by Tiana Cole
“Fine, David. That’s fine. You take your little moment and then you get your head out of your ass and get back to work. You can’t afford this kind of emotional outburst. You’ve got to keep your eye on the prize.”
She walked slowly towards the door without bothering to look at me again. She had heard all she needed to. She had gotten her confirmation and it seemed like that was really all she cared about.
She definitely cared about it more than she did me, but for the moment that suited me just fine. I wanted her gone, out the door. She almost was, too, but then she turned to say one more casual, awful thing.
“Oh, and David? Dr. Johnson is waiting outside. He said he needs to speak to you about something. About something urgent.”
Fantastic. Just another person I had less than zero desire to see, no big deal. Why was it that the people who kissed your ass when things were going well were the exact same people to try to take you down when the sensed the slightest weakness? I knew that had to be why he was here. It was the scent of blood in the water.
“Dr. Johnson, come in.”
“Are you sure? Are you sure you’re up to it right now?”
He spoke with a false concern and sympathy that made me want to kick him right back out, or better yet just kick him, but I just put on the blandest smile I could manage and resolved to get through this conversation as quickly as possible. It couldn’t take that long. After all, what could this man really have to say to me?
“It’s fine. I don’t know what you think you heard, but I’m perfectly alright. So what can I do for you?”
“Well,” he said as he shut the door dramatically, “I won’t lie to you, it’s quite a sensitive topic. I’m not even sure I should bring it up with you at all.”
“Well, you already have. I don’t see how you could just leave it be now. Why don’t you just take a seat and tell me what’s going on?”
Dr. Johnson, still with a saccharine sweet look of concern that I found absolutely repulsive, sat reluctantly in the same chair my mother had only recently occupied. At least he wanted me to think he was reluctant. But he was far more transparent than I was gullible and I could tell that he was about to bust a seam, he was so excited to be doing whatever he was about to do. That could only mean bad news for me and the little man in my head began to beat at my temples harder.
“David. This is very hard for me to say.”
“Alright. What exactly is it that is hard for you to say?”
“I heard about the confrontation you had in the hallway. With your nanny, Kayla? It seems the two of you were in a relationship?”
“I don’t really see what business that is of yours. As far as I can tell, at least half of the hospital has heard about it by now. Why is that difficult for you to say?”
“It isn’t that. It’s the role that I played in the whole debacle.”
Now every nerve ending in my body was standing to attention. I wasn’t sure what he was getting at, not yet, but I did know that he wasn’t talking to me because of some kind of a guilty conscience.
He must have known that the thing he needed to say to me would make me feel worse, which would make him as happy as a fucking clam. This guy! Dr. Johnson had been out to get me from almost the beginning, and somehow he had found a way to really hit me where it hurt. But if he thought that was going to get rid of me, he was sadly mistaken.
“Okay. Go on.”
“I’ll be honest with you, David.”
“Dr. Wyatt.”
“Okay,” he said, looking appropriately taken aback, “Dr. Wyatt. I’ll be honest with you. I have had suspicions for quite some time that you were not operating at optimum level.”
“Is that so?”
“I’m afraid it is. After your brother’s accident, you just didn’t seem the same. I did a little bit of snooping around and discovered that you’ve been taking pills. Oxycodone, I believe?”
“I do have a prescription. I have the same bottle of pills they gave me two years ago, after I injured my leg. That should tell you how often I take them. It would be very easy to verify that, by the way. Maybe you should have done that while you were looking into my medical history.”
“Well, I have to admit that I didn’t do that. But I did start looking into your past cases and I became convinced that your little ‘habit’ was negatively affecting your job. I thought you were hurting people, Dr. Wyatt, so I enlisted some help in proving it.”
“Did you now?”
My voice had gone deathly quiet. I could see it in his eyes, the sick thing he had done. I knew what he was going to say but there was not a shot in hell that I was going to beat him to the punch.
I wanted him to say it. I wanted him to have to look at my face and tell me the rest of his fucked up plan. At least he looked good and nervous now. He looked like he thought I might hurt him and, truthfully, I was thinking about it. It seemed like the only thing that might make me feel better.
“Yes. Yes, I did. Do you want me to stop?”
“Oh no. I want you to finish. Stop stalling. It just makes you seem like more of an asshole.”
“Jesus, okay, David. Dr. Wyatt, I mean. Okay. I knew about Kayla’s case and how devastated she was by her sister. It wasn’t hard to convince her of my theory that you were the one who was really responsible for Nikki. She wanted to believe it. It made things easier, gave her a person to be angry at.
Then all I needed was a way for her to get into your life and you gave me that with that advertisement for a nanny. She was in there to get dirt on you. She was supposed to prove that I was right, although I must say she did a pretty shitty job. I guess you proved to be more of a distraction than I anticipated.”
