“I don’t understand.” Alex stepped toward me. “It was one article, Tamara. I’ve been through much worse.”
“I don’t care if you’ve had worse!” I cried, my anger toward Michael funneling into Alex instead. “You’re acting like this is all some big joke to you, but it’s not to me. This is exactly why I didn’t want to do this in the first place.” I paused and took a breath, avoiding his eyes in the small space. “Just go, Alex.”
“Just go?” His voice grew dangerously low, more of a growl than anything else. “After one slip to the press you expect me just to turn my back on this?”
“I don’t expect anything.” I met his gaze. “I demand. It’s over.”
The words felt like razorblades on my tongue but my panic wouldn’t let me say anything else. My life was about to be picked apart piece by piece—again—and if I didn’t cut the tie now, it would only get worse.
What was I thinking getting involved with him in the first place? I wasn’t princess material. Today’s article only drilled that into me more. The public would never accept me at Alex’s side as anything more than a conversation piece, and if I was going to have him, I wanted so much more. I felt so much more.
No. I couldn’t dwell on those feelings. It was too late. It had been too late since the first moment our eyes met.
Alex ran his tongue over his top teeth and shook his head in bemusement. “I can’t believe you.”
“I’d start trying.”
“It was one article, Tamara.”
“That one article is just the beginning if we keep this up,” I said. “I should have never listened to you in the first place. We should have left things as they were at the masquerade ball.”
His hands clenched at his sides. “I don’t agree.”
“Too bad.”
Fire burned in the air between us, and for a second I couldn’t tell if we were fucking or fighting. Things between Alex and I had always been intense—I should’ve realized that our breakup would get heated.
Alex marched up to me, grabbing my shoulders and forcing me to look him in the eye.
“Tamara, I know you’re scared,” he said. “But you need to develop a thicker skin. You won’t last in this business without one.”
“Thanks for the completely unsolicited career advice, your royal highness.” I yanked myself back a few steps. “Here’s some for you—if you want the perks of royalty, including launching a charity project and expecting everyone to give a shit, you can’t keep running from who you are. The only reason you’re not partying anymore is because you replaced partying with me. I’m just another form of escape to you, Alex. Your dad sees it too.”
His lips parted, face relaxing just enough to let me know I’d hit a sore spot.
“That’s not true,” Alex said, reaching for me again.
I snatched my purse from the table and ducked his grasp, heading for the door without another word. By the time I reached the pavement outside I was practically running. If I didn’t, I knew I would break down and sob.
Chapter 20
Alexander
Hank didn’t attack me at the crack of dawn, but he didn’t need to. I was awake anyway and had been all night. I could hear him shuffling around the room, probably debating whether to continue letting me rest out or whether to smother me with love in the hopes it would cheer me up a little, and I decided we could both use some fresh air.
I sat up in bed and Hank’s snout shot around in my direction, ears perked.
“That’s right,” I muttered. “I’m alive.”
His tail wagged once. He could always tell when I was in a bad mood, but never quite knew what to do about it. He was funny like that.
I wrapped my shoulders in a wool blanket and stepped out into the hall. Hank walked alongside me until we reached the outside door, but shot out onto the dewy lawn the second I opened it. Early in the morning was always the best time to chase squirrels and rabbits.
The sky was a dark blue still, though a halo of white and pink light crept up over the laurel bushes along the horizon. The air was cool and damp. Everything was quiet.
I sat on the ground and crossed my legs, pulling the blanket closer around my shoulders and ignoring the way the grass chilled my feet. What was a little discomfort when I already felt like garbage?
How could I have been so stupid?
I should never have said what I did to Tamara. I should have given her time, been patient with her. I knew how she loathed and feared the press and should have been more understanding, instead of just telling her to grow a thicker skin. If I’d had a little more practice not getting what I wanted, maybe I would have. As it was, I’d panicked about losing her so badly that I was surprised I hadn’t tried commanding her to stay with me by order of the king. And I lost her anyway.
I remembered my conversation with my father, when he called me a fool. Now I felt like one.
I watched Hank race around the lawn until the sun peaked over the hedges and drowned the garden in brilliant light. Tired, he trotted over to me and lay down at my side with a heavy grunt.
“Sometimes I think you’ve got the right idea, bud,” I said.
We went inside not long after and I gave him his breakfast. I sat on my bed while he ate and tried to formulate a plan, but I wasn’t sure where to start. All I knew was I needed to make things right. Everything.
Next thing I knew, my phone was in my hand and dialing Edward’s number.
“Good morning,” he said in a polite, if a bit confused tone.
“Good morning,” I replied. Then, gritting my teeth, “Edward, I need your help with something.”
Sometime before noon, bloated gray clouds blocked out the sun and threatened rain instead.
The open conservatory windows brought in warm, heavy air but little sound. The birds had hunkered down in anticipation of the coming storm.
A storm that was already raging across the face of the woman opposite me.
“Thank you for coming,” I said, adjusting the rolled-up sleeves of my shirt. Edward was rubbing off on me. “I know you had every reason not to.”
