by T. K. Rapp
When I get to his truck, he opens the passenger door for me there is a small bunch of wild flowers that look handpicked, along with a note waiting for me in the seat. I turn to question him, but he just shrugs and ushers me inside before closing the door. As he rounds the back to get to his seat, I read the note to myself and get teary at his simple words.
We missed out on so many years together, but that doesn’t matter. You’re here now and I’m making up for lost time. Love, Drew
I want to know what he means, but I think the answers will come soon enough, so I just sit back to enjoy the ride. He starts the engine and we begin our journey, although I don’t know where we are headed. He fills the silence with talk about what he's been up to today and asking if I have talked to my parents. I had talked to them earlier and they notified me that they were coming in town in a couple of weeks, so I needed to figure out what I was going to tell them about us.
Twenty minutes later, he brings his truck to a stop in front of a bar on Washington. It's ten thirty in the morning, and we're at a bar? I know I have a confused look on my face, but he just ignores it and opens my door to help me out.
“What are we doing here?” I ask as I climb out of the truck.
“Five years ago, we royally fucked up. This is our redo.” As if that explains everything, he takes me by the hand and leads me into the bar.
“A bar is our redo? I don't get it.” Confusion is only second to my being stunned that the bar is actually open and a bartender stands behind the counter with two champagne flutes and a bottle. I tug at Drew’s arm because I’m not supposed to drink alcohol with the chemo.
“It’s okay,” he whispers, “it’s sparkling cider.” I take the glass from his hand and sit down to wait for an explanation. “If we hadn't messed up everything that night, I'm pretty sure we'd still be together. Annoying the crap out of each other and fighting all the time, but still in love and still together. There is so much I wish I would have told you, so many things that I wish we would have done different, but all we can do is start from here." He lifts his glass to mine, “Cass, I'm so glad you’re mine. Thank you for letting me in.”
Where the hell has my voice gone?
I cannot speak. This amazing guy, my best friend, my boyfriend, has completely stunned me. I have to find the words to let him know how much he means to me. “Thank you for wanting to be with me,” I say quietly. Fail.
We sit at the bar and talk for a while and enjoy the alone time. He explains that Luke knows the bar owner, and asked for a favor, which is why we are able to be here so early. Besides, it’s not like they are serving alcohol.
“So why a bar?” I ask him, realizing I still don't understand the significance.
“Because, had we not fucked up, we would have gone on plenty of dates and had plenty of sleepovers and gotten wasted in bars. I'm kinda bummed we didn't get that time, so I decided this was a good start.”
His answer still has me confused, but I just go along with it because after being here for an hour, he says we have to keep moving. Apparently we have someplace else to be. He hands me a small duffle bag and instructs me to go to the restroom to change clothes. Wherever our next stop is, it must be casual because I emerge wearing my favorite jeans with my worn college t-shirt and tennis shoes. I'm incredibly comfortable right now, but I wish I knew what was coming. My smile is big when I see that Drew has changed into a pair of worn jeans that hang perfectly on his waist with an old t-shirt, which just piques my curiosity more.
Another short drive later, we arrive at Luke’s apartment, and I see Nev’s car is here. I get out of the truck before Drew has a chance to open the door for me and meet him in the front. We walk, hand in hand, to the door and are greeted by our friends who look like a matchy-matchy couple. In Christmas shirts?
I turn to Drew in confusion, “What’s going on?”
“Well, since we fucked up five years ago, we missed some pretty big holidays, parties and anniversaries. We would’ve been a couple, and as a couple, we would have had Christmases together, and exchanged gifts. So this is a Christmas that we missed.”
He leads me inside and he’s not kidding, it’s our Christmas. Someone put up a small decorated Christmas tree complete with presents underneath. Drew walks over and grabs a box and brings it over telling me to open. I look at our friends who are smiling like idiots, encouraging me to play along. So I do as I’m told with a smile until find I’m holding a UT t-shirt. “I am not wearing that,” I insist, trying to hand it back to him.
“Oh yes you are,” he scoffs at me. “At least if you want to know how the rest of the day is going to end.” I begrudgingly grab the hideous orange shirt and start to put it over the one I’m wearing of my beloved alma mater. But as I pull it over my head, it’s revealed that he’s wearing an A&M t-shirt.
“See, as a couple, we both have to do things we don’t like,” he says wrinkling his nose at the t-shirt he’s wearing.
“No, see, I'm wearing something I hate. But this shirt,” I reach for the hem of his shirt and tug, “makes you look hot. Burnt orange has never, looked attractive on you, or anyone else for that matter.” We proceed to argue back and forth about the schools and why one is better than the other, causing Luke and Nev to get in on the action. I take off the ugly “gift” that Drew gave me, and toss it at our friends, to which he laughs and follows suit.
It's nice just being here and relaxing, no talk about cancer or my next chemo appointment. We hang out with the two of them and the guys watch some action movie that barely holds my interest while Nev and I talk throughout about work and plans for the weekend. We stay with them for a few hours and I enjoy the mundane chatter and comfort of being with our closest friends. Unfortunately, Drew insists I need to change back into my dress because we have someplace else to be.
