by Tiana Cole
“Well, I don’t know. She knows a lot of things. Right?”
“Exactly.” David grinned, glancing at me just long enough for me to blush from the combination of the look and the compliment.
“Okay. Then ice cream!”
“Yes! We’ll have an ice cream feast! Kayla, do you mind taking her into the living room? I’ll be right in.”
“Don’t you want me to do it? It’s really no trouble.”
“Nonsense. You sent away the wild beast. You deserve a parade, as far as I’m concerned. But since I can’t give you that, the least I can do is bring you something sweet.”
I shrugged my shoulders and smiled sheepishly. Honestly, I had no idea what I was supposed to say. This behavior was something I had never seen from David, totally uncharacteristic of the man I had slowly been finding him to be. I liked it, probably more than I should have.
“Daddy’s being funny now, isn’t he?”
Sophie had a case of the giggles, her face flushed with laughter and excitement. She had a completely different energy than she had when her grandmother had been staring her down across the table. She seemed to be genuinely happy, and for the first time in a long time, my heart felt very close to full.
“Yes he is. And now we get ice cream! Now let’s go, we want to make it to the couch before he gets in there. That way we get the best seats!”
She squealed and took off running. I grinned and followed behind her, curious to see how the rest of this night would go. There had already been so many ups and downs that I had no idea what else was in store for me. What I did know was that I was enjoying David immensely. Not only was he ridiculously good looking, now he was more than the big, bad doctor. Now he was human, and I couldn’t help but want to be around him.
“What’s that, Kayla? What’s that noise?”
I arrived in the great room where Sophie had made herself good and comfortable and heard what she was talking about. It made my skin break out into goosebumps, made me feel like crying and laughing all at the same time.
“It’s music, sweetie. It’s a man called Frank Sinatra.”
“Is he good?”
“Oh yes, he’s more than good. He’s one of the very best. He was one of my sister’s most favorite singers in the entire world.”
Sophie looked up at the surround sound speakers, listening intently to the sound of the crooning voice falling gently down upon us.
“I like him,” she said matter of factly before going back to playing whatever make believe game she had got up to. It made me smile to hear how decisive she was. It made things seem so black and white, like you could just decide something was good and that made it so. It would be so nice if life was really like that.
“I like him too.”
I turned around with a start. I hadn’t heard David come in, but now he was standing in the doorway behind us, watching the two of us intently while balancing three bowls of ice cream in his hands. He had the funniest look on his face and it made my stomach do a little flip. He was making me nervous. The way he was looking at me, it felt like he was really looking. Not a lot of people do that. It was both exciting and terrifying at the same time.
“Excellent! We’re in agreement, then!”
“You’re funny right now. Silly.”
Sophie giggled, watching David’s face raptly. It was just about the sweetest thing I had seen in a long while, her watching him that way. In this moment he was like her version of Superman, just for having ice cream and a silly expression. This was what she needed from him. Just to feel like he really loved her.
“As a matter of fact, I am feeling kind of silly right now. Can I tell you a little secret?”
“Ooooh, yup. You can!”
David walked past me into the living room to set the dessert down and sit beside Sophie. As he passed I could smell his cologne, something spicy and woodsy that made my heart race. I could feel the warmth coming off of his body and, to my rising horror, I had to fight the urge to reach out and touch his strong arm. What was wrong me? These were definitely not the results I had been looking for in coming here and taking this job. If I wasn’t careful I was going to get myself into some real trouble.
“Come here. Come real, real close.”
“Okay, okay, what’s the secret?”
“I don’t like it when my mother comes for dinner. I don’t like it at all.”
“Me either! Mean Grandma!”
Sophie started hopping around excitedly from foot to foot and David looked at me with a face full of laughter and an “I didn’t do it” shrug of the shoulders.
“Well, the kid’s got opinions. That can only be a good thing, right?”
“Right,” I said, helpless to do anything but return his grin. Maybe I should have tried to tell them to be nicer about Dr. Elizabeth, but what was the point? They wouldn’t be saying any of this stuff if she hadn’t been so horrible.
“Dance with me, Daddy! I want to hop on the feet!”
I froze. Everything had finally felt good and light hearted in this house for once but I was more than a little bit worried that it was all about to come to a crashing halt. The last time I heard Sophie call David daddy he had shown the strangest reaction, something I could never have predicted and couldn’t possibly explain. I held my breath while I waited to see what he would do this time. Would he rebuff her a second time or would jovial mood work in Sophie’s favor?
“Of course, sweetie. You have to dance to Sinatra. It’s one of the rules!”
“The rules of who?”