Svetlana flicked a lock of white-blonde hair out of her face and pursed her lips haughtily. “I was still in the country and didn’t have anything better to do.”
Edward approved of me meeting with Svetlana for lunch, but he thought I was mad if I hoped to gain her forgiveness. The papers had painted her as a jilted romantic interest in all this and I was surprised she hadn’t already flung her glass of prosecco into my face.
A server arrived with a tray of sandwiches and a selection of cakes and fruit. He must’ve felt the turbulent atmosphere because he set the dishes down and retreated like hounds nipped at his heels. Svetlana plucked a strawberry off the tray but kept those icy blue eyes narrowed on me. I was suddenly ravenous but held back from devouring the mountain of sandwiches.
“I haven’t been fair to you, Svetlana.”
Her eyebrow crooked but she didn’t say anything. For a woman who normally exuded friendliness, she could be as icy as the snows she was born in when she wanted to be.
I cleared my throat and continued. “I met a woman a couple of months ago. Well, you’ve read the papers. Tamara Callahan.”
Svetlana’s front teeth sliced through the strawberry with precision. It struck me that the Vikings may have gotten more refined over the past thousand years or so, but in doing so they’d only polished their methods of intimidation.
“By the time I met you, I was already in deep with Tamara, but my brother and father didn’t know about it and believed that you and I would be an excellent match. I apologize if you feel you’ve been lied to. In my way, I was trying to prevent you from being led on by putting distance between us, even though my brother kept trying to push us together. It was never my intention to hurt you, but I’m afraid you became a pawn in a chess match that my family and I have been playing for a very long time and I behaved poorly.”
Her only reply was a single blink.
I continued. “I should never have been so rude or so dismissive of you and I apologize. Ever since Edward and Clarissa got married, there has been extra pressure on me to marry, and I didn’t react well to it. Then, once Clarissa got pregnant...well, you know the drill. You’re an extraordinary girl and I have the highest respect for you, even if I’ve done a poor job of showing it.”
Svetlana tossed the rest of the strawberry into her mouth and chewed, studying me with an expression so neutral I wondered if she’d heard me at all. If Edward and Clarissa weren’t frighteningly in love, I’d say that Svetlana was my brother’s dream girl. She may have been the Princess of Sweden, but she was the Queen of Icy Looks.
“Just so I’m clear,” she said finally, pointing a manicured finger at me. “You were rude to me because you didn’t want me to think we were falling love?”
“When you put it like that, it sounds ridiculous.”
Her lip ticked into the faintest half-smile. “It is ridiculous, Alexander.”
And then, to solidify her point, Svetlana began to laugh. Her booming laugh caught me off guard and my brows fell together confusion. I finally indulged myself in a sandwich, taking a bite and chewing while I waited for her to finish.
Svetlana wiped a tear from her eye and shook her head. “You thought I wanted to marry you?”
“You say that like it’s an unreasonable assumption.”
All the earlier ice melted from her face and light beamed from her smile. “I’m not sure I want to marry anyone at all,” she said. “You’re obviously a babe, Alexander, but I never once thought about exchanging I do’s.”
“That’s not what Edward seemed to think.”
She shrugged. “You said yourself. People have got marriage on the brain over here right now.”
I took another bite of my sandwich, feeling much more relaxed. “Then what did you come for?”
Svetlana reached for a sandwich herself and both of us slouched down further in our chairs.
“It seems like we have a lot in common,” she said. “I’m planning to leave Sweden soon. Our public isn’t as obsessed as yours, but my family more than makes up for it by applying pressure of their own. I can’t take it anymore. Like I said, I don’t want to have children, I don’t think I want to get married. Imagine having to defend those choices every day to ten Edwards on crack.”
I snorted. It made for an amusing visual.
“I’d heard about you,” she continued. “The rebellious prince. I figured we would get along, and that you’d be a good friend to have when it came time for me to make my move—especially since my parents are more likely to accept my decision if they know I’m still fraternizing with royalty.”
I finished my sandwich, absorbing her words.
“Well,” I said, taking a sip of my prosecco. “Now I feel ridiculous.”
Svetlana chuckled. “You should.”
Her eyes twinkled with mirth. Cheeky.
“I still want to help with your charity project, by the way,” she said. “I meant it when I said I thought it was an amazing idea.”
“That’s kind of you.”
She smiled. “What are friends for?”
I returned her smile and raised my glass. “To friends.”
“To friends.”
We clinked glasses and drank, and suddenly the world didn’t seem as dark as it had an hour before. Fixing things with Svetlana was a far cry from fixing them with Tamara, but it felt good to know there was one more person in my corner.
“You know,” I said, setting my drink down afterward. “If you’re looking to have a good time over here, I’ve got one person you simply must meet.”
Svetlana raised a questioning brow. “Oh?”
“My friend Teddy,” I explained. “He knows where all the best parties are and always has gossip on one person or another. He’s technically the son of a duke too, so you can tell your family that.”
She nodded. “I would love to meet him. As long as you’re not trying to set me up.”
I grinned. “Don’t worry. You’re not his type.”
