by Tiana Cole
Remembering Tristan’s thoughtfulness and the way he humored her when she didn’t want to talk about his personal problems suddenly struck her. Looking back, she hardly made any effort to let him know things about herself, either. He accepted that part of her personality, hiding their relationship from the guys at the coffee shop, dropping her off three blocks away just so they would never find out. It annoyed him, but he gave her that because it was what she wanted.
He doesn’t even know I had another job at the agency. What kind of shitty, fucked-up luck for him to patronize the same agency I worked for?
Was she the indifferent one? She seemed to be. She never questioned him about the things he did, thinking it wasn’t her business to know. That was the tone of their relationship. Aside from the great sex, they never really talked about each other.
She thought back to the polo match. That would have been the perfect time to question him. Where did the money come from? How did he know those people? At the time, she thought they were clients of his photography. Now she knew that he was really one of them; a billionaire whose money got him horses, cars, women, and anything else he wanted.
Then she thought about all those weeks they spent together. How tender he had been. He really had respected her. He hadn’t pried. All those weeks that she had kept her secret of her escort agency employment. But, thinking about it now, being support staff didn’t make her one of the girls and she should have been honest with him.
Then she thought about those tapes. Him… Tristan… the father of her baby… making appointments with the glorified prostitutes. Wasn’t that a bigger secret, and a more harmful one, than the fact that she worked there?
“Oh, God, now I’m confused,” Cassidy muttered under her breath as she tried to find a comfortable position on the bed.
She felt a sudden urge to pee as the baby shifted inside her belly. Cassidy flailed like a fish in search of a foothold.
“Damn it, I just went less than an hour ago,” she complained as she finally found the balance she needed to lift her enormous body from off the bed.
She bore down hard on her feet to keep upright. As she grunted with effort, she felt the sudden gush of something warm between her legs.
“Shit,” Cassidy muttered, thinking she had peed on herself.
The liquid felt warm and sticky. Cassidy froze as she held on tightly to the side of the bed. She was going to have a panic attack and wanted to run out of the room, but she was also frozen in place because she knew what had just happened.
“Mom! Dad!" she shouted at the top of her voice.
They were in her room within seconds, but to Cassidy’s panicked mind it seemed like ages . She stared at them, wide-eyed, and unable to move.
“I-I-I think my water just broke…”
Her father turned around, moving swiftly towards the door while muttering, “Where are my keys? Babe, have you seen the keys? My keys… where are my keys?”
He then turned back to stand beside her mother with an idiotic look on his face. Meanwhile, mom took a fresh pair of pants from her daughter’s cabinet with dad trailing behind her. He was obviously flustered and didn’t know how to make himself useful.
“Dad,” her mom said, gently but firmly holding his arms, “go back to our room. The keys to the car are on the bedside table… where they always are. Put a shirt on and change those pajamas. I’ll take care of Cassidy. We’ll wait for you downstairs. Hurry!”
Mom was the voice of reason as Cassidy felt the first pangs of labor hit her like a sledge hammer. Her sudden scream sent her dad scurrying away.
It didn’t take long before they were on their way to the hospital. Cassidy bit down on her lip as another spasm hit her. It wouldn’t help if she screamed in pain. With dad so agitated, they might just get into an accident. She was thankful it was nighttime and the traffic was light. Dad whizzed through yet another red light.
Thankfully the trip took all of fifteen minutes before dad came to a dramatic stop, hitting the brakes with gusto in front of the Emergency Entrance to Mercy Hospital. An intern wheeled a chair for her to sit on as mom and dad trailed behind her.
“She’s having a baby… she’s having a baby…” dad announced to every white-coated person he met along the way.
Mom was doing her best to pacify him as Cassidy let go of a groan that could wake the dead. Thankfully, the doctor came and led her to the examination room, leaving her mom and dad looking helplessly after her.
“This baby is in a rush to get out,” the doctor announced to a nurse, who helped Cassidy out of her street clothes and into a blue hospital gown.
They laid Cassidy gently on the obstetrics delivery bed with her thighs wide open and astride in the leg holders. She was panting and groaning, beads of sweat running down her face. Her whole body was heaving. The nurse coached her to blow air between her lips with each contraction.
Cassidy had never felt so much pain in all her life. Her vagina felt like it was going to be ripped apart as the pressure increased tremendously between her legs. With every wave of contraction, she focused her effort on synchronized breathing.
“C’mon, honey, help your baby… breathe, then push… she’s almost here…”
Cassidy felt faint with the intensity of the pain between her legs.
“Give me one long breath, and then push with all your might,” the nurse coaxed her.
Cassidy inhaled until her lungs felt ready to burst. Weak with pain, she gathered her remaining strength and pushed as hard as she could. The tight band between her legs was suddenly gone as the doctor pulled the baby out from under her. Cassidy heard the loud wail against the white haze that threatened to overwhelm her. She fought hard to remain conscious, aware as the doctor drew near and placed the newborn against her chest.
“You have a beautiful baby girl,” he announced.
Cassidy looked down and saw the fuzzy head. Tears of happiness welled in her eyes at the touch of the baby’s skin. She watched as the baby instinctively put a hand in her little mouth and sucked.
