by Nella Tyler
“Or an accurate portrayal,” I muttered, hating when she tried to dig deep. “Look, I’m not arguing that he wasn’t a good guy, but charity or not, the money has definitely gone to his head. He thinks I’m just some small-town girl without a future.”
“You're a doctor,” Michelle insisted, doubting what I was trying to tell her, even before she fully understood the point I was making.
“Being a doctor ‘round here, in this town, has probably earned a hair more respect than those girls he undoubtedly plays doctor with back home.”
“You’re partially responsible for saving his father’s life. I think he has a little more respect than that for you.”
“I guess that depends on how much respect he has for his father,” I retorted, promoting a dirty look from Michelle.
She sighed and rolled her eyes. “What the hell is it with you? You think that every guy is just going to leave you. Some of them, you think you’re too smart for, some of them, you think you’re not good enough for…well, when are you going to find someone who is at your level?”
She narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms stubbornly. “You said he was perfect and on that note, I thought you would be smart enough to realize that love is like that. Perfection in bed and a man you can actually get along with doesn’t come along as a package all that often. If he was real with you, even if he isn’t real with anyone else on the planet, is a big deal.”
“Yeah, but Michelle, I don’t even know if he was being real. I think he was, but I don’t know him all that well.”
“Then, why don’t you get to know him? Playing a perfect game with someone doesn’t mean you stop trying to reach Nirvana again! How do you think married people do it?”
“It could be worse, and then that perfect memory is ruined.”
“It’s not like you’re chasing the purple dragon, Jenna. Gavin and I play very well together. Now that Kassie is a little older and sleeps in her own big girl bed, we play together a couple times a week and it is wonderful. It keeps me sane.”
“And…it’s always perfect?”
“No! Of course not. Sometimes we both win, sometimes we lose, sometimes one of us wins and one of us loses, but that is real life and love. The…game is always fun regardless because you love the person you’re with.”
“But he is your husband!” I insisted, attempting to stop her soap box speech before she started flat out telling me I had to marry the man. “You two are supposed to play, and it is great that you always enjoy it, but you have known one another for years! This was one play date.”
“So? My point is that you shouldn’t stop yourself from having another play date, simply because you’re afraid it won’t be as much fun!”
“Yes, but Gavin isn’t going anywhere. I don’t want to get too attached to playing with him exclusively because he will go back to California and I will be devastated again.”
“Maybe…” she answered, understanding now exactly what the issue was. For the first time, she looked at me with a sense of pity. She sighed and leaned closer. “How long is he going to be here?”
“I don’t know,” I sighed. “A couple weeks, I guess.”
“A lot can happen in a few weeks…” Michelle insisted.
I snorted a laugh. “Sis, you have been reading far too many fairytales. Real life – especially for a female doctor in a small town – doesn’t work that way. I am just another notch in his belt, as he is in mine. It was wonderful, but it's over.”
“I think you’re afraid that it isn't,” Michelle hissed, just as Kassie ran back in the kitchen.
Thank God! I thought and turned around to greet her. “What's up, Supergirl?”
Kassie giggled. “Can we go to the park?”
“Sure!” I answered as I looked back at Michelle and she nodded.
“Go get your shoes on and I’ll finish cleaning up.” She grinned.
“Come on! I’m gonna get you!” I teased, taking off after Kassie as she let out a shrill laugh and ran away from me. I chuckled as I bolted after her, thankful for a distraction from this conversation.
For the rest of the day, thankfully, Michelle didn’t bring Tim up again, but her words had their intended effect. I couldn't stop thinking about what she had said, no matter how much I did to put the whole conversation out of my head.
Finally, toward the end of the day, I decided that while Michelle might have a point: it didn’t matter much. I was smart enough to know that no matter what, the first chance Tim Meck got to return to his life of luxury and esteem, he was going to jump at it.
I had no doubt in my mind that was what would happen, regardless of how he felt about me, or how I felt about him. Therefore, the only thing I could do right now to save myself from devastation would be to remember the past, but cut all ties.
I couldn’t see Tim again.
That was final.
As I was leaving Michelle’s house later that evening, my cellphone rang. I didn’t look at the screen until I reached my car. When I saw the name spread across the screen, my heart leapt, first with excitement, but soon thudded with lament.
Of course, I wanted to meet him again and enjoy the throws of passion that I had experienced the night before, even if it did prove Michelle right. I wanted her to be right. The idea that such perfection could be repeated and perhaps even improved was almost unfathomable, but I desperately wanted it to be true.
However, there was still the idea that he would leave. In the depths of my soul, I was sure that there was nothing – not even love, if it even came to that – that would make Tim Meck leave his world behind, and I refused to leave my town.
Therefore, I ignored the call, deciding that it was for the best.
Chapter 19
Tim
“Damn…” I muttered as I stared at my phone, moments after rolling over in bed. I was still completely confused as to why Jenna hadn’t answered my call or bothered to call me back.
I was baffled. There had never been a moment in my entire life where a woman not only cut my company short, but then refused my phone call. Sure, I had my fair share of bitter women who wouldn’t call me back, or would call me simply to curse at me, but I had always had at least some kind of inclination what I had done.
