by C. J. Pinard
***
I was supposed to be working, but my brain was in rewind, it seemed.
“You know I think you’re sexy,” Samantha murmured, her attempt at being sexy – while cute – were falling short.
“You’re sexy, too,” I replied lamely.
She kissed me, her tongue nowhere in the picture.
I got off, sure, but where the feelings were there somewhat, there was something huge missing. Something I couldn’t put my finger on, until one day it had hit me after I had gone overseas for another deployment and I had spoken to other serviceman.
Passion.
Young and horny, yes I had played the field a little. But I always knew one day that sex would mean something more than getting off and wishing the girl next to me had incited some sort of spark in me before I’d taken her body and used it for my own pleasure. I always wondered if I fell in love and got married one day if I’d feel what other guys I’d met had felt. What my parents seem to feel for each other. Until I’d met Miranda, I always felt that men treated women like royalty because they didn’t want to be alone. They wanted their woman to remain faithful. Because they didn’t want to deal with finding another woman to bear his children and cook his meals.
Yes, these thoughts went through my mind, ignorant and naïve to the fact that men could actually have real, live feelings for a woman past the sexual aspect.
Samantha was a cute, fun distraction. No matter what words had come out of my mouth, I don’t believe that I had ever loved her. No part of her mind, face, or body had incited the feelings that roiled around in my stomach and heart when I laid eyes on Miranda. She stirred feelings in me I’d never felt before. What I could only describe as “butterflies” I’d heard people describe. I always thought they were full of shit, fuelled on by lust and whatever else. But no, that wasn’t true now. I missed Miranda when she wasn’t near. When I was supposed to be working or catching a ball being sailed at me from second base, I missed her. Her body, her face, her laugh… even her beautiful daughter, they inundated my mind at all inappropriate hours of the day and night, and I soon determined that this is what being love was like. Why was I 27 years old and just experiencing this?
Because you hadn’t met the right woman, that’s why. You hadn’t met her.
I think I needed to marry this woman. Make her and her daughter mine, because if I didn’t, I was scared – no, not scared – terrified – that someone else would snatch her up and claim her as theirs, and that would be wrong, because she was meant to be with me. Destined among fate, the stars, or God to be mine, and the hell if I was gonna l let her go. She and I fit together like pieces to a puzzle, and if there was one thing I knew, it was that Miranda Lee Cates had ahold of my heart with her manicured, freckled hand and if she ever let it go, I would be lost forever, destined to be single and wondering what had happened to the one that got away.
Chapter 10
“It’s all in my report, sir,” I replied, a somber expression masking the tears that wanted to fall.
The commanding officer, an older man with the wisdom of decades in the Marine Corps, pierced me with his wise eyes and then flicked them down to the paper in his hands.
“I find it odd a child was just standing alone in the middle of a village.”
My incredulous gaze could not be concealed as I raised an eyebrow at him. “Sir? That whole country is littered with orphans, thanks to this war.”
I immediately regretted that last sentence and closed my eyes, the onslaught of a tongue-lashing surely my punishment.
When I was greeted with his reply, I opened my eyes and stared at my CO, his expression unreadable. He looked back down at my report.
“I agree, Lawless. However, this still doesn’t explain the tripwire.”
“Sir?”
He sighed, setting down my report, folding his pale hands over it. His blue eyes bored into mine, challenging me. I hoped one day I wouldn’t flinch under such a gaze as his. “Did you and…” he picked up my report again, scanning it briefly, “Billings not do perimeter checks before going and sitting on your asses?”
I felt a hot flush flood my cheeks, but kept my face impassive. “We were diligent in our checks, sir. That tripwire must have either been extremely well hidden, or newly…”
He held up a hand and sighed. “Enough, Lawless. Go back to your room and take a breather.”
I stood up as he dismissed me, and left his makeshift office inside the tent on a shiny booted heel, trudging back to the barracks, not sure if I should feel bad or proud. A confusing guy, that CO.
