by J. Nathan
I knew it was irrational given what happened in the pool, but I needed to get into the locker room to see if he was okay. After seeing him unconscious, the reasons I’d hated him so much in the beginning didn’t seem so important anymore. He’d been nothing but kind to me. I don’t know what made him smile at Cole’s wake, but that wasn’t the guy I’d gotten to know. The guy I’d tried to kiss.
When the game ended and we somehow recorded a win, I hurried into the locker room, my eyes shooting around. Caden was nowhere to be found, nor were the trainers. Minutes ticked by as I waited for the coaches to file out of Coach Burns’ temporary office after their post-game meeting. Then I slipped inside. Coach’s head lifted from the papers in front of him.
“How is he?” I asked.
“I’m heading to the hospital right now to see for myself.”
My eyes jumped around the office. Arkansas burgundy surrounded us. My eyes settled uncomfortably back on Coach Burns. “Mind if I come with you?”
He stared back at me. The fear in my eyes must’ve been a stark reminder to him that I’d lost my brother on a football field. That I wasn’t there the day he died. That I wasn’t like everyone else. Things affected me differently than other people.
Coach’s lips pressed into a tight line before he nodded.
Caden
“You look like shit.”
With my head pounding like a motherfucker, it took some effort, but my eyes opened slowly. I almost smiled at the sight of Finlay in the chair beside my hospital bed. If it had to be someone, I was glad it was Finlay and not any of the guys. They would’ve bombarded me with questions about my injuries and made me feel like a dick for getting hurt. “Thanks,” I mumbled, wondering how long I’d been asleep and how long she’d been there. Machines beeped around me. Wires were attached to my arms and chest. And my body still ached liked a son of a bitch.
“So, what’s the diagnosis?” she asked nonchalantly, though the quiver in her voice told me she was worried.
“Pulled quad muscle.”
“Nothing’s broken?” Her voice was incredulous.
“Don’t sound so surprised.”
“I heard your bones crack.”
“It looked worse than it was.” I couldn’t tell her how much my leg ached. I couldn’t tell anyone. At least it wasn’t my arm. “Fucking Grady missed the block.”
“We’ve got to get him and Yvette together,” she said matter-of-factly.
“What?”
“Sitting next to her on the bus earned you a great practice. The guy looked amazing out there. Just think how he’d do in a game if they were getting busy.”
“Getting busy?” I choked out a laugh. How the fuck could I laugh at a time like that?
Finlay smiled at her own corniness, and I liked that she had.
“You think she’ll be that explosive in the sack?”
She shrugged. “It’s always the quiet ones.”
I raised a brow. “Is it now?”
Her mouth parted, before she stumbled all over her words. “Well…I…I think she needs a push.” She slipped out her phone. “I’ll let her know I’m not coming back to the room.”
Oh, this was getting good. “Where you gonna be?”
She glanced up from her phone. “I can stay in the lobby.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Stay here.”
Her brows shot up. “Here?” Her eyes appraised my single room. “This chair isn’t exactly comfortable.”
I patted the mattress beside me. “I have a perfectly comfortable bed right here.”
Instead of the amusement I anticipated, anger clouded her green eyes. “Says the guy with the girlfriend who’d likely kick his ass if she found out he shared a bed with a girl who wasn’t her.”
The cold clip to her voice and the way she glared at me with disdain pissed me the hell off. I thought she’d moved past whatever irked her about me. And, God dammit, she was the one who damn near kissed me the previous night. If anyone had forgotten I had a girlfriend, it was her. “I’d never cheat.”
Finlay’s eyes splayed. “I wasn’t implying—”
“I’m not like that,” I said, cutting her off.
She shook her head. “I didn’t say you were.”
“I’d break up with someone before I ever cheated.”
“Fine.” Finlay shuffled in her seat, clearly uncomfortable with the direction our conversation had taken. A long silence passed before she spoke again. “I brought your stuff.”
