With this thought, knowing sleep would remain evasive, she left the room and walked out on the deck. Gideon saw her and smiled, his teeth shining in the full spill of moonlight. “We should start a new club…Insomniacs Are Us.”
She smiled. “I have to admit, for the past couple of nights sleep has been a scarce commodity.”
He unfolded two deck chairs. Sitting down in one, he motioned her to the other. “It’s been my experience that sitting out here in the fresh air helps bring on sleepiness,” he said as she sat next to him.
“I think it will take more than a little fresh air for me to get to sleep,” she replied. “My mind keeps whirling with everything that’s happened the last couple of days.”
“I know what you mean.” He leaned his head back and drew in a deep breath.
She settled back in the chair, an immediate peace sweeping over her as she drank in the majestic beauty of the moonlight on the water, heard the rhythmic swoosh of the waves, smelled the salt-tinged breeze that caressed her face like cool fingers. “Whatever made you decide to live on a houseboat?” she asked.
He stirred restlessly in his chair, his gaze on some point in the distance. “At the time I didn’t have much choice on where I was going to live. I walked away from my marriage empty-handed and had just quit the police department. I had nothing, didn’t know where I was going or what I intended to do. Of course, you wouldn’t know about being broke, right?”
She shrugged. “There’s different degrees of broke. When Jesse left me, my inheritance didn’t bring me any comfort. When I was growing up without a mother, and with an absent father, I didn’t feel like being wealthy was such a wonderful thing.” She sighed and shifted positions on the chair. “I made the conscious decision to put most of my money in trust and live a normal life, surrounded by people who worked hard for their money.” Smiling self-consciously, she waved her hands. “Besides, we weren’t talking about me, we were talking about you and what brought you here.”
He stirred restlessly, then stood up, leaned over the railing, and stared into the dark waters below. “I needed a place to stay for awhile, to regroup, decide where I was going with my life. This place belonged to a buddy of mine. He offered it to me as a temporary haven.” He turned and smiled at her. “Somehow temporary became permanent. When I started making money as a private investigator, I decided to buy the boat.” His smile turned reflective. “I feel safe here. The ocean is the one constant in my life, and it makes no demands on me, asks nothing from me.”
Although his voice held no inflection, Colleen felt the pain beyond his words. It was the fear of a man who would risk nothing emotionally, who was willing only to bind himself to the uncaring, indifferent ocean waves. What had happened to him? What pain kept him so isolated?
Was her curiosity about him because she was a social worker and wanted to fix everyone’s problems? Or was it because she cared about him on a more personal level? She consciously shifted away from these questions, unwilling to examine her feelings too closely.
“Did I put you to sleep?” he asked, a touch of dry humor in his tone.
“No, I was just thinking.” She looked at him again, his features stark in the shafts of moonlight. “You told me the other night that you loved being a policeman. Why did you resign from the force?”
Again he was silent for a long moment, and his gaze went to the murky waters below the deck. “It’s a long, ugly story,” he finally answered.
“The night is long, and I’m not a bit sleepy,” she answered.
He sighed. His features looked as if somehow he had swallowed all the darkness of the night. A muscle worked frantically in his jaw, and Colleen fought her impulse to tell him to forget it, she didn’t want to know what dark secrets scarred his soul.
“In order to understand why I quit the police force, you have to understand a few things about my ex-wife.” He swiped a hand through his hair and eased down in the chair next to Colleen.
“I was a police officer when I met Anne. She was shopping and had been mugged. I was the officer who responded to the incident. Although I thought she was beautiful, I knew she was wealthy and from a powerful family. I took the report, gave her my sympathy, then forgot all about it. Two days later she called me at the station, invited me out to dinner to show her appreciation for one of New York’s finest.”
His voice was curiously devoid of emotion, as if he was relating something that had little to do with him. Still, Colleen could feel the tension that radiated from him, see the stress that tightened his features as he continued.