“Oh, my baby, my baby…” Cassidy crooned in disbelief.
At the sound of her voice, the little bundle squirmed and tilted her head up looking wrinkled and pruned. She frowned as if irritated by everything that had just happened, and then let out a small squawk, opened her eyes, and stared right into Cassidy’s eyes.
Her heart felt full. Nothing she had ever felt, even her feelings for Tristan, equaled the fullness of caring she felt as she looked into the child’s eyes. She held her close. She was flooded with joy.
“Dee,” she whispered softly. “Dee, you are my baby girl. I love you more than you will ever know.” Contentment flowed through her body. Tired contentment. Dee still looked up at her, her little eyes focused on Cassidy’s face. She tried to remember from all the books she had read what newborns actually saw and remembered something about scent; the baby and the mother recognizing each other's scent.
She bent over and drank in the sweet odor of her baby. “We’re a team, girl. I promise to make life good for you.”
Dee had the most luminous grey-green eyes Cassidy had ever seen. The only time she had seen another pair like those staring at her now was on that rainy night in New York, long ago when she first met Tristan. The night he walked into the coffee shop. Now he was a father and didn’t know the joy he was missing.
Cassidy knew in her heart that whatever mistakes she had made by being with Tristan, it was worth it for the child she held in her arms.
She vowed to herself and to Dee that she would make life good for them both.
Chapter Eleven
Cassidy stood on the sidewalk of New York City, looking up at the extraordinary buildings that pierced the sky. The sidewalks were congested with people frantic to reach their destination. The steady racket of voices hailing for a taxi and hawkers pressing their wares created an atmosphere of an urban jungle. The scent of fuel exhaust from buses going to numerous directions assailed her nostrils, competing wit
h the smell of brewed coffee and hotdogs sold on city street corners.
Cassidy realized how much she’d missed all these things. There was a vibrant feel that resonated to the very core of her being as she reacquainted herself with the sights and sounds of the city immortalized in countless songs.
She was keeping her vow to Dee. Poverty would never be part of that child’s life. Cassidy knew that New York would supply the money that would keep Dee free from growing up in want. Surrounded by the love of Cassidy’s mom and dad with money coming in from whatever work Cassidy found here, her child would be safe.
Right away she found temporary accommodation at the local YMCA while she searched for a cheap apartment. At least it was near Grand Central Station, which made her commute much easier, but she had to spend sensibly. The money her father loaned her was not going to last very long. She was embarrassed to accept it, but she had no choice, and she knew her folks felt better knowing she had some cash on hand. She promised she’d pay them back as soon as she found a job.
Her parents obviously supported her long-term plan. Go to New York where she could make money, send money home for Dee, and eventually bring the girl to New York as well so they could live together. Now that she was a parent she realized how much her own cared for her. They supported her plan, and they had never been judgmental about the mistake she had made spending time with Tristan. Her mom and dad had accepted her with open hearts and minds.
Cassidy knew she would be the same way if Dee ever had a hard time or made a mistake. Love was the bottom line of caring. In her mind she recalled that first vision of Dee in the moments shortly after she was born; the look of trust in her grey-green eyes and her complete dependence on Cassidy.
Cassidy immediately started looking for work. She had a plan because she knew it took time to find a good job. First, she would swallow her pride and take any job, within reason, that brought money in. That was the first step: create a cash flow. The next step would be to find a reasonably priced and fairly safe place to live, like the apartment she’d had before. She knew it would take time.
The first step also involved contacting any jobs she saw posted. She found a nearby coffee shop and settled in with her mobile phone looking for job listings. The sounds of the café reminded her of Ron’s Café and Patisserie. Behind the counter the baristas were laughing, making jokes with patrons and filling orders. She briefly thought about going back to Ron and asking for her old job back but couldn’t bring herself to do it. She knew her coworkers would torment her for having a baby with a man whose wealth she claimed to be oblivious to.
Suddenly she was filled with memories of Tristan. His hands on her body, and the way hot waves of passion flooded through hers. Then, just as suddenly, she felt the pain of his betrayal. All of those intimate moments and the way she had freely given herself replaced with the shame of his lies.
No, she couldn’t go back to Ron. She’d have to tell her whole story, her pregnancy, the betrayal, her flight home to Alabama. Her heart was too sensitive. Working every day in the place where she’d met Tristan would bring back too many memories.
It was time to start a new life, to move forward and overcome the mistakes she’d made. Now she was a mom with commitments beyond just herself. Mom. The word made her feel warm inside. That was just what she needed to start the job hunt.
Good employment was hard to come by, but she resolved to keep plowing through the job listings until she found something. She looked at the first listing on her phone and made the call.
After a few more calls, she hit the jackpot when an escort agency operator said that, yes, there was an opening, and they needed her to come in immediately. The woman seemed elated to hear that she had past experience in the business.
Escort service! Of course, that would be the one place that had an opening. An escort service had been at the root of her betrayal. She remembered her conversation with Kim, how pleasing was the basis of the girls feeling good about what they did. How had all of those girls pleased Tristan? What was it that she hadn’t provided? She ended up in that confused place remembering all of Tristan’s kindnesses and the way he had seemed to treasure her while, week after week, going to find “services” with other women.
