The quarterly meeting lasted a painful four hours. We ordered in pizza so we could work through lunch, listening to presentation after presentation. I hated stuffy meetings, which is why we limited the departmental ones to only four times a year. Other than that, I let my employees decide amongst themselves when and how to meet with one another. I didn’t want my company to be a boring workplace. I checked my phone three times during the meeting, each one resulting in a sting of rejection when I realized Casey hadn’t called or texted.
Once the last slide of Mike’s presentation had been explained, we all rushed toward the door. Katrina, the new marketing associate, looked up at me from her small five-foot frame, as if she were seeking approval.
“Great job, Katrina,” I said. “Keep up the good work.”
A massive smile appeared on Katrina’s face and she said, “Thank you, Mr. Preston.”
Back at my desk, I returned three calls I missed while in the meeting, responded to the requests I’d received via voicemail, and scrolled through the dozens of emails that flooded my inbox. The day dragged on until it was finally time to head home for the night.
I walked into Flanagan’s, an old college favorite, and found Brett sitting on a stool at the bar. In his ball cap and t-shirt, he hadn’t aged a day since we’d graduated from college eight years earlier. “Hey man,” I said, shaking his hand.
“How’s it going, Preston?” Brett replied. Like most college guys, my friend group called everyone by their last name, with the exception of Brett. Brett’s last name was something Ukrainian with lots of syllables, impossible to pronounce. I had to admit that it’d been a while since anyone had called me Preston.
“Good, good,” I said, taking a seat beside him. We spent nearly an hour catching up, talking about my business and Brett’s job as a mechanic. He always had crazy stories to share, mostly ones that involved him overhearing arguments and conversations in the houses he worked at. For the first time, though, he spent most of the time talking about his family. He told me how his wife, Amelia, had started taking night classes to get her master’s degree, so he was working long days and running the kids to their activities.
“I’ve even learned to cook,” Brett said, warranting a laugh from me. “Ok, maybe I’m not a gourmet chef. But I cook a mean grilled cheese, and I can make some of the girls’ favorites. Macaroni and cheese, hotdogs… you name it.”
I smiled. “I must say, it sounds like you’re living the good life.”
“It gets tough,” Brett said, taking a sip of his beer. I was waiting for a second half of this declaration, but it never came. “So, how goes the single life? Any prospects on the horizon?”
“Actually, I have sort of a complicated situation,” I said.
“What are we talking?” Brett asked. “Two hot girls and you don’t know which one to choose? Having an affair with an employee?” He paused. “Both?”
I let out a dry chuckle. “Ok, it’s not sort of complicated. It’s very complicated.”
“Lay it on me,” Brett said.
I gave Brett the abridged version of my relationship with Casey. I had decided earlier in the day that I would tell him that Casey and I met on a one night stand, instead of the clinic situation, but I wanted the outside opinion of someone who knew the whole, honest story. If there was anyone who would be open-minded, it was the guy I’d found passed out and naked in the hallway at least half a dozen times in college.
By the time I was done talking, Brett’s jaw was practically on the bar. He looked around, moving his head from side to side. “Is this some kind of prank?”
“I wish,” I said. “I’m falling for her, man.”
“Wow,” Brett said. “Let me take a minute to soak this all in.”
We took a few swigs of our beers in silence as I wondered what Brett had to say. I knew how crazy everything sounded. Had I told him that? “Brett, I know this whole situation is crazy, but it’s my reality right now.”
“Let me ask you this,” Brett started. “Would you still feel the same way about her if there wasn’t a bun in the oven?”
“Absolutely,” I said, without hesitation. “Honestly, sometimes I get so caught up in how much fun I’m having with her that I forget that she’s carrying my child.” It felt odd to say the words aloud.
Brett sighed and adjusted his seat to have a more direct view of my face. “Just know that settling down and having a child are two of the biggest commitments you can make. Don’t do it unless you’re sure.”
