She put the flashlight back under the buggy seat and took one last look toward the heavens as she walked to the house. She’d have to make a practice of this—spending more time alone under the stars. That would be a pleasant practice on the prairie—once she’d developed the necessary discipline to do it regularly.
The front door squeaked when she entered. The soft glow from a kerosene lamp came from the kitchen doorway. Who would still be up? Certainly not Aunt Fannie. She’d be in bed with baby Jonathon in a crib next to her. Miriam should be upstairs by now. Uncle William was an early riser, so he would be long asleep by now.
With a soft step, Shirley peered through the kitchen doorway. Miriam was sitting at the table with a letter in front of her. Her face was lined with worry when she glanced up.
“What is it?” Shirley approached and stood beside her sister.
“A letter from Ivan.” Miriam held up the paper. “Aunt Fannie didn’t want me to see it before the youth gathering.”
From the look on Miriam’s face, Aunt Fannie had decided correctly. Shirley pulled up a chair. “What does he say?”
“Read it for yourself.” Miriam pushed the paper across the table.
Shirley squinted at the smeared handwriting. The man wasn’t the best or neatest scribe. She focused and read silently.
My dearest Miriam,
I know you think I have no right to such an address, but please hear me out. The news of your departure was quite a shock to me. It was so sudden and so soon. I had thought we would speak again about the matter between us. I can’t believe you considered me so lightly that you left without even one word of goodbye. Surely you can understand how I feel.
I admire and respect you greatly. So if you would, please give this letter serious consideration. I had hoped to talk with you in person here in Possum Valley, but you have left us with only the option of letters. I’m not much of a letter writer.
I’m so sorry about any hard feelings I may have caused between us, Miriam. I’m trying to understand how my actions might appear to you. I dated Laura instead of you after our rumspringa time, but let’s not cut off the friendship and possibilities that remain between you and me. How awful that would be. Can’t you see that?
I value your friendship greatly. I hope you will at least write back. This silence that now hangs between us isn’t for the best. I know I haven’t always acted as I should have, I willingly confess that. But I assure you that the affection we used to share was real. My heart was genuine.
You are a jewel, Miriam. You’re precious, and you will make a great frau someday. I know it may seem like a lot to ask right now, but will you at least answer this letter and tell me your thoughts? That would be a great comfort to me. I’m sure it would ease the uncertainty that grips my heart.
Your great admirer,
Ivan Mast
“What do you think?” Miriam asked before Shirley had time to gather her thoughts.
Shirley wanted to say, You should write back at once, and maybe we can both go back to Possum Valley. But that wasn’t the right choice, she was sure. And Ivan hadn’t really expressed love for Miriam. “I don’t know, Miriam. He hasn’t broken off his relationship with Laura. There’s nothing in there about that.”
“Maybe he wants to be sure about me first? If I accept his affections, then he’ll break if off with Laura. Could that be it?”
Shirley nodded. “There you have it. He’s putting you last. If you don’t respond, at least he has Laura as his backup.”
“That confirms what I’ve thought all along. It’s the farm Ivan is interested in. If he has to settle for me over Laura in order to get the land, that’s what he’ll do.”
“I see how it can look that way,” Shirley forced herself to say. Perhaps Miriam had been right about Ivan. He was trying to play both sides.
“Well, thanks for your help.” Miriam rose. “Maybe we ought to get to bed. Morning will be here soon enough.”
Miriam slipped the letter into her dress pocket.
The storm might be over for tonight, but Shirley knew Miriam wouldn’t let this go so easily. “You should burn that letter,” Shirley said at the stair door.
Miriam shook her head. That was a radical move and wouldn’t solve anything. “I’ll have to write him back,” she said softly. “But I don’t know what I’ll say.”
“You’ll think of the right thing. You always do.”
“Thanks, Shirley,” Miriam whispered at the top of the stairs where they parted ways.
