Liv was weird today. I don’t know what kind of bug she could’ve gotten overnight unless she’s just hungover. But it seemed like it was more than that, like something was really wrong. She kept backing away from me and putting literal and figurative space between us.
Unless she’s regretting last night. How can she regret it when I thought we were on the same page? The page where I wanted to do it again and keep doing it with her…and only her.
Lucas: I hope you’re feeling better.
I shoot off the text to let her know I’m thinking about her like the pussy-whipped pansy I’ve become. She doesn’t respond, which surely means she’s sleeping it off. I glance to my desk. Maybe some pot to chill out isn’t the worst idea.
“Uncle Luke!” My niece barrels toward me at full speed and I have just enough time to bend down and lift her into the air.
“Hey, Kiddo.” I kick the front door closed behind me while still holding Ava. “Where’s your mom?” I ask as I put her down. She motions for me to follow her and I do.
Carson’s in her office with a bunch of photo prints surrounding her. She looks up and smiles when she sees me. As I enter the office, Ava goes into her adjacent playroom and resumes whatever tea party was seemingly on hold.
“Hey, what’re you doing here?” Though she’s happy to see me, curiosity also clouds her eyes. I’m not generally one to drop by for a surprise visit.
“Can’t I come see my favorite sister?”
“Considering I’m competing with Flynn, that sentiment doesn’t hold much weight.” I laugh because it’s true.
I plop down on a huff on the gray sofa in the office space. I kick my feet up on the glass coffee table to make myself at home as I run a hand through my hair. It’s my nervous habit and in an instant, my big sister can tell something is wrong.
“It’s Olivia.” My family still thinks Liv is my girlfriend and I don’t want to correct them, mainly because I want her to be my girlfriend. In fact, I thought we were headed in that direction after we slept together, but it seems I read the situation totally wrong.
That’s the first time I’ve actually admitted I want to date her for real, even if it’s only to myself.
“What’d you do?” She joins me on the couch, abandoning her work.
“What makes you think I did something?” She levels me with her stare. Yeah, she’s got a point. “I don’t know, okay? We went to the cabin and had a good weekend. Or so I thought. She claimed to not feel well early Sunday morning and I haven’t heard from her since.”
“Did you sleep with her?” My sister is cringing as if bracing for the response she already knows is coming.
“Of course I did.”
She shudders and I laugh.
“Maybe she got scared.”
It’s a possibility I’d thought about as well. If anyone knows anything about running away due to fear, it’s Carson. Her relationship with Wren was rocky from the start due to being hurt in the past. But it’s panned out well for her.
“I’m making it pretty clear that I’m trying here. I don’t know what else I can do to prove myself and my intentions to her.”
Carson looks at me like I’m dumb.
“You have to fight for her. You two haven’t been together that long, right? At the first sign of trouble, you can’t just give up and run away. Trust me, I’d know. Prove to her that you’re not going anywhere.”
“I’m not the one that’s running away.”
She glares at me and I shut up. I want to ask her how to prove myself to her, but she beats me to the punch.
“Call her and leave a nice message if she doesn’t answer. Send her flowers. You’re not stupid, Luke.” Everything she’s saying just sounds clingy and it makes me cringe. I mean, I know how to get a girl, but I’ve never had to try to keep one before. “It’s all about the small things to show you care.”
She makes it sound so easy.
I let her get back to work and after I hug her and Ava goodbye, I head to the store to pick up a bouquet of roses. I grab a box of chocolate for good measure and head to Olivia’s apartment.
I’m filled with nerves, which is a foreign feeling. I’ve never been affected by chicks like this before. I’ve never even gotten attached to one until Liv came along.
And finally, when I find the girl that I want, she hates me. The irony is not lost on me.
I wipe my hands on my jeans before I grab her gifts and head into the apartment building. The pathetic security guard is all but sleeping as I enter the building. His feet are propped up on the desk and an episode of M*A*S*H is on the tiny TV. He doesn’t even glance up as I stroll by and head toward the elevator.
