by Amy Ruttan
You’re smiling, Kainan signed. What are you smiling about?
“I was thinking about that time you boxed that soldier. Totally laid him flat on his back even though he was twice your size.”
He made a funny face. He wasn’t twice my size.
“The man was trained in special ops and he was broad.”
Broad is one thing, but “broad” is often confused with muscle and mental agility.
Kainan winked and Reagan chuckled.
What made you think of that? he signed.
“I was just thinking about how you’re very much a gentleman.”
He raised an eyebrow. Boxing made you think of me as a gentleman?
“Isn’t boxing the sport of kings?”
No, that’s horse racing. There was a twinkle in his eyes. I believe that boxing is the sport of manly self-defense. I believe many fine gentlemen were pugilists a long time ago.
“Ah, see—there you go. It is a gentlemanly sort of sport.”
Not anymore. Women box.
“Right, but still...”
Fine, I concede. So, you were thinking of me boxing and you came to the conclusion I was a gentleman?
“No, I was thinking about how you stood until I sat down, and that led me to remember your boxing.”
A smile quirked his finely shaped mouth, making her recall for a brief moment the way he kissed.
Now you are blushing.
Reagan saw him sign it, but she remembered the sound of his voice and the way he would softly exhale on her neck. It had been a long time since she’d desired anyone, because the last person she’d felt that rush for was Kainan. Since Peter had been born she hadn’t had any feelings like that. She had been just numb and existing.
She felt guilty for allowing those feelings to creep back in. So she picked up the bowl of pasta. “I’m glad you remembered my favorite.”
Kainan sat back. The spell that had been woven over them was broken and that was a good thing. Reagan didn’t have time to start anything up, even if Kainan was the father of her baby. Her life revolved around her son and making sure that he survived long enough to have experiences like this.
She had to protect Peter from hurt because there was always an expiration date. Kainan would go back to Isla Hermosa. Kainan would probably leave them again. Her heart could take it—Peter’s couldn’t.
* * *
The conversation had taken an interesting turn before they’d started eating, and Kainan was trying to remain a gentleman but it was so hard when it came to Reagan. He’d forgotten how much he liked being with her. She brought out a side in him he’d thought he’d buried long ago.
He’d forgotten about laying that officer out in the boxing ring after he’d laid into him publicly outside of the ring when he’d started bothering that Canadian nurse.
Men like that annoyed him.
You could still be a strong, alpha male and respect women.
If only his brother had learned that.
Or his father.
“Mama, why are you crying?”
His mother had wiped away her tears with the back of her hand and then wrapped him up in her arms, holding him.
“Are you sad, Mama?”
“Never, Kainan. Never when you’re here.”
Kainan had glanced over her shoulder to his mother’s bed and seen a newspaper. There had been a picture of his father, with his arm around a woman who was not his mother.
His father had been a beloved king, but his affairs had been notorious.
Kainan had vowed he’d never be like that. Even if he became King he would never be like that. Of course he’d never thought that he would be King. That was something he’d never wanted.
Never.
All he’d wanted to be was a surgeon.
Being King would be a huge responsibility. His life would not be his own anymore. His life would belong to his kingdom and the world. There would be no more privacy. It would be a life of sacrifice and stress.
Could he really do that to Reagan? To Peter?
There was no choice. He had to do what was right and make Peter legitimate.
He glanced up after they’d finished eating and saw that Reagan had fallen asleep. She was curled up on the couch, her head resting on the overstuffed armrest.
She looked so peaceful.
He hated dragging her into this, but it was the perfect solution. He would marry her and they would be a family. Then they would return to Isla Hermosa, and maybe he would be able to heal what was broken in his country.
There was a knock at the door. He got up and peeked through the peephole to see his head of security, Andreas, in the hallway.
Kainan opened it.
“I’m sorry for intruding, Your Majesty.”
Kainan held his fingers to his lips to silence his security guard and motioned behind him.
Andreas peeked over his shoulder and nodded. “I’m sorry...”
“What’s wrong?” Kainan asked hoarsely, rubbing his throat.
“Word has gotten out that the missing Hermosian King is hiding somewhere in Toronto.”
Blast. “How?”
“The papers here are running it. Though your picture is not in the papers. Just the story. Someone has leaked it.”
Kainan’s stomach clenched, and all he could see was his father’s face instead of his as he thought of that newspaper on his mother’s bed, stained with tears.
Dammit.
Kainan wished that he could let out a few more strings of expletives, but that would wake Reagan, so perhaps it was best that he currently didn’t have the ability to do that.
Please keep me informed, Andreas, he signed. Let me know if the press come anywhere near the hotel or the hospital.
“We’ve been keeping a low profile, Your Majesty. The only people on this floor are your security detail and you. Much to our chagrin, we’re letting you go to the hospital alone and trying not to be too obvious.”
Kainan smiled briefly. I know that it’s hard for you, but it’s for the best.
