by J. J. Dorn
Staci handed me her text book and I flipped through it highlighting a few key sentences. “Those are your levels of scrutiny and the test that accompanies them.” I said giving the book back to her.
“Okay but how do I know when to apply them?” she asked a little less hostile.
“You have to first ask yourself if you have a fundamental right at risk, if you do then apply strict scrutiny. If it’s not a fundamental right then most likely apply rational basis, unless it is a law involving abortion then apply intermediate scrutiny. It’s basically a flow chart,” I said finishing the drawing I was making on my paper.
I flipped my paper around and passed it to the middle of the table and everyone quickly began to copy it.
I grabbed my stuff and began cramming it into my bag. I’d had enough. Tonight had reminded me study groups were definitely not for me. I’m sure they all thought I was a bitch, but I could care less, I was done listening to Staci Crane whine and flirt with all the guys in the group. I had wasted my time and I wouldn’t be making that mistake again. I left the small room and walked along the stacks of books toward the main exit.
“Jenna wait up!” Cain called from down the hall of the library. He was met with dozens of angry glares from our fellow students quietly reading.
I slowed down just enough for Cain to catch up to me.
“That was really impressive back there.” He smiled at me.
“Thanks,” I muttered and continued to walk.
“You really get that stuff don’t you?” he asked.
“Yeah I guess,” I told him nonchalantly.
“I hope you keep coming to study group.” He smiled, showing me his million dollar dimples.
“I...uh…I don’t think study groups are my thing.” I told him.
“Oh, well damn,” he looked let down and it surprised me.
“I’m sorry.”
“Me too. I was really enjoying having you in the group,” he gave me a sweet smile.
“Yeah sorry it’s just not for me,” I tried again.
“I can see that. It’s just that I like hanging out with you,” Cain said, staring at me with a beautiful smile plastered on his face.
I didn’t know what to say to that so I just tried to ignore it.
“Jenna, do you think I could take you out sometime?” he asked boldly.
There were a lot of things I thought Cain might say to me, but asking me out was definitely not one of them. I wasn’t completely oblivious to his charms and he definitely was attractive. I considered how I was going to respond when I heard a voice in the back of my mind say, “What the hell, Jenna. Take a chance, its time.”
“Uh, sure.”
“Really?” he asked again.
“Yeah sure,” I repeated.
“Are you going to the Halloween party the Second Amendment Club is putting on tomorrow?” he asked me curiously.
“I hadn’t really thought about it.” I told him honestly. I didn’t really party in school. I found it best to stay out of the mix.
“Well, would you go with me?”
“Okay,” I agreed, smiling back at him.
“Great I’ll text you the details tonight.”
“Alright,” I told him.
“I’m really looking forward to it Jenna.” He turned and headed back toward the private study room in the back of the library. What in the heck had I just agreed to?
“You look great, girl!” Audrey said as she helped me with my name tag.
Audrey was also going to the Halloween party and she was bringing Brad, the med student she had been seeing lately. Audrey was dressed up in scrubs to match her date, she of course opted to wear just an oversized top with no bottoms. She added a cute belt too it making it the most adorable scrub dress I have ever seen. I had decided to be a school girl. It was a last minute choice from the local Halloween store, the selection was slim and it was one of the last outfits they had left. It of course was slutty as hell. The short plaid skirt and thigh high stockings were surely going to grab a few stares from my fellow male classmates.
“Do you think I’m making a mistake?” I asked Audrey at the entrance to the party.
“No. Why would you ask that?” she asked me, concern written all over her face.
“I don’t know. It’s just last time…I’m not sure I’m ready to date someone,” I told her embarrassed of my feelings.
“Jenna, it’s time you moved on—”
I tried to cut her off but she lifted her hand up stopping me.
“I know you think you have moved on, but you haven’t. It has been over two years and you have thrown yourself into school to avoid your feelings. I know he hurt you. I get that, but don’t you think it’s time you at least try to let yourself have some fun?”
Audrey was right. It was past time to get over Jamieson. I wanted to be happy and maybe Cain could help make that a reality.
“You’re right,” I told her with a small smile.
“I just want you be happy, Jenna and I know living in the past isn’t going to get you there. And I can almost guarantee Jamieson isn’t sitting around pining for you. He has surely moved on, so why not do the same thing?” she said giving me an encouraging smile.
“I know. I think I’m just scared,” I admitted.
“Well you have good reason to be. You’re going on a date with the most eligible bachelor in all of law school,” she kidded.
“Not helping, Audrey,” I scolded her.
“Come on, we need to go find our hot dates,” she said wrapping her arm around me leading me into the busy bar filled with law students.