“And what about you?” Svetlana asked. “I imagine you’re in some pretty hot water over this actress scandal. What are you going to do?”
I winced at the word scandal. I wouldn’t say things had escalated that far yet.
“I need to make everything right,” I said. “And I suspect it won’t be easy.”
Chapter 21
Tamara
I barreled through the press camped just off-set, round black-out shades complementing my scowl and making me feel very LA. The story broke a few days ago, but so far the paparazzi dogs showed no signs of retreat, and I didn’t blame them. Covering the royal pregnancy paled in comparison to the chance to get a juicy bit of gossip on the other prince, especially since according to them I was the first woman he’d shown a repeat interest in since before Edward and Clarissa were the ones being photographed on dates and mercilessly interrogated.
I would feel special if I didn’t feel so goddamn attacked.
Plus, the press weren’t the only ones trying to prod a reaction out of me. Alexander had been calling me since the day he showed up in my trailer, and I’d ignored every single one. I didn’t even listen to the voicemails he left. Too risky.
My heart hurt. My head hurt. A giant weight seemed to crush my whole body every time I thought about his stupid handsome face or the way my heart flipped in somersaults every time he looked at me. It was easier to cut him off cold turkey, and I thought I’d done that when I told him I didn’t want to see him anymore. Apparently, he could be quite resilient.
I made it back to my flat without incident. So far, they’d left me alone at home. A blessing.
I entered my flat with a great sigh, smiling when I saw Jo hovering in the kitchen with a steaming mug of tea. “Hey sis.”
“Hey.” I dropped my back and accepted the mug. “What’s this for?”
“Oh, nothing,” she said, screwing up her face in a way that indicated it was definitely something. “I just thought you might like a nice cup of tea after a long day of work. Anyway. I’m going to go now.”
She went to sidestep me and I grabbed her by the arm. “Jo? Why are you acting so...”
I heard a noise from the living room and my gaze flicked over to where Alex now stood in the doorway.
“What the hell, Jo?” I shot her an accusing glare.
She carefully pried my fingers off her arm and winced. “What could I do? He’s a prince, man.”
With that horrible excuse hanging in the air, Jo grabbed her purse form the counter and slipped out the door. My knuckles turned white from how hard I gripped the handle of the mug.
I’d never seen Alex look so nervous. He wrung his hands together and walk toward me slowly, like I might sprint in the other direction or throw my tea in his face. I gritted my teeth and tried not to listen to the part of my body that lit up the second his smell hit my nostrils.
“There’s a reason I didn’t return your calls,” I said. “I meant what I said so I hope you didn’t come here to change my mind.”
I tried to make my tone as cold as possible but I forgot how his lips seemed to form an eternal smile, even when he was nowhere near smiling. I forgot that his eyes had little bits of gold in the green, and that when he looked at me I knew he saw only me.
I needed to get my shit together fast, else dissolve into a puddle on the floor.
“I know,” he said. “I wanted to apologize.”
“Apology accepted.” I swung aside and gestured for the door.
Alex chuckled.
“It was worth a try,” I muttered.
“I should have never told you to get a thicker skin,” he said. “I understand why you’re cut up about the press and I don’t want to cause you any further pain in that regard.”
I shuffled uncomfortably from foot to foot. I appreciated the apology, but his unfiltered criticism had been a bit of a wakeup call for me.
; Since my breakup with Michael, I’d burrowed into my fear of the media and let it control me. My continued desire to stay separate from Alex was because of more than just that, though. I still thought it for the best. After all, I was leaving soon and I already cared more about him than I should have. Why risk exposing myself to derision from the public and eventual heartbreak when I could just cut it off now?
“You were right, by the way,” he continued. “I used you the same way I used partying, and that wasn’t fair on you or on my family. I need to be better. I want to be better.”
“I’m glad.”
“And I want to be better with you.”
I sighed. “Alex—“
He put up a hand to stop me. “Becoming the prince I need to be means no more secret relationships.” He grinned wickedly. “As fun as it was.”
I frowned, confused. “Okay, so we’re on the same page then.” Why did I feel just a little bit disappointed? I needed to get my mood in check. I was going insane.
“Not exactly,” he said. “I want you to come to the garden party with me. As my date.”
My refusal was a knee-jerk reaction to the idea of exposing myself like that.
“Absolutely not.”
Alex stepped up until our chests brushed. I knew I should put some distance between us but couldn’t make my feet move, and when he laid his hand on my cheek I wondered if I’d ever be able to move again.
“Kitty Kat,” he murmured. “The best way to deal with the press is to ride out the storm. We can do that together and come out on top. I know we can.”
“But what’s the point?” My voice sounded small and I put a little more power in my next words. “I’m going to be leaving in a couple of months, Alex. Don’t you think it would be easier just to end things now? Why risk making it worse?”
He smiled gently. His thumb caressed my cheek and I swallowed hard.
“The point is,” he said, lowering his face toward mine, “that I can’t stay away from you, Tamara.” Our breath mingled in the small space and I tried to think about anything other than how much I wanted to kiss him. “And I don’t think you can stay away from me either.”
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