by Liz Fenton
“I’m sorry I didn’t mention it to you,” Lauren said. “But I did tell the police.”
“Is there anything else that either of you want to tell me?”
“No,” Natalie said.
Lauren hated that Jason was making her feel bad, as if she’d let Ashley down. But maybe she deserved it. She had thought confronting Marco would help. That he might leave the bar—go find another woman to seduce. But he hadn’t left. In fact, he’d stood up to her. Challenged her. What if her outburst had only fueled him more? Pushed him into taking Ashley? The truth was, there was more she could tell Jason. The real words she’d said to Ashley—the ones that were so dark she couldn’t bear to say them out loud to Natalie and especially not to the police. She shook the memory away; she couldn’t think about that now. They would find Ashley and she would apologize.
“I didn’t think he was a bad guy. He was annoying, yes. Invading our space, sure. But did I ever get the sense he was after Ashley’s money? No. In fact, he paid for things,” Natalie said.
“Free smoothies and a few pesos for breakfast don’t count,” Lauren said. “And he did seem a little off to me. I couldn’t put my finger on it. Come on, Nat, you had to have felt it too.”
Natalie considered this. “You know what, you’re right. He was obsessed with her.”
“So now the guy was obsessed? You go from harmless to obsessed in the span of a couple of minutes,” Jason spit out from across the room. “Natalie, you called the police on some poor kid who was selling newspaper subscriptions in your neighborhood last year. You said he’d seemed off when he came to your door. But this guy Marco came across as harmless until Ashley disappears into thin air?” Jason hit the table, and Lauren saw Natalie flinch. “Dammit!”
If Lauren had discovered Jason’s true self, what would she have done? Lauren thought back to Ashley’s tears at Chichén Itzá. At the time she had been too angry to be rational. But now, being here with Jason, with Ashley possibly gone forever, she couldn’t help but wonder if the situation were reversed, would she have insisted Ashley leave without revealing her own abuse?
“I don’t know, Jason!” Natalie cried. “It’s easy to look back and second-guess everything. In the moment we didn’t see it. But I’m willing to consider it now. Especially if Lauren feels that way.”
Jason glared at her. “Maybe what you should be doing is working harder to get your memory back.”
Natalie spun around, her back to them.
Lauren shot him a look. Was he questioning her? She locked eyes with Jason. But then she remembered the Natalie she’d spent time with this week—the one she’d bonded with—and changed her mind.
Maria tapped on the door, holding a tray of pastries, bread, and fresh fruit. “You all must eat,” she said.
Just looking at the food made Lauren nauseous. She thought of her last fight with Ashley again, her insides coiling. She tried to wave the food off, but Maria stood there until they all took a bite of something. Lauren caught Natalie’s eye; she looked exhausted and pained. Lauren’s legs were shaky as they made their way back down to the restaurant a few minutes later. Lauren grabbed a bottle of tequila off the bar. “José won’t mind,” she said.
“Why not?” Jason said, his voice soft as he accepted a glass from Lauren.
“I just heard back from the accountant,” Natalie said. “No large or unusual withdrawals from the BloMe accounts.”
Jason pressed his lips together. “She still could have left on her own. Knowing Ashley, she could’ve stashed some money on the side. In an account I didn’t know about.”
“Maybe,” Natalie said, but she didn’t sound convinced. “But I kind of hoped she had taken a shit ton of money out. Because that would’ve meant she was okay. It’s terrible, but it would mean she was . . .”
Alive, Lauren thought. A word they’d all carefully danced around since she’d gone missing. No one willing to say that or its opposite. And no one said it now. But Lauren had been thinking it so much the thoughts kept getting louder and louder, almost as if they were forcing her to hear them. She tried to quiet the screams in her mind, but she couldn’t. Instead, she picked up the Patrón and poured herself a glass and then another one for Jason and Lauren, sliding the shots over to them with a short nod.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
THE NIGHT
ASHLEY
“Nat! It’s my song!” Ashley yelled as “Brown Eyed Girl” started playing. She tugged on Natalie’s hand, Marco already halfway to the crowded dance floor. She turned back and caught Lauren’s eye, but Lauren looked away.
