“Come on, Mom.” Meredith’s voice broke through Allison’s musings. “You’re falling behind. Hurry up.”
“I’m coming! Hold your horses.”
Emma
June 9, 1928
Today is our first anniversary. Strange. There are times it feels I’ve been married to Alexander forever, and other times when it seems only yesterday since we were pronounced man and wife.
We are almost happy, I think. Happier than we were when Alexander was in that cast and unable to get around easily. His mood is much improved. He doesn’t seem as angry as before. The house seems more at peace. I don’t think he’s drinking as much as he used to. Sometimes I am hopeful he will learn to love me. Love me the way John loves Liza. And even if not that much, at least enough.
One thing weighs heavy on my heart, however. Alexander goes out every night. His bootlegging business has grown to include a couple of speakeasies. He doesn’t need my help any longer, for which I am grateful. But if he is discovered in his nighttime activities he would go to jail. I would pray for God’s protection, but how can I when what he is doing is against the law? I dare not say anything to him about my fears. He wouldn’t listen, and it would make him angry. I do not want to make him angry again.
Tonight my parents are having us over for dinner in celebration of our anniversary. John and Liza will be there. Alexander does not want to go. He says my parents do not like him. No matter how often I tell him that is not true, he still believes it. He says they compare him to John and they think he comes up wanting.
Perhaps if I could give Alexander a child, he would feel better about himself (and about me). But another month has come around, and I am not pregnant. I want a baby so much. I watch my sister growing larger and larger with her second child. I know she is counting down the weeks until her baby will enter the world. Will it ever happen for me? Or am I barren, like so many of those women in the Old Testament?
Allison
Accepting her new kind of normal, as Allison had on Christmas Eve, did not prepare her for Sunday morning, Christmas Day, when she found herself in church with her ex-husband. It was beyond strange. How should she introduce him to her friends and neighbors? Should she identify Tony as her ex? Should she tell anyone his last name? Or should she simply try to get out of church without speaking to another soul?
She chewed on those questions throughout most of the morning service. And when it was over and the time arrived to make the first introduction, she settled for, “This is my daughter, Meredith, and her father, Tony.” No one batted an eye. If anyone else thought the circumstance strange, they didn’t let on.
The same had been true of Susan when she called to invite Allison and Meredith for Christmas dinner. When she’d learned Tony was also at Allison’s, Susan included him in the invitation. She hadn’t sounded the least surprised. And so they went to the Lyle home after church.
After the introductions were made, Meredith mentioned the nice stables out beyond the backyard and said how much she’d always liked horses. Ned offered to show her their two geldings, and they set off for the barn. Tony tagged along, leaving Allison and Susan in the kitchen.
“You’ve had a good Christmas,” Susan said after the back door closed. It wasn’t a question.
“Yes.”
“I’m glad.” Susan returned to cutting tomatoes for the salad.
“Can I help with something?”
“If you don’t mind, you could set the table.”
“I don’t mind. For how many?”
“This is all of us. I invited Chet and Marsha and the boys, but Marsha said they couldn’t come.”
“They weren’t in church this morning either.” From the end of the counter, Allison picked up the wooden box holding the good silverware and carried it into the formal dining room.
In a voice loud enough for Allison to hear, Susan said, “I’m worried about Marsha. She doesn’t seem able to shake her depression. She’s so withdrawn.”
“I guess you can’t blame her.” Allison moved around the table, placing the silverware on either side of the china plates. “It isn’t natural for children to die before their parents. How does anyone overcome such a loss?”
“I don’t know, apart from by God’s help.”
Allison returned to the kitchen and stopped near the window over the sink. Her gaze went to the stables and to the three people standing in its doorway. “If something ever happened to Meredith, I don’t know what I’d do.”
“It’s every mother’s nightmare. We spend so much time, especially when they are teens, praying they don’t do anything too stupid.”
“Growing up doesn’t mean we stop making stupid mistakes.” Allison turned toward her friend again.
A wry smile curved Susan’s mouth. “No, it sure doesn’t.” She picked up the large salad bowl and carried it to the sideboard in the dining room. Then she went to the back door, opened it, and called out, “Dinner’s ready. Come and get it.”
Ned, Tony, and Meredith returned to the house. Tony washed his hands in the utility room while Meredith went to the downstairs bath to do the same. Ned went upstairs to use the master bathroom. In short order, they were all gathered in the dining room. The host said grace over the meal, and then the passing of bowls and platters began.
“How much longer will you be working in Boise?” Susan asked Meredith.
“Maybe another two weeks.”
“Your mom’s going to miss you when you go back to Texas.”
“I know. I’m going to miss her too.” Meredith smiled toward Allison. “We’ve had a great time.” She looked at Tony. “Me and Dad too.”
Tony said, “Her mom and I would both like it if she could transfer back to Boise for good.”
“Maybe some day, Dad, but it’s not going to happen anytime soon. Not if I want to advance in the company.”
And the longer you stay in Texas, the more likely it is you’ll meet someone and get married, and then you’ll never come home to Idaho.