“Was it worth it?”
It must not have been the response he was expecting because he didn’t have an answer. He just looked at me with slightly squinted bloodshot eyes. That wasn’t going to work for me. He didn’t get to get off that easily.
“I asked you a question. You wanted to come in here and confess. I didn’t ask for it and I’m not your priest. I’m not going to absolve you. I just want to know one thing. Was it worth it?”
“I don’t know how to answer that. I didn’t get any proof, if that’s what you mean.”
“No shit. You didn’t get any because it doesn’t exist. What you did, however, was entirely unethical and I can’t see the board being too pleased by your actions. So here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to give you forty-eight hours to resign on your own, or I’m going to let everyone know exactly what you’ve done. Then we’ll see how valuable you really are to this hospital.”
“They won’t get rid of me. They won’t.”
“Are you sure about that? I hope you are, because I am not playing around here. Now if you’re done, get the fuck out of my office. Don’t come near it again. I won’t be so friendly the next time I see you.”
He looked at me like he was trying to decide whether or not I was serious. I was. Most serious threat I’d ever made in my life. A man only has so much restraint, and mine was just about used up. The good doctor must have been able to see it, too, because he stood up so quickly he almost knocked over my chair and walked to the door quickly. He didn’t look back in my direction and he didn’t tell me what he planned on doing. Truthfully, I didn’t care. I just wanted him out and he would be, whether of his own volition or mine.
For the first time since learning about Kayla’s real past, I was really alone. Suddenly I felt very, very tired. I laid my head down briefly on my crossed arms, wanting nothing more than to go to sleep. I couldn’t, though. Not yet. I had one more thing left to do. I grabbed my phone, feeling more inclined to hurl it across the room than to make a call, but that wasn’t an option either.
“David! Oh my god, I’m so glad you called. Please, please say you’re willing to talk to me.”
“I don’t see how to avoid it, Kayla,” I said as gruffly as possible into the phone, “but I can’t leave for home at the moment and I
don’t want you in the hospital. I can meet you at the cafe across the street. If that’s convenient for you.”
“Of course, anything you want. David…”
But I didn’t wait to hear the last of her sentence. I hung up the phone, feeling dead. Nothing was going to be the same now. It seemed so, so stupid to have ever made plans in my head with a woman I didn’t really know.
Chapter Seventeen
Kayla
“Thank you. I think it’s important to say that. Thank you for even being willing to see me. To let me explain.”
David didn’t say a word, just sipped his cup of black coffee and looked at me with dark eyes I couldn’t even begin to read. God, if someone had told me at the start of this whole dismal plan that I would be sitting in this position at any point I would have thought that someone was insane.
But here I was, looking at Dr. David Wyatt and wanting nothing more than his forgiveness and, if I was far luckier than I deserved, his love. But how was I supposed to fix this? How did I make up for what I had done, especially when he wasn’t even speaking?
“David, I don’t know what to say. What can I say? I’ll do anything.”
“Anything?”
His voice was hard and condescending, a tone he had never taken with me. It hurt as much as if he had physically slapped me across the face, but it was what I deserved.
I didn’t know how I had convinced myself that Dr. Johnson’s plan was a good one, but having it found out showed it for what it really was. Utterly despicable. Even having this conversation at all was probably a lost cause but I had to try. I had never loved a man like I loved David. I couldn’t imagine him leaving my life after such a short amount of time. It felt like another death and I felt almost positive that it would kill me. It would simply be too much for me to handle, even if it was what I deserved.
“Yes? I mean, anything that might stop this explosion.”
“You would, wouldn’t you? Do anything, I mean. I guess I should know that already. You’ve proved that much. You sure as hell don’t have any qualms with lying to a person, so morality must be pretty flexible for you.”
It made me feel like I was going to throw up, hearing him talk to me like that. It was more painful than I could possibly have imagined, and yet I was also starting to get angry in my own right.
He did have some pretty intense pain killers in his house. That wasn’t like having a bottle of aspirin lying around, at least for most people. And what was the point of this? Did he just want to hurt me because I had hurt him? I knew that I had done something awful but I still wasn’t prepared to be his punching bag. Not if there was absolutely no hope of reconciliation.
“David, why did you bring me here? Is it just to beat up on me?”
“Beat up on you? That’s a pretty indignant word for you to be using right now. But no, it isn’t. I didn’t expect it to be so hard seeing you and I don’t know how long I can stay. I just wanted to tell you that I had a conversation with Dr. Johnson after you left. He came to see me in my office.”