“Good night.” Shirley closed her bedroom door. Moments later she slipped under the quilt on the bed and, between the window drapes, watched the stars twinkle until she fell asleep.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
On that same Thursday evening in Possum Valley, Ivan shifted on his buggy seat. He’d parked in the Swartz driveway moments ago, and Laura should have climbed out by now. Instead she was sitting beside him still chattering away.
“We raked the lawn this afternoon—Mamm and I did, along with my younger sisters. And the garden too, although that was weeded by hand, not raked. Mamm said something must be done about how things look around the place. We bring in Englisha people to buy things from the garden all the time, and things have to appear decent. Not that this would make the produce any better, of course, but for appearance’s sake. Englisha people are that way, Mamm says. They place a lot of stock in how things look. Which isn’t right, but that’s how things are.” She reached over to take Ivan’s hand in hers. “But all is right in our world, Ivan, isn’t it?” Laura didn’t wait for an answer. “I’m so thankful the Lord has given us all these gut things to enjoy. Sure we don’t always have the nice things the Englisha enjoy, but we have made the better choice. That’s what I tell myself often.”
Laura leaned her head against Ivan’s shoulder. “Even today I thought about what might lie ahead of us…you and me. We too can have the Lord’s blessing, Ivan. I just know it. In our future there’s a little farm somewhere…someday! I know I haven’t been seeing you for very long, so forgive my forward thoughts, but I can’t help myself. There’s so much about you that’s better than any other man I’ve ever dated. You’re decent. You’re hardworking. You have that excellent job at Beachy’s. And you’re handsome!” Laura laughed. “Anyone would have to be blind not to see it. And I’m certainly not blind. I have my faults, yes, but when it comes to men, I know what I see. And I’m so thankful that you’ve chosen me, Ivan. So very thankful. I’m going to be the dream of your life and a blessing to you for all your days.”
She wants something from me tonight, Ivan thought. And he didn’t have to guess to know what it was. Laura didn’t know about the letter he’d written to Miriam, but she must sense his uneasiness despite his efforts all evening to hide his feelings. Whenever he looked at her, Laura’s smile had pierced his confidence in the rightness of his actions. Confound the woman! Ivan told himself. Why is this so difficult?
“What’s wrong, Ivan? You haven’t heard a word I said.” Laura’s fingers traced his face in the dimness of the buggy lights. “Don’t you like being with me anymore?”
“Of course I do!” he protested. “But shouldn’t you go in now? This isn’t a Sunday night when we have our regular date time. And I’ll see you then, you know.”
She moved closer. “You’re with me right now, and I’m not in a hurry to leave.”
Laura would kiss him tonight again, Ivan thought. And Amish girls didn’t give away kisses without a reason. Ivan let go of the reins. Laura lifted her face toward him. He took his time, and her hands held him close. He finally pulled back to gaze into her eyes. “You are the sweetest thing, Laura.”
A happy sigh escaped her. “I’m so glad you like me. Can you come inside for a moment now? We still have food in the pantry, I’m sure.”
He laughed. “Your kisses are all I need, Laura.”
“I know that’s not true, Ivan.” Her fingers traced his face again. “You still haven’t told me what’s wrong.
”
His laugh died in his throat. He choked out, “It’s nothing you can help with.”
“Tell me, please,” she insisted.
“Just money problems.” He took a stab at an answer. Perhaps that would throw her off track. And it was, in part, true. Miriam’s farm was like money in the bank.
She appeared skeptical. “You shouldn’t have any money problems. You have a gut job at Beachy’s. You’re not wasting your money, are you?”
A wild thought raced through his head. Maybe if he played it right, Laura wouldn’t want to marry him. What Amish girl wanted a man who couldn’t manage money? If Laura cut off their relationship, he’d have the issue decided without being the bad guy. But then she’d be gone forever. And if Miriam didn’t return to him, he’d have lost Laura. Ivan gripped the reins in both hands. Nee, he didn’t want to lose Laura unless he was certain about Miriam.
Laura cleared her throat. “You’re probably just worried about what will happen after marriage. How you’ll support a family. Or maybe you think I’ll spend all your money. Is that it, Ivan?”