Audrey had been right; I did need to let myself have some fun. Audrey and I danced our faces off. Brad and Cain seemed to get along great and I could tell they could easily be friends. Cain and I also danced. I must admit he had some excellent moves which was a huge turn-on. I hadn’t expected to have those types of feelings so early on. I knew I was attracted to him; I would have to be completely blind not to be. Cain was full of charisma; he was the life of the party. It seemed like everyone liked him and I knew he was smart. In class he always seemed to have the right answer. He was also sweet and that was incredibly reassuring to me. Cain had all the qualities that I was looking for and more. He was perfect, but for some reason at the exact moment he kissed me on the dance floor I didn’t think of all of that. In that flawless moment his name darted across my mind, ruining my happy moment. Would I ever forget him? Would I ever not think of him or would he forever steal my happiness?
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
I stayed in my room the rest of the afternoon and evening. I didn’t want to see Jamieson after our awkward encounter and truthfully I didn’t trust myself around him. The way he had kissed me had reminded me just how much I had missed him. I didn’t want to let myself fall for him again, I had done that once before and I couldn’t imagine the pain it would bring if I let it happen again.
I was glad it was a new day. My ankle still hurt so I had called my sister to let her know I couldn’t ride yet. I planned on spending the day sending out resumes. I was at my absolute wits end with my shut-out in the legal community in Huntsville, last night I decided to go ahead and begin and applying other places. It didn’t mean I had to take the job but at least I would have options, unlike my current circumstances.
I padded across my bedroom floor in my pajamas. I was dying of hunger since I skipped dinner, I needed food and stat. I opened my bedroom door to head downstairs when I heard voices coming from Jamieson’s room. I stopped instantly in my doorway trying to listen. I couldn’t hear so I walked across the hall toward his room but as I was doing so the double doors of his bedroom flew open and Jamieson emerged and he wasn’t alone.
“Trinity, I said stop,” he told her, swatting her hand away.
“It hasn’t been that long you know,” Trinity purred, winking at him.
I gasped and both of their heads turned in my direction. I pushed my back against the wall hoping like hell I would
literally just become a part of it.
“What the fuck is she doing here?” Trinity demanded.
“She is staying with me, which is none of your business,” he snapped back at her with a warning look.
Finally my wits came back to me and I hobbled as quickly as I could back to my bedroom and shut myself inside.
As my door clicked tight in the frame, I let out a breath I knew I had been holding in since I overheard voices in Jamieson’s room. My lungs hurt and it was hard for me to truly catch my breath. Tears began to prick my eyes. I was upset even though I wasn’t sure I had a right to be. Jamieson could do whatever he wanted. I had made it clear yesterday that I didn’t want anything from him, but it still gutted me to see him with her. She had been the reason he had left me in the first place. Even though I couldn’t blame Trinity for Jamieson breaking up with me, I still felt jealous of her.
It wasn’t long before a soft knock sounded at my door. “Jenna…can we talk?”
I didn’t want to talk to him. I didn’t have a good explanation for my reaction and more than that, I didn’t think I could look him in the face after knowing he had shared his bed with Trinity last night.
“There’s nothing to talk about, Jamieson. I’m sorry I interrupted.” I hoped he would accept that and go away.
“Please just talk to me,” he pleaded from the other side of the door.
“It’s fine, I’m fine.” I said and my voice cracked giving me away.
Jamieson didn’t ask this time he opened the door and found me sitting on the edge of his large guest bed.
“Jenna, please don’t cry.” He pulled me against his chest.
I continued to sob. It was all too much. Living in his house, being so close to him constantly and now seeing him with Trinity, I couldn’t take it.
“I knew this was a bad idea,” I choked out.
“No it wasn’t.” He held me gently.
“Yes it was. This is just too much, I can’t do it,” I told him through the tears.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated.
“It still hurts you know, even if we aren’t together it still hurts.”
“I know that,” he agreed.
“I know it shouldn’t, I know I pushed you away yesterday, but it guts me to see you with someone else, and I know that I have no claim to you, not now,” I said trying to regain my control.
Jamieson stopped rocking me and looked at me perplexed. “Jenna just what is it that you think you saw?”
“I…I saw Trinity coming out of your room after she stayed the night.” Now I was confused.
Jamieson laughed lightly and tucked me against his chest rocking me again.
“What?” I demanded pushing back against him, trying to free myself.
Jamieson released me and I stood crossing my arms over my chest in a defensive move.
Jamieson merely smiled back at me. “Trinity did not stay the night in my room.”
“She didn’t? Then what was she doing in there?” I questioned.
“She had to come by to pick up some contracts I was working on here in my office yesterday; she has to sign them as the representative of her parent’s company. I thought they were in my study but then I realized I had put the on the nightstand in my room. She followed me in there. I was just escorting her out when you saw us,” he smiled and stood up into my space.
“Oh,” is all I could muster in response.
“And you’re wrong, Jenna,” he said in a dark bruiting tone.
“About what?” I demanded still defensive.
“About having a claim to me. You have every right to lay a claim to me, because I have already claimed you,” he stepped forward and crushed his lips to mine.
My head spun in dizziness as his lips explored mine. I devoured every taste and feel of him. I had missed him so much. This was the Jamieson I had pined for all those months. This was the man I had fallen for all those years ago.