I didn’t sleep well that night, and it was all as well, as that was the night our barracks had been blown up in flames, thanks to that damn suicide bomber, and sleep hadn’t been in the cards for me anyhow.
***
The Playoffs! This could very well be our last game of the season, and as I sat in the dugout, all I could do was let memories of that war flood my brain – and it wasn’t anything I needed at all. I had to get my head in the game, and my ass up to bat.
Anger like no other seeped up from my gut, traveling through my arms, and seeming to bolt out of my fingers. I felt them twitch with restlessness, my left hand choking up the bat as I wiggled in place, waiting for the ball to be pitched at me. The pitcher glared at me from under the shadow of his ball cap, then spit a brown stream past the pitcher’s mound, bringing his face back to me once more. I dipped my head at him, telling him he was free at any time to go ahead and bring it on.
Thinking about the child I was unable to save, my bat connected with the ball in a puff of dirt and a crack so loud it rang in my ears. The cheers from the stands began to overtake the ringing as I tore off toward first base. I watched as the ball I’d slammed was still flying through the air and I pumped my arms and legs, headed toward second base. The ball had now been caught and was now sailing toward third. I had to quickly decide if I would stay on second or risk stealing third.
Screw it.
I sucked in a breath and ran as hard as I could. With no less than 5 feet to the goal, I dove at it, knocking the wind out of my chest as I landed face down – but safe – both gloved hands gripping third base as if it were a life raft and I was lost at sea. I stood up and saw “SAFE” flashing across the jumbo-tron. I spit dirt and chalk from my mouth and smiled at the third baseman, who wouldn’t make eye contact with me, but I was pretty sure I heard him call me a dick.
I hoped Miranda and her parents were in the stands and saw that. It wasn’t a homerun, but I hadn’t been called out, either. Wanting to make people proud was a great motivator to do my best, because letting people down was the one thing in life I absolutely couldn’t stand. Why I cared what people thought was beyond me, but it had always been deeply ingrained in me and I somehow always aimed to please everyone. My parents, my teachers, my coaches, my commanding officers, my bosses – and now my ‘fans’, and my new beautiful girlfriend. I don’t know why, but it had clearly turned me into an overachiever. And I wasn’t going to apologize for any of it.
After the game, Miranda and Ashlynn met me at the park’s exit after I’d showered and come down from the high that we’d beat the Arizona team 5-4. I said my goodbyes to Jared, whose wicked pitching had no doubt helped us win, and a big smile spread across my face when I saw my two beautiful princesses standing at the exit.
“Jace!” Ashlynn squealed, running up to me, two brown pigtails swinging on either side of her head. She was wearing a little pink jersey with my team’s logo on it, and some white jeans tucked into black boots. She looked adorable. I picked her up. “Hi, princess.”
She hugged my neck and I smiled, looking past her at her mother. Miranda’s eyes were scrutinizing me, but a smile I could tell she couldn’t control was kicked up on her mouth, and I saw her eyes glisten a little bit. I used my free hand to hug her and plant a kiss on her forehead. “Hi, beautiful.”
“Good game, player,” she smirked, reaching down and plucking up Ashlynn’s booster seat she
had sitting next to her feet.
She leaned her head into my shoulder and we walked toward my car, making our way back to her house.
Ashlynn had fallen asleep on the way home, and I offered to carry her inside while Miranda grabbed her bag and my duffel. After removing her little shoes and unzipping her sweatshirt, I gently placed Ash in her princess bed, looking up to make sure the netting to her canopy was firmly in place where I’d nailed it into the posts of the bed last week – much to Miranda’s displeasure about the holes. But I didn’t want her little girl getting scared like that again.
A couple weeks ago, I’d taken them both to the Santa Cruz beach boardwalk for a day of fun and rides, and Ashlynn had gotten lost for a few minutes. The look in Miranda’s terrified eyes, and the terror in my own gut let me know that I loved these two with more than I wanted to admit. Thankfully the security at the park had found Ashlynn wandering around, crying and alone, and rescued her quickly, but those few minutes without her had been pure and utter hell on Earth. I never wanted to go through that again. The frightened eyes of a four-year-old was something I never wanted to see again.