Taking a deep breath, I step out of the car on the fifth floor. I walk down the hall until I find her apartment number. I knock twice and I hope McKenna isn’t home to answer the door. As if she wasn’t already poisoned against me, I’m sure she hates me more now based on whatever Liv has told her.
I’m in luck when Olivia opens the door, her brown hair in a wild bun and a college shirt paired with leggings.
“What the hell are you doing here?” The venom in her tone is unexpected. I knew we weren’t on good terms, but I didn’t think they were this bad.
“Is everything okay? Are you still sick?” My arms drop to my sides with the gifts still clasped in my hands.
“Is everything okay?” she mocks me. “What the fuck do you think?”
A ‘no’ would have worked just fine.
“What did I do?” I take a step closer to her and she backs away. I really wish she’d quit doing that.
“I hope it was worth it. Screwing me just to win a bet.” She spits the words at me with fiery conviction.
No. How does she know?
I decide to play dumb. She doesn’t know the whole story.
“What are you talking about?” I’m frozen as I await her response.
“Cut the shit, Pucas. Tell your friends I say hi.” She slams the door in my face before I even get a chance to explain or tell her how I really feel.
I knock again and call her name through the door, my voice pathetic as I beg for her to open it again.
My luck has run out.
McKenna swings open the door, her face burning with hatred. “Leave her alone, Luke. You hurt her and now that means I have to kill you.”
I open my mouth to speak, but she puts her hand up to stop me. “Save the excuse. And go fuck yourself.”
Another slam of the door and I’m left staring at the frame. I don’t know which of my fucking friends told Liv about the bet, but when I find out I’m going to kill him.
Twenty-One
Olivia
“Are you ever going to clue me in to what the hell happened between you two?” Kenna spins around, pinning me with her vicious stare.
I take a deep breath and push off the couch to walk into the kitchen and grab two shot glasses and a bottle of Schnapps. I could use a harder liquor for this conversation, but this will have to do.
I sit back down on the sofa and fill the shot glasses to the brim. My best friend sits beside me, worry marring her face. I pick up my shot glass and avoid Kenna’s gaze as I let the words spill out.
“I slept with Lucas.” I down the shot and immediately feel like I need another one.
“Holy shit.” My roommate downs her shot and after she sets hers back on the table, I refill both glasses.
“It gets worse.” Her eyes widen and I gulp. “I overheard him on the phone with Bryce. Turns out, I was just a bet between him and his douchebag friends to see if he could sleep with me.” I down my second shot.
McKenna’s features turn from shock to pure, unmistakable anger. When she doesn’t reach for her shot, I take hers too.
“That son of a bitch. I really am going to fucking kill him.”
This is why she’s my best friend.
In a heartbeat, she’s off the couch, running down the hall to see if he’s still around. I chase after her and drag her back to
the apartment. The witch hunt can continue later.
After we settle back onto the couch and her blood pressure lowers slightly, her face crinkles with confusion. “Why the hell does he keep showing up here?”
“He doesn’t know I heard him on the phone. I pretended to be asleep, but I think he got the hint tonight.” I didn’t plan to berate him like that, but I’m glad I did. I couldn’t let my anger simmer inside me any longer.
“I’m sorry, Liv. Seriously, say the word and I’ll murder him. It would be my pleasure.” I’m on my way to tipsy and my anger and sadness morph into one as I cuddle with my best friend on the couch.
We spend the rest of the night watching movies until I’m too exhausted and drunk to do anything other than collapse into bed and sleep for the next eight hours at least.
“Are you sure you’ll be okay here by yourself?”
Kenna is leaving tomorrow to stay at her parents’ place for Christmas. The last week has been spent consuming too much wine and ice cream while I wallow in self-pity. I don’t blame her for being concerned.
“Of course. I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.” She’ll be back in time for New Year’s anyway. I can handle a week by myself.
