She smiled, but it was a tired, strained smile. It did little to dissuade my worries.
“You and that S word,” she said. “Come in.”
I followed her into the trailer and reached for her hand, stopping her mid-step. “Come here.”
Tamara turned and allowed me to tug her close, and as I enveloped her in my arms I felt her body relax. My free hand stroked the back of her head as my lips nuzzled into her neck.
“What’s wrong?” I murmured.
Tamara stiffened again. “Nothing.”
“It doesn’t feel like nothing.” I pulled back and looked at her, running my thumb down her soft cheek. “You don’t seem happy to see me.”
Tamara nibbled on her bottom lip and took the flowers from me, turning to grab a vase. “I’m busy. That’s all.”
“Bullshit, Tamara. Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.”
She dropped the flowers and slammed her palms against the table, staring at the opposite wall like it was the source of all her problems. “Figure it out, Alex.” She whipped around and glared at me. “The fact that you don’t know is part of the problem.”
I ran through a mental list of things I’d done, things that might have upset her, but came up short. What could she be mad at me for? And why couldn’t I remember it?
“If I’ve done anything to offend you—“
“Ugh!” she exclaimed, tossing her head back in fury. “Alex, this isn’t about you offending me. I’m leaving! I’ve got a flight booked and everything and you know that, yet you don’t even seem to care. Does it faze you at all? Or are you just going to move onto the next as soon as I’m gone?”
“Move onto the next?” I asked through gritted teeth. “I’m insulted that you would even think that way.”
“Well join the fucking club.” She crossed her arms and turned her lips down into a scowl. “I wasn’t even going to mention this because I didn’t want to ruin our last two weeks together, but while we’re at it let’s just get it out there that I know about your pretty Swedish girlfriend. You might not be with her now, but how long after I leave until that starts up again?”
I nearly laughed but it didn’t seem right for the situation.
“Svetlana is not my girlfriend. Nor will she ever be.”
“Why not?” Tamara stalked toward me, getting close enough that my hands itched to reach for her. “She’s beautiful. She’s a princess. That makes her, how did you put it? One of your own.”
“She’s a friend,” I said. “That’s it. Edward tried to set us up but neither of us are interested.”
“I’ll remember that when I read your wedding announcement.”
I opened my mouth to protest but Tamara spoke over me, anger lacing her words like poison.
“What are you even doing with me anyway? This was a bad idea. We could never work! I can’t believe I deluded myself into thinking we could.” She scrubbed her hands over her face and let out a frustrated groan. “Just go, Alex. I can’t do this anymore.”
“I’m not leaving until we sort this out,” I said, stepping toward her.
Tamara backed away and pointed to the door. “Get out before I call security. I mean it.”
“Tamara—“
“GET OUT!”
With a leaden heart, I turned to the door.
I found Nana in her office downstairs. She peered at the screen of her computer through thick reading glasses that distorted her eyes and made them look buggy and huge, which I’d always thought funny. Today I couldn’t find the humor in it.
“Alexander,” she said as I entered, pulling off the glasses and letting them hang by the string around her neck. “Is that for me?”
“It sure is.” I set the mug of tea down on her desk.
She smiled. “You’re a good boy.”
I couldn’t help but release an undignified snort. “I wish everyone thought so.”
Nana’s brows furrowed in consternation and she closed the lid of her laptop. She could always tell when I was genuinely upset, rather than just a little moody as I sometimes was. Especially when it started with me bringing her tea.
“Oh no, Alexander. Something’s happened with you and Tamara?”
I leaned my hip against the desk and crossed my arms. “You’ve got a sixth sense for these things, eh?”
“You look sad,” she said, pointing to my eyes with one gnarled finger. “When you fight with your brother, you get angry. When you don’t get your way, you get surly. When you lose something you care about, you get sad. So either your charity has bit the dirt or you’ve lost your girl.”
As always, her familiarity was refreshing. It even helped drive a small smile onto my face.
“I don’t know what to do, Nana,” I admitted. “Tamara chased me out of her trailer today. She doesn’t think there’s any point us continuing what we’re doing since she’s leaving, and she’s got this screwed up notion in her head that we could never work together anyway.”
Nana’s lips flattened. “Don’t act like she’s speaking nonsense, Alexander. You’re not a fool.”
“You don’t think we could work either?” I ran a hand through my hair. “Am I the only one who doesn’t see a problem here?”
“Seeing a problem doesn’t mean being beaten by it,” she replied. “Tamara sees a problem and can’t conceive you two overcoming it. And you won’t be able to overcome it if you don’t see the same problem.”
“You’re talking in riddles.”
“You’re not listening.”
I growled in frustration. “I’m trying to. What are you saying?”
Nana sat back in her chair and took a breath, folding her arms. When she spoke, she enunciated each word clearly. “What do you want to do, Alexander?”
“I don’t know.” I groaned. “Tamara has given up on us. She thinks I should give up on us too.”
She raised her brows. “Is that what you want?”
“No, of course not. But what I want to do...” I paused and stared at her mug, chewing my lip. “What I want to do could cost me everything.”