Almost as if she’d heard Allison’s thought, Meredith glanced toward her again. “We’ll have to wait and see what comes. In today’s economy, who knows what’ll happen next year or the one after that. I consider myself lucky to have a job. Plenty of college grads are selling gas in convenience stores or working at Walmart because they can’t find jobs in their chosen field.”
“Aren’t you a ray of sunshine?” Tony said in a teasing voice.
Everyone laughed, and the conversation turned in other directions, moving easily from one topic to another throughout the remainder of the meal.
Allison hated to see their time with the Lyles end. It hadn’t been awkward to be there with Tony, as she’d feared it might be. And, oddly enough, when Meredith and Tony left tomorrow, she would hate to see them go. Not just Meredith. Tony too. Her feelings had changed from a week ago when she’d allowed Meredith to twist her arm about inviting him to come up for Christmas. She’d dreaded his coming, but her worry had been for nothing.
Was that because he’d been sober throughout the visit? Or was it because something had changed inside of her? Perhaps the answer was a little of both.
She felt a twinge in her heart, the familiar pain that said she’d lost what she’d most wanted. She would be wise to remember this Tony wasn’t the same man who’d walked out on her and remember that the old Tony could return at any time. It was a truth she’d learned from bitter experience.
Allison
The week between Christmas and New Year’s was a busy one for Allison. She used it to catch up on all of her business and personal bookkeeping. She cleaned out file drawers, both physical and electronic. She shredded private documents. Inactive but potentially important files were moved to plastic storage boxes and taken up to the attic.
Note to self: Buy a better scanner and try to go paperless in the New Year.
At the end of each day, she fell into bed, too exhausted to read or even watch television. But it was a good kind of tired.
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On Friday afternoon, she drove into town to the combination video, electronics, and hardware store. The proprietress, Connie Hansen, had set aside four DVDs for Allison. It had long been a Kavanagh tradition to stay at home and ring in the new year while watching old movies. Allison looked forward to building a fire in the fireplace, filling a couple of big bowls with hot buttered popcorn, and curling up on the sofa with Meredith in front of the flat-screen TV.
“I hear tell your daughter will be headed back to Texas soon,” Connie said as she placed the DVDs into a canvas sack.
Allison wished people would stop reminding her of that. “Yes. All too soon.”
“Wish she could’ve joined us at book club while she was in Idaho. I’d’ve liked to meet her. Susan Lyle says she’s real nice.”
“You won’t get any argument from me about that.”
Connie leaned forward and lowered her voice, even though they were the only two people in the store. “I suppose you heard about Marsha Leonard.”
“Heard what?”
“She up and left her husband and boys. Packed a bag and just took off. Don’t think anyone knows where she is.”
“Oh no.”
Connie nodded. “Happened last Sunday, though nobody outside the family knew of it until yesterday. I hear tell Chet’s beside himself with worry, not knowing where she’s gone. That’s the last family I’d’ve thought this would happen to.”
Deciding Connie Hansen had moved beyond information sharing and into the realm of gossip, Allison picked up the bag that held the DVDs. “I’ve got to run, Connie. I need to get home before Meredith arrives from Boise.”
“’Course you do. Well, you say hello to her from me, and tell her I hope to meet her next time.”
“I will. Thanks.” She glanced at the bag in her hands and back again. “I’ll return these on Monday.”
“That’ll be fine. You drive careful now.”
“I will.”
She hurried out of the store and got into her Subaru but paused for a moment before starting the car, still digesting the news about Marsha Leonard. That must’ve been why none of them were in church on Sunday. Her heart went out to Chet. She understood how it felt when a spouse walked out the door, shattering the lives left behind.
Help him through this, Lord. And the boys too.
She started the engine and drove toward home, but her thoughts remained on the Leonard family. Especially on Chet. Allison wasn’t a close friend of the Leonards, like the Lyles were, but they were more than mere acquaintances.
Chet seemed a good and decent man. Faithful and godly, according to Susan. Why would Marsha leave him and her two boys? Yes, she was grieving the loss of her eldest son, but why throw away the family she had left? Marsha must’ve been beyond grief to think leaving those who loved her was the answer to her heartache.
Why does life have to be so hard?
The question caused her thoughts to turn from the Leonards to her great-aunt. Aunt Emma, Allison had learned from the diaries she’d read thus far, had fallen in love with a young man when she was fifteen, but he’d had eyes for Allison’s grandmother, Elizabeth. The discovery surprised Allison, perhaps more than it should. Was it possible the young man in the diary was the same one who was in those photographs? He must be since he was the only—
She lost that train of thought when she saw her daughter’s rental car turning into the driveway ahead of her. She hadn’t expected Meredith for another hour. Must have gotten off work early.
By the time Allison pulled into the garage, Meredith was standing on the deck with her rolling suitcase.
“Hi, honey.” Allison pushed the code to close the garage door. “Didn’t expect you this soon.” She hurried up the steps and stuck her key into the lock.
Meredith shivered. “Man, it’s bitter today.”
“We’ll warm you up in a hurry.” She held the door open for her daughter to enter first. “Coffee or hot chocolate?”
“Whichever you’re fixing for yourself.”
“Hot chocolate it is.”
“What have you got in the bag? Our movies?”
