by Ali Parker
I nodded. “It is.”
“I wish I could do something like that at the house next year,” she said.
“I don’t think that would work.”
She frowned. “Don’t be silly. Your father is handy. He can figure out how to set something like that up. And if you and Talon come visit, you can help.”
I shrugged. “Yeah, I don’t know about that.”
My mom stopped walking and looked at me. “What is that supposed to mean? You don’t want to come visit us next year?”
I sighed. “It’s not that. You know what? Forget I said anything.”
She shook her head firmly. “Well, I can’t forget about it now. Clearly, something is wrong. You know you can talk to me, Charlotte. I might not be able to help, but I’m a good listener, and I’ve been around for a long time. I know a thing or two about a thing or two.”
I didn’t want to burden my mother with my silly doubts about my relationship with Talon, but I needed to tell someone. Sure, I’d told Katie about it, but she dismissed my fears outright, barely even giving them any thought. Maybe a second opinion was just what I needed.
“Okay,” I said. “It’s probably nothing, but it’s been nagging at me for a little while now. And it keeps building inside, and I’m kind of freaking out.”
“What is it, honey?”
“I think Talon has been hiding something from me,” I said. “I can’t pinpoint what makes me think that, exactly, but I can’t shake the feeling that he’s keeping secrets.”
My mom nodded, looking serious. “What do you think he’s hiding?”
I shook my head. “I have no idea. To be honest, that’s what’s bothering me the most. Talon is usually so open with me. He tells me everything about his life, like what he did that day and what he’s planning on doing the next day.”
“And he’s not doing that anymore?” my mother asked.
“No, not really. We still talk and stuff, but he’s closed off, like he’s holding back. Like he’s nervous, or guilty, or something. And when I ask him about it, he completely shuts me down.”
My mother’s face took on a stormy look. “Shuts you down how?”
It felt good to know my mother still felt so protective of me. Even the idea that Talon is being mean to me got her maternal instincts riled up, like a mother lioness protecting her cub. I put my hand on her arm and gave her an affectionate squeeze.
“It’s nothing bad or hurtful, Mom. When I say he shuts me down, I don’t mean like he shuts me up. It’s just that he always finds a way to dodge my questions and change the subject, like he did when Daddy asked us about getting married.”
My mother smiled at the memory. “That was pretty fun. The two of you were squirming in your seats like you had ants in your pants.”
“We did not!” I protested.
My mother shrugged. “Whatever you say, dear.”
“Anyway,” I said. “Speaking of the marriage question, the way Talon avoided answering it sort of bothered me.”
“Oh, that was nothing,” my mom said, smiling at me.
“Was it? Cause I’m not so sure. Talon and I have never actually talked about getting married, but I always assumed we were on the same page about that. Like our relationship was always moving in that direction. Maybe not anytime soon, but eventually. And now, I’m not so sure.”
“Wow, you weren’t kidding when you said you were freaking out about this.”
“I’m really scared, Mom. I don’t know what’s going to happen with our relationship anymore. I feel so lost, and I don’t know what to do.”
My mom led me over to a nearby bench, and we sat down. My hands twisted together in my lap like they always did when I was nervous. My eyes roamed over the people walking past us in a never-ending stream. Families walked in clumps with tired looking parents herding their excited kids from store to store. Couples walked hand in hand, leaning against each other like they couldn’t get close enough.
Seeing scenes like that usually made me happy. I wanted that. All of that. The close, loving relationship. The rambunctious kids that wore me out but filled me with love and life, too. But today it just made me feel miserable. I thought that was where my life was heading, but now, I wasn’t so sure. The uncertainty of it all ate at me from the inside.
“Do you love him?” my mom asked, breaking my train of thought.
“I do,” I said, without hesitation.
“Does he love you?”
“Yes,” I said. “Even with all these doubts and secrets, I believe in my heart that he loves me.”
“Good,” she said. “I don’t know what’s going on with you two, or if he’s keeping secrets or whatever. But my guess is that you’re both just tired and stressed out from finals. You’re always a bit of a wreck around exams. I’m sure he’s no different.”
“You think that’s all this is?” I asked.
“Most likely. What you need to do is take tomorrow night, and make it just about the two of you. Your father and I will leave you alone. Go out to a nice dinner. Have some drinks. And when you get home, well, remind that man why he fell in love with you in the first place.”
“Mom!”
She laughed. “What? I didn’t tell you to fuck his brains out.”
“Oh my God, Mom. Stop.”
“But it wouldn’t be bad advice,” she said. “You know, what I like to do is—”
“Nope, nope, nope,” I said, covering my ears and getting to my feet. “I can’t hear this.”
