“You’re so arrogant,” I say with a flirty smile. Am I smiling because Conner got his ass beat or because every time I sleep with Ryder, it gets better and better?
He raises a brow. “You call it arrogant. I call it confidence.” I roll my eyes.
Jaycent takes a quick look over at Becca. It’s funny to watch them. They’re so obvious. They are sitting on the couch across from us at opposite ends of it. As if there’s an imaginary person between them. “You probably shouldn’t stay here,” he tells her.
She opens her mouth to protest, but Ryder beats her to it. “I agree.” Becca looks at Ryder with a frown. “You need to go stay at Mom and Dad’s.”
She starts shaking her head quickly. “I’ll be fine here,” she says, lifting her chin.
Ryder runs a hand through his hair. It’s still fairly damp from our shower. I look over his black button up and black slacks. I had washed them before Becca and Jaycent arrived. “I guess I could stay here with you ladies.” He looks over at me and winks. I pick up the yellow throw pillow and toss it at his face. He shoves it away and yanks me closer to him. He gives me a rough kiss that leaves me dizzy.
When I manage to pull away, I look over at Becca, and she is looking at Jaycent with a look of disappointment. I turn back to Ryder. “Why don’t I stay with you?” I offer.
“I don’t think …”
“That’s a great idea,” Becca says excitedly.
Ryder looks at her and frowns. “Who will stay with you?’
“Jaycent can stay with her,” I say, and Becca’s smile widens. Jaycent raises his hand and scratches the back of his neck, obviously very uncomfortable that I just offered up his services to his best friend’s sister.
Ryder looks at me, his brown brows pulled together in confusion. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” he says slowly.
“Babe,” I say, placing my hand on his shirt. I feel his heart beat quickly underneath it. Am I doing that to him? Or is he still worked up from the fight? “There are four bedrooms in this apartment.” I lean and whisper in his ear. “He’s already taken care of Conner once. Who else would you trust to protect her?”
He pulls away and sits silently as he looks over at Becca. Her smile widens before it falls. Her eyes dart from mine to Ryder as if she’s trying to think of what I just told him. I hope she knows that I would never rat Jaycent’s and her situation out.
“I think Mom’s—”
“I saw Mom earlier today for lunch,” she interrupts Ryder. “It lasted twenty minutes, Ry.” He sighs as if he already knows what she’s about to say. “All she wanted to do was talk about Conner.” Jaycent’s eyes darken two shades, and I watch his cheekbones sharpen.
Ryder looks over at Jaycent, who lifts his beer and takes a sip, trying to hide his anger. I’m not sure if Ryder notices it, but I do. “Do you mind?” Ryder finally asks. “If not, I can stay here with them—”
“Ry, don’t be stupid. You should stay at your place,” Becca interrupts him.
“I don’t mind,” Jaycent says, his voice rough. He clears his throat.
I watch Becca’s body tense, and Ryder looks at me. I give him an encouraging smile. “See. No reason to worry,” I tell him, patting his thigh.
“Okay.” He nods, looking back to them. “It’ll just be for tonight. I’ll call down to the office in the morning and have extra security placed in front of your door.
“Ry—”
“This isn’t up for debate, B,” he interrupts her. “I want you girls safe. And safety means more security.”
I lean in and kiss his cheek. “Want another beer?” I ask him. He nods, and I get up from the couch to make my way to the kitchen. Ryder had helped me clean it up while his clothes were in the dryer earlier. As I close the fridge, Becca is standing in front of me.
“I owe you big time,” she says with a smile. Her big green eyes look over at Jaycent in the living room.
“You owe me twice,” I say, returning her smile before placing my sucker back in my mouth.
CHAPTER TWENTY
RYDER
An hour later, we walk into my bedroom, and Ashlyn drops her overnight bag carelessly on the floor. “Jenna is going to be mad at you.”
She looks at me over her shoulder as she heads to the bathroom. “Who is Jenna?”