So be it, Ashley thought. She was tired of Lauren being mad at her. She leaned into Marco as the song played, one hand loosely around his waist, the other around Natalie’s wrist as they danced.
She felt terrible about arguing with Natalie about their company again. Why was something they’d built together tearing them apart? Had they never been on the same page about it, but Ashley had been too blind to see it? Or had she not wanted to see it? She looked at Natalie, the lyrics from her favorite song booming from the speakers. How many times had they spun each other around to this song the past twenty years? Held on to each other as they sang off-key? The memory brought with it an urgency to solve this. Get rid of the negativity between them. One way or another.
Marco leaned into her ear, his breath hot. “Let’s get out of here.”
Ashley pulled her head back. “And go where?”
“I have somewhere special to take you. A place where you can cleanse away all your bad energy.” He glanced in Lauren’s direction, then nodded at Natalie. “It will help bring you clarity.”
Once again, Marco had said the very thing she needed to hear. As if he had been reading her mind. Ashley looked over at Lauren again, who sat rigidly, purse in her lap, lips stuck together tightly. She missed the old Lauren. The one who didn’t hate her. “I guess I’m willing to try anything at this point,” Ashley said, gripping Natalie’s hand tighter as they danced. “But not until after this song is over. It’s my favorite.”
“Your wish is my command,” Marco said before spinning her away from Natalie, the room becoming blurry before coming into focus again.
“I’m going with you,” Natalie said when Ashley laid out her plan. “You shouldn’t be alone with him after drinking so much—just in case.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“You were just lecturing me in the bathroom about how much I drank!” Natalie challenged.
“You seemed tipsy. But look at me, I’m great. Want me to walk a straight line?” Ashley laughed.
“Don’t be stupid, Ash,” Natalie said sharply.
Ashley gave her a look. “I might be a lot of things, but I’m not stupid,” she shot back. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to ask Lauren if she wants to come too.” She walked over to where Lauren was standing by the bar, tapping into her phone.
Lauren looked up. “Who are you texting?” Ashley asked, trying to see the screen.
“No one,” Lauren said tersely, and pushed the phone into her purse.
Ashley stood stiffly at her rebuff. “We were thinking of leaving with Marco. Want to join?”
“Honestly, there’s nothing I’d rather do less.”
“Wow. I guess I’ll put you down as a no, then?”
Lauren folded her arms over her chest. “Put me down as a no tonight and tomorrow and basically every day moving forward. I’m done, Ash.”
Ashley sucked in air as if she’d been punched. “Lauren, I know things haven’t been great—”
“I think ‘awful’ would be a better word. Or maybe ‘nightmarish’?”
“Listen,” Ashley pleaded. “I get why you hate me. Believe me, I hate myself sometimes too. I screwed up on this trip. I should have spent more time with you. I should have tried harder—so much harder. But I need you, Lauren. Do you hear me? I need you, even if you don’t need me anymore. I need you to be in my life. I need you to forgive me. I have been so scared to s
ay that to you. This entire trip I have been trying to work up the courage to tell you how much I’ve missed you over the last year.” Lauren broke eye contact, and Ashley could feel her falling away. “I’m sorry I told you to leave Geoff. I should have kept my mouth shut . . . ,” she said, not meaning a word of it. But if apologizing would soften Lauren, she was willing to do it.
Lauren narrowed her eyes, clearly seeing right through her. “You don’t mean that.”
Ashley threw up her hands. “You’re right, I don’t. But I wish I did—if that counts. Because it would make you feel better. I’m just trying to find the right words that will keep us from falling apart.”
“Have you ever thought that maybe this can’t be put back together? That we’re broken in too many pieces?”
