Charma hated seeing his pain so much that she flinched.
“Don’t you dare,” he warned. “Don’t fear me. You know I’d never hurt you no matter how angry I am.”
“I know that.” She wasn’t afraid of Brand. “I hate that I did that to you.”
He glanced away, took a deep breath, exhaled. His gaze locked with hers. “Me too. I’ve had a lot of years to think about what I’d do if I ever found you. Bottom line is that you mean more to me than anything else. I’m going to try really damn hard to get past the pain. We were young and we both made mistakes.”
“You didn’t make any.”
“I sure did.” Emotion darkened his eyes. “I should have bent you over in front of me and bitten into you to claim you no matter what you said. You were mine. It was that simple. I should have listened to my heart instead of hearing your damn excuses. You wouldn’t have run out on me if I’d just mated you. It would have been a done deal.”
“It would have made things so much worse.”
“Nothing could have been as bad as spending year after year obsessing over a woman I had no way of being with.”
It ripped at her heart to see and hear such anguish from the man she loved. “I’m so sorry. I don’t even know why you still want me after what I did.”
“Because you’re mine.” His chin lifted slightly, showing that stubborn side of him that she remembered so well. “You’re the woman I love. Nothing is ever going to change that. We’ll work this out. I refuse to do anything less.”
His body relaxed and he lifted her suddenly and scooped her into his arms. She stared into his eyes as he carried her through the house toward an area she hadn’t explored yet. He strode down a hallway with dark, open doorways, to the lit one at the end. His scent was strong inside the bedroom, assuring her it was his.
She glimpsed a big bed, two nightstands, a chair in a corner and a large television on a dresser, before he took her inside a bathroom. He used his elbow to turn on the light. There were two sinks in a long counter that he eased her butt onto when he set her on it. He released her as he stepped back.
“Give me your hand. Your blood is driving me nuts.”
She had forgotten about the cut from the glass. She glanced at it, spotted the red stain on her palm. It wasn’t bad. Brand cradled it in his hand and shocked her a little by staring at her while he lifted it to his mouth. His hot tongue cleaned the small wound and his eyes began to shift a little. Dark hair grew out on his cheeks in a soft sprinkling. She lifted her other hand and brushed her fingertips over his jawline and the soft, sparse fur.
“You’re having a hard time holding your skin.”
He released her hand. “Yeah. I’m really a mess inside right now. Don’t worry. You know I’d kill myself before I hurt you.”
“I know that.” She believed it with her whole heart.
“Good. It would destroy me if I really frightened you. I need to calm down a little and get a handle on things before I mate you. I want it to be good for you but being in heat, I’m barely able to control myself.”
“You told me about this.” Memories surfaced of him warning her of what would happen when he hit those weeks. They’d joked about who would be hornier in heat. “We planned to take vacation time from our summer classes and lock ourselves in our cabin so I could take care of you. I just couldn’t remember exactly when it happened.”
He growled at her. “Now. My wolf is going crazy to mark you so I’m going to mate you.” His irises bled black, his wolf showing. The tone of his voice deepened. “Please don’t say no. Don’t deny me again because, to be completely honest, I’m doing it anyway.”
It stunned her that he planned to mate her right off the bat. “It’s been a long time since we were together,” she reminded him.
“You think I don’t know that?”
“We’ve both changed.”
He cocked his head, staring down at her. “The feelings are still there. You feel it too.”
She refused to deny the truth. “We’re both highly emotional right now.” His soft growl indicated that he didn’t like her words. “I just meant that seeing each other brings back a lot of memories.”
“It does,” he agreed. “But you’re here and I swore I wouldn’t let you go if I ever had you in my arms again. That I’d mate you if it ever happened.”
“Don’t you want to get to know me again before you make that kind of life-altering decision?”
“No.” The determined set of his jaw was something she remembered well.
“We might not click anymore, Brand.”
He leaned in, studying her eyes. “We’ll adjust to the changes. We were happy once and we’ll find that again.”
She wished it were that easy. “I hope that’s true but a lot has happened over the years. We’re strangers now.”
“You couldn’t have changed that much, hon.”
“You don’t know that for sure. I know nothing about your life since we parted.”
“What do you want to know?”
Her mind blanked. “I’m not sure.”
“I missed you. I dreamed about you almost every damn night. Did you miss me? Did I haunt your dreams?”
“Yes.”
“Did you wish you were with me?”
“Every day,” she confessed.
“Enough said.”
It was that simple to him. She envied his certainty. “How can you forgive me? I know you probably felt betrayed. I worried that you’d grown to hate me.”
“I tried.” He took a step back and blew out a breath. “It just never happened. I just wanted you back. I refuse to let you go a second time. I refuse to spend another nine years missing you and being furious that you’re gone. We’re mating. That’s not up for debate.”
Why are you fighting this? He’s right here. He wants you and you’ve always wanted him. Life is never this simple but I want it to be. She made a decision. They might regret it later but she was willing to risk it.
Charma reached for the bottom of Brand’s sweater. “I’m yours now. Take me if you’re sure.”