I rambled on about Casey and our relationship before confessing to Brett that I was nervous. Most of my buddies knew me as the easygoing, fearless guy I’d been in college. But, the truth was, the thought of being a father terrified me. I was excited about the prospect, but there was always the fear in the back of my mind that I wouldn’t be any good at it. Brett’s response was that, like anything else in life, it was an adjustment I’d have to make.
“Do you ever regret it?” I said.
Brett shrugged. “Regret what?”
“Settling down? Having kids so young?”
“Well, I’ve traded in ESPN for Nickelodeon and trips to the gym for trips to ballet class,” Brett started. “But when those little girls smile at me, I know everything’s going to be alright. Everything I’ve sacrificed is worth it.” He paused and put his hand on my shoulder, as if he were a father giving his son a good talking-to. “If it helps at all, I’ve never seen you light up this much talking about a girl—even with Allison.”
Allison was the only other girl I had ever even remotely considered settling down with, and I knew the moment those words came out of Brett’s mouth that he was exactly the perspective I’d needed. “Thanks, man,” I said. One other thought was itching to escape my mind. “The only problem is, I haven’t heard from Casey in a few weeks. I’m thinking maybe she’s having second thoughts.”
“Put yourself in her shoes, dude,” Brett said. “She had this guy who agreed to knock her up, then she started dating him, she started falling for him, and now she’s confused. She probably just needs reassurance that you’re serious about her and the baby.” For a guy who had never even heard of Casey before today, I was amazed by how spot-on Brett’s advice was. I said goodbye to him, made plans to visit soon, and started brainstorming my next move.
Chapter 15
Casey
As my phone buzzed on my worn-down nightstand, I looked over at the clock that stood beside it. 5:36 AM. Who would be texting or calling this early? I wiped sleep from my eyes, picked up my phone and focused my vision. Babies are coming! Greg’s taking me to Emory. Come when you can!
It was Liana. Once I’d had a second to digest the fact that the twins were about to make their way into the world, I scurried around my apartment like a lost animal. I threw on a pair of jeans and a sweater and tied my messy waves into a knot on top of my head. I was in such disarray that I opened the door to leave before realizing I was barefoot. I ran back across the apartment, tugged some socks and boots on, and headed to the hospital.
This was the distraction I’d been needing to get my mind off Alexander. I had to focus on my own life, on my baby, and, for today, on Liana. There were two turns between me and Emory University Hospital when an overwhelming feeling of nausea came over me. It was debilitating, one of the worst bouts of nausea I’d ever had in my life. “Uh oh. I’m not gonna make it,” I whispered aloud.
I pulled over into a convenience store parking lot and made it to the trash can just in time to vomit. Tears filling my eyes, I only made it halfway back to my car before round two struck. Why had no one told me how terrible morning sickness was? All of the mothers-to-be I’d known as friends or seen at the clinic made pregnancy out to be this wonderful, glamorous experience. I felt like shit.
Taking small sips of water, I drove 10 miles under the speed limit the rest of the way, as if this would somehow also slow down my nausea. I navigated the confusing hospital campus, settling for a spot on the first floor of a parkin
g garage. As I walked toward the emergency room, I realized that I had no clue what the hell I was doing there. Chances were, Liana didn’t want me in the delivery room—and that was fine by me. I supposed I was there for moral support.
And where was I supposed to go? It occurred to me that I didn’t know the first thing about being a mother, or delivering a baby. Would Liana be in the emergency room to give birth? Or was that what maternity wards were for? All of these thoughts shuffled around in my mind as I asked one uninterested hospital employee after another for directions. I finally breathed a sigh of relief when I saw Jane, a mutual friend from college, sitting in an uncomfortable-looking chair in one of the waiting areas. Liana was much closer with Jane than I was, but she was still a huge step up from the nurse who yelled at me to get out of her way.