Yet, with Jenna, I found myself in completely new territory and I didn’t like it.
Is she playing hard to get? I wondered, but within a few moments of thinking back to the passion that we had shared, I wondered why she had felt the need. I had gotten her. In fact, she had gotten me, taking control the way she had and therefore, I would have assumed she’d be pleased to hear from me. I could understand her trying to pull a power move by throwing me out, but why wouldn’t she answer my call?
Had I not pleased her? Did she fake it? Again, the idea was short lived with the memory of what we had shared. It was raw, it was natural, and it was genuine. No. I refused to believe that dissatisfaction was any part of the reasoning behind her behavior.
Briefly, I thought that perhaps an old girlfriend had gotten a hold of her and tried to scare her into avoiding me, but from what I knew about Jenna thus far, that didn’t seem likely.
Stop obsessing over this! I told myself, rolling out of bed and groaning as I did so.
I knew my father would be up soon and he was getting cocky.
The day before, I had caught him trying to go out to the shed to get some tools. I had no idea what he thought he was going to do with them since he was still lugging his cast and trying to pretend that his back didn’t hurt, but it wouldn’t have ended well. I was happy I caught him, but knew it was only a matter of time before he started to strike out on his own and was successful.
When I’d caught him, he gave me hell about not being able to do anything and again, I felt as though our roles had reversed. Never wanting children, I was particularly aggravated by this feeling and tried to explain this to him.
My father simply grumbled, cursed at me under his breath and stubbornly limped back to his recliner
. He hadn’t said a word to me the rest of the day – not that it was abnormal, but knowing there was actually a reason was annoying, especially since I was only trying to help.
Finally, I thought about insisting that I was only doing this to help him, but stopped when I realized that the own good speech would only be more awkward for us both. It certainly wouldn’t solve anything. He was far too dead set on being an asshole for any genuine argument I had to make a difference. I rolled my eyes and grumbled, thinking about how my father was sure to hold a grudge.
Yet, I had made a commitment to him and for my own sake, I didn’t want to go back on that. I was going to see it through, so that no matter what the feelings he held for me were, I wouldn’t have an inkling of guilt.
With that in mind, I went downstairs and got my father’s medicine together. I set it on the kitchen table, started his coffee, and walked back to his bedroom. When I walked in, he was sitting up in bed, his eyes downcast, his jaw locked. He narrowed his eyes, and he shook his head.
“Good morning, Pop. How are you feeling this morning?”
He stared back up at me, as though his silence should speak volumes. Unfortunately, it didn’t. I was no closer to knowing whether he was better or worse than when I walked into the room. I wondered, somewhat lamenting, if we had been closer, would I know? Should I know?
This thought aggravated me, since I was trying my best, and I growled.
“Fine. Don’t answer me, but if you’re getting worse instead of better, don’t blame me if you end up back in the hospital. At least you’re not too stubborn to talk to people there.”
I felt a surge of anger wash through me when he looked away again. I gritted my teeth and narrowed my eyes, but refused to say anything more to him. I helped him out of bed, brought him to the kitchen table, and made him breakfast.
Silence consumed the house. The only audible exception was the creaking and the grandfather clock that chimed every fifteen minutes. Normally, I became deaf to the chime – more as a survival tactic to maintain my sanity – but with the otherwise deathly silence, each chime ground deeper into my aggravation.
I was tired of trying to work everything out. I was tired of thinking, assuming, and trying to be the good fucking son that everyone seemed to be sure I was incapable of being.
I didn’t like this feeling. It sucked and I had absolutely no idea how to remedy it.
Finally, I decided that I needed to get away. After all, my father was going to do whatever the hell he pleased anyway, so there wasn’t much of a point trying to watch his every move. Besides, given another hour, I might have chucked my father’s grandfather clock out the window to let out my frustration.
“Hey, Dad…if you’re okay today, I am gonna go fishing with Hayden. I need some time to myself.”
My father simply nodded but didn’t say a word. Being that the bacon and eggs had seemed to help return color to his face, I felt better about leaving him.
“Now, don’t you dare do anything stupid. No going to your shed. No trying to do anything that you know you shouldn’t. I’ll make you a sandwich and leave it in the fridge, and please be careful going to the bathroom.”
Again, I felt as though I was leaving instructions for the child I never wanted, instead of for my father, but I tried to ignore the idea. That was the last thing I needed. My father only nodded and stared at me for a moment before returning to his food. Once he was finished, I helped him to his recliner and set him up with the television. I told him that if he needed me for any reason, to call me.
I doubted he would, but short of dragging him along with me, I could think of nothing else to do. I needed to get out – for both of us. The silence and the underlying hostility in the house were driving me crazy.
After he was all set up and I was fairly certain that I couldn’t do anything else to make him comfortable, I left. There was no response when I called out goodbye.
When I was in my rental car, I was finally able to take a breath of relief. I drove over to the hardware store, enjoying a peaceful silence devoid of unspoken resentment.
