Star (1989)

by Steel, Danielle

  Even Jared turned on her. He had heard through one of his friends that she was visiting Boyd and his wife, and he threatened more than once to tell their mother. It was as though they all hated her, and she barely got from day to day, except for her visits with the Websters.

  I don't know what I've done to them, she cried openly one night when she went to them, after a day of anguish at the ranch house, why do they hate me? She did what she was told, she worked hard, she seldom fought with them, and yet they were determined to make her unhappy.

  Because you're different, Boyd answered quietly, as Hiroko held the baby. You don't look like them, you don't think like them. You never did. And her father was no longer there to protect her. She knew that what he said was true, but she couldn't bear the injustice of it. What had she ever done to them? Nothing. But she had been born too beautiful. She was a wild summer rose in a field of weeds, and they were determined to destroy her.

  She blew her nose as she thought about it. It was unbearable living with them, but she had nowhere else to go and Boyd and Hiroko knew it, as did Crystal. The only thing she could do was leave the valley but she wanted to finish high school first. She had promised that to her father. She still thought about going to Hollywood. But it was too soon. She had to graduate first, if she survived it. But she knew she would. She wasn't going to let people like her mother and Tom Parker run her life. There was too much of her father in her for that. She would put up with it all for now. But she knew that as soon as she finished school, she was leaving. No matter where she went, she knew that she had to leave the valley. She needed money to do it, and now that her father was gone, no matter how much she loved the valley, she knew she had to leave it. The others were just too strong a force to ignore forever. She knew she had to get out before one of them hurt her. And in order to get out, she had to make enough money to do it.

  In January she went to work in town as a waitress. And even that won her mother's fury. She called her a harlot and a slut and accused her of wanting to meet men, but all she did was wait on tables in the diner. Her brother-in-law came in occasionally and gave her a hard time, but whenever possible, she disappeared and went out to the kitchen to take a turn washing dishes when he was there. The people at the diner were friendly to her, and she made good money with tips, and got a fair number of propositions. She always played stupid, and turned them down bluntly when she had to, and the owner of the diner liked her, and made sure that no one went too far. She was a nice girl, and he had always liked her father. He didn't think much of Tom Parker though, and he didn't like the way he treated her. He told Crystal more than once to stay away from him when he was liquored up, and more than once he drove her home himself after dark, and watched to make sure she got home safely to the ranch house. She kept her money hidden under her bed, and she had four hundred dollars saved up by late April. It was her ticket to Hollywood, or to freedom anyway, and she guarded it with her life, counting the money late at night, in the moonlight with her bedroom door locked. She was biding her time now till she could leave. It wouldn't be long. But each day seemed like a lifetime.

  Little Jane was a year old by then, and Crystal rode her old pinto over to see her on a bright Sunday morning. She spent the day with them, and it was late when she went home, but she knew the road well. And in the end, she decided to take a shortcut, riding over the fields, and smelling the air, as she sang her favorite old ballads softly. For the first time in a long time, she felt good again. Her father had been gone for more than a year, and the bitter ache of it was a little dimmer. She felt strong and young and alive, and all she could think of now was her future.

  But as she tied her horse into his stall in the barn, and took off his saddle, as she hummed to herself, she heard a noise just behind her, and turned around, startled. It was Tom, sitting on a bag of feed and drinking.

  Have a nice day, Sis? There was an ugly look in his eyes and she looked away, pretending not to notice, but her hands trembled as she put the bridle away, and she heard his step right behind her. Where do you go on that old horse? Got a boyfriend in town?

  No. She turned to face him, and she didn't like what she saw. His eyes were red, and she could see that the bottle he held was half empty. I was visiting friends.

  That Jap again? He had heard the rumors, too, and he had told Becky, who had reported it to their mother.

  No, she lied to him, friends from school.

  Yeah? Like who? His voice was rough from drinking and hers was cool, but she was trembling inside.