“I decided to go, first because I was curious about her, but mostly because I was flattered. At the time I didn’t realize Anne always got what she wanted, and she had decided she wanted me.” He laughed, a humorless sound that broke the peace of the night. “Anne was single-minded in her campaign to win me over, and eventually she did. I was crazy about her. We were married within six months.”
He stood up again, as if needing the action of pacing to continue the story. “What I didn’t understand when I married Anne was that she didn’t want to be married to a cop. She’d married a sow’s ear and wouldn’t be satisfied until she turned me into a silk purse.”
Colleen frowned. “I’m not sure I understand. What did she want you to do?”
“Join her father’s company. Be a three-piece-suit man who spent my days making fortunes and my nights at thousand-dollar-a-plate charity functions. She couldn’t understand that I couldn’t do that…I’m simply not that kind of man. She hated my passion for my work, the long hours, the menial pay.”
“And so you fought,” Colleen replied.
Again he laughed hollowly. “Oh, how we fought. She insisted if I loved her, I’d quit the force. I maintained if she loved me, she’d never ask me to quit.” He drew in a deep breath, then continued. “During this same time period, the department was undergoing an internal affairs investigation for corruption, rumors of cops on the take.”
He sat in the chair, his shoulders slumped forward as if in defeat. He looked at her, and in the depths of his eyes she saw the whisper of vulnerability, realized that by telling her all this he was trusting her with a precious piece of himself. “I never knew she’d go so far.” His voice was a mere whisper. “I was so caught up in loving her, still so amazed that she’d married me, I didn’t realize how far she’d go to get what she wanted. I didn’t see it coming at all.”
Colleen swallowed hard, realizing her mouth had gone dry. She wanted to wrap him in her arms, hold him tight. She didn’t want to hear any more and yet knew she had to finish what she had begun. She licked her lips, dread coursing through her. “What did she do?” she finally asked.
“Internal Affairs called me in, told me they had found a bank account in my name. The account had more money in it than I could make in a lifetime of being a policeman, and I’d always been quite verbal in the fact that when I married Anne I insisted we keep our money separate.”
“They thought you were on the take?” Colleen asked incredulously.
He held out his hands and shrugged. “What else could they think? Although they were honest enough to tell me with my connection to Anne they didn’t want to prosecute, they did recommend highly that I leave the force.”
“Oh, Gideon,” she said softly, her heart aching for him.
“And so I resigned from the force.” He leaned back in the chair, his body less tense than before. She was surprised when he smiled and shook his head. “You want to hear the most incredible part of all? When I confronted Anne about it, she admitted that she and her father had opened the account, hoping what had happened would happen. She genuinely didn’t understand why I was so mad. It was at that moment I realized I didn’t love her, couldn’t ever love her again.”
Colleen tasted his betrayal, suddenly understood why he kept himself so isolated. His wife had not only betrayed him on a personal level, she’d destroyed him on a professional level, all in the name of love. Was it any wonder th
at he maintained he would never love again?
“Gideon, I’m so sorry,” she finally said. She reached out and placed a hand on his arm, wanting to connect with him, somehow ease the pains of his past. “I just get the feeling that you’ve shut yourself off from people because you’ve been hurt in the past. I…I hate to see that.”
He looked at her in wry amusement. “Ah, your profession is showing, Ms. Jensen. I can see you frothing at the mouth with anticipation of somehow rehabilitating me.”
She snatched her hand away from his arm, stung by the taunting sarcasm in his voice. “Maybe my concern has nothing to do with my profession,” she snapped. “Did you ever consider my concern might just be that of one person for another?” She stood up. “I think I’ll go to bed. Suddenly sleep sounds very appealing.” She turned to leave, then gasped as he grabbed her by the arm and twirled her around to face him once again.