“Casey!” Jane exclaimed, jumping from her chair. She was far too chipper for this early in the morning. As she walked toward me, her eyes drifted toward my stomach. “Oh my god! You too?! Awwww!” She gave me a hug and pulled me to sit in the seat beside hers.
“What’s the latest on Liana?” I asked, hoping she would accept my attempt at changing the subject away from myself.
“Greg’s back there with her now,” Jane said. “She’s six centimeters dilated, so they’re keeping her back there until those babies come out!”
I mustered up a desperate smile. “That’s great!”
“So, tell me about whoever made this happen,” Jane said, putting her hands on my stomach. I gently pulled away as I gave her a vague response about it being a guy I was dating who I’d met at work. Today was supposed to be Liana’s day, as well as a much-needed distraction from my current situation.
“How about you?” I asked. “How’s the school year treating you?”
Jane flipped her fiery red hair out of her face and sighed. “We’ve got a rough group this year. Six going on sixteen. I’m already counting down the days until winter break.”
I feigned interest in Jane’s stories as I stared at the double doors that stood between me and my best friend, the same double doors that I’d be facing in five months. The minutes turned to hours as I listened to Jane babble on about how Katie got gum stuck in her hair and how Tanner made the entire class terrified of rabbits.
Finally, around nine, Greg emerged from behind the doors. I had never been so happy to see him. “Well?” I asked while Jane was still midway through one of her sagas.
“Babies should be here soon,” Greg said. Beads of sweat dripped down his face, and I couldn’t help but wonder if Liana was just as nervous. “Liana wanted me to fill you guys in and thank you for coming.”
“We wouldn’t miss it,” Jane said for both of us.
Greg cleared his throat. “Especially since Liana’s parents aren’t getting back from their trip to Costa Rica for a few more hours.” My heart broke as Greg said the words. I’d known since I was ten years old that I’d be giving birth without my parents there, but Liana was extremely close with her family. I knew she must be devastated over the prospect of her parents not being there. Greg disappeared behind the double doors before I had the chance to ask any questions.
Jane and I sat in silence as she shuffled through a magazine and I pretended to be checking my email on my phone. In reality, I was trying to take my mind off of this pregnancy, which turned out to be an impossible task in a hospital full of babies. I was so excited to meet my little nugget, to have a family of my own and to give him or her the life I never had. It was something I’d always dreamed of. On the other hand, was I ready for that? I worked an average-paying job and lived in a crappy apartment. It was hard to be excited about the pregnancy when so much was up in the air.
Then there was Alexander. I had to admit that I’d been having dreams about our future ever since our camping trip. I dreamt that we were living in his giant house, raising our baby together. Our days were filled with walks around the neighborhood, and lunch dates, and the best lovemaking I’d ever experienced. But that was just a dream. In reality, we’d only grazed the subject of the baby, and I could tell it made Alexander uncomfortable. Surely I’d thrown him for a loop these past few months. Here he was, this smart, sexy CEO living the single life. I was sure the last thing he wanted was to be tied down with me and our baby.
I didn’t know if I should be thinking of this child as our baby. I couldn’t help it. Now I understood why the men who donated sperm at the clinic did so anonymously. Our trip camping was the best date I’d ever been on in my life, but that only made things more complicated. I was starting to regret having gotten involved with Alexander at all. What was I thinking? Even though I was scared of failing as a parent, I didn’t regret this baby, not even for a second. I simply regretted the situation it had put me in.
Sometime during my overanalyzing, I must have dozed off, because I woke up to Jane’s scratchy voice in my ear. “I bet it’ll be good practice,” Jane said, startling me.
“Wh-what?” I said, sitting up in my chair.
Jane gestured toward the doors. “Helping out with the twins. You’ll be a diaper-changing ninja by the time your little one makes an appearance.”
I sighed. “I hope so.”