“The rules of life!”
Sophie laughed excitedly and David picked her up, kissing her flushed little forehead and chubby cheeks. I had never seen him be even remotely affectionate with her, just intermittently awkward and distant. I felt hot tears begin to sting the corners of my eyes. I couldn’t help it. This was love. This was what it was supposed to look like, to feel like. David was surprising me more and more, and all in really good ways.
“Dance, Kayla! It’s a rule!”
Sophie now had her small feet planted firmly on top of David’s as he danced her around the room. When she spoke they both looked at me, Sophie with an expression of expectation and David with a look I couldn’t quite read. He looked almost nervous but that couldn’t be right. What on earth did he have to be nervous about?
“No, sweetie, no dancing for me.”
“But you have to. Rules are rules!”
I had to laugh at that. It wasn’t every day that I was told by a four-year-old that I was expected to follow the rules. I couldn’t go through with it though. Suddenly I felt very shy and flustered. I knew that if I tried to attempt any kind of dance moves I was probably going to make a complete fool out of myself.
“Nope. I want to eat my ice cream. It’s going to melt!”
“Ice cream!”
Thank god. That was enough to distract her. She immediately hopped off of David’s now thoroughly scuffed shoes and grabbed her bowl up, spooning the sloppy dessert greedily into her mouth. David still stood there and extended a hand in my direction.
“You sure you don’t want to dance?”
“Ice cream, David. It’s just too good.”
“Alright, alright. I know when I’ve been defeated. Ice cream it is.”
David joined us on the floor and took up his spoon. His expression was friendly and mild. I honestly had no idea if he had really wanted to dance with me or if he was just teasing, seeing if he could get a rise out of me. But what if he had wanted to? Why in the world would he want to dance with me? I was just the nanny.
***
“Did she get to sleep?”
“Man, she did, but let me tell you that was not the easiest thing I’ve ever done. Maybe ice cream before bed wasn’t such a good idea. That little girl can do some talking!”
“That she can.” David laughed. “She has a whole lot she wants to say.”
“But she’s sleeping just fine right now and she looks happier than she has sin
ce I came here. You did good tonight, David. It may be totally out of line for me to say that but you really did.”
“Thank you.”
He spoke so quietly that I could hardly hear him and I started to get concerned that I had gone too far. I wasn’t his friend, after all. He was my employer. I shouldn’t be getting so involved with this, with him.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. I apologize.”
“No, no, please don’t do that. I meant it, thank you. I guess I need to hear that sometimes.”
“Well, good. She needed it, too, I think. Everything but the sweets.”
“Ha! Yes, we’ll have to keep that to a minimum.”
There was an awkward tension in the air I couldn’t quite figure out. David looked like he was unsure of something and my curiosity would not let it go.
“What is it?”
“Can I ask you something, Kayla? With the understanding that you can absolutely decline to answer if you aren’t comfortable with the question.”
“Okay, that’s fine. I think.”
“You mentioned your sister earlier. You said Sinatra was one of her favorites. Was one of her favorites. Did something happen to her?”
I wanted to punch him and throw up all at the same time. Somehow I had never pictured having a conversation like this with David. I should have. I definitely should have seen it coming, but I simply hadn’t. Fool me once, right?
“Yes, something happened to her. She passed away.”
“Shit. I’m very sorry to hear that, Kayla. When did it happen?”
“Three months ago. She had heart trouble, she had it all of her life. I thought she would get better. I really believed that, right up until the day she died.”
“I wish I knew you then. I wish I could have done something to help her.”
My mouth tasted like it was full of metal. Even though I knew he hadn’t ever figured out that he was right in recognizing me it still shocked me to hear that he honestly didn’t know who I was, who my sister was. Sure, of course, he must have had hundreds of patients just like her, but how could he just forget them? They might not mean a whole hell of a lot to him but they did to their families. Just like Nikki had been the light in my world.
“Do you think you’re a good doctor?”
“What? Why do you ask?”
“I’m just curious. My sister’s doctor didn’t really care about his patients. He didn’t have a clue who they were and he thought his world and his opinions were more important than anyone else’s. So do you think you’re a good doctor?”
I wanted to hurt him, to make him feel as badly as I did. The only problem was that when I looked at his stricken face and eyes shining with unshed tears it kind of broke my heart. I was torn between my anger at him for my sister and my growing feelings for him as I got to know him. I almost wanted to take my question back but there was nothing I could do. It was already out there, hanging in the air like a fog.
“I want to be. I try to be. My brother was always better. I think he could have been truly great, had he been allowed to be.”
“What do you mean?”