Jamieson pushed me down onto the bed. I willingly went and he pinned me down cradling my head between his huge arms as he hovered above me.
“God I have missed you, baby,” his voice was muffled as he kissed down my neck.
I groaned in appreciation and reached up, pulling at his white t-shirt. Jamieson yanked it over his head giving me complete access to his body. I ran my hands up and down his back as he made a trail of kisses down my chest. He came to the bottom of my pajama top and lifted it up.
He must have seen the slight hesitation in my eyes because he stopped. “I’m sorry, I should slow down.”
I closed my eyes as the realization hit me of what we were so close to doing. “What are we doing?”
“Jenna, look at me.” Jamieson said softly brushing the hair away from my face.
I opened my eyes and looked into his gorgeous navy eyes. They had always been my weakness.
“I want you—” I tried to cut him off but he stopped me by placing one of his delicious long fingers over my lips. “I want you, but I know that a lot has happened between us and I have broken your trust. I get that, but I want you to know I will do anything to repair that. I don’t care how long it takes, I am not going anywhere. You are the one I want and I will do whatever it takes to get you back.”
I blinked in disbelief at how much Jamieson was willing to confess to me. In the past he had always been closed off, leaving me guessing about his true intentions but now he was different. I wasn’t quite sure how I felt, but I also knew that I could no longer deny that I wanted him as much as he wanted me. I was yet again at a crossroads and had to make a decision that I knew could destroy me completely if I choose wrong.
I swallowed hard and went with my gut instinct even if my head was screaming at me that I was a dumbass. “Okay.”
A huge grin spread across his lips and he once again lavished me with kisses. I could get lost in his kisses. There was something hypnotic about them. I closed my eyes and let him devour me. I could feel my cold resolve towards him melting away with each greedy kiss and it scared the hell out of me. I was wading back into deep-end of the heartbreak pool and I knew it, but I couldn’t help but let the current drag me under.
We were taking things slow. Ever since that searing hot kiss, we would make-out anytime we were alone. Somehow, Jamieson managed to always keep things tame. Two days later we went on a date. It was perfect. Jamieson took me to my favorite restaurant downtown. Afterwards he had asked me if I wanted to join our friends at Gossips later and I readily agreed.
“What the fuck do you mean you made out with Jamieson?” Olivia demanded as we waited in line for another round of drinks.
“Just what I said,” I told her and a very wide-eyed Audrey.
“I don’t understand. You hate him. I mean I know he is your husband but you hate him. Don’t you?” Livy asked.
“It’s complicated.”
“Yeah that is an understatement. I don’t get this. I didn’t get it when you moved into his house and now I really don’t get you hooking up with him.” Livy was clearly frustrated with my choices. I knew she would see it all as a mistake. I couldn’t blame her for that, but I also knew that when it all blew up in my face she would be there with a shoulder to cry on.
“I get it,” Audrey offered softly.
“You do?” Livy questioned her.
“Yes, she loves him. She has always loved him. I could see it even when you were with Cain. There was that part of you that always belonged to Jamieson and no matter what you did you couldn’t change that fact,” Audrey said smiling softly at me.
I knew what Audrey was saying was the truth but it was truth I hadn’t fully admitted to myself, but now that it was out in the open, there was no denying it.
“Thank you Audrey,” I said hugging her. It was comforting to know she wasn’t judging me.
“Is that true Jenna? Do you love him?” Livy asked softly now.
“I don’t think I ever really stopped,” I said shrugging my shoulders and giving her a half smile.
�
��Well hell, does that mean I have to be nice to him now?” she laughed.
“No, I think we should make him work for it,” I told her.
“Oh good, looks like the fun is coming this way.” Olivia pointed towards the door.
I watched as Derrick, Julian and Jamieson made their way through the crowd toward us.
“What are you ladies smiling and laughing about over here?” Julian asked.
“Oh we are just discussing how Jamieson and Jenna are back together,” Olivia blurted out.
“Really? Is that true JW?” Derrick turned to Jamieson.
Jamieson was however intently watching me and I was lost in his eyes. He closed the distance separating us and kissed me in front of all our friends.
I heard them laughing and cheering us on but I was consumed by Jamieson. I ignored everything else but him.
Finally, he pulled away from me letting me catch my breath. He however didn’t let me go he held me tightly against him. Our friends watched in utter amazement.
“Wow. Alright, I think that calls for a round of shots.” Julian laughed.
Derrick smiled and patted Jamieson on the back. Clearly they were encouraging our reunion.
Julian handed us each shot glasses full of tequila. “To Mr. and Mrs. Wellington.”
I smiled up at Jamieson, but I watched as something dark flashed across his face quickly before he tossed back his shot.
“Alright it’s time to dance and that stage is calling my name.” Olivia shouted as she grabbed Audrey dragging her to the dance floor. I was relieved my ankle was still bothering me so I could sit this one out. It gave me that much needed moment to analyze my feelings and the darkness I saw in Jamieson’s face just now. Had I missed something? I thought this is what he wanted?
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
May 18, 2013…