He chuckled. “No, Laura, it’s not you. I know you’re wunderbah. What woman could kiss like you can and not be a gut frau for any man? I just can’t give you what you deserve, that’s what’s wrong.” There, he had said something close enough to the truth to get by.
“Ivan, are you still thinking about Miriam?”
Laura’s voice broke through his thoughts with a jolt. Thankfully it was dark, and she couldn’t see his face very well. With quick effort Ivan pasted on a grin. “How could I think of her with you around?”
Laura stared off into the darkness. “You know she’s not right for you, Ivan. I wish you’d forget about Miriam Yoder.”
“Who says I haven’t?” Ivan worked to keep his voice steady.
Laura didn’t move on the seat beside him for a long time. “Okay. Let’s just leave Miriam out of it then. I don’t want to think about her either. You did choose me over her…didn’t you? Why would you want to go back now? Is it because you used to love her before you loved me? Or is it because she now owns a farm in the free and clear?”
“Laura, please.” His voice trembled.
Her fingers found his hand again. “I can’t help it, Ivan. I think these things, especially when your heart drifts away from me. I can tell, you know. Women can.”
“Why would I kiss you if I didn’t love you?” Ivan didn’t wait before he added. “You’re the sweetest thing, Laura. I wasn’t lying about that.”
“Did you ever kiss her?”
He looked down, and her face was lifted toward his. “Of course not!” The words burst out of him. “We never even dated.”
“There are such things as stealing kisses behind buggies and barns.” She still looked up at him.
Ivan snorted. “Miriam Yoder stealing kisses? I don’t think so!”
“Maybe that’s it.” Laura’s fingers tightened on his. “Miriam is more proper, and decent, and all that. She doesn’t have to kiss you to gain your affections.”
“Laura, don’t go there.” Ivan’s voice rose a notch. “Forget Miriam. Are you not the one I asked home from the hymn singing?”
“Yah.” Laura didn’t sound convinced. “And I’m glad you did. So let’s forget about Miriam and money and stolen kisses. Let’s go inside. I’ll find some pie, I’m sure.”
He shook his head. “We shouldn’t on a week night. Your parents will think I can’t wait to marry you.”
Her face fell. “Well, can you?”
“Please.” He tried again. “That’s not what I meant at all, Laura. I want your parents to think well of me—as a future son-in-law. They’d already wonder if they knew I kissed you so often.”
A smile crept across her face. “I can tell them I’m to blame for that.”
He squeezed her hand. “Don’t tell them, Laura. Let’s keep it our secret.”
“You’re a decent man, and they know that.” Her smile had broadened. “I’m glad you kissed me. I love you, Ivan.”
“And I love you.” He held her hand until she climbed out of the buggy.
“At least walk me to the door,” she pleaded.
“I’d like that.” He climbed down from the buggy and gave the reins a quick twist around the hitching post.
Laura took his hand. Together they walked up to the front porch. She paused to look up at him. “Good night, Ivan. I’ve enjoyed being with you tonight. I always do.”
He didn’t answer but pulled her close.
She clung to him until he let go again.
“That’s a proper good night,” he whispered in her ear.
Laura giggled and disappeared inside.
He’d handled things well tonight, Ivan thought. He strode back to the buggy at a brisk pace, undid the reins from the hitching post, and climbed back into the buggy. He glanced up at Laura’s bedroom window. Yah, she was watching him leave, just as he knew she would. The thought sent warm circles around his heart. That woman was certainly sweet and pretty. He was a fool not to ask her to be his frau. His letter to Miriam was a foolish move on his part. Ivan stared off into the darkness. What if Miriam wrote him back? What if she accepted his attention? But Miriam wouldn’t, Ivan comforted himself. Neither would she reveal his letter to anyone or expose him. She wasn’t like that. And if she did, there was a logical explanation. He could say he’d been heartbroken over her sudden departure.