My body went numb and it felt like all of my blood had moved up into my head. For a moment I thought I might pass out right there at the table but it passed. I guess I wasn’t lucky enough for that. I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. It felt like my mouth had been filled with cement.
“Kayla. Do you understand what I’m saying? You know him, right?”
“Yes,” I said in a pathetic whisper.
“So it’s true.”
“Yes.”
“So walk me through it, Kayla. How does a person do something like that? How, when you were living in my house and playing with my daughter?”
“I don’t know! It wasn’t something I planned. It wasn’t my idea. He came to me and told me that my sister was dead because of you. He said you had a pill habit that made you neglect your work.”
“And because some man you didn’t know told you that you just believed him? That was enough for you to screw up my entire life, even when you knew I had a daughter? I thought kids were the most important thing to you. Or was that a lie too?”
“No! It wasn’t a lie and I didn’t want to ruin anyone’s life. But, David, my sister died. You gave her some medication and said it would make her better, and instead she died! And you want to know the worst part? You don’t even remember her. I told you her entire story and you still didn’t remember her.”
“So then what you did is excused? It was totally justified?”
“No, but you aren’t the only victim here! Don’t you get that? All of us are, me included. Haven’t you ever made a bad decision because you were so heartbroken you felt like you couldn’t possibly make it through another day? And you did have those pills, David.
You did, the exact ones he said you would have. And I never told him that, in case you’re wondering. I didn’t tell him because I loved you and I knew you couldn’t have done what he said you did.”
I felt like he almost heard me when I said those things and maybe everything would be okay, but then his eyes went cold again and I knew it wasn’t over. It felt like a nightmare. I was in the twilight zone and I couldn’t get out, no matter how hard I tried.
“You went through my medicine cabinet? That’s great, Kayla, that’s fucking fantastic. You know those pills you saw?
Those were a prescription. I didn’t steal them and I didn’t have someone write the script for me. They were an actual prescription made out for me by a doctor after my brother died. Remember? My brother died, too, and my work is very important to me so I wanted to heal my leg as quickly as possible. That bottle was given to me two years ago and I never finished it. So that should tell you what you need to know.”
“But you don’t understand, I don’t need to know anything. I had no idea who you were when Dr. Johnson came to me and I made a mistake. I would do anything to take that back, but I can’t.
I just can’t. But that was the only lie. I know it’s a big one, but everything else is real. The way I feel about you? I love you, David. I’ve never said that to a man before but I’m saying it now, even after all of the shit that happened today. I love you and Sophie both and I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose you.”
I couldn’t think of anything else to say. I had said it all. There was nothing left to do but wait and see what would come of it. It was killing me that I had no control over the outcome, that a bad decision I had made before I ever really got to know David was probably going to take him away from me.
All I could think about was how if I had known the last time he kissed me or put his hands on me was going to be the last, I would have done it differently. I would have memorized all of it, preserved it in amber to bring out again once I was alone. I just wanted him to speak. I needed him to tell me if there was still a shot or not. I needed him to put me out of my misery.
“What do you want me to say, Kayla?”
At least he didn’t sound quite so angry now. But he sounded so tired, so sad, that it made my heart ache. I wanted to comfort him but I couldn’t. I was the one who had caused him pain in the first place.
“I don’t know. That you can forgive me? I know it’s so much to ask, too much, but I have to do it anyway.”
“I just don’t know. Nothing is the same now, can’t you see that? I have no idea how much of what was between us was a lie and how much of it was real. I don’t know if I can get past that. I need some time, and I need some space. I just…shit, Kayla. I can’t look at you right now. I’m sorry.”
He stood up so quickly that he knocked his chair backwards. Even then, he didn’t stop. He couldn’t get away from me fast enough. I had never had that effect on a person before.
I had no clue how awful it would feel. I didn’t know what to do with myself now. Sophie didn’t need me. She was still with the nanny, and besides, she would know immediately that something was wrong. I couldn’t go home, either.
What home? I didn’t know if I even had a home anymore. It was beyond surreal to think th
at only that morning David had asked me to truly move in with him and now I wasn’t sure if he would ever want to see me again. I felt like I was going to crawl out of my own skin and I couldn’t stand the thought of waiting. Waiting to hear from him again or waiting until it was late enough for me to go back and get some of my things, I wasn’t sure which. I could only think of one thing to do.
“Girl, you better be glad you called me! We are well past due for an update.”
“I know. I’m sorry, Yvonne.”
That was all I could get out before I started to sob. The entire day had been completely overwhelming. No, it was more than that. Things had been overwhelming ever since I came to stay with David. The lines had blurred almost immediately and nothing had gone the way I thought it would. I called Yvonne because I knew she loved me, even if and when I did awful things.