by Nella Tyler
Looking down, I wondered if there would be a more obvious reason I would regret the color of the dress I was talked into wearing.
However, as I got out of the car before Tim could assist me, I took a deep breath, slammed the door, and focused on the clean, night air. You’re a big girl, Jenna. You can do this. I tried to reason that I had brought the most devastating news to families and the best news anyone could possibly hear, so accepting an award and being gracious for all of two minutes in front of a crowd should be easy.
Yet, all the reasoning in the world couldn’t convince me that I wasn’t blowing smoke. This was going to be a mortifying experience. I was sure of it.
Although, as I grabbed a hold of Tim’s arm and for once, allowed him to escort me into the venue where the ceremony was supposed to be held, I tried to gather my confidence.
I grinned, knowing it was fake but trying to convince myself that it was all going to be okay. I had no idea how I got myself into this mess. Sure, I was okay at my job and as flattered as I was that my efforts were being noticed, I certainly didn’t think I was excellent.
Nonetheless, I knew that if I did manage to get through this evening with at least some semblance of remaining grace, it would look good on my resume. So, you must endure it, I told myself as I trudged through the doors, refusing to become deterred.
For the small amount of cars in the parking lot, I was especially surprised to see the amount of work that had been put into the decorating. The large ballroom was adorned with beautiful lights strung all along the ceiling, in addition to flickering candles lighting the perimeter of the room. On the floor, flower petals were strewn about lavishly, getting my attention immediately.
Instantly, my eyes were aglow with wonder as my fears concerning the speech were vanquished by the glimmer of the candles. I had never seen anything so beautiful in my life.
When my eyes finally waded through the flower petals and adjusted to the dim lighting, my gaze caught a small table, set for two, in the middle of the room. A candle and a rose were the only decorations atop the white tablecloth that draped evenly over the small table and spilled out onto the floor.
I was confused, though, realizing that Tim and I were alone in the room. I craned my head to the side and snickered, intrigued by the truth, which continued to elude me.
“They certainly have gone all out for this benefit…” I told Tim, who seemed to shift uneasily and hasten the pace of his step, toward the intimate table. So, I continued, “Although, I must admit, this doesn’t seem like any benefit I have ever been to.”
“That’s because it’s not,” he retorted, arching an eyebrow. I could sense his confidence building, but I had yet to fully understand why that was.
“It isn’t?” I inquired, returning the somewhat cocky expression.
“Yeah, I might have had Raymond help me out a little bit…” he admitted before turning toward me, almost abruptly, and grasping both of my hands between his. He stared into my eyes with sincerity that made me feel slightly uncomfortable.
“Tim, what’s going on?”
A moment of nervous laughter was followed by his lips pressing against my fingers. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, holding it for a long moment, before releasing it and opening his eyes.
“Jenna…you know that I love you.”
“Yes,” I replied cautiously, more to fill the silence that followed than to provide an answer. “And, I love you…very much.”
“I know,” he said, squeezing my hand, as if for reassurance, before falling back into step next to me as we proceeded toward the table. “In the last year, I’ve figured a lot out…about myself and about the direction I want my life to go.”
I felt my heart speed up as emotion started to form a lump in my throat. I swallowed hard, wondering, hoping that this wasn’t going to be the end. Part of me was instantly sure that Tim wouldn’t be so cruel, but there was another terrible possibility lurking that made me think he would consider one last, wonderful, memorable night recompense for him wanting to leave. Everything was over the top with him, so it did make sense that a breakup from someone he cared about would be, too.
I felt my lips part in shock. My head was spinning and although I wanted to demand an explanation, I couldn’t bear to bring the words forth. After all, not knowing what he was planning was far better than the alternative.
I should’ve known this wouldn’t last, I thought to myself, hoping to bide my time, extend the unknown for a little longer. However, before I could come up with anything to say, he started to speak again and I listened with a heavy heart, fearing the worst.
“You know who I am. What I was and how I felt, when we first met. I have put a lot of things in perspective since then and I have finally come to a realization – an epiphany, almost – though, probably to anyone else, it would be simple. However, you know how blind I can be…” He gave a little laugh and I tried to join him, but the humor fell short. He took a deep breath and grinned. “Jenna, I have decided that there is no way that I could ever live my life without you.”
This time, my jaw dropped for an entirely different reason. Instantly, I was able to beam widely at him, squeezing his hand in both relief and excitement.
Oh, my God, I thought as the reality of what he was doing started to culminate in my mind. I felt tears of joy start to rush to the forefront of my emotions, but I didn’t want to lose my mind; at least, not yet.
“You have breathed fresh life into me. You have given me purpose, beyond my achievements which, next to the way I feel about you…about us, is meaningless. I have never met anyone like you. You keep me grounded and help me soar. I have felt a wider range of emotions for you, about you and with you than I ever thought was possible.
“In the course of the last year, you have become my whole world. So much so, that I’m not even sure how I functioned without you in my life. To be fair though, I didn’t know this kind of happiness could exist.” As we approached the table, he stopped, turned toward me, and offered, “I know that I want to be with you, a part of you for the rest of my life.”
