by J. J. Dorn
Jamieson took a steadying breath and looked over at me with a pained expression. “I want you, Jenna.”
“Jamieson—” I started but was immediately cut off.
“I know you don’t understand because I have made such a mess of everything but I’m still a man, Jenna. Can’t you see that it is hard for me to have you so close but not be able to have you the way I want? It’s torture for me.”
“I…I didn’t realize I guess. I’m sorry,” I said breathlessly at his bold confession.
“It is not your fault, it’s mine,” he protested, sounding defeated.
“Maybe it is best that I just go to my sister’s,” I tried to offer him some relief.
“No. I want you to stay with me. It’s my issue to work out and I promise you I will.” He gave me a half smile of reassurance.
“Okay.” I didn’t really know what else to say, I was more than a little confused by his outburst. I needed time to think about it.
Before he dropped me off at the farm he asked me when I would need a ride home. I told him I would just have my sister or Lukas drive me but he insisted on coming back for me in the afternoon. I was pretty sure he had to work then but I didn’t want to have another argument with him so I just let it go.
“Good Jens, now when you come around this next set of oxers I want you to really urge him forward. Make him climb,” Jacks relayed to me from the middle of the massive outdoor arena.
I was high atop a young dark bay gelding named Harold. I was rusty but it wasn’t completely tragic. I was slowly regaining my senses and balance.
I steered the tall gelding down the long line of fences and we effortlessly cleared them all. I leaned forward patting his neck, slowing him to a walk.
“Nice work. You get along well with him,” she said smiling up at me.
“Thanks. I think I had forgotten how much fun that is.” I told her and unsnapped my helmet.
“You made it look fun,” Jacks smiled at me, holding her growing belly.
I dismounted and led Harold toward the exit. Jacks walked slowly beside me.
“I can’t believe you’re going to have another one soon.” I said pointing to her protruding stomach.
“I know,” she said wide-eyed.
“Well you do make a good broodmare.” I joked.
“Thanks a lot!” She playfully pushed my shoulder as we exited the arena.
Jacks and I both were startled by a car door. I hadn’t noticed anyone pull in while I was riding, I had been so focused.
“Oh look it’s your husband,” Jacks teased.
I just gave her a “you’re not funny look.”
Jamieson walked toward us looking so sexy it hurt to even look directly at him. He was completely out of place in the barn with his trim navy suit on.
“Jacqueline.” he greeted my sister.
“Jamieson,” my sister returned with a hint of snark to her voice. She continued on into the barn and left me on my own to deal with my husband.
“You ready to go?” he asked as he pet Harold’s nose.
“Yes I just need to put him away real quick. I will just be a minute if you want to wait in the truck.” I suggested.
“Are you trying to get rid of me, Jenna?” he asked quickly.
“No, it’s just you’re not really in barn attire,” I told him plainly.
“Clothes can be easily cleaned,” he said before we started walking into the barn.
I put Harold in the cross-ties and began unsaddling him. Jamieson stood close by watching me.
“Here, Jenna let me.” Grayson, Jacks’ new assistant offered from behind me.
“Oh you don’t have to do that.”
“It’s no problem.” He flashed me his bright white smile that complimented his porcelain skin and dirty brown hair.
I stepped aside and let Grayson untack Harold. I patted the big gelding and told him what a good boy he was today.
“That was some impressive riding out there,” Grayson complimented me.
“Thanks, but I think it was mostly all him. I was just a passenger,” I told him sheepishly.
“I doubt that,” Grayson said before disappearing to the tack room with the saddle he had pulled off Harold.
Jamieson cleared his throat reminding me that he was standing right behind me and was likely ready to leave.
“See you tomorrow guys,” I shouted down the barn aisle and turned to follow Jamieson toward his truck.
Jamieson opened the door for me and I climbed up inside the cab. When we pulled out onto the main highway he finally spoke to me.
“You looked like you really enjoyed yourself today.”
“Yeah, I forgot how much I enjoy spending time at the barn riding with my sister.”
“Why did you give it up?” I could tell he was genuinely curious.
“I don’t know. I went off to college and started pursing other things I guess.”
“Why didn’t you start riding again once you moved back to Alabama though?” he continued to press the issue but I wasn’t sure I wanted to tell him.
“I was just too busy,” I offered, hoping he would buy it.
“I don’t think you would have been too busy to do something you clearly love that much.” he looked at me giving me a knowing glare.
“I just had other things I had to focus on,” I tried again.
“He didn’t like it, did he?” Jamieson had always been able to see through me so clearly.
I didn’t respond, instead I just looked forward down the long stretch of highway counting down the minutes until I could get out of the truck.
“Asshole,” Jamieson muttered under his breath.
I sucked in a breath and then let it out. “He said it was a silly hobby. He thought it was a waste of time and money. I don’t really know why I allowed him to keep me from it. Looking at it now I am ashamed at how I compromised myself.”
“I couldn’t imagine keeping you from something you love. You lit up today. I haven’t seen you that way in long time Jenna. It was nice.”