“But it’s almost three. Where are we going?” I ask the question, knowing the answer.
“You’ll see.”
I change, once again into the blue dress that I have come to reconsider since this day has been so enjoyable. When I appear in the living room to join my guy, he has also changed back into his nice clothes; only he has added a tie to his attire. He takes my hand and leads me out the door with a quick wave goodbye to our friends.
Nine
Once again, I find myself the passenger in Drew's truck and I'm even more confused than I was before. I thought being with Luke and Nev was the perfect end to our day, but Drew has more planned. I try to hide my disappointment to be on the move once again, but I have to admit, my curiosity has definitely gotten the best of me. He drives toward my side of town and I get a little excited because I love living in Midtown and everything that area has to offer. He pulls into a parking spot in front of the art museum and I squeal with frenzy because it's my absolute favorite.
I know he's not a fan of these types of places, so I appreciate that he's doing this for me. I had mentioned a week ago that an exhibit was in town that I was interested in seeing, but I didn’t even think he was listening, however, when he ushers me out of the car, he presents me with pre-purchased tickets that leads me to believe the contrary. I throw my arms around his neck thank him profusely.
“I can’t believe you were listening when I was talking about this place,” I say as we make our way to the entrance.
“I always listen to you,” he says with a smile that lets me know he’s telling me the truth. “There is so much you have opened my eyes to for as long as I’ve known you. Why stop now?”
“It works both ways you know. You make me want to do things I’ve never done before and I think I’m a better person for it.” I tell him and grin because I know it’s the truth. I knew we were good for each other as kids, but I think it’s even better now. He leads the way through the museum and I stop to look at several paintings, explaining why it is I like them so much. I can tell he’s not entirely interested, but the fact that he’s here, experiencing this with me, means more than he can even imagine. He may never learn to
appreciate it the way I do, but he still listens and I love telling him about it.
We walk over to one and I get lost staring at the strokes, but moreover the feeling I get when I look at the piece. I’m so captivated that I didn’t realize he walked away and I’m uncertain as to why, so I move to find him to make sure he’s okay. “Hey,” I say as I approach him with a concerned look on my face. “Why did you leave?”
“No reason. I just wanted to give you some alone time,” he says convincingly as he reaches for my hand and pulls me to his lap. “Are you having a good time?”
“It’s been such a wonderful day, Drew. Thank you so much for everything,” I admit before kissing him. “But if you don’t mind, can you take me home? I’m getting a little tired.”
I feel his entire body relax before he answers me. “C’mon, let’s get you home,” he stands swiftly, taking my hand in his, leading me out the main double doors. As much as I love the museum, today, the solitude is almost too much for me to take, so I welcome the reprieve and long for the noise of my TV and whatever else wants to draw me in. Luckily, it doesn’t take us too long to get to my place but we talk the entire way there about the museum, the bar and our Christmas. He seems pretty proud of himself and the things he was able to accomplish.
“Thank you again for all of this, it’s been amazing.” I try to fight the sadness that enters when I think about him going back to his place. We haven’t discussed much beyond my next treatment, and I know he has to get back to his place, and even has a trip to see his parents this weekend. “What happens when my treatments are over? You can’t stick around here forever. You have a business to run and your family in Dallas needs you,” I admit in defeat.
“Don’t worry about that right now. We’ve had a nice day, right?” I nod in agreement. “Good, then lets just enjoy what’s left of it.” He reaches for my hand to offer some encouragement so I smile at him before looking away.
He slows his truck as we turn down my street, and I’m filled with regret that our day is ending. He pulls into my driveway and parks behind my car and jumps out of the truck to help me out. He holds my hand as we make our want to the door and guides me in gently. I wasn’t lying when I said I was tired earlier, and now I find myself resting my head on his shoulder.
He uses his key to open the door and steps aside to allow me entrance to my place. I don’t think anything of it, until I take notice of everything in front of me. All of the lights in my place are off but there are nine candles lit on the coffee table that catch my attention before I look at him for an explanation.
“There’s one for each year we have known each other, even our years apart,” he says with a shrug.
Astounded, I turn to face him, “What’s all of this?” He reaches for my hand and leads me to the couch so we can sit. I wait in agony for an explanation of any sort as to what’s going on.
“Five years ago, I lost you. I lost what we could have been, and what we already were. I couldn’t understand it then, but I do now. You know that I have loved you for a long time, and for most people, falling in love with someone when you’re a kid doesn’t last. But here I am, nine years later, and I can say with all sincerity that I have loved you all along. How I loved you changed over time, from that of a friend love, to more, to lost love, but it was always love. I found you again and I know that there isn’t another person in this world that I could love as much as I love you. You are the woman that I will love for the rest of my life.”
I look at him in shock as tears run down my face and nod in agreement. There is no way I could come up with those words on my own, but he’s done an excellent job of putting them out there for the both of us.