  It's not important. She started to leave the barn, and he grabbed her roughly by the arm. He caught her unaware and she flew backward and tripped over his foot, stumbling to keep her balance.

  What's your hurry?

  I have to get home to Mama. She tried to look him in the eye, but she was afraid to. Even as tall as she was, she was no match for Tom Parker. He liked to tell his friends he was as strong as a bull, and even bigger where it counted.

  Mama ' isn't that sweet, he mocked her, home to Mama. She don't care. She's with Becky anyway. The dumb bitch is knocked up again. Christ, you'd think she'd have learned by now. We hardly ever do it, and when we do, she gets pregnant.

  Crystal nodded sympathetically, trying to pull away from him, but he had her arms in a viselike grip and it was obvious he had no intention of letting her go anywhere, at least not for the moment.

  I told you to stick around, didn't I? She nodded, mute with terror. At seventeen, she had never been manhandled before, and it was small consolation to realize that if her father were alive, he'd have killed him. Want a drink?

  No, thanks. Her face was white with fear as she shook her head.

  Sure you do. He held both of her arms with one hand, and forced the bottle to her mouth with the other. He tipped it up, spilling it all over her shirt, but getting a fair dose of the bitter liquid through her clenched lips in spite of her efforts to resist him.

  Stop! Leave me alone ' let me go!

  He laughed, watching her discomfort as tears filled her eyes, and then suddenly he threw her down into a pile of hay they kept there for the horses.

  Take your clothes off.

  Tom ' please ' She started to get up and back away from him, but he grabbed her legs, and pulled her back to the floor where he was kneeling, the bottle cast aside, filling the barn with the smell of cheap whiskey. Please ' don't ' She didn't tell him she was a virgin. She didn't know what to say to him. She was crying as he tore her blouse off.

  You give it away anyway, don't you, Sis? Come on, be a good girl for your brother.

  You're not my brother ' stop it! And then, with a clenched fist, fighting for her life, she hit him. She hit him squarely in the eye, and he groaned, but he grabbed her and slapped her hard. So hard he left her breathless.

  Bitch! I told you to take your clothes off! He was pulling at her jeans with one hand, and pinning her to the ground with the other, his full weight pressed down on her, and she thought he would break her arms. But she didn't care. He'd have to kill her before she'd let him take her. She fought like a wild animal, but she was no match for him, again and again he threw her to the ground, cursing and calling her names, and then suddenly with a dull ripping sound, he tore her jeans off, and her pale thighs were exposed to him as she trembled.

  No, don't ' Tom ' please ' She was sobbing as he tore her underwear, still holding her prisoner with one powerful hand, her arms high above her head, his knees straddling her, as he grabbed her with his free hand, and then as she sobbed and begged, he pulled his pants down, just far enough to let her see him lunging toward her. There was no hesitation as he found his mark, and pressed his way inside her, smashing her to the ground with each thrust as she screamed and groaned in anguish. He slapped her again, and this time drew blood. There was blood dripping from her mouth, and she was lying in a sea of it as he raped her. Her back was torn to shreds by the straw and the floor, and she lay gasping with pain and terror as he came, and then slapped her h
ard again. But there was no fight left in her now. There was no point. She lay crumpled and beaten, as he stood up and pulled up his pants. He picked up his bottle and took a gulp and then laughed as he looked down at Crystal.

  You better wash up before you go home, Sis. He laughed again and slammed the barn door as he went back to his wife, and left Crystal lying on the barn floor, bleeding and broken and wanting to die. She lay there and sobbed until there were no tears left. There was nothing. She wanted to die as she lay there. It was a long time before she crawled to her knees, and staggered to the hose they used to fill the horse trough. She let the water run as she retched and poured the cold water over her, washing her face and her arms, and then she looked down at her torn jeans and the shreds of her underwear and the blood he had smeared over her as he took her. She sank to her knees again, whimpering softly. She couldn't go home again. She couldn't explain it to them. She couldn't tell anyone. Somehow they would blame it on her. And with trembling legs she stumbled into the horse stall, and clutching the old pinto by his mane, she led him from his stall and swung herself onto his back in the cool night air, and riding slowly across the fields, she went back to the Websters'. She had left them only two hours before, and she saw their lights come into view as she began to sob again. Her whole body ached and she was caked with blood and half naked. The pinto stopped in their garden, and she slid from his back as Boyd saw her from the window and hurried out to her, with Hiroko just behind him.