After saying this, I followed his arm to the table, from which he grabbed a small, velvet, black box and sank to one knee. I looked down at him, the tears having retreated, replaced instantly by shock and disbelief. I felt my quivering hands press against my lips as I watched the proposal unfold, remaining completely unconvinced that this wasn’t a dream.
“Oh God…” I whispered.
“Jenna Anne Barnes,” Tim articulated clearly, slowly, and earnestly, prying open the box and showing me the glistening diamond ring. “Will you do me the honor of becoming Mrs. Tim Meck? I love you and I never want to live a day without you by my side.”
“Oh, my God!” I squealed. “Yes! Absolutely, yes!”
As he stood up, I crashed into his arms, embracing him as the tears finally spilled out. Tim pulled me close to him. I buried my head in his shoulder, taking in his familiar, yet salacious scent, still in shock, but feeling unbelievably giddy. I stayed there for a long moment, simply enjoying the feel of Tim’s strong, protective arms surrounding me.
Tim Meck…my fiancé, I thought, inciting a giggle that caused me to bury my head in his tuxedo further.
When I picked my head back up, I noticed that Phil, Michelle, Gavin, Kassie, Raymond Pierce, and Hayden had all come out from the back and surrounded us.
The moment that they saw me look up and acknowledge that they were there, they all started to congratulate us at once. I was still overwhelmed, but hugged each of them ecstatically, unable to contain my excitement.
When I had reached each of them, I turned back to Tim, who grabbed my hand urgently, yanked me into him, and kissed me passionately. Everyone around us cheered and I knew that this was the first day of my new life – the life I had always wanted, but never truly believed I could aspire to.
However, if I’ve learned anything from this experience is that life sometimes has a plan you never expected. Growing up, I alwa
ys had to know what was going on. I always needed to have a plan and part of that expectation was that it needed to happen in a specific timeframe.
Yet, with everything spiraling out of my control but ending up better than I ever imagined, I realized that sometimes, in life, the best thing you can be about your expected path is wrong.
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FINDING HIM – THE COMPLETE SERIES
By Nella Tyler
This book is a work of fiction. The names, characters, places and incidents are products of the writer's imagination or have been used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events, locales or organizations is entirely coincidental.
Copyright © 2016 Nella Tyler
VOLUME I
Chapter 1
Mackenzie ran her fingers through her mahogany hair that hung to just below her shoulders. It was Friday night, and her coworkers were quickly packing up to go home for the weekend. She felt an intense loneliness, just as she did every other Friday night. It seemed like everyone in the world had somewhere to go, but her.
“So, what are your plans for tonight?” Lucy asked.
“You know very well I don’t have any plans. Why do you ask me that every Friday?”
“Because I keep hoping you’ll get smart and put yourself out there.” Lucy’s cherub face framed two brilliantly baby blue eyes. “That is, unless you want to be alone for the rest of your life.”
“That’s not very nice,” Mackenzie retorted. “You know I’ve been on a few blind dates since David died. None of them worked out.”
“Why didn’t they work out? Was it because they were bad people or was it because you went with the intention of not making a connection?” Lucy teased her.
“It’s because I hate blind dates. There’s just nowhere to go to meet good people.” Mackenzie pulled the nail file from her bag and touched up her pinky for the fifth time that day. “You’re so lucky that you’ve got Marty. My life ended with David.”
“Look, kiddo, there’s no one who feels worse about your situation that I do. You know I’ve spent many a lonely night trying to cheer you up.”
“I know; you’ve been a real doll.”
“That’s not why I’m saying this. You have to move on. You may never again find the perfect love like you had with David. It might just be that that was the highlight of your entire life. But that doesn’t mean you have to live alone, and it certainly doesn’t mean you have to be celibate.”
“Lucy! You know the only person I’ve ever been with was David. I can’t imagine anyone else in my bed.”
Lucy scoffed, “Keep this up and you’re going to wear out your personal electronics department.” She had tidied her desk and was just killing time before she left.
She hated to leave Mackenzie sitting there all alone – it just didn’t seem fair. Mackenzie was a vibrant, attractive woman whose life to all outside observers had ended the night David’s car left the road on that curve and came to rest upside down against that telephone pole.
Mackenzie had been in shock for a very long time. She had gone from her father’s house to her husband’s house. Never having lived alone, she was unprepared for what it would involve.
Lucy had managed to get her a job at Fuller’s, where she worked. The two sat at side-by-side desks, reviewing spreadsheets for anomalies. It was a boring job, repetitive and monotonous. The highlights of the day were the morning coffee break and sharing a chef salad at lunchtime from Waldo’s across the street. It was hardly the pinnacle of life, in Lucy’s opinion. Mackenzie, on the other hand, seemed to almost crave boredom as though it cocooned her from the misery of grieving.
“Look, Mac, you know this is no good for you. Your hair looks like shit, you need a decent manicure, and I am so sick and tired of that red dress, I’m about to rip it into shreds. You’re so much more than this. There are a thousand guys in this very town who would love to be with you.”