“Just come with me. My parents would love to have you.” I can’t keep imposing on her family like I have been the last couple of years.
“Thank you for offering, but I’ll be okay here.” My Scrooge-like mood would bring everyone down anyway.
“Fine, but if you change your mind…”
I nod. I already know.
She walks down the hallway and disappears into her room. A few seconds later she reappears with a big green bag in hand covered in pictures of candy canes with red tissue paper coming out of the top. She hands me the bag with a smile on her face.
“Merry Christmas!”
“Kenna, you didn’t have to get me anything.” I put the present on the couch and then run to my room to grab my present for her. It’s not much, but I needed to do something to show her how much I appreciate her.
“Merry Christmas,” I say as I hand her the plain red bag. Since we’re not going to be together for the holiday, I guess we’re exchanging gifts tonight.
I remove the tissue paper and dig into my gift. Inside is a twin set of Alex and Ani friendship bracelets with a bottle of wine on each pendant, an actual bottle of my favorite white wine, a FRIENDS inspired mug with the quote “I’ll be there for you” on it, and a bunch of other things like make-up, candy, and a school teacher survival kit.
“McKenna, no, this is way too much.” I’m ashamed now about how my presents pale compared to hers.
“You’re my best friend. Just say thank you.”
I hug her, squeezing her tight against me. “Thank you.”
She opens her gift and finds the necklace I got her to be hysterical. It’s a chain with handcuffs linked in the front. “Because you’re my partner in crime,” I tell her and she loses it.
I also got her a bottle of wine and one of those Wreck This Journal notebooks. “I’ve always wanted one of these,” she tells me and I knew that, which is why I got it for her.
“Wanna order Chinese food tonight and binge watch Harry Potter?” my best friend asks me.
She must really know I’m down in the dumps. We keep having the argument over whether or not the Harry Potter movies should be considered Christmas movies, which I say yes and she says no. It’s telling that she’s willing to watch them with me tonight.
“Hell yes.” I have the greatest best friend.
After my roommate leaves the following day, I spend the rest of the day on the couch. Christmas tends to depress me, considering I don’t have anyone to celebrate with aside from Kenna.
I torture myself with the Hallmark Holiday movies where the girl always gets the guy. Talk about unrealistic. The next night, I have similar plans in mind. Except, halfway through the first movie there’s a knock on my door. I assume it’s my food delivery, but instead, when I open the door I see Lucas.
“What do you want?” My heart hasn’t thawed at all toward him yet and I don’t plan to let it.
“I have something for you.” There’s a present in his hand with a shoddy wrap job made complete with a large red bow.
“Well, I don’t want it.” My betraying heart warms to him with his gesture, and I mentally scold the offending organ. He can’t know that one present put a chink in my armor.
“Liv, please, can we talk? Just let me explain, and if you don’t like what I have to say, I’ll go away for good.”
I inhale a sharp breath. The thought of actually never seeing him again shocks and scares me. But I still can’t let him in. Not into my apartment or my heart.
“What is there to talk about, Luke? You used me to win a bet. I’m such a fucking idiot.”
“You’re not.” I glare at him. “Please, let me explain.” I sigh and step back, giving him silent permission to enter my place. Just the apartment. Not my heart. He takes a seat on the couch. His face is full of regret and his shoulders are slumped.
“Just say what you have to say, Pucas.” He’s looking brooding and sexy as hell. His hair is mussed and the sleeves of his olive sweater are pushed to his elbows. His jeans hug his thighs and though I notice how good looking he is, it somehow only makes me angrier.
“No more lies,” he starts. “I’m not going to lie to you anymore. Not just tonight but ever.” He takes a deep breath and blows it out before continuing. “This thing between us did start as a bet. My friends didn’t think I could get you to sleep with me and, well, I didn’t either. And my intentions were never to play the long game. I was going to hook up with you for one night then bounce and leave you high and dry.”
