Quicksilver Dreams (Dreamwalkers)

by Adele, Danube

  What happened?

  I can’t tell you.

  Please, Ryder.

  You won’t like me when I tell you. Sorrow haunted his light eyes, making him appear so young and fragile, the evidence of his snarky side shelved in view of his grief.

  That’s just not true. Why would you say that?

  In a quiet, juvenile voice, he said, My dad stopped liking me. He looked down as though ashamed.

  You can’t believe that. There’s no way this is your fault.

  It is. I know it. There’s a reason for strict discipline and complete obedience. Things happen when we don’t meet expectations and rules of governance. I didn’t follow my instructions. I was selfish.

  Trust me, I said firmly. Please tell me what happened.

  With a deep, shuddering breath, he said, I snuck out to play with my ball. I was going crazy staring at the same walls all day, every day, for the last year while there was a quarantine, and I didn’t think that anyone would know if I just stepped out for a couple of hours. I just wanted to be able to run around for a short time.

  A year’s a long time, I agreed. It was like he was trying to convince himself of his innocence in this, which was heartbreaking. Who would blame a child? I assured him gently, Anyone would grow crazy. I would go crazy after just a few days.

  Ryder’s green eyes were wide and trusting, wanting desperately to be convinced.

  Asily knew I snuck out and came looking for me to force me to go home. I heard her scream, but I couldn’t find her. He closed his eyes tightly, and his breathing grew harsh and uneven, reliving the memory. As he did, right before my eyes, he stood and became adult Ryder in low-hanging jeans, a T-shirt and his motorcycle boots. His deep voice continued the story.

  The sound echoed in the woods, but then it was cut off, and I couldn’t pinpoint where she was. I was yelling for her, searching, but when I came across her body, it was too late... His lips tightened into a thin line, and his eyes glared straight ahead at an unseen nightmare that only he had access to.

  Oh, Ryder. I stood but kept my distance, knowing he wouldn’t appreciate my comfort at this point.

  Brausiian soldiers had escaped from the prison. A traitor in our own community helped them, someone we never found. A diversion at the borders had been deliberately created so the prisoners could escape to this forest. They were camping out in the woods, hiding from our security forces. Asily came upon them in her search, and they attacked.

  It seemed the worst was still to be confessed. His eyes grew moist and reddened as he took a breath. I barely heard his voice. It was like he was talking to himself.

  She was so quiet. So still. I tried to shake her. I tried to yell at her, because she hated that, and I think I was hoping she would yell back, but there was nothing. That’s when I realized I couldn’t feel her energy signature. Nothing. Her neck had been broken.

  Her skirts... His voice became raw, and he paused to marshal his strength for the rest of what he had to say. Her skirts were still around her hips. She was raped. There was blood. Pain. I covered her, not wanting my parents to see her like that.

  You haven’t spoken about this before have you?

  Who could I tell this to? I can’t believe I’m sharing it with you.

  No wonder he was so screwed up. He’d needed help not just coping with the tragedy, but with the fact that he’d been the one to find her. It seemed his family had been too busy taking care of their own feelings. Thinking of a young, dark-haired boy with a lost, grieving look made me want to reach out and cradle his precious face to my breasts. Waves of pain and guilt weighed on him. What a lonely place to live in.

  Let’s go see her.

  No, no. I can’t. He shook his head adamantly, his eyes taking on a look of panic. I couldn’t face her like that again.

  Ryder, this is a dream. Picture her the way you remember her, in her best moments. I saw a picture of her. She was lovely. What would she have said to you? You have the power to make this what you want.

  I don’t know. He looked haunted, uncertain.

  She’s over there, right? I’ll just go that way, and I hope I get to meet her as you remember her.

  He took a breath. Okay.

  Before he could change his mind, I grabbed his hand and led the way through the thicket of trees to a little clearing by a still pond. Sitting on a colorful blanket cross-legged was the beautiful dark-haired girl I’d seen in the picture. Dressed in a short-sleeved eyelet button-up blouse with a shin-length, billowy, paisley-print skirt, she was delicately sewing doll-size clothing. She looked up at us with a great big smile and jumped to her feet in a lively, energetic fashion.

