“What was his MOS?”
“Eleven Bravo.” She knew he’d understand that Alec was an infantryman.
His eyes narrowed. “You know, it took me a while to remember, but I’m pretty sure I met him.”
“What?” Her throat went tight, dry and apprehension gathered in her stomach and tightened all her muscles.
“Yeah. I know who he is…was.”
A warrior’s resolve gleamed in his eyes. Shaken by the fact Jake said he knew Alec, she took a deep breath and tried to regain equilibrium.
“Where…” She cleared her throat. “Where did you meet him?”
“Several years ago at Fort Bragg. We were introduced in passing a couple of times. He was about five ten? Blond hair and sort of a ruddy complexion?”
Oh, he knew Alec all right. “Wow. Yes. That’s him.”
Jake’s lips twitched, but not in apparent amusement. “Sort of hot-tempered?”
Her eyebrows went up. “You met him a couple of times and you already figured that out?”
“Yep.”
“I saw that temper a few times. It could be ugly.”
“Yeah? He didn’t hurt you did he?” Low and husky with tension, his voice vibrated with concern.
Her eyes snapped open.
“No. Nothing like that.” She shook her head and shifted on the couch.
“What did he do?”
“Okay. Alec…well, I suppose you want to know more about why I…”
She didn’t know why she wanted to explain to him about Alec, but the drive felt so powerful she wanted to spew the explanation and all her feelings in a rush. Yet she couldn’t. It would be an embarrassment. A mess.
His gaze pinpointed on her and not letting up. “What did he do?”
She sighed and shook her head. “It’s not what he did. It’s what he didn’t do.”
Confessing to Jake called to her on the deepest level and asked her to reveal all that she’d experienced, all she wanted to experience without fear. She took a deep breath and dared to sink into the fathoms deep quality of his eyes.
“He didn’t do a good job of staying in touch on exercises. I emailed him and he wouldn’t email back. He used the excuse that the email wasn’t getting through. He made promises he couldn’t fulfill. They hurt. But I went along with the…fog I was in.”
“Fog?”
She made an exasperated sound. “I’m sorry, I’m not explaining this very well.”
“No problem. Go on.”
Reassured, she continued. “It started before he went to Iraq. Our relationship had this hollow quality before he left. We made love and it was satisfactory. I wasn’t feeling anything too deeply. It made what we had seem unimportant. Not as full. Like nothing more than skin on skin.” She laughed without humor. “He wasn’t present and neither was I. Sure, he got some physical satisfaction out of it…”
“And you?”
She shook her head. “Not much.”
Jake’s frown went deep, as if he understood totally and didn’t like what he heard. “Was he saying that he wanted you? That he loved you, but there something was missing the whole time?”
She nodded. A wave of relief hit her. “Down deep I think I always knew he wasn’t that into me.” She made a short, sharp bark of laughter, sarcasm rife within the sound. “Why did I keep denying the truth to myself? We were engaged, but I also realized we sort of fell into it. I don’t think he ever really meant to marry me.”
“Don’t beat yourself up. We all make mistakes like this sometimes.”
She looked up at him, suddenly aware that she’d been staring at the floor for a few moments, unable to see his real reaction. “Do we?”
He allowed his touch to brush over her arm, sliding down, down until he gathered her small wrist in his hand. He lifted and brought her wrist to his lips and brushed a solitary, tickling kiss to the inside. Marisa’s awareness of him as a man hadn’t diminished because of serious conversation.
Quite the opposite.
Her breath hissed inward. “You didn’t answer my question.”
Real compassion filled his eyes, and his mouth twisted slightly in a gentle smile. “We want someone to love us, even when they can’t. We all play games on occasion, even when we shouldn’t. Sometimes we play a game even before we know we’re doing it. And then we wake up one morning and say ‘fuck’ because then we know we screwed up.”
She smiled, amazed she could see things clearer with him beside her and understand things better knowing that he listened. “Damn it, Chief Sullivan, you are one deep man.”
He chuckled, and her heart had time to feel light. Then he brought her other hand up and kissed the palm, sending tingles of wanton awareness shooting to every point in her body. Her breath shortened as he kept her hand in his, his touch non-aggressive, yet stirring her deeply. I could care for this man. I do care.