Ashley threw a look to where Marco and Natalie waited by the door, standing next to each other but not speaking. “What if the three of us left right now, together? I could convince that guy,” she said, pointing to the bartender, “to give us a bottle of Don Julio, and we could sit on the beach and drink shots until we’re so drunk that we’ve forgotten why we were angry in the first place.” Ashley grabbed her arm and pulled it slightly toward her. “Come on. Let’s get Nat and go. Give me one more chance to make this right?” she said, hoping Lauren would agree.
Lauren yanked her arm back as if she’d been stung. “We can’t fix this by drinking tequila. I think this trip has only proven that we can’t fix this at all. If you’d really come here to mend things with me, then you would have already.” She gave her a cold stare, and Ashley could see that she was losing her.
“But I—”
“Stop!” Lauren took a step back. “No more excuses. This friendship doesn’t work anymore, and I think it’s time to accept that. Too much has happened that we can’t recover from. Too many things have been said that we can’t take back. When we get home, I think it’s best if we don’t see each other again. That’s the easiest way for us both to finally move on. Separately.”
“No, Lauren, please.” Ashley’s chest hurt.
“I’ve made my decision. I don’t feel anything for you except anger.”
“You can’t mean that.” Ashley started to cry but wiped the tears away quickly. “What about our history? Twenty years . . .”
Lauren paused, her eyes sad. “Sometimes history isn’t worth repeating.”
“Is this about Geoff?”
“Do not bring him into this.”
“When has he ever not been in this?”
“Fuck you,” Lauren spat. “If you want to know the truth, I wish you were the one who was dead.”
She turned and walked away, Ashley staring at her back until she was swallowed by the crowd. She’d never felt more like a failure. She’d put her heart on the line, but it hadn’t been enough.
Ashley replayed Lauren’s words as Marco flagged a cab and held the door as she and Natalie slid into the back seat, littered with empty beer cans, the engine sputtering as it began the short trek to Marco’s. More than once, she wanted to tell the cabdriver to turn around. That she wanted to go back to La Cantina. To Lauren. Because she couldn’t have meant what she said. She was just drunk. She thought about asking Natalie’s opinion. But she didn’t do that either. She was humiliated. Embarrassed. She’d fucked up again. Why had she brought up Geoff? Why? She sat stiffly, deciding finally that she didn’t deserve Lauren. That she had to accept what Lauren wanted. That’s what love was, wasn’t it? Setting someone free and hoping they’d return someday.
Once they arrived at Marco’s, they settled into an old couch that made the back of her legs itch. Ashley sipped from a bottle of Corona that Marco had handed her, trying to shake her feelings of uneasiness. His yellow Lab put his paws on her lap.
“Finish that and we’ll go,” Marco said.
“Go where?” Natalie asked. She was slumped in a worn leather recliner in the corner, her eyes glassy and half open. Ashley tried to remember the last time she’d seen her this drunk. Her thirtieth birthday, maybe? They’d rented a party bus, and she, Lauren, and Natalie had danced to eighties music under a strobe light. Ashley remembered thinking she wished the night would never end, their bond feeling impenetrable.
How far they had fallen.
“Somewhere amazing, I promise.” Marco winked at Natalie. “But you’re going to have to wake up!”
“Will they have food there? I’m starving.”
Marco walked over to his pantry and pulled out a bag of chips. “Here, eat these.”
Natalie looked at the bag. “Duos?”
“Doritos,” Marco said.
“I haven’t had these in so long!” She tore open the bag and began to eat, her crunching echoing through the small space. “So, I still don’t get it. Why do we need to go to this place? Right now?”
“You don’t have to go with us, Nat,” Ashley said, half hoping she’d just pass out here. After her confrontation with Lauren, she really did want to see this place that Marco said would help on her journey for clarity. For her company. For her friendships. For her marriage. Because at the moment it felt as if they were all on a collision course with one another.
“You can’t get rid of me that easily,” Natalie shot back, her mouth full. “If you’re going to some magical place, then I’m sure as hell coming too.”
“Fine,” Ashley said, pulling herself up off the couch and dropping her half-drunk beer in the garbage can. Marco tossed his and Natalie’s empties in after it.