“Uh-huh.”
Meredith followed Allison into the kitchen and looked into the bag. “Oooh. You’ve got some good ones. Grab a new box of Kleenex. We’re gonna need a bunch of tissues.”
Allison laughed softly. When it came to movies, she and her daughter definitely had similar tastes. They loved to laugh and cry. The best movies made them do both.
“Can’t you see Dad rolling his eyes? He never understood why we were crying through the credits and saying we loved the movie at the same time.”
Yes, she could picture Tony rolling his eyes. Meredith had learned it from him.
“I hope he isn’t too lonely tomorrow night,” her daughter added.
Doubt raised its ugly head. “Are you worried about him?” Translation: Are you afraid he’ll fall off the wagon?
Meredith sat on one of the kitchen stools. “No. Not really.” She shrugged. “Maybe a little. But he’s doing so well, Mom. I really think he’ll stick with it this time.”
If he can do it now, why couldn’t he have stuck with it before we divorced? Allison turned toward the counter and dragged in a quick breath, ashamed of herself for slipping so easily into her old thought processes.
“Mom?”
“Hmm?”
“You’re doing well too.”
Allison looked over her shoulder.
“When I go back to Texas, I won’t worry about you like I used to.”
She smiled at her daughter. “Thanks, honey. I’m glad of that.”
Emma
1928
Emma felt so light she almost believed her feet had wings.
It was the first day of autumn, and the world seemed overlaid with a buttery yellow hue. The afternoon air was warm and mellow. A few trees had begun to turn, but most of them still sported coats of green. Gardens were alive with color.
Emma walked as fast as possible, eager to get home, eager to start dinner, eager for her husband to return from work. She needed to prepare a special meal tonight. Something out of the ordinary. Something as delicious as the news she had to tell Alexander.
She was pregnant. Before next summer she would hold their baby in her arms. Alexander would like a son, of course, but Emma couldn’t care less whether the baby was a boy or a girl. Healthy, that was all she cared about.
The cottage they rented was small. They would have to squeeze a crib into the single bedroom. It would be tight but manageable. Or maybe Alexander would want to move. Their finances had improved some. The doctor and hospital bills from her husband’s accident last February had been paid in full. Maybe . . . just maybe . . .
But it didn’t matter. If Alexander didn’t want to move, then she would be happy where they were. How could she be otherwise with a baby on the way?
She turned a corner and their house came into view. Alexander’s truck was in the driveway. Another automobile was parked at the curb. Her joy slipped a little, knowing her husband was home and had company. She quickened her footsteps. When she reached the house, the kitchen side door was pulled open before she could reach for the knob.
“Where’ve you been?” Alexander demanded, then turned his back toward her and strode into the parlor.
She followed, nerves churning.
A man—a stranger—rose from the chair in the corner. He wore a nice suit and polished shoes, but this was no gentleman. She saw that in his eyes as he looked at her. “Mrs. Monroe. We meet at last.”
She glanced at her husband, waiting for an introduction. None came.
“Get our guest something to drink, Emma.”
“No,” the man said. “Don’t bother. Time I was leaving.” He set his hat on his head as he moved toward the front door. “Remember what I told you, Monroe. We don’t like it when you make mistakes that cost us money.”
“It won’t happen again,” Alexander answered.
The stranger stop
ped and turned to look at Emma. His slow smile caused her heart to twist in her chest. “We always collect, Monroe. One way or another. Remember that as well.”
This had something to do with the bootlegging. Emma knew it as surely as if the man had announced it aloud. He was here to threaten Alexander, and to threaten her too. Her hands went to her abdomen, pressing tightly, the gesture instinctive and protective.
The door closed as the stranger left.
“What did he want?” she whispered, as if afraid he might overhear and return.
“Nothing for you to worry about.” Alexander dropped onto the small sofa. “Where were you? What’s for supper?”
Emma didn’t want to tell him about her visit to the doctor. She didn’t want to share the good news about the baby. Not now. Perhaps tomorrow, but not now.
Allison
At the stroke of midnight, Allison paused the third movie of the evening—Steel Magnolias was playing—and she and Meredith clinked champagne glasses filled with their favorite sodas.
“Happy New Year, Mom.”
“Happy New Year, Meredith.”
“I’ve got the feeling it’s going to be a good one. Maybe the best ever, especially for you.”
“I hope you’re right, honey. I’d like a best-ever year.”
Meredith leaned toward Allison and kissed her on the cheek. “That’s what I’m going to pray for you, then. Best ever, starting in January and all the way through to December.”
They both settled back into their ends of the sofa, Gizmo curled into a ball between them, and Allison pressed Play on the remote.
A best-ever year. What would that look like? Allison found it hard to imagine. Even after being alone for more than a year—two years come April—she still felt as if something or someone was missing much of the time. It helped a little, living in her new home in the mountains, and she was glad she hadn’t fought Tony over their Boise house.
The funeral scene in the movie began, and Meredith immediately pressed a tissue to her eyes. Allison felt a surge of affection for her daughter and said a silent prayer of thanksgiving for the wonderful woman Meredith had become. Then she, too, reached for a tissue.
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