“What’s for the best is for you to remain hidden and safe until you can return to Isla Hermosa.”
I am safe.
“Your son is unprotected at the hospital,” Andreas said.
A cold rush of dread crept down Kainan’s spine. How do you know about him?
“I am head of security, Your Majesty.”
We’re done talking about this, Andreas. Keep me posted about the leak.
Andreas pursed his lips together and bowed. “Yes, Your Majesty.”
Kainan shut the door and scrubbed a hand over his face. The idea that news about him was getting too close for comfort made him think of his helpless son, clinging to life in a hospital bed. He didn’t want the press to find out about Peter. He had to protect him.
Kainan flung open the door and ran after Andreas.
Andreas turned around, confused. “Your Majesty?”
Don’t be obvious about it, but protect my son, he signed. I don’t want people coming to the hospital. He needs to protected at all costs.
Andreas smiled. “Of course, Your Majesty.”
Work your magic with administration, but please just keep Peter safe.
“I will, Your Majesty. Right away.”
Kainan nodded and turned back to his room. He shut the door gently, so as not to wake Reagan. She was still sound asleep, curled up on the couch.
He approached her and gently scooped her into his arms. She didn’t even wake, and he couldn’t blame her for being so exhausted. He felt guilty for not being there when Peter was born. For not knowing and being able to help her.
Kainan carried her to bed and set her down, covering her up. She sighed, but didn’t wake. So he stood over her, staring at her face and fighting the urge to touch
her, to run his fingers over that graceful neck and through her soft, dark silken hair.
To cup her face and kiss her.
Yet, as much as he cared for her, in this moment his duty was clear.
He cared for her and Peter too much, and in caring for them he would have to burden Reagan. Even as vulnerable as she was, there was no choice.
He needed to make Reagan his Queen.
Chapter Four
COMFORTABLE. THAT WAS her first thought. But she shouldn’t be this comfortable.
Reagan woke with a start and couldn’t figure out where she was at first. She was definitely not sleeping on the cot in the pediatric critical care unit, because it was too quiet in here and the bed was too soft.
She sat up and then remembered that she was in Kainan’s hotel room at the Royal York.
She heard a sigh and looked over to see that Kainan was sleeping next to her, still in his street clothes. He wore a dress shirt, but the tie that he’d been wearing was gone, and the shirt was unbuttoned. He was lying on top of the covers, his ankles crossed and his hands across his chest.
He looked so peaceful. She wondered how long she’d been sleeping, and when she glanced at the clock on the bedside she saw that it was nine in the morning.
Oh, my God. Peter!
She’d slept through the night. Away from Peter and the pediatric critical care unit.
How could she have been so foolish? What if something had happened to him?
She got out of bed quietly, so as not to wake Kainan. She found her things and quickly dressed, brushing her hair, which had dried naturally and now had a horrible kink in it. That was solved by tying it up in a bun.
She cursed under her breath. Angry at herself for leaving Peter’s side. She had been weak when Kainan had convinced her to leave the hospital. She had to be stronger. She couldn’t let Kainan sway her so easily.
Who are you kidding?
Even after all this time Kainan was the only one who got through her barriers, and she was angry at herself for letting him through.
Once she was dressed she snuck out of the hotel room, quietly shutting the door behind her. When she turned around, though, she jumped back in surprise to see several men in dark clothes loitering about the hallway.
They’d been talking, but stopped when she shut the door. They watched her with a sense of reverence, almost awe. Whatever it was, it was super-creepy.
“I’m sorry, miss,” one man said, stepping forward.
He had a slight accent similar to Kainan’s, and she wondered if they were Hermosian refugees as well.
“Did we wake you? These walls are very thin.”
“No, it’s okay.”
“We’re sorry if we startled you. Congregating in the hall before we all head to a...a workshop is not proper.”
“It’s okay,” she repeated.
The man nodded and the other men smiled, stepping back as she scurried down the hallway toward the elevator. She pressed the button and the elevator appeared instantly.
If she didn’t know better then she would almost swear those men were security guards.
That’s ridiculous. Who are they guarding?
She shook that thought away as she pulled on her winter jacket in the elevator. She pushed through the crowds of people in the lobby of the hotel and then went downstairs to the concourse level and took the Avenue from the hotel to the hospital.
That way she wouldn’t have to go out in the cold.
Reagan weaved her way in and out of the morning rush of commuters who were walking the concourse in underground Toronto from Union Station to all the tall office buildings that connected to the PATH system. When the trains came in the concourse level was flooded with people.
It was a great system, but so crowded during certain times of the day. Like now. But Reagan was a pro at fighting her way through crowds.
At the hospital level, she punched in her access code and took the elevator up to where the staff change room was located. She stashed her coat and the bag of clothes and changed into a fresh pair of scrubs and a lab jacket.
First she would check on Peter, and then she would do her rounds.