  Crys ' oh, my God ' oh, my God ' He thought someone had tried to kill her and she collapsed mercifully at their feet in a pool of blood, unconscious.

  Boyd carried Crystal inside, and they laid her on their bed. Boyd took the baby, and Hiroko sat beside her and bathed her with warm towels. She touched her bruises gently, and when she saw her back she cried. Her back and her legs, and the bruise on her lips. It was a wonder he hadn't killed her. Crystal lay there and cried in the bed where she had helped to deliver their baby, and the next morning she sat in their kitchen, staring at them emptily. She couldn't have faced anyone but them. They had become her family, and she cried again as Boyd handed her a cup of coffee.

  I'll take you home in the truck. You can tell your Mama where you've been. And then we're going to see the sheriff.

  She shook her head miserably. Every inch of her body ached, and she hadn't slept all night. And she could hardly see through the shiner he'd given her. Except for the pale hair, it was hard to believe it was Crystal. But she knew she couldn't go to the sheriff. If she did, Tom would kill her. I can't do that.

  Don't be a fool, Boyd growled at her. He wanted to kill Tom himself.

  I can't do that to Becky and my mother.

  Are you crazy? The man raped you. Crystal started to cry again, and Hiroko reached out and took her hand.

  He must be punished. Boyd is right.

  But Crystal stood watching them through her tears in silence. It was her shame now too. And she was confused by all that she felt, she felt angry and frightened and broken, and for some odd reason, guilty. Was it her fault? Had she led him on over the years, without knowing it? Or was it another punishment for the way she looked? She wasn't sure, but it didn't matter anymore. It had happened. And it was just one more reason to get the hell out of the valley she had once loved, and now hated. She had nothing to leave there anyway except loss and pain and sorrow, and the Websters.

  You can't let him get away with this, Crystal. Boyd spoke quietly this time. But inside he was still trembling with rage. I'll take you home. They hadn't called her mother the night before. They hadn't done anything except take care of Crystal. She left her horse there and got in the truck with Boyd and she was silent on the ride home, thinking of what she would do now. Hiroko held her tight before she left, and stayed home with Jane, but Crystal couldn't even speak to her before they left. She was speechless with grief and shame and terror.

  Boyd followed her inside, and her grandmother was in the kitchen. She took one look at Crystal standing in the living room in a pair of jeans Boyd had given her, with her face bruised and her hair still matted from the night before, and ran to get her daughter. Crystal was clean now, but still disheveled. And a moment later, her mother ran into the room, pulling her bathrobe around her.

  Where the hell have you been? Oh my God ' And then, looking at Boyd, What are you doing here? He had been unwelcome in her house since marrying Hiroko, except for the christening and the wedding. But he hadn't been invited back since then.

  I brought her home. She stayed with us last night. But he didn't like the look in Olivia Wyatt's eyes, there was no compassion, only accusation. She made no move toward Crystal as the girl stood staring blindly at her, and Boyd helped her into a chair as her mother watched them.

  What did you do for something like this to happen?

  Boyd turned to face Olivia Wyatt again and with eyes filled with rage he told her what Crystal couldn't bring herself to say. Your son-in-law raped her.

  That's a lie! She flew at them both, and then turned on Boyd. Get out of here. I'll take care of this. And then to Crystal, How dare you tell him that about your sister's husband?

  She looked up at her mother in mute amazement. No matter what happened to her, her mother didn't care. And Crystal couldn't hide from it anymore. The woman hated her. Maybe she always had. But it didn't matter now. For Crystal, it was all over. In a single night she had grown up, and her last tie to her family had been severed.