His eyes closed and his fangs elongated when his lips parted. It turned her on, seeing his reaction. She shivered with anticipation of what would happen. They’d strip each other, make love, and he’d sink those teeth into the soft part of her shoulder. He’d bite down until he drew blood and she knew it would feel incredible with Brand. It wouldn’t hurt or make her scream from the pain of the brutality of it. She wouldn’t be trapped under a monster intent on staking his claim—one she didn’t want.
His eyes snapped open and he inhaled. “What’s wrong?”
She pushed away the horrible memories of her first mating. “Nothing.”
“I’m scaring you.”
“I’m not afraid of you.” She hesitated, wondering if she should admit why he’d picked up the scent of fear coming from her.
He studied her eyes closely. “Did he hurt you when he mated you? Is that it?”
The fact that he’d accurately guessed the reason for her hesitancy surprised and saddened her. “You don’t want to know.”
Rage twisted his features. “I do. I need to know. Do you love him?”
“No,” her voice deepened with emotion. “I’ve always hated him.”
He stepped forward, invading her space, and cupped her face in his big hands. “Tell me why you mated him then.”
Tears filled her eyes and she had to look away from his. She focused on his lips instead. Ones she’d missed kissing. “It wasn’t a love match. I was forced to mate him. I couldn’t stand him but he was the pride leader’s son. He chose me.”
“Then why did you agree to it? For college?” Brand’s hold remained gentle but he snarled the words, his anger clear. “I told you I’d pay off the money your pride leader shelled out for your education.”
“My parents were in a car accident. It was a rollover crash and the engine caught fire. My father’s leg was pinned in the wreckage but he found the
strength to protect his mate when my mother’s clothes caught fire from flames shooting out of one of the air vents. He tore his leg free and used his hands to put out the flames and smashed through the back window of the car to drag her to safety.” She paused, getting her emotions under control. “Do you know what happens when a pride male is deemed useless? My father’s leg was nearly destroyed and he could no longer shift. His healing abilities saved the leg but he couldn’t put weight on it. It made him weak in the eyes of the pride. My mother suffered internal injuries and bad burn scars. She’s human. They had to take her uterus and she couldn’t have more children. There are four of us kids and I was the oldest. Three of us are girls.” Her gaze lifted to meet his gaze.
“I’m sorry about your parents.”
“The pride would have immediately killed my father if I hadn’t agreed to the pride leader’s terms. If my father died the only way for my mother to survive would be if another male wanted to mate her or if her children are mated so she’s considered family. A new mate’s protection would be extended to her children if they were too young to take a mate. Without that protection, she would have been killed and the pride leader would have killed my brother as well. No one would have taken him into their home to raise because he is half human. They couldn’t risk sending him to live with humans in case he had the ability to shift. It could have given us away for what we are. My sisters and I would have been handed off to other prides that pay for half-breeds who can’t shift. They would have used us as breeders. They—”
“I know what those bastards do. They took my cousin’s mate, hoping to force a litter from her.”
She nodded. “Breeanna was just nine years old and Megan was thirteen. I was eighteen and the only one old enough to take a mate to save our family. Adam, my brother, wasn’t even a year old at the time.” Her gaze held his. She needed for him to see the truth. “The pride leader would have killed my parents and baby brother and sold my sisters into hell if I had run off with you. That’s why I had to go back, Brand. My agreement to mate the pride leader’s son was all that protected my family.”
“Fuck.” He closed his eyes and his forehead pressed against hers. “You could have told me. I would have gotten them out.”
“And taken them where? Your pack and other prides would have killed them. If you’re not inside pride lands, you’re inside pack territory, or a lot worse. Either way, they would have been killed and my two sisters turned into breeders. It’s sick and wrong but just the thought of a bunch of males touching my sisters when they hit breeding age…” She took a deep breath. “Do you get that? They don’t wait until they are of mating age. Megan would have been sold to those monsters and she hadn’t even started high school yet. Hell, she never would gone because most prides think educating breeders beyond learning how to read is a waste of money and time. I also was afraid your pack would turn on you if you brought me home. We’re natural enemies.”
His eyes opened to stare at her. “You and I are not enemies.”
“I know that but does your pack?”
“They’ll accept you. Where is your family? I’ll bring them here and smooth it out somehow to make sure they are safe. I won’t allow anyone to hurt them, Charma. Your sisters won’t be touched by anyone.”
“They are fine where they are now. Megan mated last year to the younger son of a stronger pride leader in the lands adjoining ours. It was a negotiated deal when they fell in love, between the two prides. Percy, my pride leader, can’t harm my family without causing a war he can’t win. Their pride is bigger, their family really large, and they’d wipe out every male in my pride if it came down to a fight. Darbin, the other pride leader, accepted our family as his own when Megan mated his son. To harm any members of her family except me would be a grave offense.”
“Why not you?” His voice turned into a snarl again, his rage clear.
“Because I am mated to Percy’s son. I’m considered their property and not part of my family any longer. I’m not protected by Darbin.”
“You’re mine now to protect and no one will ever hurt you. Why didn’t you come to me sooner if you could have left a year ago after your sister and family were safe?”
