considered…
Ambiguous words that meant nothing. Terri couldn’t touch rumors and speculation. She had banked her heart and soul on them so many times, only to have to pick herself up off the ground, dust herself off, nurse bruises and wounds and march on to the next disappointment like a good little soldier.
“Terri,” Roxy continued. “I know how hard the last several years have been.”
“No, more like the last decade, Roxy,” she corrected her.
“I’ve been here with you, every one of those years, sis. So, I do know. Believe that. I wouldn’t even mention this if I thought it was a bust. I wouldn’t set you up like that, especially not now.”
Tears clouded her vision. Getting news like this from her agent, should’ve put Terri on top of the world, but instead she felt detached from the one thing she’d wanted most in the world. Maybe Roxy was right and it was a sure thing. Terri had been riding the rollercoaster of her career for so long, that she never believed she knew how to get off. But she had gotten off. Terri had walked away from her dream but nobody believed that she really had. Especially not Roxy. Not even Terri had believed it, until this moment.
Terri lay back down and pulled the covers to her chin. “I had a date tonight,” she said changing the subject.
It took Roxy a moment to respond, “A date? That’s nice. How was it?”
She smiled at the memories of the evening spent with Nick. An evening spent enjoying his company, dinner… intimacy.
“I enjoyed it.”
“So… you’d rather talk about your date instead of the movie role of a lifetime?”
“For the first time in a very long time, I’m living my life, Rox,” she explained, full of introspection. “A normal, boring life in this tiny ass town, surrounded by the kind of people I’d have never even noticed before getting fired from that damn reality show.”
“Terri…”
Terri needed to drive the point home to her agent that she really was finished with the business of acting and that there was life outside the film industry—good and bad and Terri was neck deep in it, finding her place in it.
“He came over to my place for dinner.”
“You cooked?”
“You know better than that,” she laughed. “We ate, talked about real shit, Rox, and then I sexed the man so good he came in minutes.”
“Damn.”
“Right? I’m not even mad because he wasn’t ready.”
“Why are you telling me this, Terri?”
She sighed, “Because I’m not sitting around waiting and biting on my nails for you to call me about a role. I’m not sick to my stomach when the news comes that I was passed over. I’m not jumping out of bed at the crack of dawn checking the internet for parts or counting my pennies to be sure that I’ll have enough money next month to pay my mortgage.”
“I get it,” Roxy softly responded.
“Do you? I’ve lived for my dream and it’s kicked my ass almost the whole time. And now, I’m living in this tiny house, in a tiny town with people who treat me like I’m Regina King, and I’m happy, Roxy. I’ve been featured on the local news, in the paper. I’ve signed more autographs here than I have in my entire career. I’ve got a handsome man that I’m seeing and another one that I have a mean crush on, and I’m enjoying how I’m living.”
Roxy laughed, “Two dudes, Terri?”
“I’m not seeing both of them. But my point is, being a retired actor has freed up all my time to do the kinds of things other people take for granted, to discover, not only the woman I truly am, but other people. It sounds crazy, I know, but I don’t want to go back, Roxy. I don’t want to go back to being that crazed, obsessed woman who believes she’s nothing because she didn’t get the part.”
Roxy laughed, “Your life sounds way more interesting now than it did when you were filming Vivacious Vixens, girl.”
“It is more interesting. The whole time I was on that show, I was on the phone with you talking about a part in a movie or commercial. And when I wasn’t talking to you, I was talking to one of them crazy bitches, trying to pretend I didn’t see the eye rolls.”
“Yeah, you really were boring.” Roxy laughed.
Now you tell me.”
“You were too good for those people, T. I hope you know that.”
“Thank you for standing by me all these years as my agent and thank you for being my friend.”
“How come I feel like there’s a “but” coming?”
“But now, you’re fired, Roxy,” Terri said with finality. “I don’t need an agent anymore, but I will always need my friend.”
And there it was. Cut. That’s a wrap. Terri was done.
Why?
Lanette was drama. She was the town crazy. She was annoying, condescending, and presumptuous. Most of all, she was sad. Not that it was any of Terri’s business, and not that she should’ve even given a damn considering the woman had damn near broken Terri’s leg, but for whatever reason, Terri felt compelled to call and check on the woman. The day Lanette was released, Terri found herself standing in the lobby, waiting to take her home.
Dark, sunken half-moons cradled Lanette’s hollow gaze when they wheeled her to the exit. Her colorful braids had grown out, exposing sandy brown natural roots.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, glassy-eyed at Terri.