“Well, you asked for my advice,” she said, following me as I walked away. She was clearly having way more fun with this conversation than I was.
“Yeah, but not about that.” She opened her mouth to speak again, but I cut her off. “Okay, okay, Talon and I will go out tomorrow. Let’s just leave it at that.”
***
After several hours of shopping and dinner at the food court, Talon and I stumbled back into the apartment exhausted. We all but fell onto the couch together. I leaned my head against Talon’s shoulder, and he slid his arm around me and pulled me closer.
“Fuck me, I’m tired,” he said.
“Tell me about it. I feel like I could sleep for a week.”
“Your parents really like to shop,” he said. “For a big, burly man, Bob loves browsing.”
I giggled. “He really does. I used to hate it when I was a kid. He could spend all day at the hardware store if you let him. It was brutal.”
Talon sighed. “What are we doing with them tomorrow? Something late in the evening I hope.”
I tilted my head up to look at Talon. “We’ve got big plans for tomorrow.”
“Oh, yeah?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said, smiling. “We’re going to ditch my parents and have a night out.”
Talon’s face brightened immediately. His eyes were as blue as a summer sky when all the clouds have parted. “Are you serious?”
“Absolutely,” I said, running my fingertips along his stubbly cheek. “We’ve been so wrapped up in the end of the semester and finals, it feels like you and I haven’t had any time just to be together. To have fun and just relax like we normally do.”
“I love the sound of that,” he said. “I know we’ve been hanging out and everything, but I miss you. I miss us. Finals fucking suck.”
I laughed. “I know. I feel the same way. But we’re going to put all that behind us, and I promise you a fun night.”
He nodded, grinning. “Then, it’s a date.”
Chapter 7
Talon
The next night, we went out to the Ugly Dog, our favorite bar. The place had wood-paneled walls, a pool table in the back, and a beer selection that would make even the biggest craft brew snob happy.
It was mostly a hangout for college kids like us, but now that finals were mostly over, most of the student population had gone home for the break already. So the bar wasn’t too crowded like most nights. There were enough people to give the place a fun energy, but not so many
that I didn’t feel like I could relax.
Charlotte and I grabbed a wooden picnic table out on the back patio. It was chilly outside, but we had a propane heater just beside our table, so we were toasty and comfortable. Charlotte preferred sitting outside because it was quieter, and I felt like I had more room to breathe.
Katie sat on the opposite side of the table across from Charlotte, and my best friend Mike sat across from me. The waitress arrived with our first round of beers.
I lifted mine up. “To being done with finals,” I said.
The other three raised their glasses, and we clinked them together.
“No more finals,” Mike said.
“Fuck finals,” Katie added.
“Amen,” Charlotte finished.
We all took a drink. I downed half of my IPA in one swig. The floral, hoppy taste of the beer was heaven on my tongue, and my body relaxed almost instantly.
“Holy hell,” Mike said, putting his pint glass down. “It feels good to be done.”
“I hear that,” Charlotte said. “Every semester, there’s always that one class that just kicks your ass.”
“Just one?” Katie asked, laughing.
“Well, at least one,” Charlotte said. “For me it was sociology. I’m glad I’m done with that for the rest of my life.”
“Chemistry,” I said. “For me, it was chemistry.”
“British Literature,” Mike said.
“Calculus,” Katie said. “And Spanish. And Latin American History. And Bowling.”
Charlotte laughed so hard she snorted. “Bowling?”
Katie smiled sheepishly. “What? You knew I was taking bowling.”
Charlotte nodded. “Yeah, but I didn’t know it kicked your ass this semester. I didn’t think it could kick anyone’s ass. That’s the whole point. It’s a cakewalk.”
Katie straightened up on the bench indignantly. “I’ll have you know it’s not easy. The balls are heavy, the shoes are ugly, and the fucking pins never go down like I wanted them to.”
Charlotte was dying of laughter. She was hunched over the table with her head down on her arm. Her shoulders shook with mirth.
It was good to see her finally relaxing. I knew she’d caught on that I was hiding something from her, and I knew it was troubling her. Of course, it was. I never kept secrets from her, and even though I wasn’t keeping this from her to hurt her, I knew that I had. My cunning attempt at sneaking around behind her back had failed miserably, but I wasn’t going to give up now.
Then again, maybe she really didn’t know what was going on. Maybe she’d just been stressed out by finals and with her parents coming in. She loved her parents to death, but it was always a little stressful at least to have your family around.
Maybe I was just being paranoid and jumping at shadows. Or maybe I was trying to delude myself. Either way, seeing Charlotte laughing and having a good time again made me feel better about the whole thing. Maybe it wouldn’t be a total disaster and blow up in my face after all.