Upon entering the old, well-stocked staple of the Southern town, it didn’t take me long to find Hayden. He was helping a young couple who had just bought their first house. I had a strange feeling that I was supposed to know who these people were, but I didn’t. I wasn’t introduced, though, so I figured it couldn’t be that important.
“What brings you here, buddy?” Hayden asked, seeming genuinely interested in why I was there. “The toilet didn’t bust again, did it?”
“Oh, no. Dude, you know your O-rings. Everything is fine with my toilet,” I chuckled.
“Good to hear. How’s your daddy?” I tried not to visibly flinch at a grown man referring to my father as my daddy but wasn’t sure I had succeeded.
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly with a raise of my shoulder. “He won’t talk to me. He nods his head and stares at me like I was spawned from a demon, but he’s more likely to tell that damn toilet seat what’s bothering him before he gives me the time of day.”
“That’s a shame,” he answered honestly, as his eyes averted my gaze.
“Yeah, well…it’s nothing new,” I admitted. “Say, do you think you can sneak away to go fishing? I need a little time away.”
At this, Hayden burst out laughing in a manner that caused a few people to turn their heads. “I don’t need to sneak anywhere; I own the place, and I’m the only one here today. If you could just wait for these nice folks to finish up what they came here for, we can be on our way.”
I grinned and told him I would meet him by his truck. I only had to wait about fifteen minutes before the last of the customers left the store and Hayden switched the sign from open to closed. His truck was already loaded, as it always was, so we were at the creek, walking down the red mud, toward the riverbank within the hour.
The two of us made our first casts and I automatically felt better.
We hadn’t talked much on the drive out here, but the silence was calming. Hayden understood me in a way not many did. I could have silence between us without feeling awkward or the need to fill it.
Yet, once we settled into the rhythm of our fishing, Hayden looked over at me seriously.
“So, how’d your date with Jenna go?” He was hopeful at first, but with one look in my direction, he could tell it hadn’t gone exactly to plan. “I figured when I didn’t hear from you that perhaps you had a good time. What happened?”
“We did have a good time,” I answered, a little more defensively than I’d intended. Hayden didn’t mind. He knew how I was. After a moment, I continued to tell him exactly what was on my mind and bring him up to speed about how crappy I felt. I mentioned my father and my annoyance with him, but mostly, our conversation revolved around Jenna.
When I was finished, Hayden laughed. “What’s so funny?” I demanded.
“You,” he teased.
“What?” I couldn’t help feeling slightly offended at his lack of explanation. After all, I was trying to be honest and genuine with him. Hayden of all people should know how hard that was for me.
“She saw who you really are. You’re obsessing about all the wrong things, dude. You’re actually comfortable around her, and that’s great, but Jenna’s a smart girl. She’s also dedicated to her job in the same way you’re dedicated to yours. She recognizes that the only thing you two can ever be is a fling because if you allowed real feelings to get in the mix, one of you would have to make the decision that neither one of you could ask, nor should you.”
“So, she’s ghosting me?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.
“I don’t know what the hell that’s supposed to mean, but I guarantee she’s only doing it for her own good. Your ego is in the way, dude. Back up and see the big picture. It’s nothing that you did or didn’t do. She’s just being realistic.”
While I appreciated where he was coming from, I was convinced that there was more to it than that. I had never met a woman wh
o was that guarded. Jenna was intriguing, I’d give her that, but she couldn’t be serious. Thus, I got defensive.
“Why does everyone condemn me, Hayden? Simply because I wanted a better life, something better than this…I wanted to actually make something of myself, I’m treated like shit? People think I’m an asshole just because I don’t want to live and die in the same damn hospital!”
Even though he didn’t say anything, or even do more than purse his lips and take a step back, I immediately felt bad. I realized that I sounded like an arrogant prick. I knew how Hayden felt about this town and his heritage. That was his choice, but he had always respected mine, even when I was degrading his.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. The way that it came out…it’s just…”
“It’s okay.” He grinned and I was surprised to find he didn’t seem offended, at all. “I know how you feel about this town and in a lot of ways, you’re right. People do treat you different. They always have. In a lot of ways, I know you had no choice but to leave. You had to find your own way because at the time, there was nothing here for you.”
“I didn’t mean…”
“Dude, I know. You aren’t a farmer or a laborer. You look funny even riding in my truck and flannel…doesn’t suit you.” He laughed. “I’m surprised you go fishing. Just like I’m not cut out for city life, you ain’t cut out for the country. You had a destiny to fulfill and you found it, just like I did at the hardware store and your daddy did working on the farm.
“You know what they say about taking the boy out of the country, but not being able to take the country out of the boy? Well, you never had the country in you. You were always a city boy, even when living in the country. You had a need for innovation that no one around here appreciated.”
I thought about this for a minute before I grinned. “Was it always that obvious?”
“I knew it pretty much from the day I met you,” he admitted.
I laughed. “Well, thanks for understanding…and I’m sorry you have to listen to me, but I’m glad you do. Just like I’m glad you took the time out of your day to go fishing with me. As much as I suck at it, I am enjoying myself and with you, I can be myself.”