“She is my maid. And she doesn’t like it when my room is messy.” She laughs. “She comes twice a week,” I inform her.
Her laughter grows. “If you’re so clean, then why do you have a maid?”
“She does more than just clean.”
She comes to a stop and turns to face me, her blond hair falling over her shoulder. “Like what?”
“Laundry. Cooks. Stuff like that.”
She arches a brow. “So she’s like your girlfriend without the sexual benefits? Or do you guys have sex?”
I shake my head quickly. “Never slept with her. And I’ve also never had a girlfriend, but I think they do more than cook and clean,” I say, giving her a smirk. I may tend to use women for sex, but I know there’s more to them than taking care of a man.
She frowns. “You’ve never had a girlfriend?”
“I’ve dated. Does that count?”
She tilts her head to the side as if she considers it. “Not the same.”
“What about you? Ever had a boyfriend?” The thought of anyone else touching her makes my jaw clench. Conner and Bradley come to mind, and I fist my hands down by my side. I feel so protective of her.
She nods. “A couple.” I allow my eyes to sweep over her exposed legs in a pair of white cotton shorts. She wears my t-shirt from Panama City, and I love the fact that it’s so long on her that it hides her shorts, making her look like she has nothing else on but my shirt. I lick my lips, wanting to push my shirt up and slip my hardening cock into her wet pussy. I can’t get enough of her.
“Guess they weren’t serious?” I say, clearing my throat. Stay focused, Ryder. She’s actually opening up about herself.
She shakes her head. “They would have to stay faithful in order for that to happen.”
I can’t imagine someone not wanting her to themselves. I can’t imagine another man wanting someone else when they have her. Idiots.
I say nothing to that, and she looks down at her hands, inspecting them as if they’re something foreign. When she looks up at me, she has a frown on her lips. “I’m a selfish person.”
My brows draw together. “What? No, you’re not, Ash.”
She gives a dry laugh. “I am, Ryder. People see love as a selfless act. They say I’ll die for you. But I don’t see love that way. I see love as a selfish act.” She takes a deep breath. “You see it all the time. Married couples say if I die, I want you to move on. Get married. Fall in love.” Her brows pull together. “It’s not that I don’t believe in love because I do. I just believe that there’s only one true love out there for you. And once you lose it, no one else ever fills that hole. When I fall in love, I want someone who, when I die, they can’t imagine having feelings for anyone else. I want to consume someone so much that when they lose me, they can’t breathe.” Her eyes meet mine, and I see all that passion in them. How deeply she will love if someone would just give her the chance. I wanna be that chance. “That’s how I will love someone, and I want that in return. And that is selfish.”
I make my way over to her. I slide my hand into her curly blond hair, and she tilts her neck back to look up at me. “There’s nothing selfish about wanting to be loved like you deserve.”
Her hands come up, and she places them on my chest. It rises and falls slowly as I breathe deeply. “I want what others aren’t willing to give. And I refuse to settle when I know what I want.”
“You shouldn’t.”
“I’m fine with being alone,” she says softly as if trying to convince herself.
“You don’t have to be alone, sweetheart,” I say truthfully.
“I’m better off that way.”
I let out a long sigh as I
pull her to me. She looks up at me, her blue eyes searching mine. “Are you telling me that you would rather be alone right now than be in my arms?” I ask, searching her face. The marks on her neck have long faded. The bruise on her upper arm is still there, but that’s the only reminder of Conner’s visit tonight.
“Which would you prefer?” she asks, deflecting.
I reach up and cup her warm cheek and smile down at her. “I wanna be where I am. Right here with you,” I tell her honestly.
“Why?” she asks, her brows pulling together as if she can’t understand why I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.
“Why not?” She sighs, and I lean down pressing my lips to hers. “Stop worrying,” I say softly. “Just relax and be here with me. Can you do that?”
Her breathing is ragged, and I can feel her heart beat against mine. She’s confused. That I know. She was all smiles and giddy downstairs while we spoke to my sister and Jaycent. And then it’s like a switch was turned, and she is able to shut off whatever feelings she had for me. All I have to do is say one wrong word, and she places that wall up. I’m gonna break it down; it’s just gonna take time.
