“You were right about me,” he told her. “Ever since Ethan died, I’ve been, I don’t know, punishing myself, I guess, just for being alive. I could never let myself enjoy anything too much, I couldn’t let myself get too happy. And you were right—I found one hell of a way to make myself properly miserable by falling in love with someone that I couldn’t ever have.”
The stupid thing was, he didn’t realize he was doing that until he met Brittany. Brittany, who liked him.
“And you know, as time went on, I think I probably stopped loving Lana and started loving the idea of Lana. You know, the fact that she was unattainable made her even more attractive, since my goal, you know, was to be miserable. There was one time—I was really drunk, and I think she probably was, too—I kissed her. It scared the crap out of me. I think I was more in love with not being able to have Lana, than I was with Lana.
“And as for Lana, well, what she really wanted was for Quinn to have my kind of, I don’t know, devotion, I guess. She didn’t ever want me.”
He looked at Brittany. “But you do. You want me.” He laughed, and it hurt and he swore. “I don’t get it, but you seem to like me—you know, even the dark, scary parts of me that I’m afraid to let most people see. There’s no part of me that I’m afraid to show you, Britt. There’s no part of me that’s too intense, too extreme for you. You’re just…you’re okay with it. You’re okay with me.
“When I’m with you, baby, even just sitting here like this, there’s absolutely no doubt about it—I’m very glad to be alive. And when I’m with you, you know, I’m not so angry at the world, and I’m not so angry at myself anymore, either. When I’m with you, I actually kind of like myself, too. And if that’s not freaking amazing…”
Brittany, sweet Brittany, had tears in her eyes.
“I want to be that guy,” he told her, “the one that I like, the one I see reflected in your eyes—for the rest of my life. So marry me, all right? Put me out of my misery and tell me you love me, too.”
“I love you, too,” she said. “Oh, Wes, I’d love to marry you.”
And it was everything he’d hoped for, this knowing she’d be at his side until the end of time.
But God, the best part of her answer was the warmth of Brittany’s smile, the love in Brittany’s eyes.
If he’d been the kind of guy who cried, he would have been sobbing right now. As it was, his eyes were feeling dangerously moist.
Wes kissed her.
“You know,” Brittany said after she’d kissed him again—carefully so as not to jar his shoulder. “My sister and Jones are never going to let us forget they were the ones who set us up on a blind date.”
“That’s okay, baby,” Wes said, kissing her again. “Because I’m never going to stop thanking them.”
EPILOGUE
“WHAT WOULD YOU SAY if I told you I was thinking about taking a year off from school?” Brittany asked.
Wes looked up from his computer, spinning in his chair to face her.
She was standing in the bedroom doorway, leaning against the jamb.
He measured his words before answering her. “I guess I’d ask you why you’re thinking about doing that. And I’d tell you I hope it’s not on my account.”
“It’s not,” she said.
“Honest?” he asked. It hadn’t been easy—living and working in two different cities, but it wasn’t awful. “If I’ve complained too much lately just tell me to zip it, babe. It’s not going to be forever, and besides, we have Andy to think about.”
Andy needed Britt around more than ever now. Dani was back in school, but Dustin Melero’s trial date was approaching. There were no guarantees, rape trials always came down to “he said, she said,” but four other girls had come forward, with stories identical to Dani’s. Together, they were working to lock that bastard up.
Yeah, maybe Dustin could share a jail cell with John Cagle, Amber’s crazy-assed stalker.
Amber had beefed up her security, and Wes and Britt had put an alarm system in both of their apartments, too.
Not that they were worried about him getting out of jail any time in the near future. But the security system made Wes breathe a little easier when he and Britt were apart.
“That was Andy on the phone just now,” Britt told him.
“How’d the team do?” They were in Sacramento this weekend.
Andy hadn’t lost his scholarship, and with the new baseball season starting, there was already talk that he was going to be the college team’s MVP. The scouts were swarming. It was just a matter of time before the kid went pro.
“He called to say he’s made up his mind. He’s signing with the Dodgers, can you believe it? He’ll start playing on their Triple A team in May.”
Wes searched her face. “You okay with that?”