“Thanks.” I didn’t really know what to say to that but Jamieson was right. If you really love someone you don’t keep them from what truly makes them happy. It was just another glaringly obvious sign that Cain never did love me.
After we arrived home, I ate dinner and retreated to my bedroom to shower; I was filthy from the barn. When I stepped out of the shower I heard a light knock on my door. Still draped in my towel I cracked the door open. Jamieson’s heated eyes met mine and I shuddered under his stare.
“Careful Jenna, my resolve is not that strong.” he warned in dark tone.
“I…umm…what did you need?” I was shaken seeing the deep hunger in his eyes.
“What time will you need a ride to the farm tomorrow?” he asked simply.
“Oh I usually go mid-morning but I can see if someone else can take me.”
“I will be here to pick you up at ten, does that work?”
“Yeah, sure.” I wasn’t certain why he was insisting on driving me, but I didn’t protest either. He could just offer to loan me one of his cars but there was no way I was going to ask, so I just went along with it.
“I will see you in the morning. Sleep well, Jenna.” he said before turning to walk down the hallway toward his room.
I stood as still as a statute, still confused at what just happened. I watched him open both doors to his palatial room and turn to close them, but before he did he glanced up at me flashing a very sexy grin letting me know that our sexual tension was far from over. What in the hell had I gotten myself into now? And how in the hell was I going to sleep after that?
CHAPTER TWENTY
November 23, 2011
I had successfully completed my first year of law school and was almost done with my second semester of my second year. School was even harder than I had imagined. I knew it would consume my life and push me to my absolute limits, but I hadn’t realized it would change me so profoundly. Some people crack in that
type of high pressure situations, I however flourished. By the end of my first year I was in the top of my class and interning at a fast-paced law firm in downtown Nashville.
When I left for law school in July of last year I was still broken. I was functioning but I wasn’t truly myself. It took me finding myself again to fully appreciate how much of me had let Jamieson have. I also now realized how lucky I was to have regained those broken pieces of myself. School had brought back my confidence; it gave me an outlet and a priority to focus on. I wouldn’t say that I was completely over Jamieson Wellington, but I would say that I now knew I would never give my control away again.
“What do you think, Jenna?” Olivia asked me from across our corner table at Ted’s. It was Thanksgiving Eve. Audrey and I had come home for the week long break.
“Think about what?” I asked confused.
“The hottie in the corner?” Livy said pointing toward a dark haired man sitting at the end of the bar by himself. He was talking to the lone female bartender who was covered in tattoos.
“I think if he’s interested in her, he would hardly be interested in us.” Audrey huffed beside us.
Audrey was also excelling at school. She and I had discovered very early on that we made an excellent study group of two. Our first semester we had tried to study in the law library like all the other first year students, but we quickly learned that was an epic mistake. Neither one of us had been prepared for the level of petty drama that would take place at school. The library was the epi center for it all. Our apartment quickly became our safe haven. It was the only place we would study, since it was imperative to do so every day. Law school was kind of like the Hunger Games, if you could survive the daily reaping of being called on by volunteering as tribute, then you were more likely to survive because it was on your terms not the professors. This was a strategy that had been working well for Audrey and I so we studied our asses off every day to stay one step ahead.
“Maybe I should get a tattoo,” Olivia mused.
“Really?” Audrey questioned her.
I faintly listened to my friends battle over what was more unique having a tattoo or not having one as I studied the guy across the bar. There was something very familiar about him but I was too far away and his back was too me. The way he held himself reminded me of someone, but who evaded me. It really annoyed me.
“Do you guys want another round?” I asked the girls.
“You bet your ass we do. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I have to spend it with my step-monster and my Dad so I will be downing as much alcohol as humanly possible.” Livy said handing me their empty glasses to take to the bar.
I headed over to the female bartender and the hot mystery guy.
“And don’t make a move on the hottie at the bar I called dibs!” Livy yelled across the bar to me which was incredibly embarrassing.
I knew the guy had heard and when I looked in his direction his eyes met mine and I knew instantly who the dark stranger was.
“Hello Jenna,” he said as I approached.
“Hello Ethan,” I greeted him coolly.
“I thought you moved to Nashville.”
“I did. I’m just home for Thanksgiving,” I explained.
“Oh, you here with your friends?” he asked turning around to look at Audrey and Olivia. They were of course watching mouths hanging open in astonishment.
“Yes,” I offered nothing more.
“What can I get you honey?” The beautiful bartender asked me.
“Three more mojitos please,” I told her with a smile.
“No problem.” She went to work on our drinks.
I could feel Ethan staring, analyzing me.
“What?” I asked him, slightly unnerved by his scrutiny.
“Nothing.” He continued to sip his drink.
I tried to ignore him and willed the bartender to hurry up.
“Have you talked to him?” he asked into the distance separating us.
I knew who he was referring to but I didn’t want to think about him. I was in a good place now; I was moving on, I didn’t want to get pulled back under again.
“No,” I said sternly.
“What a fucking moron,” he muttered under his breath.