It had all started as a fun idea, harmless and simple, but now, I felt like an asshole for keeping this secret from her. And I’d been forced to lie to her to keep the secret secure. I promised myself if things worked out, this would be the last time I lied to her and the last secret I ever kept from her.
The beers kept flowing, and the conversation was fun and light. The issue of finals never came up again, although Charlotte kept teasing Katie about bowling whenever she could. But it was all in good fun, and Katie laughed about it right along with the rest of us.
I couldn’t remember the last time we’d all gotten together like this and laughed. Sometimes we all got so involved in our own lives that we forgot to slow down every once in a while, relax, and have a good time. Tonight was one of those nights. It felt like the first sunny day after a long winter.
Somewhere around our fourth round of beers, Charlotte stood up from the table. “I have to use the little girls’ room.”
“Gross,” Mike said, and we all laughed.
“Katie,” Charlotte said. “Come join me.”
Katie got up, and they walked inside, leaving me and Mike alone.
“So what’s that Katie girl’s deal?” Mike asked.
I shrugged. “She’s good people, I guess. Why? Do you like her or something?”
Mike grinned. “I mean, I don’t usually go for the sorority girl type, but she seems a lot more down to earth than most of the sorority chicks I’ve met. Plus, she curses like a sailor, which I find crazy hot for some reason.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know, man. Maybe you should leave her alone.”
Mike laughed. “Why? You don’t think I’m good enough for her?”
“Please,” I said. “You’re my best friend. I know you’re not good enough for any girl. But no, I just don’t want shit to get awkward between us all if things don’t work out. I’m having fun tonight, and I want more nights like this, with all of us here, relaxed and laughing.”
“Yeah, I get it,” Mike said. “Still, you’re dating Charlotte. I mean, when she finally dumps your ass, this group is done.”
He laughed at his own joke, but I didn’t join him. He must have noticed the troubled expression on my face because his laughter cut short.
“Come on, bro, I was just kidding,” he said. “I didn’t, like, hit a sore spot, did I?”
I shook my head, but didn’t say anything.
Mike leaned back, and his eyes widened. “Shit, dude, are you and Charlotte having trouble?”
I sighed. “It’s complicated.”
“I had no idea, man. Seeing the two of you tonight, it looks like everything is all good between you guys. Hell, I just assumed the two of you would get married and ride off into the sunset together. Move to the suburbs. Have some kids. Get yourselves a little cocker spaniel named Barkley.”
I smiled at him, confused. “It sounds like you’ve put a lot of thought into this.”
He spread his hands. “You have your fantasies. I have mine.”
I glanced at the door to make sure Charlotte wasn’t on her way back. I leaned over the table and lowered my voice. “But listen, man, whatever you do, don’t bring up the marriage shit in front of Charlotte.”
Mike grinned. “Oh, is that the problem? She’s been talking about marriage, and you’re not on board?”
“No, it’s nothing like that.” I sighed. “Look, I’m keeping a secret from her. Something big. And I feel like shit about it.”
“What secret?” Mike asked.
I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter. What matters is that I feel like an asshole.”
Mike nodded. “Well shit, there’s an easy solution to that problem, dude. Just fucking tell her.”
“I can’t.”
“Sure you can. Charlotte’s a good chick. Whatever this deep, dark secret is, she’ll understand. I mean, as long as you’re open and honest with her, I’m sure you two lovebirds can work through whatever it is that’s going on.”
“I can’t tell her, all right? Like I said. It’s complicated.”
Mike whistled low through his teeth. “Is it really that bad? Like so bad you can’t tell her.”
“I just can’t say anything. It will ruin things.”
Mike shook his head. “Dude, tell me what’s going on. Then I can tell you if you’re being crazy or if you’re justified for not telling her.”
“If I can’t tell her, I’m sure as hell not telling you.”
“All right, if you won’t tell me, I’m just gonna have to guess. You’re in love with Katie? You’re cheating on Charlotte? Your dick fell off because you touch yourself at night?”
“Dude, shut the fuck up,” I said, anger flaring within me. “I don’t want her walking out here and hearing you saying all this crazy shit. She already suspects there’s something going on. I don’t want her thinking any of your bullshit is the truth.”
“Oh, now you’re worried about the truth,” Mike said. “Look, man. You know I’m yo
ur friend, and I’ve got your back, but if you’re doing something shitty to this girl, just be a fucking man and break up with her. Don’t string her along and then break her fucking heart. You’re better than that. And she deserves better than that.”
“Look, it’s nothing shitty,” I said. “I mean, aside from the lying.”
“Well then, just tell me what the fuck this secret is.”