Looking up at Nana, I remembered all the times she’d sat and chatted with my mother just like this. A steaming mug of tea. An impossible decision. A listening ear.
“What would my mom do?” I asked.
Nana’s eyes softened at the mention of my mother, and she pulled the mug toward her, cupping it in her hands.
“When people remember Noelle, they remember her softness. Her kindness.” Her mouth curved into a distant smile and she shook her head. “They have this image in their heads of a quiet, wholesome queen draped in white with a ring of laurels on her head. But you know what’s wrong with that that?”
“What?”
“Your mother may have been good and kind, but she was...what do the kids call it these day?” She paused to think, brightening when she recalled the phrase. “Noelle was a boss ass bitch.”
I laughed.
Nana continued. “Your mother would have fought for her heart’s desire, even if it meant going against the wishes of her family. When she looked at the crown, do you know what she saw?”
“What did she see?”
“She saw it for exactly what it is.” Nana smirked. “A piece of metal.”
Chapter 27
Tamara
Someone jostled me as I stepped through the lobby double doors, sending me stumbling into Jo’s path. She stepped on the back of my heel and it slipped off.
“Shit! Sorry!” she said.
“No, it’s fine.” I put my shoe back on.
“No, really. That was my bad.”
“No, seriously, it’s fine.”
It was the most we’d talked to each other all evening.
We continued through to the ballroom, where an easel to the left of the door welcomed guests to the Princess of Nowhere wrap-up party. Gold cornices and an impressive fresco decorated the lofty ceiling, a sumptuous crystal chandelier hanging from the middle of it.
The ro
om bustled with life, with everyone from set designers to sound mixers in attendance. Those who noticed when I entered stopped me to say hi, though I slowly maneuvered Jo and I toward the bar at the far end of the room.
I was surprised Joanne still came tonight. She was over the moon when I invited her a few weeks ago, but we’d exchanged few words since our altercation the other night and she’d barely left her room. It didn’t bother me to have her there. I just wished it weren’t so awkward.
“There’s my princess!” cooed Yesha, spotting me from across the bar. She walked over and enveloped me in a hug. “Great season. I can’t wait until it airs. The fans are going to lose their minds.” She looked to Jo. “Is this your sister?”
“Yeah, this is Joanne,” I said.
Yesha stuck out her hand. “Great to meet you, Joanne.”
“I’ve heard about you,” Jo said, taking her hand stiffly. “It’s great to put a face to the name.”
“Likewise. And what a face.” Yesha winked. “You could have a future in show business too.”
Jo laughed awkwardly, and Yesha excused herself to go talk to another of the actors.
So far, tonight was going about as well as nails on a chalkboard. It was supposed to be my triumph, my victory lap, but between this sisterly friction and my despondency over Alex, I wasn’t in the party mood.
“I think I might just go,” I said quietly.
Jo’s eyes snapped to me. “You can’t leave.”
“Don’t worry, you can stay. I just...don’t want to be here anymore.”
I turned to leave but Jo grabbed my arm. “Wait. Can we go talk somewhere?”
I hesitated, chewing the inside of my lip, before finally giving a short nod.
Jo carted me through the crowd and down the hallway leading to the bathrooms and kitchen.
We pulled aside to let a waiter pass with a tray of hors d’oeuvres, and once he was gone Jo turned to me. She opened her mouth to speak and closed it again with a frustrated sigh. Finally, she said, “I’m sorry.”
I wasn’t expecting this, particularly not tonight.
“Do you think here is the best place to discuss this?” I asked. “If we went home, we could talk about it over a glass of wine.”
“I don’t think you should leave the party. This is your night.” She reached for my hand and squeezed. “You’ve worked your ass off to get here. After I say what I need to say, we should take the time to enjoy it.”
She had a point.
“Okay,” I said. “Say it then.”
Jo pulled her hand back and licked her lips nervously. “What you said to me the other night really stuck with me. I’ve been...god I’ve been a mess lately. I keep telling myself that I’m the perfect age to be a mess and get away with it, but that’s not working anymore.” Her lips formed a scowl. “I’m miserable. I fucked things up with Tristan and I’m miserable. Before the garden party, I was working out what I wanted to do. I swear I was. Granted, progress was a little slow because all I wanted to think about was Tristan, but I was figuring it out. Then after I screwed things up...”
“You fell apart,” I filled in.
Jo nodded, eyes filling with tears. “I love him, Tam-Tam.”
It was like a bullet to the chest. In that moment, I saw my reflection staring back at me, and it didn’t matter that I’d hidden all the crying and all the pain. I couldn’t run from my reflection anymore.
“I know,” I said softly, holding her shoulder. “I know.”
I knew that she loved him. I also knew the pain of losing the man she loved. The grief. But one bright spark in this entire shit heap was that Tamara still had a chance of making things work.
“You need to tell him,” I said. “Go find him, right now while you look like a million bucks.”
She chuckled, swiping away tears. “But what about you? I don’t want to leave you here alone.”
“It’s my party, remember?” I said with a shrug. “I’ll be fine. What’s more important is you making things right with the man you love.”