I spotted my bag on the floor beside her chair. “Thanks.”
She nodded before another long silence passed between us. “Have you spoken to your family?”
I shook my head. “I’m a big boy.”
She rolled her eyes. “That’s what they all say.”
I reached for the tie on the hospital gown they made me wear, calling her bluff. “Care to find out?”
Her mouth opened then closed just as quickly. I loved unnerving her. “Coach’ll be here any minute. He’s talking to your doctors right now,” she said, trying to stop me from disrobing.
I nodded, inwardly laughing at how flustered she got at the thought of seeing me naked. “He’s got to make sure his investment can play.”
She cocked her head, her eyes searching my face. “You do realize he cares about you, right? He didn’t rush over here as soon as the game ended to make sure his investment was okay. He rushed here to make sure his player was okay.”
“How do you know?”
She shrugged, and for the first time it seemed like she was hiding something. Like she knew something I didn’t know. “He’s a good man.”
My lips twisted as I considered her certainty. He was a good man. And a great coach. But football was a business, and he played his part, knowing his job depended on whether we won or lost. He needed me out there. “So why are you here?”
“Are you kidding? I’m making sure my investment doesn’t blow it and take the rest of the team down with him.”
I laughed. “Your investment?”
“I’m invested in whether you win or lose. And your quest to bring the idiots together. It wasn’t a job I’d planned on. But I’m gonna make sure I follow it through to the end.”
I loved her ability to joke while keeping a straight face. “I’m glad you’re here.”
She nodded, quietly fidgeting with the hem of her Alabama T-shirt.
“So, what are our plans for tonight?”
Her eyes flashed up, determined and serious. “If I decide to stay here, which I haven’t agreed to yet—”
“Yet,” I repeated, earning me a cocked head.
“I plan on sitting right here and talking to your sorry ass until the pain meds knock you out again. I’m hoping that’s sooner rather than later.” She laughed, and when she laughed like that, it made me look at her in a whole different light. One that showed authenticity and carried a calmness with it, blanketing everyone around her, including me, in a safe little bubble.
Finlay
My elbow slipped off the armrest for the umpteenth time, jarring me from an uncomfortable sleep.
“Finlay, I swear to you. I’m not gonna try anything.” My eyes moved to Caden in his hospital bed, reclined in an almost upright position even though the sun was hours from rising. “Just come up here,” he said.
I glanced to the white sheets covering him from the waist down. He’d opted for a pair of practice shorts and a sleeveless shirt that of course molded to every indentation in his chest, not to mention displayed his jacked biceps.
“I’ll stay under the blankets. You can stay on top,” he assured me.
I tilted my head, picturing myself on the bed with him. What if someone walked in? What if a reporter got a photo? What if being that close to him made me feel things I’d hate myself for feeling? “The chair’s fine.”
“Bullshit. Now you’re either coming up here on your own or I’ll drag my beaten ass out of bed and carry you.”
I stared back at him. Why cou
ldn’t a single guy—one I hadn’t sworn to loathe for eternity—proposition me like that? Why couldn’t anything in my life be that easy? “Fine.” I pushed my exhausted body to my feet and turned my back to the bed, trying unsuccessfully to scoot into the space beside him. I glanced over my shoulder. “Are you gonna move over?”
“Didn’t realize you’d have a problem lying on top of me.”
I glared at him, trying to disguise my amusement. “I hate you.”
He laughed as he shifted over a couple inches, careful of his leg as he moved. “I think you want to hate me, but you can’t resist the charm.”
I rolled my eyes as I settled in, kicking my feet up and reclining against his heap of pillows. My eyes strayed to the television. Recaps of the day’s college football games flashed on the screen. “How many times have they shown your injury?”
“Too many.”
“Yeah.” I winced at the recollection. “Once was enough for me, too. It was pretty scary.”