“Cass, did you know that I talk in my sleep?” He asks. My shock registers when I recognize my own words from my journal. The shock must be readable on my face as he continues, “The truth is, I don’t. There is nothing I say in my sleep that I wouldn’t say outright when it comes to you.” I feel the tears prick my eyes anew and try hard to catch my breath when he leaves me alone on the couch and walks to my bedroom. That only lasts a moment because when he opens the door to my room, my mom and dad walk in, followed by his parents and Nevaeh and Luke. I begin to piece together and I’m a mess as I start to piece everything together.
He walks back over to me and gets on one knee as he pulls a ring from his pocket. “Cass, I love you so much that it hurts to be away from you. I want nothing more than to be with you forever. I already know your answer, but I need you to say it so I can hear from you.”
A sob escapes as I nod for him to continue what can only be the most amazing thing to ever happen to me. “Will you marry me?”
I shake my head tightly as I wipe the tears from my eyes. “What about your business and your family? We only just found each other. What if you change your mind and decide we aren’t as good together as you thought? Or,” I, stop, revealing my…our, biggest fear, “what if I don’t make it? I don’t want you to have to suffer that loss.”
He just about stops my heart when he looks right into my eyes and answers each of my fears and concerns one by one.
“First of all, if you’ll have me, I plan on moving from my place and staying here with you on a permanent basis. Second, I already told my parents and they were so happy for us. Exact words were, ‘don’t let her go.’” He looks over to his mom to make sure he quoted her correctly and she nods. “And, we might have just reconnected, but I know what we have is special and I’m not willing to waste another second apart. As for your last part, I want you to hear me loud and clear. You are not going anywhere. You’re the strongest woman I know and I admire you so much.”
He takes a breath to relax as tears fill his eyes, “I don’t care if I have one second with you or a hundred years, I need you. I already talked to your parents, but I need your answer…Will you marry me?”
I don’t need a second to answer; I think I’ve had his answer in my back pocket for years, so I tell him eagerly, “Yes!”
I wrap my arms around his neck and pull his lips to mine. I know without a doubt that he is the one I’m supposed to be with and we have waited so long to have this back. He kisses me in front of everyone, but I don’t care who is witnessing our very public display. I’ll kiss him like this everyday if I can. When we separate, our foreheads are leaned against each other and he touches my cheek while I admire the guy who was and still is my best friend and has always captivated my heart.
We are only separated by the shrieks and squeals of our mom and Nev as they rush over to me, very aware of everything that’s happened today. We are all crying and laughing, taking on the shock of the moment that just happened. Drew stands to move out of our way and joins the guys who have stayed behind. But my dad, ever the big softie that he is, shakes his hand, just to rush over and pull me into his arms and cry.
“I love you sweetheart,” he says through a sob. “I’m so happy for you.”
“Me too dad,” I admit through a whisper.
He’s quick, my dad. He may be quiet, but he always says what’s on his mind, “If he hurts you,” he pauses again before continuing, “I’ll kick his ass.” I hug him a little tighter for that, because I know it’s not true, but it’s still nice to hear.
I look over to see my best friend, my fiancé, standing with Luke who looks over at us girls and asks him, “So what’s next, man?”
Drew’s eyes meet mine and he answers, “Everything.”
The End
One Year Later
Have you ever had that moment where suddenly you realize that your life is in a certain place and you don’t know how you got there? That’s how I feel today.
“Cass,” Nev’s voice sounds on the other side of the door. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I’ll be out in a minute.” I hate throwing up. You would think I’m used to it by now. The chemo treatments left me with bouts of nausea and vomiting for hours. But this shit is ridiculous. I feel like I’m throwing up every five minutes. I ca
n’t eat anything without it coming back up.
Morning sickness my ass! All day sickness is more like it!
I come out of the bathroom and Nev walks over to check on me. “How long is this shit supposed to last?”
“I wish I knew. The books say it usually ends in the first trimester, but I’m not sure this little human is gonna follow that rule.” I look at Nev apologetically. This is her day and I can’t keep anything down long enough to enjoy it. “Sorry about that, but I’m sure it will make it up to you when it arrives.”
“It? Seriously, Cass, you cannot refer to your baby as ‘it,’” she says offended.
“Well, I don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl so what would you suggest?”
She thinks for a second and comes up with a ridiculous name, “How about we call the baby smalls?”
“Why would I call my baby smalls?”
“Why would you call your baby it?” she snaps back quickly. “Besides, it kinda fits your snarky attitude.”
“Fine, smalls it is,” I say, just as Drew and Luke walk over to join us.
“What’s fine?” Luke asks looking between the two of us.
Nev speaks with pride, “I’ve just named their baby.”
Drew looks at me in shock, “Don’t worry,” I rest my hand on his arm, “just while she’s here.” I lay my hand to my barely visible bump.
“There’s just one problem,” Drew states affirmatively, “it’s going to be a boy.”
When I give him my “how would you know face” he just grins and shrugs, which always drives me crazy.
We return our attention back to our friends who have been ignoring our conversation in favor of their own. They dragged us out to meet them and we figured out already that they sorted some stuff out.
“So are you two going to tell us the date?” I ask looking between the two of them.