I don’t know why it ticked me off that he was calling his brother a moron, I mean he was a moron for what he had done and then some, but I didn’t really think Ethan had a right be such a harsh critic.
“That’s a little like the pot calling the kettle black, don’t you think?” I said with grit to my voice.
“Touché, I see someone has enlightened you about me.” He mused.
“Yes, you could say I have had a complete enlightenment about the Wellington brothers.” I bit back at him.
He laughed a cold almost evil laugh at my hostility. “He really did a number on you, didn’t he?”
That was it, I was pissed now. “You know what Ethan; you’re a dick and an asshole. My sister warned me about your family. She told me not to get involved with your brother and I didn’t listen. She was right, you’re toxic and so is your brother.”
I watched as his face changed into regret at my words.
“How is she?” he asked somberly.
I felt bad instantly, even though Ethan was a complete jackass I could tell he was still tormented by the past. “She is good, really good. She has a daughter now.”
“I’m glad for her.”
“Here you go, sweetheart.” The bartender handed me three drinks.
“Thanks, keep the tab open,” I said handing her my debit card.
I was just about to turn and walk back to my table when Ethan spoke up again. “You know, he’s coming back. He can’t keep up this charade much longer.”
I didn’t really know what he was referring to but I guessed he meant Jamieson was going to be coming back from London. “It doesn’t matter.”
“If only that were true, Jenna,” He slyly smiled.
“It is true. None of it mattered and it certainly doesn’t matter now.” I told him defiantly.
“Maybe not but I know my little brother and when he sets his mind to something—nothing will stop him.”
“What he did was inexcusable. There is no coming back from that Ethan,” I said softly.
“He will try, Jenna. Lord knows he will try, so you best get prepared for that,” Ethan warned.
“I really doubt he will, but thanks for the heads up.” I shrugged at him.
Ethan studied my face and then his face lit up in a sexy smile. “You look so much like her, do you know that, Jenna?”
“Yes I do. Jacqueline and I share a lot of traits,” I continued to smile at him.
“Have a good night, Ethan.” I said as I turned and started toward my friends.
“Jenna…” he called out, forcing me to pause and look back at him.
“I really did love her. You know that right?” Ethan said desperately almost like a he was pleading for his life.
I nodded my head in acknowledgement. “I know that and so does she.”
I smiled at him one last time and walked away.
My heart broke for Ethan a little bit; as much as he had screwed things up with Jacks, I could see he was devastated even now. It made me wonder if Jamieson felt the same way and what my reaction would be if he was ever to be so candid about his feelings. I immediately dismissed that thought when I remembered I had walked in on Jamieson engaged in a threesome. He hadn’t just cheated on me, he made me look like an absolute fool and I refused to play that part again. I had learned my lesson. I was done and if Jamieson Wellington decided he was dumb enough to come back into my life a second time, I would not be so naïve this time around.
Audrey, Livy and I stayed at the bar until it closed. We laughed and chatted about school. Olivia had told us all about her job at the advertising firm. She loved it and had already been promoted. I knew she was going to be extremely successful, there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that girl was going to rule that firm one day. A
udrey and I quizzed her for details on what her dating life had been like since we left for Vanderbilt, but Livy was like a steel trap not giving us any real information. All she would tell us is that she had been seeing someone on and off. I was very curious about the mystery guy but I knew Livy would tell us only when she was ready.
I had outed Audrey to Livy about dating a new guy at school, his name was Brad. He was a total preppy frat guy but Audrey seemed to like him okay. He was in med school and was equally as busy so they had only gone out on a few dates. She seemed excited about him and I was happy for her, but I couldn’t help but compare Brad to Derrick. As much as Derrick could get on my nerves I could tell there had been something between them. I also knew for a fact they still talked all the time. Audrey doesn’t always tell me because she thinks that it reminds me of Jamieson. I haven’t told her that I knew they talk often, I just let her think it’s a secret. I can always tell when she has talked to him as she gets giddy and smiley for hours after. I had a sinking suspicion that Brad couldn’t do that and only Derrick could, which scared me. Derrick was a playboy and quite frankly a bit of a douche. I worried Audrey may just be setting herself up for the ultimate fall.
When we left the bar, we turned down the side alley to get to the main street to hail a cab. It was cold and all three of us were bundled up and huddled together as we walked behind the bar. We were almost to the main street when the back door of the bar flew open clattering against the brick wall startling us. All three of us watched shocked as the tattooed bartender and Ethan stumbled against the doorframe completely making out. I felt like a voyeur watching as Ethan pushed the dark haired girl against the brick and hungrily devoured her lips. We all stood open-mouthed as he slid his hands down her torso and under her shirt. I shivered watching him take what he wanted from her.
“Get a room!” Livy shouted at them and we continued to walk past them.
Ethan titled his head just enough to look at us while he was still kissing the bartender. His eyes locked with mine and I saw a devilish grin spread across the side of his mouth as he moved down to bite the girl’s neck. And to think this was the guy who was just confessing his love for my sister and now he was practically fucking the bartender in the alley. What a prick!