Without even thinking, I leant down and kissed Ash on her little forehead, and she let out a little sigh, the light from her Cinderella nightlight causing her long, dark eyelashes to cast a shadow along her cherub-like cheeks. I went to leave the room and saw Miranda standing in the doorway with her arms folded, smiling at me in her way again. She moved out of the way so I could close the door, and as soon as it had clicked shut, she gently pushed me up against the wall of her hallway and leaned up on tiptoe and kissed me gently on the mouth. I wrapped a hand around her back and she placed her hand on my face. Pulling back gently, she looked in my eyes. “I love you.”
Smiling, I replied, “I love you, too.” Then I jerked my chin toward the bedroom door. “And your little princess, too.”
She leaned in and hugged me again before grabbing my hand and dragging me to the bedroom. Removing my clothes with a painful and methodical slowness, I returned the favor once I was completely bare. I think I even went slower than she had, small groans and mewls coming from her as I stripped the last bit of material from her body, and then pressed it against me, slowly leading her toward the bed. She lay down and I wasn’t far behind, caressing and stroking every part of her scorching hot body as she let me.
I made love to her both slow and hard, not missing an inch of her body as it lay under mine, wet, accepting, pleasurable, and grateful. But nobody was as grateful as I was… this beautiful woman was mine, all mine, and I hoped I could spend the rest of my life with her body pressed against me.
I never, ever wanted to let her go.
***
The smell off coffee roused me from sleep and I blinked against the slivers of sunlight coming in through the blinds in her bedroom. I got up and stretched, scanning the floor for at least a pair of pants. Seeing my jeans lying in a crumpled heap, I first used her adjoining bathroom. Then I smoothed down the hair that was sticking up and finger-brushed my teeth with her toothpaste. I need to leave a toothbrush here, I thought.
I then put my pants on and walked into the kitchen, where I found Miranda in a short, red, silk robe pouring coffee into a dark blue mug with a prison logo on it. Ashlynn was sitting in a small plastic chair attached to one of her dining room chairs, eating scrambled eggs. The TV was on some cartoon.
I walked up behind Miranda and put my arms around her middle and swooped her hair to the side, kissing her neck. “Good morning,” I murmured.
She didn’t turn around, just plucked another cup from the cupboard and sloshed some coffee into it. Then she turned around and handed it to me with both hands wrapped around it. Curls of steam were floating from its surface. “Good morning.”
She splashed some creamer into her cup and we sat at the table.
“All done!” Ashlynn declared, proudly showing us her empty plate. I smiled at her.
Miranda freed her from the seat and she went into the living room. I set my coffee cup down and pulled a key from the pocket of my jeans. I slid it to her over the wood grain of the tabletop. Picking up my mug, I took a cautious sip, watching the steam rise up from it.
Her mouth paused at her cup as she looked at the key. “What’s that?”
“A key to my apartment.”
She cocked a blonde eyebrow at me, looking down at the key, then back into my eyes. “Do you think I’ll need it?”
I nodded. “Yes, well, I don’t know. I was thinking about last night. What if I’d been held up? The last thing I’d want is for you and Ash to be stuck, and my apartment is closer than your house to the stadium.”
She smiled, placing a hand over the key and sliding it back toward me. “Well, that’s sweet of you, but you don’t have to, Jace. I mean, really. We spend most our time here anyway.”
I slid it back to her. “Just take it, you stubborn girl.”
She looked at it but didn’t touch it, just flicked her honey colored gaze back to me. Then she looked out at Ashlynn, who was on the sofa clutching a blonde-haired doll and watching TV.
I looked at her daughter, then back at her. “When are you gonna tell me about her father?”
This got her attention quickly and I saw her flinch slightly. She looked at me, biting the side of her lip, then stared down into her coffee cup. “It’s nothing exciting. Jason and I just weren’t meant to be together.”