“I didn’t know where you were. I thought you’d have mated by now anyway or you wouldn’t want me back. I only found you because the prides were declaring war on your pack and I saw your picture.”
“Us and our damn rules about not talking about our families.” He growled. “I should have given you my address and made you memorize it. I should have ignored you when you made that stupid rule.”
“It was safer for us both if we didn’t know where our families lived. We knew one day we’d have to part.”
“It was stupid. You could have come to me a year ago.”
“Why aren’t you mated?” It still stunned her.
“Why do you think?” He didn’t give her time to answer. “I never forgot you. I dated but they weren’t you, Charma. You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved and the only one I ever will. Women find me cold and remote because my heart is taken. None of my relationships lasted. You have owned me since the day you touched my arm and looked up at me, thinking I’d eat you.” He smiled. “I wanted to but not the way you feared.” He glanced at her lap. “I wanted to strip you bare and talk you in to wrapping those pretty thighs around my face.” He met her gaze. “And I still want you to.”
He straightened and pulled his sweater over his head. He threw it to the floor and Charma stared at his muscled, tan upper body. He still took her breath away. She studied the changes in the body she’d once memorized, his apparent, massive strength. His shoulders had broadened, his biceps were thicker than before and the inside of his right arm was marred by a new, thin scar. Her gaze lowered to his firm, rigid abdomen that rippled with a tight six-pack. More tiny scars adorned his lower stomach. She slid off the counter to reach him, her fingertips tracing a few of them.
“What happened here?”
“Fights. I came home in a bad mood after college. I spent a few years raising some hell. Just don’t freak out when you see my back, okay?”
She instantly walked around him and gasped. Two scars ran from his shoulder blades to his mid-back. They were deep ones, white lines on his tan skin. He spun, met her horrified stare, and smiled.
“It looks worse than it was.”
“I hope you won.”
“I did.”
“You’re bigger.” She peered up at him. “Your hair is longer. I love it.”
His gaze slid over her body. “You’re so thin.” His features tensed when he met her gaze. “Give me the address of where you lived. I’ll get them and bring them home, Charma. Here with us. I’ll take some of my cousins and we’ll fight our way in and out. I know it will be tough at first but we’ll make it work. I love you and I’ll love them.”
She stared at him, confused.
“Your kittens, honey. I’ll take them from your pride and we’ll raise them.” Pain clouded his features. “I swear I’ll accept them as if they are my own.” He lowered his body to kneel before her. “I know you hear bad shit about wolves killing young that aren’t theirs but I swear to you that I’d die to protect them and you. That shit isn’t true. They’ll be safe here and loved.”
She stepped closer and hugged him, pulling his face against her chest. “I never had kids, Brand. Thank you though.” Tears spilled down her cheeks. “That means so much that you’d accept them and get them back for me…if they existed.”
He hugged her tightly. “Why are you so thin? I thought maybe having kittens had changed your body.”
“You’re relieved, though, aren’t you?”
He hesitated. “The idea of you carrying another male’s offspring hurts but I would have loved them because they were part of you.”
All the reasons she’d fallen in love with Brand slammed home. Years had passed, things had changed, but the man she knew still existed. He had a huge heart and the fact that he’d offered to
fight to retrieve her children, face danger to do it, just made her more certain she was where she belonged.
“I just wasn’t happy. I’m not sick or anything.”
“Good.” He pulled away to stare at her. “I’ve missed you so much.”
“You have no idea how much I thought about you and how those memories of us together got me through every day.”
He released her and rose to his feet. “Let’s shower together and go to bed.” His gaze raked over her. “No more waiting, Charma. I’m making you mine and that bastard you mated is dead when he shows up here to take you back.”
“He won’t fight to the death over me. He won’t even search unless his father orders him to. He’d do a half-ass job because he won’t want me back. He’ll be relieved.”
“I don’t believe that for a minute. Any male would do anything to find you and bring you home.”
“It wasn’t a love match. We…” She hesitated. “I hated him. It became mutual. I couldn’t prevent mating him but I could control certain things. I sneaked pills to avoid ever getting pregnant or going into heat. He never guessed, just thought I was defective as a mate. After a year he became really angry when I never conceived and he grew bitter.” She watched Brand’s face, hoping he wouldn’t judge her. “Part of the reason he chose me was because he thought I could give him litters of kids and make him a stronger leader when he takes over the pride. I failed to do that and it pissed him off.”
Brand didn’t appear shocked or horrified by her admission. “I don’t blame you. Two people should have kids out of love, not duty.”
She relaxed as the tension drained. “I never want any deception between us. I’ve had to lie for years but I would never do that to you, Brand. I love you too much. I’d never deceive you that way but I had to do it with him.”
“He hated you?” Anger deepened his voice. “Why didn’t he set you free then? I’m guessing there was no bond formed? He could have just found a new mate without suffering emotionally.”
“He wanted to but his father refused to allow it. He wants to keep in his father’s good graces by obeying orders since he has younger brothers who could be chosen to take over the pride leadership instead when Percy steps down.”
Mating Brand: 3 (Mating Heat) Page 6