“Don’t worry,” Jane said. She rested her hand on my shoulder like I was one of her students. Jane could be over-the-top with the advice sometimes, like a Dr. Phil wannabe, but I knew that she meant well. “I can see it in your eyes. You’re scared. There’s nothing like a maternity ward to make an expectant mom freak out. But you’ll be fine! I promise!”
“Thanks, Jane,” I replied lamely. We made polite chit-chat for another few minutes before a nurse came to bring us to Liana’s room.
As if in slow-motion, I walked on my tiptoes behind Jane into Liana’s room. Liana, her hair still annoyingly in place, was in the hospital bed holding a baby in a blue knit cap, while Greg was sitting next to her with the other baby, this one in a pink cap.
“One of each?” Jane screeched.
“One of each,” Liana said with a smile.
Jane moved closer to Liana and doted over the babies, giving them each an insurmountable number of air kisses. I stood back and let her have her time, as I knew I wanted my own time with Liana and the babies without Jane getting in the way. When she was all out of energy, Jane said her goodbyes with a promise to send over dinner for Liana and Greg later in the week.
When Jane stepped out of the room, I took a few steps forward. “What are their names?” I whispered. There was something about babies that made me lower my voice a few notches.
“This sweet girl is Hayley Reese,” Greg said, laying a soft kiss on her forehead.
I looked over at Liana to learn about the other half of this perfect pair. “Casey, this is your godchild, Aiden William Holdstead,” she said. Tears welled in my eyes. “That is, of course, if you’ll have him.”
“Of course,” I said, catching the stream running down my cheeks before it hit the babies. Liana held Aiden up to me, and I took him in my arms as slowly as possible. It had been a long time since I’d held a baby. He was gorgeous. I tried to keep my hands from shaking as I blew little kisses at him. Time stood still for a while. I switched with Greg so I could have a chance to hold Hayley, who had huge eyes just like her mom.
“Liana, sweetheart!” I looked up to see Liana’s parents, luggage in tow, in the doorway. I’d met them probably half a dozen times at birthdays and holidays, but I was still caught a bit off-guard when Liana’s mother came over and pulled me in for a hug. “Is that a little bun in the oven of your own, Casey?”
I nodded as I handed Hayley over to her grandmother. This was the first time I’d experienced people noticing my pregnancy just by looking at me. I’d been living in tunic tops and flowy dresses to cover my bump, but, in all the chaos, I’d thrown on the first thing I could find this morning.
“Well, you’ll be great,” Liana’s mom said.
“What?” I asked before taking the chance to consider what she meant.
“As
a mother,” she said. “You look like a natural already.” I hoped she was right.
Chapter 16
Alexander
The last time I was this nervous was over a decade earlier, at my interview for Emory. The feeling I had when the admissions officer shook my hand was still fresh in my mind, as if it were yesterday. I had all the same symptoms, if that’s what you could call it. My hands were shaking, I could feel drops of sweat making their way from the back of my neck downward, and I could barely form words into proper sentences. Walking up to Casey’s doorway, I told myself that the worst thing that could happen was that she could turn me down, once and for all.
But that worst thing was pretty damn terrible. I was falling in love with Casey, and I didn’t know if she wanted me in her life at all.
Knock, knock, knock. I stood with my legs slightly apart, wondering how my knock had sounded. Was it too aggressive? Too weak? Too many knocks? Too few? Get it together, Alexander, I told myself.
The chain clanked against the lock as the doorknob slowly turned. “What do you want, Alexander?” Casey asked. She seemed less than thrilled to see me, but that wasn’t what caught me off guard. In an athletic tank top and yoga pants, Casey’s baby bump was visible to me for the first time. She wasn’t much more than four months along so the bump wasn’t enormous, but it was enough to make me take the smallest step backward.
“I... uh…” Just as it happened in my Emory interview, I froze. I didn’t know what to say next.
“That’s what I thought,” Casey said. She began to close the door, but I reached my arm out to stop her.
“Can we please talk?” I said. I reached forward and handed Casey the bouquet of roses I’d been clutching for dear life.
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