“Yeah, my nose ending up like Grady’s was definitely scary for me, too.” He knew that wasn’t what I meant, but his confidence wouldn’t allow him to show even a sliver of vulnerability. It made me wonder if he was in more pain than he was letting on.
More replays flashed on the muted television as we watched them in silence.
Way too quickly, Caden’s presence became all-consuming. He was a big guy, more so in a small hospital bed with his bicep and leg pressed against mine. His steady breathing just inches away from me invaded my subconscious. The rising and falling of his chest taunted me, reminding me this was the first bed I’d shared with a guy in two years. And this guy was charming and maddening rolled up into one hot package. The rugged scent rolling off him seeped into my pores, permeating all my senses. That was it. I needed a distraction. I needed noise. “So, what’s the deal with the draft?”
His head turned on the pillow. With his blue eyes zeroed in on mine, I realized just how close we were. And the breath I’d only been listening to was now fanning over my face. “Thanks for asking.”
“What?”
“No one but you and Coach have asked. They all just assume.”
Feeling awkward being so close with his attention solely on me, my eyes wandered back to the television. A quarterback being sacked in another game filled the screen. “I’ve learned never to assume anything in life.”
“You’re smart.”
“Obviously.”
His quiet laughter shook the bed. “Teams have shown interest.”
I looked back to him, but his eyes had shifted to the television. “Of course they have. You’re a great player.”
He scoffed. “When my line’s not getting me crushed.”
“Yeah, but a great quarterback will figure out how to make the plays without them screwing it up.”
“When you’ve got three-hundred-pound linebackers out for your blood and you’ve got no coverage, it’s easier said than done.”
He needed to stop blaming other people, even if they were the cause. Cole would’ve figured out another way to make it work. He never would’ve given up.
“I don’t know if I’m ready for the pros.”
His words surprised me. “Why’s that?”
“Playing for Alabama has always been my dream, ever since I was a kid.”
My heart ached, knowing he and Cole shared that dream.
“After this year, I only have one year left at school,” he continued. “I’m not sure I want to give that up.”
“Not for the fame and fortune of playing in the pros?”
He looked at me with narrowed eyes. “I don’t care about any of that. I care about the game. And my love for the game. Once it’s my job, I can’t say I’ll love it the same.”
Wow. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d hear that from him. I almost wished I hadn’t. It just made me like him more. “There are risks in playing another year. I mean…” My eyes drifted around the small hospital room. “...look where you are. Next time, it might be worse. And then the pros won’t even be an option.”
He nodded. “I know the risks.”
Cole would’ve been just as stubborn. He would have stayed another year, knowing the risks and wanting to prove everyone else wrong. “How long do they think you’ll be out?”
“I’ll play next week. They’ll pump me with cortisone shots and I’ll be fine.”
“What about your head?”
“Hasn’t failed me so far,” he said with all the innate confidence in the world.
I sniggered, quite certain I knew which head he was referring to.
His phone vibrated on the nightstand, drawing my attention to it. When he didn’t move to grab it, I glanced to him. “You gonna get that?”
He shook his head.
“It might be your parents.”
He shrugged.
“Don’t you want to talk to them?”
His eyes cut to mine, staring for a long time before speaking. “My mom’s in California.”
“I’m sure she’d be on the next flight out. Maybe she already is.”
He shook his head. “I already talked to her. Told her not to bother. I’ll be out of the hospital tomorrow.”
“You don’t want her here?”
“I don’t want her worrying. She’s had enough bad shit happen to her in this lifetime. Don’t want to add to it.”
Though I didn’t know what he was referring to, I understood the notion of not wanting to burden others when they were in just as bad a place as you.
The silent television played as we lay there for a long time. Nurses walked by, some poking their heads in to check on him while others rushed by to see other patients.
“My dad’s a dick,” Caden said out of nowhere.
My head fell toward his, but he wasn’t looking at me. “What?”