“Are you saying you care about me?” He stood so close to her she could feel the heat from his body, and his breath fanned her face. He reached up, and with the tip of one finger touched her lips ever so gently. “Tell me, Colleen. Just how far are you willing to go to rehabilitate me?”
“I—I…” The power of speech left her as he pulled her tightly against the length of his body. His eyes stared into hers with an intensity that stole her breath away. Before she could protest or pull away, his mouth descended to hers.
Greedily his mouth plied hers with heat. His arms were tight, holding her captive against him. A willing captive, for she made no attempt to escape, to leave his embrace.
Instead, she welcomed him, opening her mouth, wanting to deepen the intimacy of the kiss. She didn’t consider the utter foolishness of kissing Gideon, didn’t consider his motivation in wanting to kiss her. She only wanted to experience the moment, savor each exquisite sensation that rippled through her as his mouth possessed hers.
As his tongue dipped inside her mouth, she felt as if she’d swallowed the moon and the stars. Why else the explosion of warmth within her?
She reached up and stroked the side of his face, enjoying the rough feel of whisker stubble beneath her fingertips. Her other hand went to the nape of his neck, her fingers entwining in the richness of his hair.
He moaned deep in his throat as she pressed herself intimately against him, unsure what exactly she wanted from him, but wanting more. His mouth left hers, instead trailing hot kisses behind her ear, along the side of her neck.
His hands moved up and down her back, at first softly, then gradually with more pressure. She dropped her head back, allowing his mouth access to the tender area of her throat. She gasped as one of his hands moved from her back, around to the ribs just below her breasts.
His hand covered her breast as his mouth once again claimed hers. Through the silky material of her pajamas, her nipple stiffened toward the warmth of his caress, and Colleen wanted his caress on her without the barrier of the material.
As if he could read her mind and shared her desire, his fingers nimbly worked to unbutton her top. As he unfastened the last button, there was a brief moment when Colleen felt the cool night breeze on her bare skin, then the coolness was replaced by the warmth of his hand.
It had been so long…so long since Colleen had felt desired. It felt so good to be held in masculine arms, to feel the beat of his heart mirroring the frantic pace of her own. Someplace in the back of her mind, she knew the pleasure was not in being held in any masculine arms, but distinctly in being held by Gideon.
“Gideon.” She said his name softly. “Make love to me.
He froze, his eyes locked with hers. She watched the passion die from their dark depths, replaced by an unpleasant gleam that made her stiffen defensively. “Is that how far you’re willing to go to reform me?” A dark eyebrow shot up mockingly. “I don’t know…it might work. You’re wealthy like Anne was. You come from the same kind of background. Maybe in using your body without loving you I’ll feel like I’m paying back those who hurt me.”
She gasped at the cruelty of his words. “I’m not Anne.”
His eyes darkened, and gently he pulled the edges of her pajama top together. He sighed, the heavy expulsion of breath a sound of defeat. “Go to bed, Colleen. I think we’re both in over our heads.”
Over their heads? Colleen felt as if she was drowning in emotion. She looked at him for another long moment, then, turning, she went inside.
Once in her room, she turned off the light and got into bed, her body aching with unfulfillment. Her face burned as she remembered her wanton response to him. How quickly, how easily he had managed to make her forget everything but him.
She had to leave here. She didn’t care what kind of danger she might encounter by moving back to the duplex. Nothing was as dangerous to her well-being as Gideon. She closed her eyes, needing the darkness to acknowledge what was in her heart. Somehow, someway, in the brief time she had known Gideon Graves, she had managed to fall hopelessly, irrevocably in love with him.
Gideon was awake before the morning light illuminated the eastern sky. He sat on the deck chair, sipping a cup of coffee, watching as the first tendrils of light peeked over the horizon.
He’d slept little all night, instead tossing and turning on the uncomfortable sofa while his head played and replayed those moments of holding Colleen in his arms.