***
“Tell me more about your parents,” I say, lying in bed next to her. Her hand rests on my chest while she lies curled up to my side. I lie on my back, my hand absentmindedly running through her hair. “I bet they miss you.”
She nods. “They do. My mother calls me several times a day, begging me to come home. She told me yesterday that she’s looking for houses here in New York, trying to get my dad to move here, but he says everything she finds is way too expensive.” She laughs.
“What do they do?”
“They’re both attorneys.”
Impressive. “You didn’t want to follow in their footsteps?”
She shakes her head softly. “My mother is a divorce attorney, and my father is a criminal law attorney. They never once tried to steer me in that direction, and I’m thankful because I never wanted that.”
“What about brothers or sisters?” I press for information about her.
“No. It’s just me.” She pauses. “Although they think of Becca as their child. My mother calls her every day too.”
My hand stops brushing her hair, and she props up on her elbow to look down at me. I place my hands behind my head, lacing my fingers together to prop my head up. “What about your parents?”
“What about them?” I ask, not wanting to talk about them.
“Becca doesn’t speak of them much,” she admits with a frown. “I’ve met your mother five times and your father twice. Are you closer to them since you’ve lived here?”
“I can’t say that makes a difference.” I let out a long breath. “My mother is more obsessed with herself than anyone else in this world, but I’m sure you already know that. And my father is married to his work. It’s his life.”
“Is that the kind of life you want?” she asks.
“I’ve never really thought about it.” Until now. “I’m kinda like my father in that aspect. I plan to run that company one day, so I’ve been working my ass off to show him that. But I believe there’s more out there than living and breathing O’Kane Enterprises.”
She smiles brightly, making her blue eyes shine. Her previous reservations about us are no longer on her mind. “Did you always want to run O’Kane Enterprises?”
I nod awkwardly. “Yes. My grandfather started it, and my father took over after he passed. That was over twenty years ago.”
“When do you plan to take it over?”
“Like I said, my father lives and breathes that job. It will probably take a decline in his health to make him step back in order for me to take it over.” Lord knows it won’t be my mother stopping him.
“How long have you been there?”
I smile, liking that she wants to know about me. “After high school graduation, I went to Brown for five years to get my masters in business management. Then I came back to New York and started at the company. I’ve been there for five years now.”
She covers her mouth as she yawns. I lean up and kiss her forehead. “You need some rest,” I say, and she lays her head on my chest. Her arm curls around my bare chest to my side.
I unlink my fingers from behind my head and slide down onto the bed more. I turn onto my side and pull her to me. Our legs tangle with one another, and I close my eyes, taking a deep, calming breath. Nothing has ever felt so right. So comfortable. Within seconds, her breathing evens out and her arms loosen around me as she falls into a deep sleep.
I kiss her hair and run my hand down the soft skin of her back as I close my eyes.
ASHLYN
The following morning is hectic, to say the least. I had to go down to my apartment to shower and get ready. Today is my first day at work, and I’m a little nervous.
I stand in the kitchen making a pot of coffee as Ryder walks through the front door like it’s his. “Morning,” I say with a smile.
He walks right over to me and kisses me on the forehead. My smile widens, and I hate that I can’t control it. “Morning, beautiful.”
“What are you doing down here? I told you I would be up once I was done getting ready.” He wanted me to stay in his apartment this morning to get ready with him, but that’s just not possible when all of my bathroom stuff’s down here. I had taken a bag up there last night, but it didn’t have everything that I needed to get ready for my first day.
“I wanted to come and see if the security was here.”
“They are,” I growl. Two very huge, unfriendly men stand in front of our apartment door. They studied my ID for five minutes before they let me in.
He turns to look at me as he begins to tie the black tie that hangs around his neck. “They’re for your protection.”
I roll my eyes as I pour some coffee into a mug for him. “I don’t need protection.”