  Ryder! There you are. I’ve been waiting for you.

  As though he hadn’t actually believed she would be there, he froze. His pain-filled eyes just soaked her in, heavy with warring emotions. He was so overcome, he could only stand and stare at her with a mix of joy and pain clouding his face. His breathing grew more labored, making his chest rise and fall sharply.

  My throat closed up as I saw him trying to make sense of what he was seeing. I attempted to swallow past the lump in my throat, hoping that this had been the right decision. Maybe he wasn’t ready for this yet? Maybe he didn’t want this? Maybe it was none of my business? Who was I to force this? My doubts sneered their ugly thoughts at me as the seconds dragged by.

  Thankfully, Asily broke the ice.

  You’re so silly. Come here already! Matter-of-factly, she stomped over to him and slipped her arms around his waist for a good squeeze. You’re so big. Just like Daddy. You’re just like him, you know.

  Asily, is this really you? His arms came around her gently, as though she were something fragile that would break into a thousand pieces.

  Who else would I be? She pulled away enough to look up at him with a soft smile. He reached out a hand to touch her cheek; it was shaking. He was testing his own sense of perception. She grasped his hand reassuringly, held it to her cheek, and his breath rushed out.

  In an anguished whisper, with his green eyes filling, he said, I’m so sorry. I can’t even tell you how sorry I am. I should have listened to you.

  Ryder—

  Knowing that I caused this—what you suffered—His voice shook.

  You didn’t cause this—

  I let you down—

  No, you didn’t—

  Fiercely, he said, I couldn’t find you. I tried hard. I tried so damn hard. Then it was too late. Please believe me. Please...forgive me.

  Ryder, there’s nothing to forgive. Asily rubbed a hand over his cheek. It looked moist. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

  If I’d listened—

  I was planning to sneak out anyway. You weren’t the only one who did that. I was going crazy being inside.

  But—

  I’m okay, Rye. I’ve always been okay.

  But how can that be? I...saw you.

  Her face turned somber. I wish I could have spared you that, but you can see that the flesh only houses the spirit, and my spirit is happy. Truly. We’re all part of the play, Ryder. There is no judgment. We all have the responsibility, duty, privilege of playing our roles. This was my part. It wasn’t time for me yet, but don’t worry. It will be soon. I have plans, Rye.

  Asily. He pulled her tightly to his chest again. I just can’t believe it’s you.

  Now you’re just being flat-out rude. She gave him a final squeeze and pushed away from him with a brilliant smile on her face. You’re forgetting all about Taylor.

  Startled, I sniffed and stuttered, H-hello. I’m glad to meet you.

  Aren’t you silly? I already know you, Tay. I guess it isn’t time for you to remember all that, but you will. You promised to finish painting my portrait. You know my parents would just love that.
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  Of course. Sure. I nodded, bemused.

  Excellent. Until next time—

  You’re leaving? Will I see you again? Ryder’s voice grew hoarse.

  Of course. She included me in her gentle smile. Taylor will bring you back here. I’ve always loved this place. You guys should take a nice walk. Did you know there are apple trees off toward the meadow? She pointed to her left, and we looked automatically. When we turned back, she was gone. Only the beautiful vista was displaying its vivid colors for us.

  Asily, Ryder said in quiet protest, looking around quickly to see if he might spy her elsewhere. The longer he stared out at the landscape, the more his eyes lost the look of desperation. I felt his acceptance that she was gone when he took a deep breath. He closed his eyes for a moment and tilted his head back. The breeze caressed his face, ruffling his hair, drying his cheeks.

  Are you...okay? I asked tentatively. I walked toward him, unsure whether or not he was going to be mad that I had so blatantly interfered. Was he going to tell me it was none of my business? Was he going to scorn me or hold me in contempt for sticking my nose in?