And it scared her spitless.
Her natural, suspicious nature lashed out, unable to cope with the heart-warming, gut-wrenching emotions this conversation caused within her.
“Why are we here, Jake?”
His brow wrinkled, emphasizing the frown he seemed to own much of the time. “Cutting to the chase? Not playing any games?”
“Why are you opening up to me? Do you do this with other women, hoping they’ll allow you into their bed?”
Surprise, then anger flickered in his eyes. “Damn it, Marisa, that stung. I thought you knew me better than that.”
Regret sank sharp teeth. “I’m sorry.”
He didn’t release her. Instead he drew closer. “No you’re not. You’re pissed at men and I happen to be the closest one.”
“You didn’t answer that question either. Are you getting close to me because you want to get into my bed?”
“Okay, I’ll be honest. One of the reasons I came to Clarksville was because I wanted to see you again. More than I’d ever wanted to see a woman. Plus, I figured if I slept with you, I’d be able to get you out of my system. Now I know that’s not true.” Jake’s expression intensified with an emotion she couldn’t read, caught between denial and all out remorse. He peered at her. “Yeah, I want to make love with you, but that’s not what this is all about right now. Not by a long shot.”
Stunned into silence, she soaked in his words.
Finally he asked, “There’s more you’re not telling me, isn’t there?”
She sighed. “Yeah, there’s more. And I think I’d better tell you right now.”
Chapter Seven
Jake’s frown deepened. “Sounds serious.”
“It’s serious only in that I should have told you sooner.”
He nodded, a wariness entering his eyes. She couldn’t blame him. Nervousness pushed her to talk quickly. “I didn’t know it, but when Alec left for Iraq, I was…pregnant.”
“Pregnant?” Jake heard the word, and saw the fear in her eyes. His mind whirled instantly with possibilities. Would she tell him she had a child? A three-year-old somewhere?
“I was three weeks late but didn’t think too much of it at first. I’d had a problem earlier that year with my periods being off. When I heard that Alec was dead, I’d just come home from the doctor that same day. I’d found out I was pregnant and that afternoon heard that he’d been killed.”
Tears spilled from her eyes, and he swallowed hard. Damn it. He didn’t deal with female tears well, but this time it hit him in the gut with a punch.
“Hey, hey,” he said softly as her anguish ate him alive. He brushed her cheek, dabbing away a tear.
She slipped from his reach as she went to the fireplace mantle, her beautiful face reminding him of a goddess he’d once seen in a book on a pantheon of gods and goddess. Wisdom and light radiated from her like Athena, while her body, so curved and lush with womanly qualities, spoke of Venus. He wanted to draw her into his arms and comfort her. But he hesitated. Let her release the anguish.
“You have a child?” he asked through an aching throat.
She
stroked the mantle, her fingers tracing one gnarled knob of wood. “I had a miscarriage that night when I found out about Alec.”
“Oh, God,” he whispered, a pain lancing his psyche. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”
“That’s not the only double whammy. He’d sent me an email the day before he was killed, but I didn’t look at my email for three days after I had the miscarriage. When I finally looked his message froze my heart.”
His heart felt equally frozen, as cold as permafrost in Alaska. “What did it say?”
“He’d decided that he was breaking our engagement.”
He went to her, gathering into his arms and pressing her head to his chest. She shuddered and sighed, and he wondered if she’d break down.
Eventually he asked, “Did you want the baby?”
“Yes. But maybe it was better…for the best, what happened.”
“Did you love him?”
“I think I honestly didn’t love him for a long time.”
She smiled and wiped away her tears. She drew back slightly. He saw a new acceptance in her eyes, something different and moving and solid he hadn’t seen there before. As if all the heat between them before paled in comparison to the genuine connection they might feel now.
Instead of speaking, Jake cupped Marisa’s face, and without speaking, she stood on tiptoe and took his mouth in a soul-twisting kiss.