He’d intentionally been unkind, needing to alienate her, not only for her own sake but for his, as well. She needed him at the moment, needed his expertise to help her find Sam, help her muddle through the mystery darkening her life. But he knew once that need had dissipated she would go on with a life that wouldn’t, couldn’t include him.
Different worlds, different backgrounds, and he couldn’t trust his feelings to know if he would be using Colleen to assuage the sins of Anne.
Anne. He drained his coffee cup and placed it on the floor next to his chair. He rose and walked to the railing. Leaning against it, his thoughts returned to his ex-wife. Funny, when he’d spoken of her last night with Colleen, he’d realized that at some point he’d lost his bitterness, moved past it.
He felt good about that, as if somehow he’d grown. Still, he wasn’t fool enough to want to repeat the experience, and that’s what he feared he would do with Colleen. Oh, he didn’t believe she was devious like Anne had been. But she would have expectations, and sooner or later he would disappoint her.
“Good morning.”
He jumped in surprise at the sound of her voice. He turned to see her standing in the doorway. She’d obviously been up for some time as she was dressed and had her overnight bag in her hand.
“Good morning,” he replied, shoving away a small tinge of shame as he remembered the way they had parted the night before, the stark cruelty of his words to her.
“I think perhaps it’s time I go home.” Her face was devoid of expression, making it impossible for him to know how she felt. “The necklace is safe for now, and I can’t hide out here forever. I need to get back to work, to my own life.”
On the one hand he wanted to sigh in relief and shove her out the door. On another note he knew it was risky for her to return before they at least knew the importance of the necklace. “We don’t have any answers yet,” he said.
“I can’t put my life on hold until I get answers,” she returned. “Besides—” her gaze skittered away from his “—I just think it best if I go home.”
“This is about last night, isn’t it?”
Her face colored slightly. “Don’t be ridiculous. This has nothing to do with last night.” She gripped her bag tighter against her side. “I’ve already called for a taxi. It should be here any minute.”
“I would have driven you home.”
She shrugged. “I didn’t want to be a bother. Besides, I wanted to get home early enough so I can have a locksmith out. I’m installing all new locks on the doors.”
He nodded. “A wise move. I know the house is clean at the moment. My friend removed all the listening devices.”
In the distance a horn honked. They both turned to see the yellow cab waiting in the parking lot. She looked at Gideon, her eyes expressionless. “You’ll continue working on the case?”
“You’ll continue to pay me?”
This brought another flush of color to her cheeks. “Of course,” she replied. “And thank you for your hospitality.” She started down the dock, then hesitated and turned to him. “You’ll call me?”
He nodded, watching until she disappeared into the cab and the cab drove out of sight. He had a feeling he could have stopped her, that had he insisted she stay for safety reasons she probably would have reluctantly agreed. However, he knew Colleen was resourceful, and now that she knew she might be at risk, she would do whatever she needed to keep herself safe.
It was better this way. He’d nearly lost control with her last night. He’d wanted her so badly it had hurt. He’d wanted to lose himself in the smoky depths of her eyes, forget his past, not worry about the future. He’d simply wanted to make love to Colleen. And, oh, what a mistake that would have been.
He’d sworn to himself he would never be vulnerable to a woman again. He’d sworn he would never care again. Yes, better she was gone and no longer a constant, daily temptation.
He bent over and picked up his coffee cup from the deck, fighting off a sudden desire for a cigarette. Funny, during the time Colleen had been at the houseboat, he hadn’t felt the need for a smoke, had even given up chewing on licorice.
Frowning, he went into the house and poured himself a fresh cup of coffee. The silence surrounded him, heavy and oppressive. There was no remnant of Colleen. Even the air itself no longer contained the sweet scent of her. Instead it was flat and stale.
He moved over to the window and stared out, a tinge of relief flowing through him as he saw Eddy walking toward the boat. For the first time he looked forward to Eddy’s company. For the first time in three years, he didn’t want to be alone.
An Impromptu Proposal Page 10