“They are not David, though.” Mackenzie put her nail file back in her purse and after looking around to make sure her desk was tidy, she stood and shoved her chair beneath. “Come on, how about if I buy you dinner?”
“Sorry, can’t. Marty’s waiting for me at home. He’s got some new sci-fi movie he wants me to go with him to see. You know how I hate those things, but sometimes you have to be the good little wife and go along. Anyway, the theater is at the end of the mall and I’ve got my eye on a new handbag. I’m kinda hoping I can drag him back and forth in front of the store window long enough that he finally gets the idea.”
Mackenzie had to smile. Lucy never did anything without a motive. She knew Lucy loved her husband, but was fairly materialistic. She had an angelic face, but the soul of an enterprising miser. Mackenzie loved her nonetheless and considered Lucy her best friend. There wasn’t anything Lucy wouldn’t do for her, especially since David died. “Come on, I’ll walk down with you, Mac.”
The two women left the office, using the elevator down to the parking garage. Mackenzie watched the numbers as they counted down, thinking how ironic it was that it also felt like she was counting down her life. She waved goodbye to Lucy as the blonde pulled out of the garage in her baby blue VW bug. Mackenzie climbed into her own red Taurus and carefully pulled out into traffic.
With an urge for spontaneity, she saw Ben’s Saloon coming up on her right. Despite the name, Ben’s was a very posh hang out for business people after work. She pulled into their parking lot, parked her car, and went inside.
She paused just inside the door, allowing her eyes to get used to the dim light inside. A soft jazz was being piped throughout the lounge and it smelled of too much perfume, aftershave, and a little bit of excessive drinking. These were people who were powerhouses during the day behind their desks, but receded into needy, lonely people on Friday nights. Mackenzie had driven by frequently and considered stopping in. This was the first time she acted on her impulse.
She looked around the room for a remote place to sit. She saw hand waving through the air and looked over her shoulder to see who they may be signaling. To her surprise, there was no one behind her. She took a few steps forward, angling to the right so she could see who owned the hand. To her surprise, she recognized Tim Cooper, a rather sturdy, but nice guy from her office. She had suspected he was interested in her, but didn’t have the courage to ask her out on a date – not that she would’ve accepted regardless.
His wave became more frantic, as he realized she wasn’t aware that he was waving at her particularly. She gave him a sort of half smile and walked toward him. He was pointing to the open stool next to himself.
Oh, what the heck, she thought to herself. At least it’s someone I know. Putting on the best face she could muster, she approached him as he twirled the stool so she could take a seat on it.
“Hi, Mac,” Tim said. He used the more familiar nickname, hoping she wouldn’t mind.
“Tim,” she acknowledged. “Thank you for inviting me to sit. I have to admit; it feels better to know someone here. I feel like I’m totally out of place. I’m not one to frequent bars.”
“I know. It was written all over your face when you walked in. I’m glad I could be of assistance. Let me buy you a drink. What we you have?”
“Why don’t you order something for me? As I said, I don’t frequent bars, and I know they have all sorts of new drinks with unfamiliar names. I’d like something sweet but subtle.”
“Give the lady a molten strawberry,” Tim called to the bartender.
Mackenzie rolled her eyes. She decided she may as well be blunt. “So, what have I gotten myself into?”
“What do you mean?” Tim’s voice sounded curious.
“Well, is it mandatory that I go home with a stranger?” Mackenzie had a smirk on her face and Tim thought it was absolutely adorable.
“Well,
it doesn’t have to be a stranger.”
She realized she had walked straight into that trap. She’d have to be more careful in the future. “I just stopped in this evening on an impulse. I wasn’t really planning on going home with anyone – now or ever, to tell you the truth.”
“Yes, Lucy has mentioned you lost your husband. I’m sorry.” His face held genuine empathy, and she felt bad for having cut him off so quickly. He simply wasn’t her type. He was somewhat overweight, commonly had a wrinkled shirt, his tie loosely nodded around his neck, and he probably only watched television all weekend.
David, on the other hand, had been tall and athletic. He always smelled of manly soap, the outdoors, and the only time she remembered seeing him dirty was when he was making her a garden. The images filled her mind. He had tilled a large area, dividing it down the middle. One half was for flowers, the other for vegetables. He had added two split rail fences for the plants that needed to vine. The garden plot was empty now. She couldn’t bring herself to touch the soil because his hands had touched it last.
“Mac, are you okay?” Tim’s voice was sympathetic.
She realized he really was a nice guy. It wasn’t his fault that she wasn’t very good company. She wouldn’t be very good company with anyone right now. “Sorry, I was remembering.”
“I get it,” he nodded, patting her on the shoulder. “So, are you dating?”
Mackenzie froze, dreading him working around to this question. “No, I haven’t been.”
“How long has it been?”
“Almost three years. To be very honest with you, Tim, I’m not sure that I’m ready to date.” She hoped he would get the hint from that. What he said next made her feel quite churlish.
“Look, Mac. I know that I’m probably not your type. Anyway, I’ve been talking to a girl online for a couple of weeks now. She’s seen my photos and I’ve seen hers, and there’s a little’s hint of magic between us, if you get what I mean.”