Marisa’s lips parted for his tongue. She shuddered in his hold, and his arms anchored her tight. His understanding ignited a flame inside her she didn’t want to extinguish and refused to ignore any longer. She kept her hands flat and unmoving along his firm flesh, allowing the burning heat to enter her palms and sear the memory of his hardness into her skin. His erection pressed firmly against her belly, and she moaned in heady enjoyment. As his arms drew her tight along his strong frame, she allowed her arms to link around his neck. His tongue stroking along hers sent a wild fission of yearning to her pussy. She responded, dueling with him until their mouths moved, caressed, tested each other’s limits.
He drew back, his breath coming hard, his eyes feral with intent. “To answer your question, I came here to get rid of my obsession for you. I want to know you, and I want to make love with you. I want to take you hard and deep and everything in between.”
Her lips parted, and she felt his breath on her mouth as he hovered close, waiting to see whether she’d shove him away or answer the throbbing, hot need that pulsed and begged and demanded a finish.
Marisa had seen the heat in his eyes a few seconds before she kissed him, a wickedness that singed her with its strength and honesty. He’d told her the unvarnished truth and she’d told him her truth, and she had no choice but to believe him. He hadn’t come here for the adventure of being a bouncer—face it, that job was a hell of a lot less dangerous than Special Forces.
“Tell me to stop, Marisa,” he said softly. “Or tell me to continue. Which is it?” His bluntness should have offended. Maybe. But what he said next softened those words. “I’m not like Alec, Marisa.” He tunneled his hands into her hair. “I won’t make love to you and then promise something I can’t give. But I’m not a heartless bastard either. I care about you.” A storm rose in his eyes. He took in a quick ragged breath. “A hell of a lot. And since the first moment I saw you I’ve wanted to make love with you.”
She knew, as quickly as some animals know their lifetime mates, that he meant what he said. She saw passion and deep desire and a whirlwind of emotion crashing around in his eyes. Maybe it was his very bluntness that drove her over the edge. She palmed his chest, felt the strength under her fingers and breathed in slow and deep.
“Stay,” she said softly.
If she expected a rush to completion, she found none. His mouth brushed and touched with tender exploration.
Soon Jake’s hands explored, reaching along her back down to her butt. He cupped her ass in both hands, and she gasped into his mouth. God, nothing had felt as good before as this man holding her in this way, touching and stroking, taking her mouth as if he meant it for life. For eternity. Her nipples pebbled and hardened and tingled. The heat between her legs increased, wet and lush. Her body wanted his to explore, to notice her secrets in a way no man dared to before. She felt free, in an odd way compelled to know and explore in the most reckless ways.
One kiss melted into another. At first his kisses nipped at the edge of her sensual strings, plucking away and stimulating. Liberating a side of her she’d almost forgotten after Alec died. Had this side ever been here? What happened now felt deeper, burned brighter than anything she’d shared with Alec.
That frightened her more than she could admit.
He cupped her small left breast, his palm weighing it, then skimming lightly until his fingers came up to tease and test her nipple through T-shirt and bra. With the padding inside her bra, she didn’t think she could feel anything, but the abrasion sizzled, tightening her nipple into a hard pinpoint, aching for more. And more would be beyond delicious. She wriggled under his teasing touch. Without breaking his passionate kiss, he slid his fingers across her midriff and under her T-shirt. With one deft movement, he unhooked the front of her bra and captured her naked breast in his big, warm palm. He squeezed gently, then his forefinger and thumb came up and teased, rubbed, caressed her nipple. She jerked, gasped into his mouth as he stimulated the aching flesh. He was relentless, plucking and tugging at the nipple until the heat it generated threatened to make her glow from the inside out.
What compelled her to feel as if she’d known him longer than she had? What compelled her to think she’d know him longer than a few days? That if she allowed this kiss to grow in intimacy, he’d own a part of her today and always? Her desire to keep him close would have to vanish or her heart would along with it. She couldn’t pretend he wanted anything permanent.
Heat grew in her belly and spread downward to between her legs. Wet, warm arousal pulsed to life. Things moved deliciously, tossed by a wave so sensual and physical she couldn’t stop them…didn’t want to stop.