His eyes narrow on me as if to say don’t start. I shut my mouth and hand him his cup. “Here you go.”
“Thanks, darling. Where is Becca?” he asks, looking around the silent apartment.
“She’s still asleep,” I say, not really knowing where she is. For all, I know she left last night and went back to Jaycent’s, but he nods as if believing me.
“You ready to go?” he asks. I frown at his words. He steps into me and brushes some blond hair off my face. “I want you to ride with me to work. Milton and I will drop you off.”
“You don’t have to—”
“I am,” he says and snatches my purse off the countertop.
We walk out of the apartment, both men grunting as they sit on what looks like the most uncomfortable metal chairs. I swear they’re twins. They are both taller than Ryder is, so they have to be at least six-foot-four. They wear three-piece suits and have earpieces. I’m not sure who they talk to with them. I wanted to ask them but decided the less I spoke to them, the better.
We sip our coffee quietly while we stand in the elevator. I hide my smile as I look at my purse slung over his forearm. He looks so confident in his crisp white button up shirt and black slacks. I slowly look him up and down, and I lick my lips without thought. I still can’t believe what I’m doing. I’m not even sure what it is I’m doing with him. Am I feeding some sick fantasy? One minute, I’m smiling like a fool at the way he calls me darling, and then the next, I’m shutting him out and telling myself to take a step back. It’s temptation at its finest. Or self-destruction. Either way, it’s like jumping out of a plane with no parachute, knowing I’m going to hit the ground with a force that no one could survive. But the view on the way down will be worth the sacrifice of my dignity and my life.
I look away from him and in front of me. My eyes meet his in the mirrored doors. His eyes stare into mine as if searching for something. Had he been watching me watch him the entire time? If so, he doesn’t say. “Are you nervous?” he finally asks as it dings and the doors slide open.
“Kinda.”
“Don’t be. You have not
hing to worry about,” he says as if he’s known for me for years.
We walk through the lobby and out into the summer morning of Manhattan. I see Milton standing at the bottom of the curb with the back door open.
“Good morning, Milton.”
“Morning, Ashlyn.” He nods his head to me as I climb in. “Mr. O’Kane.”
Ryder slides in behind me, and Milton gets into the driver’s seat. I sip my coffee as Ryder sits beside me quietly, sipping his coffee. His eyes scan some papers as he gets ready for his day. I sit back and admire him again. His sharp jaw is covered in stubble, and I smile at the fact he hasn’t shaved since I told him I liked it. His black suit jacket is hanging over the seat in front of him, and his tie keeps falling in his way as he looks down at his papers. He finally throws it over his shoulders, and I smile into my mug.
Traffic is stop-and-go but mainly stop. People crowd the streets and sidewalks. I look out the window and up at the buildings with a smile. Still amazed that I live here.
My phone pings in my purse, and I dig it out and open up the private chat between my family members—my bitches.
Does this look infected? my aunt asks, sending us all a picture of a pimple that looks to be up in her nose. She used the flash, but all I see is the white head at the tip and nose hairs. Lots of them. Ew.
I can’t tell, I respond. She reads it and texts back immediately.
Ashlyn, how is New York?
Wonderful, I respond.
Aww, my beautiful daughter. I miss you so much, my mother adds to the conversation.
I hold my phone up and push the button indicating forward-facing camera. I pucker up my lips as I’m giving her a kiss. Just as I take the photo, Ryder leans in and kisses my cheek.
I laugh as I look at it, my lips puckered, my eyes closed. Ryder’s right hand is cupping my left cheek, and his lips are puckered on my right cheek, his eyes open. It’s the best picture I’ve ever taken.
Ryder takes my phone and looks at it. He smiles and then starts to back out of it. “Hey, now …” I reach for my phone, but he lifts his shoulder and turns his back to me. “Ryder, you’d better not …” He spins it back around and holds it up. He sent the picture to my family chat. I cringe as I see my mother just saw it. And then my aunt … My phone dings.
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