All that was behind her now, she reminded herself. This was a different service and they had a job opening. If she took the job, it wouldn’t be forever. It would be just long enough to get her new toehold in New York with money to get an apartment. In time she’d find work that suited her better.
Cassidy stopped with all of her reflections. Her head felt full. She reached into her bag and pulled out her notebook and a pen. She had about fifteen minutes before she needed to leave, and her writing ambitions were definitely still a part of her plan. She’d written so much while staying with her mom and dad, and most of the writing was inspired by her pregnancy. She started jotting down bits of conversation.
Later, she stood with a crowd of pedestrians by the street corner of Canal Street and Baxter near the Chinatown area. She checked for the address that the woman on the phone had dictated to her. She fidgeted with her black skirt and matching blazer, wishing she had worn her sneakers and had changed into the stiletto heels when she reached the office. Her feet were killing her, but she was glad her mom had insisted they visit the salon the day before she left Alabama. She knew she looked fine today.
This was it. Time to make use of the new haircut and her formal clothes. She knew she could handle the work; it wasn’t that hard. Mainly she would have to take care of the inquiries and schedule appointments, same as before. This job could be the start of her new life. She thought about Dee, took a deep breath, and headed toward the address.
It was important she made a good impression. Checking the folder she clutched in her hand, she made certain her resume was inside. If she was lucky, she would have a job today and wind up working as a secretary or assistant in this particular agency. She knew her experience with the previous escort service was a huge advantage.
Satisfied that she was ready for the job interview, she waited for the pedestrian light to turn green, noting that a working crew was doing street repairs just up ahead. Cars slowed down as they rounded the corner. Impatient drivers honked their horns, urging the cars ahead to move faster. Among the swarm of cars was a silver BMW with its convertible top lowered down.
Cassidy drew in her breath. For some strange reason, she felt nervous as she caught sight of the car navigating the corner where she stood among the crowd. She felt an unexplainable panicked reaction to do an about-face and move away to the opposite direction, but she was hemmed in on all sides by pedestrians wanting to cross. Unable to do anything, her eyes were drawn to the car’s progress until it was almost in front of her. There was no mistaking it: Tristan was behind the wheel. He didn’t notice her standing on the curb as he stepped on the gas to gain an opening in the road up ahead.
The crowd surged forward and Cassidy was dragged like flotsam in seawater. When she reached the other side, she felt her heart pounding wildly inside her chest. He may not have seen her, but she had seen enough to know that he still looked gorgeous as ever. The aviator glasses hid his eyes from view, but the square jaw and the cleft chin were prominent enough to distinguish. He had cut his hair shorter, but it still blew wildly in the open car. One hand was holding a phone to his ear while the other expertly handled the wheel. He wore a black leather jacket.
How could she have been so naive? Of course, it was bound to happen. In some ways New York was a huge city and in others it was small. How could she think that, in returning to New York, she would somehow be lost in the millions and that she would never run into Tristan?
Her heart continued to pound. Tristan. The old feelings bubbled up. She could feel his hands touching her. She saw his playful smile as he chided her for some seemingly self-effacing thing she said. In spite of her vows and all reason, her body surged in desire at the sight of his tousled hair blowing in the wind and gleaming in the sunlight
. However, it was the woman seated beside him whom Cassidy found hard to miss.
She was truly beautiful, with long blonde hair that reached just below her shoulders. She, too, wore huge sunglasses that covered most of her face, but Cassidy could tell that she was stylish and chic in a white, sleeveless dress. She was smiling as she cajoled him about something, reaching for his arm that was holding the wheel. She was everything Cassidy wasn’t. She seemed sophisticated and full of self-assurance. Probably just as rich as Tristan. Or, and this thought made her stomach knot, she was a “date” from an escort service.
Cassidy was glad it had happened so soon. Tristan was just as good looking as ever, his smile just as charming, but now Cassidy knew that underneath the outward charm lay lies and deceit.
Her eyes followed the car and its two passengers until they were out of sight. Even if panic was her first reaction upon seeing him unexpectedly, she couldn’t deny the thrill that bloomed in her heart; a thrill that was suddenly dashed to pieces when she saw he wasn’t alone. Her heart felt constricted like a tight band was wrapped around her chest.
Shit… she thought to herself. What did you expect? A guy like him will never lack company. He’s clearly moved on. Accept that, Cassidy Johnson. Forget it and focus on the job interview ahead.
It took all her determination to forget what she'd just seen as she found the agency’s address. She entered the cool interior of the office and approached a woman seated behind the reception desk.
“Hi, my name is Cassidy. I was asked to come in for an interview.”
The woman, bored and chewing gum, sized her up. Cassidy didn’t know if she liked what she saw, but she was asked to follow to a small office on the same floor.
“Hi, there! Cassidy Johnson, I presume? I was told you’d come in today.” An older woman approaching fifty hailed Cassidy as she entered the office She was dressed in a stylishly-cut grey suit that was unbuttoned at the top to reveal a deep décolletage. She exuded confidence with her commanding demeanor.