“Here.” Marco reached into a coat closet. “Take these,” he said, handing them each a flashlight. “It’s going to be pitch-black where I’m taking you,” he said, locking eyes with Ashley.
Pitch-black? She shivered slightly and wrapped her arms around herself, letting her appetite for change propel her forward.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
THREE DAYS AFTER
NATALIE
Natalie looked around her hotel room. It was a mess, but she still wouldn’t let them clean. She believed she might find something—a clue that would lead her to Ashley. Her cell phone rang. She was going to ignore it, assuming it was another reporter. They’d been calling all morning, somehow tracking down her phone number. But it was Jason. The hotel had a cancellation, and he had gone to check into his own suite a few minutes ago.
“Hey, how’s your room?” Nat asked.
“Hey . . .” She could barely understand him. “They . . .” He was sobbing so hard he couldn’t talk.
“What is it?” Natalie asked as her gaze fell on Ashley’s pink suitcase, splayed open like a butterfly’s wings. She physically ached for Ashley as she took it in, a deep pain that vibrated through every limb.
“Officer Garcia called. They think they found her body. They think they found Ash.”
“Oh, Jason,” Natalie said as her head began to pound, staring at her hand until she saw three of them. It felt like everything was moving too quickly. That she couldn’t process it.
“They think . . . Oh God, I can’t even say it . . .” He tried to talk through his tears. “They want us to identify her. Her body.” He let out a guttural sound.
Natalie couldn’t breathe. She could barely see through her tears.
“Garcia described her and the outfit she had on. I know that top she was wearing. It was her favorite . . .” He trailed off.
They sat in silence for a moment, Natalie unable to speak. What was there to say? No words could possibly make this better—there was no changing the tragedy they’d found themselves in.
“He said they still needed a positive ID. Nat, I can’t do it. What if it is? What if it’s her? The kids. I can’t even think straight.”
Natalie sucked in a long breath. “Let’s just take it one step at a time. I’m coming with you,” she said, even though the thought scared her out of her mind. If it was Ash, Natalie would never be the same again after seeing her. Nothing would be. And the worst part? She didn’t have any real answers to that night. Whether she’d helped Ashley.
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Or if, God forbid, she’d been the one to hurt her.
She shoved that crazy thought away.
“Garcia said the morgue is in Cancún,” Jason said, his voice cracking. “Something about overcrowding in the closer ones.” He let out another sob. “How is this happening?”
“I don’t know, Jase. But we’ll figure this out together, okay?”
“Thank you,” Jason said, his voice barely audible.
“Are you in your room?”
“Yes.”
“Give me five minutes and I’ll be there.”
She walked quickly to Lauren’s room. When she saw her friend’s face, she paused. Her mouth was suddenly so dry. She would give anything to not have to deliver this message.
“Nat?”
“Hey.”
“What’s wrong? Oh God.”
“The police found a body.”
Lauren made a noise that Nat couldn’t identify. A cross between a cry and a gasp. “Do they think it’s her?”
“They don’t know. But Lauren, what if it is?” Bile rose to her throat as she said the words.
“It’s not. It’s definitely not. Ashley’s supposed to outlive all of us.” Lauren smiled through her tears.
“You’re right. I need to stay positive. It can’t be her.” Natalie’s voice shook. “The morgue is in Cancún, so we’ll be gone awhile,” she said, trying not to cry. She had a picture in her mind she couldn’t shake—bodies everywhere as they searched for the one that might be Ashley’s.
“Cancún?”
Natalie swallowed. “Overcrowding in the local ones.”
Lauren made a face. “I’m coming with you.”
“No, you should stay here—in case she comes back.” Natalie said it, but she wasn’t sure it was even a possibility. Not now. Garcia wouldn’t bring her and Jason to a morgue that was two hours away on a whim. Would they?
“Okay,” Lauren said. It sounded like she had more on her mind, but she stayed silent, her mouth tight. Natalie wondered if she was doubting the possibility of Ashley walking through the door as much as she was.