It was my turn to raise an eyebrow. Then I chuckled at hearing my full name spoken. “Jason?”
She snorted. “If you think it’s funny to you, imagine how it is to me.”
“Well it’s a good thing my dad’s been calling me Jace since I was born.”
“Yes. It is a very good thing.”
“Go on with your story,” I encouraged.
She set her cup down and reached to the center of the table, plucking a banana from a fruit dish and peeling it slowly. If she thought she was gonna distract me by eating that slowly, she could think again.
Don’t look at her mouth…
“There’s not much to tell. We dated in college, in San Diego, and it didn’t work. He moved up here for some job, we hooked back up for one night, and she was the result.” She jerked her head toward the living room. “I’m sorry it’s not a more romantic story than that.”
“No birth control, no condoms?” I asked, the words flying out of my mouth before I could stop them.
She shook her head with a smile. “Oh, I was on the pill. However, I was working a lot of shiftwork at the prison at the time. I guess if you’re really fertile, you have to take that damn pill at the same time every day or it could, uh, lose its effectiveness. Or so that’s how the doctor had explained it to me at the time.” She shrugged. “Mistakes happen.” Then, breaking off a piece of banana with her fingers, she shoved it in her mouth.
I reached over and placed my hand over hers. “Ashlynn’s not a mistake. A surprise maybe. But nobody’s a mistake.”
Her eyes misted up and she looked away toward her daughter.
“Where is Jason now? Doesn’t he see her?”
She nodded. “Yes, he saw her a lot when she was little. He met someone, her name is Aimee. They moved back down to Southern California and are getting married soon. He only sees her when he comes up here for… whatever he does up here.”
I wanted to ask her if he was paying child support but I didn’t feel like it was any of my business. Plus, if I found out he wasn’t, I’d want to kick his ass, and that would be a very bad thing.
“Did you love Jason?”
Her gaze turned back to me as she answered quickly. “No. I dated him as a rebound after Chris. Jason’s a nice guy, financially responsible, good looking. But he wasn’t the one. If that makes any sense to you, which it probably doesn’t. I hooked up with him out of loneliness… or something… ”
“I see,” was all I could think to say.
She sighed. “Please don’t judge me.”
I looked at her incredulously
. Judge her? Should I tell her about all the countless groupies I’d had my way with? Or the chicks who threw themselves at me while in my camouflage uniform?
I got up, grabbed the coffee mug from her hands, and set it on the table. I grasped her hand and made her stand so she was facing me. I looked down at her, brushing some hair behind her ear. “If you think I would ever judge you for any of your actions, past or present, you don’t know me very well at all.”
She nodded, but said nothing, just looked down.
I used my finger to tip her chin up to look at me. “Miranda, I’m probably the least judgmental person you’ll ever meet. My past isn’t perfect, my family isn’t perfect, nothing is. But things happen for a reason.” My eyes drifted to the living room. “Your daughter is beautiful, and she was brought into this world for a reason, if no other one than to show me what a great mother you are. And I have to say… I’m quite impressed, I won’t lie.”
A tear leaked out of her eye and slithered down her face and I wiped it away with my thumb.
“Thank you, Jace,” she whispered. “I needed that.”
This made me smile. “And I need you. Now take my damn key and quit being so stubborn. Mi casa es su casa.”
She looked at me in disbelief. “You know Spanish?”
“I’ve been all around the world, baby.”
She giggled. “Point taken.”
I realized I may have given up a little too much, as she still didn’t know about my time in the service, but she seemed to roll with it – so I would, too.
Chapter 11
Shoveling another bite of chicken casserole into my face, I paused as my mother’s voice caught my attention.
“Where’s your pretty new girlfriend?”
I set my fork down. “She had to work tonight.”
“Dude, she works in a prison. Bad ass!” exclaimed Jory, his eyes flicking to my parents, then to my sister Darcy and brother Dalton.