“Very much so.” Brittany smiled. “Of course, I made him promise that someday he’d go back and finish getting his degree. Even if he plays baseball until he’s forty-five. First thing he does after retiring—go back to school.”
Wes reached for her, and she came and sat on his lap. “Wow. So what are you thinking? With Andy playing pro, out on the road, traveling all the time, you’re going to come live with me in San Diego?” He tried not to sound too hopeful and failed.
“Yeah,” she said. “You got a problem with that?”
“Not even close.” He kissed her, but then stopped her from kissing him again. “I do have a problem with this leaving nursing school thing. Becoming a nurse practitioner has been your dream for a long time. I don’t like the idea of you giving it up just to be with me more days a week. I’m out of town a lot, too, Britt.”
“I know. I thought I could look into transferring to a school in San Diego,” she told him. “But not for a few years.” She smiled at him. It was the kind of smile he’d learned to watch out for. The kind that said, Duck and cover! Incoming! “Not until after the baby turns two or three.”
Wes heard the words, but they didn’t make sense. And then they made a crapload of sense. He laughed his shock and surprise. “Are you telling me…?”
“Remember about two weeks ago when we weren’t really careful?” she asked.
He laughed again. “Uh, yeah, but I seem to remember a lot of times since we’ve been married, Mrs. Skelly, that we haven’t been particularly careful.” And he’d loved every minute of it. But a baby. Jesus.
“Well, I just did a test, and… It’s definite.” She laughed. “Sweetie, you look scared to death.”
“I am scared to death. I’m thrilled, of course, you know I am but… I’m also scared to death. A baby. Holy Mother of God.”
Brittany was glowing. He’d heard that word used to describe pregnant women, but he’d never believed anyone could actually glow. But Brittany sure as hell was doing it.
And he knew why putting her career aspirations on hold wasn’t such a big deal for her.
Because even though getting this degree had been a dream of hers for a long time, she’d had another dream, too.
To have a baby.
And even though it had happened accidentally, Wes had helped make that particular dream come true.
“I love you,” he told her. “More than you’ll ever know.”
Her eyes shone with unshed tears. “Oh, but I do know,” she whispered. She kissed him.
Good thing he wasn’t the crying kind, because if he were, he’d be in a puddle on the floor.
“If it’s a girl, let’s name her—”
“Whoa,” Wes said. “Whoa, whoa, wait. I can’t have a girl. Girls grow up and become guy magnets, and I’m telling you right now that I absolutely won’t be able to deal with that.”
“Well, I guess there’s a fifty-fifty chance it’ll be a boy—”
“Yeah, but, Jesus, having a boy would be even worse. I don’t know anything about being a father to a son—look who I had for a role model. My father sucked—you’ve said so yourself. No, there’s no way I can have a son.”
Brittany was laughing at him. “Breathe,” she said. “Sweetie, just breathe. You’re going to be a great father.” She put his hand on her stomach, over her womb, where her baby—their baby—was growing right as they spoke. “All you have to do is love this little baby half as much as you love me. And I have a feeling after you see his little face, you’re going to love him even more.”
“I think I might throw up,” Wes said.
Britt laughed. “That’s my job for the next few months.”
“God,” he said, “are you feeling okay? Do you have morning sickness? Are you—”
“Actually, I feel great. Melody had terrible morning sickness, but that doesn’t mean I will.”
“No more riding horses,” he told her. “Until the baby’s born. I heard that somewhere.”
“Well that should be easy, since I’ve never been on a horse in my life.” She laughed. “You’re going to go completely neurotic on me, aren’t you?”
Wes closed his eyes. “I’m sorry. It’s just…”
“It’s going to take some time to get used to,” she told him. “I know. Especially the part about not needing to use birth control for the next nine months. That’s going to be really rough.”
He opened his eyes at that to see her smiling at him. She wiggled her eyebrows. “In fact, maybe we should go practice.”
“Oh, baby,” he said, and kissed her.
And they lived happily—with lots of loud discussions and plenty of laughter—ever after.
ISBN: 978-1-4592-0535-2
NIGHT WATCH
Copyright © 2003 by Suzanne Brockmann
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