What a fool he was, Ivan told himself. Somehow he had to straighten out this matter. But how? Well, he could pray, he supposed, like his people usually did about such matters. But that seemed wrong because the love of money had crept into his heart. He might as well be honest, he reminded himself. And the Lord had already said lots of things about the love of money. The preachers mentioned this sin often in their Sunday sermons. They spoke of sorrows that pierced the heart and left only ashes in one’s hand. He should have known better than to base his pursuit of Miriam on her farm, and yet he hadn’t seemed able to help himself. “And what man could?” Ivan spoke aloud into the darkness.
His horse pricked up his ears as if he’d heard. He whinnied long and hard. Ivan shivered in the buggy. There was no way horses could understand words, but he’d better not say such thoughts aloud again—even if only Billy was around to hear. Somehow he’d find his way through this. The resolution might come when Miriam refused to answer his letter. She was much too decent a girl to fall for his words anyway. He was confident of that. He relaxed as he drove into the night. He had nothing to worry about. He’d soon forget about Miriam’s farm, like he should have earlier. He could look forward to Laura’s kisses on Sunday evening. There would be plenty of those, he was sure.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Saturday morning Miriam was rocking baby Jonathon in the Byler living room. He’d been colicky all night, and from the look on her face, Aunt Fannie was exhausted
“Why didn’t you call me?” Miriam scolded. “I’d have walked the floor with him.”
Aunt Fannie glowed in spite of her weariness. “He needed his mamm, but thanks for the offer. I’m sure there will be other times when I’ll be only too happy to have you or Shirley take over. You both are really gut with him.”
“That’s nice of you to say.” Miriam allowed the praise to sink in. She was glad they could help.
Aunt Fannie stood. “I do believe I’ll try to catch a nap. You seem to have things under control. Oh, and by the way, later this morning there will be a surprise.”
Shirley appeared in the kitchen doorway. “A surprise? Oh, do tell us now! You know how I am with surprises.”
Aunt Fannie chuckled and disappeared into the bedroom without another word.
Shirley shrugged and returned to the breakfast dishes. Miriam settled into the rocker with baby Jonathon. Uncle William had gone out to open the greenhouse right after breakfast, and Wayne’s buggy had driven in an hour ago. Perhaps there would be a chance to speak to him later, Miriam hoped. The glow of the youth gathering o
n Thursday night still hung over her and explained her new openness to Wayne. She would be cautious, though. After all, this initial happiness would no doubt wear off before long, maybe even tomorrow when she would see everyone at the community service. Then her emotions might plunge like a rock. Besides, she’d probably imagined half the stuff at the youth gathering anyway—so many cheerful conversations and the kind acceptance from everyone.
Then there was Shirley’s reaction to the evening. If Miriam had imagined all those gut things, why had Shirley seemed so down all evening? Only on the way home had she seemed the least bit cheerful. Miriam stopped the rocker as baby Jonathon squiggled in her arms. She transferred the babe to a blanket on the floor in a corner of the room and slipped another blanket over him. He soon settled into sleep, and Miriam walked to the window to gaze out across the lawn. She needed space to think. Had Shirley’s sudden cheerfulness on the way home been put on for her benefit? This was a startling thought and seemed unlikely, but what other explanation was there?
She glanced at Wayne’s buggy parked off to the side of the driveway. Cars were already pulling into the small parking lot. This would be a busy day, and perhaps she should be out in the greenhouse helping. It would be nice to chat with Wayne between customers. Was it really possible that his attention was genuine and unaffected by the farm Mr. Bland had given her? How unlike Ivan!
The letter from Ivan still lay in the bottom of her dresser drawer. Miriam flinched at the thought. How did the man dare think she would even respond to such a letter? The nerve of him! Did he believe her so needy that she would cave in to such a strange relationship? Or was Ivan consumed with his own self-importance? Either answer wasn’t a gut one. She shook her head. She shouldn’t think ill of the man. The Lord judged hearts, and she should leave such things to Him. She would choose to believe the Lord gave gut things much more than He gave bad ones. And so why couldn’t He be blessing her life here in this new community? Hadn’t she prayed and longed for a place of peace, a place that contained bright promises for tomorrow? Why was she astonished when the Lord supplied her needs?
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