“My brother died as well. He was my younger brother and he drove me crazy. I loved him so much it still hurts.”
“What happened?” I whispered, not entirely sure I wanted to hear the answer.
“We went on a camping trip. It was Mikey, his wife, Anna, Sophie and me. There was a car accident and neither Mikey nor Anna made it out. I injured my leg pretty badly but thank god Sophie wasn’t hurt. That’s when I took her. She’s Mikey’s daughter but I want so badly to raise her like she’s my own. I love her, you know?”
“Yes. I can see that. I’m sorry, David, I really am. I had no idea.”
“How could you? It feels good to talk about it with someone, actually. My mother won’t allow it. In her world it’s like Mikey never existed at all.”
“That’s so sad.”
“That’s my mother.”
I didn’t know what else to say. I had been so consumed by my own family and grief that it had never occurred to me that David might be suffering as well. So much about him and his relationship with Sophie appeared differently to me now. It amazed me that he was so dedicated to being her father. It was hard not to respect him for the way he was trying to pick up the pieces for her.
“You know what? This has been an exhausting day. I think I’m going to head off to bed. But I meant what I said, Kayla. I enjoyed talking to you. I think I needed it.”
He gave me a sad, tired smile and stood up with a slight grimace. As he walked towards the stairs I was struck by a sudden urge to yell out for him to come back, to tell him everything about who I actually was and why I was here. I couldn’t, though. I couldn’t even get out a squeak of a goodbye. It felt as if I no longer had words.
Chapter Seven
David
“Shit,” I muttered under my breath, hoping that there were no little ears nearby to hear my profane speech. That was something that I still wasn’t used to. Maybe it was easier when you had a baby of your own. You could practice watching your words while they were babies and didn’t understand any of it. Too bad. I had a four-year-old and the last thing I wanted was for her to walk around saying “shit” to anyone who would listen.
“Eggs, eggs, where are the eggs in this thing?”
I felt nervous, flustered in a way I couldn’t remember feeling since realizing I had my first crush on a girl. It was a kind of dazed sensation, partly sick and partly sweet all churning around inside of me at the same time.
I couldn’t believe that I had spoken to Kayla like that. There were people I had known decades who had never had that much insight into what was going on in my head. There was just something about her. Looking at her made me feel excited and just a little bit terrified.
Having her in my house day in and day out made it feel more like home than it ever had before. She managed to walk the line between exotic and familiar all at the same time. I hadn’t even known a woman could do that. Add to that how great she was with Sophie and I couldn’t imagine her not being around for a long, long time. I wanted her badly, more so than I had wanted any woman I had met before.
“What you got going on there? Going on a little excavation?”
“Christ! You startled me. Yes, I guess you could call it that. Turns out I can’t find eggs in my own refrigerator. Go figure, right?”
“Here,” Kayla said with a light giggle, “let me help you before you get so lost you never find your way back.”
She came towards me and wormed her way in beside me to rummage through the fridge. It was a big enough fridge but still a tight fit for two people. I could feel the warmth of her chocolate colored skin seeping into my arm and the warm scent of vanilla wafting up to greet me. She was still in her flannel pajamas and her hair was messy from a night’s sleep. I wanted to touch her, to smooth down that hair and see if her skin was as soft as I thought it would be. God, I wanted her. It was getting increasingly difficult to deny it to myself.
“David? Did you get enough sleep last night?”
“I think so. How come?”
“Because,” she said with a warm voice, “the eggs are literally right in front of your face. You don’t cook much, do you?”
“I know my way around the kitchen.”
“Oh really?”
“Really! And I’m going to show you. Why don’t you have a seat, little lady, and watch the magic happen. This morning I’m going to cook the breakfast. To make up for the way I ran out the other day. How does that sound?”
“Alright, give it a shot.”
Little lady? Watch the magic happen? What was I doing? I wasn’t exactly a playboy but I usually had a little bit more charm than this. The more I realized that I wanted Kayla for more than just a nanny the more foolish I felt around her. I inhaled deeply and briefly shut my eyes, attempting to regroup. It was time for me to make some breakfast and I was hoping not to set the kitchen on fire.
>
“Daddy! Whatcha doing?”
“Cooking?”
“But why?”
Well that settled it. If I hadn’t already taken care of it, Sophie had just made it loud and clear that cooking was not my forte. I had to laugh. The honesty of children definitely kept us honest as adults. There was no denying that.
“Because I wanted to do something nice for you and Kayla. I thought it might be kind of special.”
“But what if it’s icky?”
“Ha! It might be, sweetie. Can you tell that I don’t make a lot of eggs?”