She nodded and pulled me into a tight hug. “I’m sorry for everything, Tamara. I don’t know what I did to deserve a sister like you.”
“Everything.” I patted her back. “Now go.”
She released me and, with a final squeeze of her hand, disappeared into the crowd at the end of the hall. I leaned against the wall for a minute, composing myself. I wished I could be the one running after my man. I wished my situation was less complicated. Or at I at least wished I didn’t love him from the bottom of my tortured soul.
I took a final breath and headed back into the fray, making a drink my first order of business. I waited at the bar, chatting politely with the people I knew. Someone tapped on my shoulder from behind.
I turned, butterflies flapping madly in my stomach.
The butterflies died instantly.
“Where’s your prince tonight?” Michael asked, mouth tugged into a sleazy smile.
“None of your business.”
I turned back around, intent on ignoring him for the rest of the evening. After tonight, I wouldn’t have to see him until we started work on next season. Sure, the end of the summer meant leaving Alex, but it also meant not having to see Michael every day. A small blessing but a blessing nonetheless.
Michael tapped my shoulder again. I ignored him.
He leaned in to my ear. “Did he finally decide that you just weren’t princess material?” he whispered. “You should have known from the start that a man like that would never stoop to your level for long.”
I took a deep breath. I swallowed down the bile rising in my throat from his proximity and the meat of his words.
And I turned around and slapped him across the face.
The people around us gasped and fell silent, a waiting audience. And they were about to get one hell of a show.
“You have done nothing but antagonize and belittle me since our break up, for no reason other than the fact that you can’t stand the thought of me moving on!” I cried. “I’m done with it, Michael. I’m done with your abuse. I’m done with your judgement. Quite frankly, you creep me out. If you ever think about saying one unscripted word to me again, I will personally ensure that ever gossip magazine and rumor mill in this country and at home knows what a vile, self-absorbed little man you are, and I will make sure nobody ever looks at you again without seeing the sleazy asshole you pretend not to be.”
Michael’s face paled. His lips sputtered open and closed but no retort came. I’d struck him dumb.
From somewhere to my right, somebody started to clap. A slow clap at first, but soon more and more people picked it up. I looked around as a dozen or so people in the vicinity clapped and cheered for me, most of them women.
I smiled, but the emotions charging through me meant it wouldn’t last. I needed some air.
I pushed past Michael, abandoning the thought of the bar, and headed straight for the hotel lobby. An elevator was waiting in the lobby and I pushed the top button, marked “Rooftop Terrace”.
The ride was slow. The banal jazz music helped calm me a little, even though my hands were still shaking by the time it let me out in a small corridor. I opened the door at the end of it and welcomed the blast of cool air on my face.
I should have felt triumphant.
I’d slayed my dragon, hadn’t I? After a public humiliation like that, Michael would be a complete idiot to ever try anything with me again. And while ‘complete idiot’ was a title he more than just deserved, his sterling reputation was important to him. Too important to risk it.
I let out a deep breath and walked over to the railing, staring down at the pulsing city streets.
The door behind me creaked open and I frowned, calling, “Go away!”
I figured it was either Michael come to grovel or somebody else trying to make me feel better. Neither of which I wanted.
The door didn’t open again though, and the footsteps across the cement warned me that my solitude was
about to be interrupted. I rolled my eyes and spun around.
Alexander smiled bashfully. “Hey.”
I swallowed hard and tried not to lose my balance and go tumbling over the side of the building. That was the last thing I needed right now.
“Hey,” I replied.
He walked up to me and my body twitched into fight or flight. He wasn’t a predator, but he was about as dangerous as it got when it came to my wellbeing. It was hard enough trying to scrape out my memories of him and move on with my life without him popping up to make more.
“Alex, we talked—“
“Hold on a second,” he interrupted, stopping in front of me. “I know what you’re going to say, and trust me I wouldn’t have come if it wasn’t important.”
I pursed my lips but gave a short nod for him to continue.
Alex’s green eyes flicked down my body, and his mouth twitched to the side. “That’s a great dress.”
“Alex,” I warned.
“Sorry.” He grinned and the world got a little brighter. “I couldn’t help myself.”
“Get to it.”
“Right.” He cleared his throat. “You said that I never worried about you leaving, that it meant I didn’t care as much as you, and in one way you were right.” He furrowed his brow and shook his head. “I cared, Tamara. I care. I never seemed worried about you leaving because I think I always knew I wouldn’t let you go. Couldn’t let you go.” He took a breath and reached for my hand, and his grip was warm and strong. “I love you, Tamara.”
My breath caught in my throat. “Alex...”
“No, no. Just let me talk, okay?”
I gave a reluctant nod, heart thundering in my throat.
He continued. “I love you. I love everything about you, and when I think about the rest of my life, I can’t imagine a day without you in it.” He dropped my hand and then fell to one knee.
My knees turned rubbery and every molecule in my body began to shake. He couldn’t...
Alex reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a velvet box. “Tamara Callahan, will you marry me?”
The ring was beautiful—a thick cut square with a halo of sparkling emeralds.
He was beautiful.
I wanted to say yes.
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