“
Came to take you home.”
Lanette looked like she didn’t believe her. “I was going to take an Uber.”
“Let’s go,” Terri said, turning to leave.
Five minutes into the drive, Lanette made a statement, “I need a drink.”
Terri glanced at her. “Aren’t you medicated?”
Lanette shrugged. “Not enough.”
Lanette is not your friend. Lanette is not your responsibility, Terri.
For some asinine reason, Terri drove to Luther’s. Ten minutes later, the two sat in a booth across from each other sharing a pitcher of mango mimosas in complete and utter silence. That was the best way to share space with Lanette as far as Terri was concerned. Of course, Lanette had to ruin it and start an actual conversation.
“Why’d you come get me?”
The thought briefly crossed Terri’s mind to be kind with the woman, to be empathetic and tender toward this wounded soul, but it kept on crossing until it was gone.
“Hell, if I know.”
Lanette took another sip of her drink as if she was cool with that answer.
“Why’d you try to kill yourself?” Terri blurted out, then immediately regretted it because she didn’t care. She really didn’t. She was curious. Nosey. There. That was it. Terri was being nosey.
Lanette stared at her. That was her answer.
“Ladies.” Tall, dark, and good-looking Luther said, sauntering, not walking, over to their table. “You good with the drinks or would you like me to send Yolanda over with some menus?”
That any human being could be so utterly captivating seemed impossible. Sure, he was handsome, but he was also something else. His persona radiated magnetism to the point where it should’ve glowed nuclear red and flashed a warning to stay out of close proximity to the man.
Terri managed to peel her eyes off him and momentarily divert her attention to Lanette. “I’m good. You?”
A weird little smile curled one corner of that woman’s lips. “I’d love a menu, Luther.”
“You got it,” he said, walking away.
A few moments later, Yolanda flitted over like a beautiful butterfly. “Hey, ladies. So, the lunch special is the Angus burger with steak fries.”
Without even opening the menu, Lanette ordered, “I’ll take it, medium well, please.”
“Yes ma’am,” Yolanda said. “And for you, Miss Terri?”
“I’m good, Yolanda,” Terri responded, glaring at Lanette.
Terri sure hoped this bitch had money.
“You on a diet or something?” Lanette asked, giving Terri a disapproving side-eye.
“No.”
A long, weighted pause hung between them before Lanette, the real one, showed up at that table. “I hear being on television makes a person look ten pounds heavier. Does that bother you?”
Terri rolled her eyes. “Why would it bother me?”
“Cause you ain’t skinny.”
Terri was just about to say a cuss word when Yolanda showed up at the table. “Figured you two might want some waters.”
As soon as Yolanda left, Lanette leaned across the table and said, “What’s up with you and Luther?”
For the first time since Terri had picked her ass up from the hospital, life flooded that woman’s eyes like she’d suddenly grown a soul.
“What?”
A broad and unexpected smile spread across her face. “And don’t you dare try to tell me ain’t nothing going on because you’d be lying.”
Terri leaned back, crossed her arms, and stared at that woman in dismay. “There you are. The intolerable, insufferable Lanette.”
That smile disappeared. “Insufferable? Is that what you think of me?”
“That’s what everyone thinks of you.”
Terri wanted to snatch back the truth as soon as it flew passed her lips, but it was too late. The woman had just tried to commit suicide because no one cared, and Terri’s mean ass was sitting here, driving the point home.
“Because I say what I think?”
“Because you say things without thinking. You blurt out whatever pops into your little mind without consideration for anyone else, and it makes being around you… challenging, at best.”
A look akin to something manic, filled Lanette’s eyes. “You dig him.”
Terri huffed and rolled her eyes. “Oh, God, Lanette.”
“Don’t be ashamed, girl. Who ain’t into Luther?”
“I’m not.” Terri’s eyes darted around the room looking for the man. Thankfully, he was nowhere in sight.
“Ain’t a woman in town who wouldn’t drop their draws for that man, if he asked,” she said, with a nonchalant shrug. “You gonna sit there and tell me you wouldn’t?”
“I wouldn’t.”
“Y’all do have a lot in common,” Lanette continued, the wheels of her little mind spinning out of control.
Terri pulled the pitcher away from the woman. “You finish what’s left in your glass. No more alcohol because you obviously can’t handle it.”