  But Boyd was staring at Olivia in open fury. Look at her! She should be in the hospital, but she was afraid to go last night. And he had been afraid to force her.

  She's a tramp. Who were you with yesterday? You never came home last night.

  I did come home ' Tom was in the barn ' he wouldn't let me go. He was drinking. Her voice was dead, as were her eyes. Something in her had died the night before. Something in her that, in splite of everything, had once loved her mother, but never would again. They had betrayed her.

  I should throw you out of here. Go to your room!

  Boyd couldn't believe what he was hearing and he turned to Crystal and looked down at her with fresh compassion.

  Come home with me, Crystal. Don't stay here.

  But Crystal only shook her head. She had to finish it here now, and she wasn't going till she did that. Whatever that meant, whatever it took. But she was staying until she left for good. And somehow she suspected her mother knew it and was glad. She didn't know why, but she sensed that her mother wanted her to leave the ranch. And she would. In time. When she was ready.

  Boyd was looking at her. Crystal, please ' don't stay here. But Crystal didn't move. She stared at him with unseeing eyes, thinking only of what she had to do, and her mother strode to the door and threw it open.

  I told you to get out of here, Boyd Webster, or didn't you hear me?

  He stood with his legs braced as though to fight her. I'm not going.

  Do I have to call the sheriff?

  I wish you would, Mrs. Wyatt.

  It's okay, Boyd ' Crystal spoke up finally. I'll be all right. Go on home ' He didn't want to leave her. But her eyes told him that he had to. I'll be okay ' just go on home' . She sounded quiet and strong, and her eyes were old and sad as he hesitated for a long moment and then walked slowly to the door, with a look over his shoulder at Crystal.

  I'll come back later. He slammed the door and a moment later, his truck roared away as her mother approached her filled with accusation, but she wasn't prepared for what Crystal did next. As her mother turned on her with fresh venom, her arm raised to slap the battered girl, Crystal grabbed her arm, and held it so hard the older woman winced and suddenly shrank from her in terror.

  You stay away from me, you hear? I've taken all I'm going to take from you, Ma ' you and Tom and everyone else around here! Her voice was shaking and her eyes were suddenly blazing. She hated all of them, hated them for what they had done to her, for the love they had never offered her, and the pain they had repeatedly inflicted. Tom
's horrific deeds of the night before were the culmination of all of it. And for an instant she wondered if her mother had treated her differently since her father died, whether Tom would even have dared lay a hand on her. But he knew no one gave a damn ' what difference would it make? But it was going to make a lot of difference to him now. She moved past her mother, and went to the cupboard where her father had kept his guns. They were all still there, except the ones Jared used, and she was taking one, as her mother began to scream, and her brother walked in the door, and looked at the hysterical scene with total confusion.

  What the hell ' Crys ' for chrissake, Sis, what are you doing? He saw the look in her eyes and thought she was going after their mother, as Olivia screamed incoherently, and their grandmother stared in mute horror.

  Stay out of this, Jar! She pointed the gun briefly at him, and when he saw her looking at him, he thought for a minute that she had gone crazy.

  Give me that! He reached for the gun, and she butted him with it, just hard enough to let him know she meant business.

  She's going to kill Tom! Her mother screamed, and Crystal turned on her with the rage none of them had ever seen before, the rage that had been building for months, born of helplessness and despair, and the sorrow of losing her father, and the total frustration of watching Tom destroy everything he had worked so hard to build. But none of them understood that.

  You're damn right I am! She looked Jared straight in the eye, and all vestiges of childhood had fallen from her. She looked almost beautiful as she stood there in the white heat of her anger, in spite of her uncombed hair and the ugly hue of her bruises. And if you want to know why, go look in the barn.

  What the hell's he done now? Jared looked worried, he'd probably gotten drunk again, and shot one of the horses. But he was more worried about what his sister was about to do in retaliation.