“My dad. He’s a world class asshole. He won’t call, but I guarantee he’ll show up here trying to look like father of the year. I’m surprised he hasn’t already.”
“I’m sorry.”
He shrugged like it was no big deal, but the anger in his voice said otherwise.
“No, I’m sorry you got gypped in the dad department.”
He looked to me and, for the first time, I saw a heaviness plaguing his eyes. “I’ve never really talked about him to anyone before.”
“Well, I’m glad it was me. Because I can promise you one thing. I’ll hate him just for you.”
His lips formed a sad smile as his phone vibrated again. Still, he ignored it, his eyes moving back to the television.
I watched a couple minutes of the game recaps before my eyelids became heavy and the darkness in his room slowly pulled me into sleep.
Caden
“Son?”
I jolted up, startling Finlay who’d fallen asleep on my shoulder. We both sprang up disoriented.
“Oh, my God,” Finlay said, throwing her legs off the bed as soon as she realized where she was.
“What are you doing here?” I didn’t even try hiding my disgust as I glared at my father and his wife standing in the doorway.
Finlay’s eye’s shot to mine, realizing I’d totally called my father’s move.
“You were hurt. And your coach called,” my father explained, like it wasn’t some big act.
“Which was it? I was hurt or Coach called?”
He huffed in exasperation, his expected reaction when I asked a question he had no comeback for. “I’m driving you back to campus. You need to extend your leg which you can’t do on the bus.”
“I’m fine.”
Finlay jumped to her feet, grabbing her backpack from the floor as she high-tailed it to the door.
“Where do you think you’re going?” I asked.
She looked back at me, her body tense and her words cautious. “I’ve got to get back if I’m gonna catch the bus home.”
“Oh, no you don’t. If I’m driving back, so are you.” She opened her mouth to respond, but I cut her off. “I’ll c
all Coach.”
“Caden, really. The bus is fine.”
“You’re really going to deny me this?” I was totally milking my injury for all it was worth.
She cocked her head, visibly holding her tongue in front of my father and his wife. Her eyes danced across my face, indecision written all over her pretty features. I would’ve given anything to know what she was really thinking. “Fine. But I need a coffee,” she grumbled as she turned and walked through the door. Something stopped her in her tracks and she glanced over her shoulder. “First tell me how you’re feeling.”
A slow smile slipped across my face. Of course she’d ask. “Better now.”
She rolled her eyes and shook her head as she walked out of the room mumbling to herself.
A feeling of triumph swept over me as I watched her disappear into the hallway. Ignoring my father completely, I grabbed my phone from the nightstand. Leslie had been blowing up my phone all night, but I just didn’t know what to say to her. Especially with Finlay there and it feeling way too right. Like it’s how it should have been.
Leslie’s presence wouldn’t have brought me the same calm Finlay’s did. And that was the thought that plagued my mind as Finlay lay asleep on my shoulder and I had all the time in the world to think. About the almost kiss. About the way her presence made me feel. About the fact that she’d come to my aide.
More than once I found myself burying my nose in her hair and inhaling the scent of her coconut shampoo. It was all I could focus on. That’s not true. The side of her body pressed against mine required focus and control to keep my body in check. More than once I had to think of my stats to keep my morning wood from embarrassing me if she woke up early. And her lips. I had no clue how I hadn’t just kissed the fuck out of her with her face so close to mine. Just like in the pool, the man upstairs was definitely testing my resolve.
And even if nothing was actually going on with Finlay and me, I knew I needed to be around her. I knew I needed more time with her.
“Son?” My father’s voice snapped me out of my head. “Maybe you should let her ride back with the team. We could use the time to talk.”
I glanced up. The gray hair around his ears had spread since I’d seen him last. He’d shown up at one of my games last year, meeting me outside the locker room after the win. I made it known in no uncertain terms that he wasn’t welcome there. Someone who’d shown so little respect for my mother didn’t deserve mine. “There’s nothing you could say to me that someone else couldn’t hear.”