You’re not doing rounds anymore, remember? You’re supposed to be working with Kainan and you left him in the hotel.
Reagan groaned inwardly.
Well, she’d just stay with Peter until Kainan came to start his shift at ten. That was when they would head down and work with the medical students who were coming in.
When she got to the pediatric critical care unit the morning shift had started and Sophie was back at the PCCU’s desk.
“I’m so sorry, Sophie—” Reagan started.
Sophie looked confused. “For what?”
“I fell asleep...at my apartment.”
It was a lie, but she didn’t want to divulge the fact that she’d spent the night with Kainan, even though Sophie knew that Kainan was Peter’s father.
“I went there to take care of some business and just crashed.”
“Don’t worry about it, Reagan. Nothing happened. Peter’s stable.” Sophie opened up his file on the computer. “I don’t see any notes that you were paged.”
“I wasn’t paged.” Reagan bit her lip and sighed. “Actually, I didn’t even check to see if I was paged. I just woke up and raced over here. I was feeling incredibly guilty for not being here.”
Sophie smiled and gave her shoulder a sympathetic squeeze. “You have the right to sleep. We all know you’re always here and always reachable. Hovering won’t heal him.”
She knew that, but she didn’t want Peter to be alone. Like she had been when she was seven and had had her tonsils out. She’d been alone. Her parents had never come to visit her.
They’d been working.
She’d got a lot of pity then from the nurses.
Even though Peter was too young even to know she was there, she didn’t want him to be alone as she had been.
“I have to be here,” Reagan said firmly.
It was her duty to be here for Peter. Her parents might be standoffish, but Reagan had sworn she’d never be like that. She had to be there, even if she could use a break, but thoughts still ate away at her. Made her feel like a terrible mother.
“I know. I’ve been a pediatric nurse for a while now, and I know that you need to be here. Peter knows that you’re here, but you need to take care of yourself too. When he gets his new heart and gets out of here you’re going to have to contend with a baby, and then a toddler. He’s not going to know that he has to take it easy, and you’ll need your strength for that phase. Usually my sickest little ones are the ones who are the most mischievous when they get out of here.”
Reagan laughed and tried to picture it, though it was hard to see because of her uncertainty. “I’m looking forward to that.”
“It’s not easy to see it, but it will happen. I have faith that it will.”
Sophie picked up her charts and started to do her rounds of the patients she was in charge of. Reagan let out an exhausted sigh and headed over to Peter’s incubator.
She lifted the blanket that covered him and a smile crept across her face. There was a brief sense of relief to see him stable.
But she didn’t know what to do.
Not that she could do much when he was at this critical point in his life.
He was stable. Sophie wasn’t hovering currently. Sophie was doing her rounds and Peter was just lying there. All she wanted to do was hold him, but she didn’t want to stress him by picking him up.
So she just stood there, watching him, feeling absolutely useless and helpless at the same time. She’d felt this way before, but usually when he was ill and she wasn’t sure he was going to make it, when she didn’t have time to ponder these thoughts. To let them really sink in.
Now she did,
and Reagan didn’t like it very much. But she couldn’t think that way or she’d go mad.
There was a tap on her shoulder and it was Kainan.
You left, he signed.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that I had...” she lowered her voice to a whisper, heat blooming in her cheeks “...spent the night.”
Why are you whispering? Everyone knows that we’ve once spent the night together before. The evidence is right in front of us.
There was a mischievous twinkle in his eye and he grinned.
Reagan chuckled. “Sorry.”
Don’t apologize. You didn’t leave a note or anything and I was worried.
“You were worried?” she asked, shocked.
Of course. I went to sleep with you there beside me and I woke up and you were gone.
“Sorry, I should’ve left a note.”
Yes, he signed gently, and then his gaze drifted down to Peter and she could see hesitation in his eyes.
It stung.
She’d thought he cared for Peter. His hesitation now worried her. She didn’t want Peter to be rejected by his father the way she’d been rejected by hers. That rejection had caused loathing in her mother, and Reagan knew her mother blamed her for her husband’s distance.
“How did you know where I was?”
Andreas told me.
Then he frowned and pursed his lips together, as if he hadn’t meant to sign that. As if it were a slip-up.
“Who is Andreas?” Reagan asked, confused.
The man in the next suite. He saw you this morning when you snuck out.
“Oh.” For some reason she didn’t quite believe Kainan. There was something he wasn’t saying.
Once he said you’d snuck out I put two and two together and knew where you’d be.
“Of course.” She sighed.
Kainan frowned. What’s wrong?
“Nothing.” She couldn’t look at him right now. He wasn’t telling her the truth and she was having a hard time trusting him. “What time is it?”
Almost ten. Are you ready to meet the medical students?
“No, but I suppose we must. We put them off yesterday when I was called into surgery.” She smiled the fake smile she’d mastered. “Are you ready?”