  His eyes snapped open. They were still red with emotion, and he stared down at me intently. I was held responsible for this. I’ve held myself responsible. His jaw clenched as he gazed off into the distance again. It was like he was going back in time, looking at hurtful memories gone by. My father never blamed me directly, but he always let me know that I was a disappointment for having such a lack of discipline. He’s rarely let an opportunity pass.

  He made you the target for his grief. I reached a hand out to run down his arm until our fingers intertwined. He gave my hand a squeeze.

  He was...wrong. Ryder frowned, as though testing the thought for the first time.

  Yeah. He was. It was easier than dealing with his loss.

  Yeah, well, he sent Shandria to live in seclusion for her protection as his sole remaining daughter, and he ignored me unless it was to criticize. I’ve felt the sting ever since.

  None of this was your fault. You didn’t do anything—

  Logically, I know. He nodded. It’s not so easy to let go of a lifetime of guilt.

  Asily would never want you to feel guilt. It would hurt her.

  I can’t believe she was here. She was right here. She smiled. I miss her...spirit. He looked at me with a pained smile. His chest heaved, like he needed to take a swift breath, and I couldn’t stop myself. I moved into his open arms while more tears welled from my eyes. He squeezed me tightly, his arms sliding around my back, his face pressed into my neck, breathing deeply of my scent. I felt like I was a source of comfort, but my doubt prompted me to question.

  Are you mad?

  At you? He pulled back and shook his head. No. I’m...overwhelmed. I’m not sure how I feel. Part of my brain is already questioning if this really happened. Will I remember this? Tomorrow?

  Probably not, I sighed. Any dreams that involve the Gods’ plane or the Great Spirits become a mist that dissipates before I wake up.

  Then I want to make sure I tell you—his eyes were steady, clear and content—thank you.

  Oh, Ryder... I pressed my face into his chest, and he held me there, tightly, cupping the back of my head, running a hand along my spine. The bond of connectedness thickened, and I squeezed his waist harder, overcome with emotion. To care about someone was so wonderful and so frightening, all at the same time. To feel so close to someone was amazing and powerful. I didn’t want it to go away, this feeling of warmth and intimacy, but it probably would.

  Was this going to be okay? Was this going to come back to bite me?

  Even if I’d known it would, I wouldn’t have changed anything. I’d have wanted to have experienced that beautiful time with Ryder. I would have chosen this.

  What is it, lin’de? He looked down into my eyes with concern. I can feel your upset.

  I thought you would be mad.

  I’m not mad. He smiled warmly down at me. I’m grateful.

  My chin quivered, but I didn’t want to cry anymore. I looked off to the side, taking in the landscape, trying to take hold of my crazy emotions. Sheesh, you’d think I was on my period or something. Do you want to go see the apple trees?

  I hate to tell you this, but we don’t grow apple trees in this province. There was humor in his tone.

  What? You’re kidding me! No apple trees? My eyes widened as I realized what had just happened. What a funny girl. And just like that, I was grinning cheek to cheek.

  She always had a great sense of humor. Ryder smiled fondly. I was so glad to see the dark shadow of self-contempt had drifted off. It made him appear...contented. Relaxed. Carefree. I wanted to see more of this side of him and wondered what would get him feeling playful.

  Will you take me to your lake? I think it would be fun to go swimming...

  His lips stretched into a slow, calculated smile. His pale eyes gleamed. He whispered, Close your eyes.

  I did.

  Now open them.

  And just like that, the crystalline water glimmered in the sunlight. The grasslands drifted off into the mist. I felt the episode with Asily leaving my consciousness and gave it permission to do so. I didn’t need that now, not when faced with the beauty before me. Besides, it had served its purpose.

  This is it. Ryder grinned down at me, and for a moment I was struck by how beautiful he was and how it gave me a sense of joy to see him so lighthearted. I’d never seen him look this way.

  I noted he was already in swim trunks, and when I looked down at myself, I gasped to see that I was already in a totally skimpy bikini. I looked up at him archly, only to find his eyes were moving slowly over my body, growing heated. An answering need fluttered deep in my belly. I loved this new facet of myself. It was like Ryder had opened a new door to my own sexuality.