Lanette surprised Terri and laughed. “I’m not drunk, and it’s okay, girl. It’s obvious he’s feeling you, too. So, why you tripping?”
Terri studied Lanette, slightly amused by her, mostly annoyed, and not just with Lanette, but with herself for subjecting herself to this woman’s company. And why? Because she felt sorry for her. Lanette Dole was a sad and pitiful human being. She tried to take her own life and all anybody in town could say about it was, ‘again?’ Lanette had family twenty minutes away who didn’t even think enough of her to pick her up from the hospital. Terri had been compelled to be there when she was released for reasons she couldn’t understand.
“What happened to you, Lanette?” she asked, wondering why it mattered.
In the grand scheme of Terri’s life, Lanette Dole was no one, and yet, she held Terri’s attention captive. Her suicide attempt left Terri feeling involved and responsible. It was all so odd, like the unexpected twist in a movie no one saw coming. The woman was riveting.
Lanette gazed deeply into Terri’s eyes. “We all deal with our demons in our own way, Terri.”
In that moment, Lanette radiated an air of sanity and clarity that Terri hadn’t known the woman was even capable of. Lanette was absolutely calm, cool and collected and that was scary.
Neither of them said a word for fifteen minutes, until Yolanda appeared with the biggest burger Terri had ever seen.
Lanette’s eyes lit up. She licked her lips and rubbed her hands together. “Ketchup?”
“Right here,” Yolanda said, pulling a bottle from her apron pocket.
Lanette assembled her burger with the precision of a sculptor, placing the lettuce just so, then topped it with the tomato, sprinkled salt and pepper on top, then finally added the pickles before topping the masterpiece with the thick bun, and cutting it into four pieces and taking a bite, making it look absolutely delicious. Terri suddenly regretted not ordering one for herself, but she wasn’t about to order one now and endure this woman’s company longer than necessary.
Lanette’s eyes rolled back as she moaned the whole time she chewed.
Eventually, she swallowed, opened her eyes and stared at Terri. “You want a fry?”
“Yes,” Terri reached across the table, took one and dipped it in ketchup.
“He’s been watching you since we came in,” Lanette smiled.
Terri cut her eyes toward the bar. Sure enough, Luther was watching, and he smiled. Terri’s heart lurched.
“I can pay you back,” Lanette abruptly offered.
“What?” Terri forced herself to swallow that fry.
“For the food and drinks. I’ve got money at the house. I’ll pay half.”
“Half? You ordered a whole meal.” Terri reminded the woman.
“Why don’t you ask him out?”
“Who?” Terri asked, taking a drink.
“It’s 2021, Terri. Women ask men out all the time. Want me to call him over?”
“No,”
Terri blurted out. “I don’t want to ask him out, Lanette. Stay in your lane.”
“You really don’t like me. Do you?”
“Does anyone?”
Unexpected tears glistened in Lanette’s eyes. “Not like I care,” she said, chowing down on a fry.
“You must care, Lanette. Why else would you have done what you did?”
It was a heartless thing to say and Terri felt like shit for saying it, but Lanette had a way of bringing out the worst in her.
“There she is,” a woman said in a hushed tone, coming through the front door.
“Maybe we should wait. She’s eating,” another woman said.
The two women, one black, the other white, huddled together, arm-in-arm, and shuffled over toward their table.
“Miss Dawson?” The white woman nervously asked, gushing at the sight of Terri.
“Hey, Mavis. Lucy,” Lanette said to the ladies.
“Lanette,” The white woman answered. The other rolled her eyes.
“We hate to bother you,” the one who ignored Lanette said, focusing on Terri. “But… well, it’s just such an honor to meet you in person.”
Terri smiled. “Well, thank you very much.”
They were older women, maybe in their fifties or sixties. The black woman is the one who ignored Lanette like she wasn’t even on the planet. The white woman at least acknowledged her, but barely. Both women were dressed almost like gypsies, or throwback hippies from the sixties, wearing bold, flowing colorful, maxi-dresses, beaded bracelets and necklaces. The white woman had a mountain of silver dreadlocks piled on top of her head that reminded Terri of a giant beehive. The black woman’s head was totally clean shaven.
The black woman placed a card on the table in front of Terri. “Now’s not the best time, but it would be lovely to chat with you, Miss Dawson.”
“Yes. We’re head of the DAC and would love a chance to work with you on some upcoming projects.”
“DAC?” Terri probed.
“The Devastation Arts Council,” the black woman responded with a whole heap of pride.