My jaw drops and my face is hot. I’m ready to scream, but he cuts me off. “But that didn’t happen, Liv. Instead, I fell in love with you.” My jaw, which was already agape, now feels as though it will hit the floor and my eyes are saucers as they snap to his.
“Olivia, I couldn’t get enough of you. You’re funny and gorgeous and stubborn and kind. I couldn’t get you out of my head, so I created scenarios, these bets, to force you to spend time with me. By the way, while I’m being honest, I cheated during Monopoly so you’d have to come with me to the cabin. But it wasn’t to win a bet, not anymore. It stopped being about that a long time ago.”
I stare through him, not trusting a word he says. My stupid heart has begun to thaw and tugs in my chest, pushing me to believe him, but I can’t. I won’t be made into a fool again. His words caught me off guard, but his actions are what I trust and he’s proven to me time and time again how much of a colossal asshole he is and can be. How can he expect me to believe anything that comes out of his mouth?
He pushes the gift toward me and tells me to open it. I rip off the wrapping and unveil Battleship. An unwanted smile pulls at my lips.
“You remembered.” All those weeks ago I told him I’ve never played Battleship. I can’t believe he remembered that and bought it for me.
“I remember everything about you, Liv. Everything I’ve learned about you makes me want to be a better person. You’re pure, not in the Virgin Mary sense, but in your intentions. I’m envious of you.” I flash back to telling him I envied him. I don’t know why I ever wanted to be anything like him.
Yet, as fucked up as it is, I don’t know what to say. He hurt me and he somehow thinks a board game and a confession of love can heal the damage he’s caused. It’s not that simple.
“Those words are pretty, Luke, but how can I trust you? You’ve made my life hell since the moment we met and it’s clear you haven’t changed.”
A montage of memories floods my brain. I recall every name he’s called me, every time he embarrassed me. This is just the latest offense in a series of bad interactions.
How could I ever have believe him? How stupid am I?
I can’t let his sweet side pull me back. I need to be stronger than that. A few kind words don’t hold any weight in
comparison to our history.
“I think you should leave.”
“What? Liv—”
“No, Lucas. I’m sorry, but I can’t be with someone who uses me as a pawn.” I get up off the couch and open the door.
Lucas’ mouth is open in an ‘o’ and his eyes are sad. I shocked him which makes sense since I actually shocked myself too.
“I’m sorry, truly. Just please think about what I said. I love you.” A sole tear falls from my eye as I watch him leave. He looks back over his shoulder at me, but I close the door without another word.
Goodbye, Lucas.
Twenty-Two
Lucas
My parents’ house looks like it vomited Christmas. Every ounce of the mansion is covered in decorations, though my mom knows how to keep it classy and not gaudy. There’s a huge tree in the living room beside the fireplace, both of which are decked to the nines. There are an obnoxious number of presents sprawled in the corner surrounding the tree and if I know my parents, this isn’t even all of them.
After leaving Liv’s place last night, I drove right to my parents’ house to spend the night. My mom always makes a huge breakfast the morning of Christmas and I wouldn’t miss that tradition.
I could barely sleep last night; instead, I went over my interaction with Olivia again and again. I can’t believe she gave up on us. I really can’t believe she didn’t say anything when I told her I loved her. It didn’t even faze her, as if declaring my love for her meant nothing.
Maybe to her it did mean nothing.
Part of me doesn’t blame her for not giving me a chance. I fucked up. Did I even actually apologize for that? I can’t remember. And I’m still not sure how exactly she found out. Bryce and Trey both deny telling her, but I sure as shit don’t believe them. She had to find out somehow and they would live to tell her and watch how it hurt her. This shit was funny at first but at some point they need to grow the fuck up.
As if I wasn’t already having trouble getting to sleep, I had to listen to Flynn through the walls on the phone until God knows what time. My mom’s cooking is the only thing that makes dealing with my baby sister worth it.
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