Marisa’s body flowed into his effortlessly, as if she’d always been in his arms, always belonged. As his body caressed hers, she knew this moment couldn’t go unanswered. Their lips melded, held, caressed with a passion that fired her from the inside and flowed outward. His tongue tangled with hers in a restless dance, and she responded with fervor, so he couldn’t mistake the depth of her desire.
He drew back from her enough to reach for the hem of her shirt and draw it upward. Then he dipped his head and found her right nipple with a single wet lash of his tongue. She gasped and squirmed in heady enjoyment, arousal pooling and stirring with a star bright brilliance. She’d never felt quite this way before with another man. Not even with Alec. Alec’s face faded until she couldn’t even recall his lovemaking. Jake had stolen the past, taken it away for this space in time and replaced past disappointments with glittering new feelings.
She writhed in Jake’s arms as he bathed her nipple with steady, teasing licks. Each sweet, hot swirl made her arch and twist, tormented by the arousal rising like an approaching storm ready to break. When he drew her nipple deep into his hot mouth and sucked, she gasped and grabbed at his shoulders. Her hands traced upwards over his neck, mindlessly slipping into his short hair.
“Please,” she managed to rasp. “That feels so good. Don’t stop.”
He complied, finding one way and then another to tease, taste, brush over the ultra sensitive flesh. Between her legs she went so hot and slick and wet she wanted to strip off her clothes and simply forget under his sensual, demanding touch. Sink down on his hard pole and ride him until he became incoherent with sexual satiation. Again and again he stimulated her nipples. He taunted one vulnerable nipple, twisting it gently between his fingers as he sucked and bathed the other with his relentless tongue. It seemed forever he feasted, played, taunted her to the verge of begging. She needed his fingers, his cock, his mouth between her legs to appease the steady ache. Anything else wo
uldn’t do to take away this screaming need. She wanted to explode, to find a blissful place only he could provide, a paradise she’d never quite reached.
Before she gave much thought to the consequences, she pulled from his arms. In the low light he stared at her, his eyes glazed with hungry passion. She knew what he wanted, had felt the way his cock pressed against her in need, his assertive touch as he’d cupped her breasts and caressed her nipples. She could see his masculinity, pressing hard against his jeans. She made a decision and put her hand out to him.
He stood and encircled her smaller hand in his. She turned and eased around the coffee table, walking toward the bedroom. Making love with him this way might not be exotic or kinky, but it felt right. If their first time, perhaps their only time, was destined to have the gentleness and reassurance that came from simple, joyful connection, she would take it.
Marisa led him into the small bedroom lit only by a nightlight coming from the connecting bathroom.
When she drew him inside and turned toward him, he cupped her face in both hands and asked, “Are you sure this is what you want?”
She nodded. “Yes.”
His gaze burned with a male intensity that stirred a recurring fear. Would Jake, like Alec, make love to her and then…
Leave her.
He drew her near, his touch gentle as his fingers glided over her arms and up to her shoulders. He squeezed, his touch full of strength and yet tenderness. “I’m not Alec.”
“I know.”
“Then take me how you want me. As fast or as slow. You’re in control.” He winked and smiled. “Do with me what you will.”
Freedom burst loose inside her. No man had ever relinquished his sexuality to her this way until now. Marisa’s heart thumped faster, her breath coming quicker as she contemplated his body. She clasped the bottom of his shirt and slipped it upward until she could draw it over his head.
Her hands glided over his wide shoulders and down to the hard muscled pecs. She closed her eyes and savored the sensations under her fingers of hard steel covered by smooth skin and just enough hair to add to his masculine allure. She drew in a deep breath and caught his musky scent, and it sent her hormones into overdrive. Her fingers glided over the hills and valleys of his rippling stomach muscles. His breath sucked in, and she smiled. She could lose herself in his sinew, his strength, the leashed power she knew instinctively he held in reserve. And how could she forget he’d vowed to protect her? Independent woman or not, a feral, primal code within her demanded that she take his protection. It started a craving of such magnitude she forgot everything, all fears and doubts dissolved under the sexual promise.
Private Maneuvers: Hot Zone Book 3 Page 8