  Feeling the devil come over me, I cast him a calculating look from under my lashes and ran toward the water. I was pleasantly surprised to note that it was warm, and I struck out about five yards. Facing the shore, Ryder was standing there watching me, looking happy and...mischievous. Deliberately, I untied my bikini top and held it up above the water. Then I threw it and began swimming out toward the middle of the lake.

  I heard the splash from shore. He was coming after me, and my excitement built. I swam for all I was worth, but Ryder wasn’t going to let me get away. I could feel his predatory intent.

  Within moments, he was with me, grabbing my ankle and pulling me to a stop. With a jerk, he pulled me back in his arms, my breasts mashed to his chest. His lips crushed mine, hot, carnal. He swept my mouth with his tongue, tasting me as our tongues stroked velvet on velvet, stealing my breath away powerfully.

  But I was in charge of this foray. I bit his delicious lower lip, and he grunted, his hands fisting in my hair. Then I sucked on it to soothe it, and I pushed away. He was breathing heavily as he watched me, and I gave him a siren’s smile. We have all night.

  His breathing slowed, and his sexy smile came easily. All night, he promised, keeping his distance, but not for long.

  I kicked away, and to my delight, much horseplay ensued, a first for me in the water. Splashing, diving, floating, stolen kisses. Other things were stolen too, like my bikini bottoms, while Ryder was pretending to show me how to properly do the crawl, so I looked at him (this was a dream where I could make anything happen) and imagined his shorts in my hand. I looked down and, with a giggle, noted they were there.

  His eyes widened with surprise, and I tried to get away with them—not very rigorously, I should add—and wasn’t unhappy to be caught. Our warm, naked bodies slipped against each other in the water. We stared into each other’s eyes. It was like we were seeing each other in a whole new way.

  I’m glad you’re here.

  So am I.

  The longer we floated in t
he warm water, wrapped in each other’s arms, the more our energies intertwined and strengthened. It was perceptible. There was something more at work here, an invisible tether that was bonding us and creating a sense of belonging. It gave me peace.

  You feel it? There was a look of wonder on his face.

  What’s happening?

  I’m not sure. I’ve never felt this.

  It feels so good.

  Like you’re a gift to me. He looked intently into my eyes. Like you’re mine.

  I felt the same, but I was afraid to voice it. I’d never felt such a powerful feeling before, had never imagined I could feel this sure of the truth of what he was saying. I was his and he was mine. I’d never belonged to anyone but myself before. It was such a precious feeling. My eyes welled, and my throat closed up. I couldn’t tell him how I felt, but I could show him.

  My lips found his, softly, gently, trying to let him know that I felt the same beautiful connection. He was my gift. Mine.

  I woke to the decadent feel of skin on skin, the weight of a strong, masculine leg entwined with mine, and whiskery prickles moving languidly over my sensitized neck. It was rough and sexy. It was hot and tingly. I had to catch my breath, hold it, feel the sensations whispering over and through me. Ryder’s mouth was tracing the line of my throat, the heat of his moist kisses sending warm flutterings through all parts of my body.

  He pulled back and looked down at me, his eyes dark with intent. “Before the night is through, I want to feel every inch of your skin.”

  “Yes...”

  Our lips met lazily at first, teasing touches, light nips, smiles, nibbles and quick forages that were stoking a deep fire in my belly. The heat was building as we added fuel to the fire, and before long my fingers were fisted in his hair, and we were feasting on each other, straining for more, mastering taste and texture.

  My heart was pounding crazily. I couldn’t breathe properly, each breath I gasped coming tremulously.

  His hand was curved around my ass cheek, holding me against him, his thick erection already hot and pulsing against my belly. Bending my knee, I luxuriated in the contrast between my softness and his hardness, my hips rubbing against his cock in slow, deliberate circles. With a deep moan, he braced his elbows on either side of my head, and I watched him sink into the pleasure as he gritted his teeth, staring down at me with his beautifully male visage. We were both breathing heavily.