Persephone’s Curse

by Sandra Bats

  “I thought you didn’t care the way I do. But you’re just scared to have your heart broken.” Relief and a whole lot of understanding carried in his voice and I admitted that of course I was afraid of my heart breaking because it had been shattered before; shattered each time I lost someone close to me, and I was just allowing myself to feel again.

  He lifted my chin so I couldn’t look away, his voice gentle with his promise. “I won’t grow tired of you. I’m not saying I won’t grow annoyed by these things, because I might. I might hate that everything will be more difficult than it needs to be, but I’ll never hate you for it. I don’t make promises I don’t intend to keep, and I promise I won’t give up on you. I’m in this for the long run. If I weren’t, I would’ve never put you in this position. I know this is difficult and new for you. Believe me, I do, because it is not exactly easy for me, either.”

  I let his words soothe my racing heart and then I let him press his hands gently to my ribs, the light pressure steadying them until my agitated breathing slowed.

  “How are your ribs?” Jayden asked.

  “Sore, but I think they’re still set.”

  He smiled softly, running a hand through his hair. “Good. I want to tell you something I need you to understand. This is new for me, too. I mean, yeah, I’ve been with women before, but it’s different with you. I never cared the way I care about you. Didn’t care about being their friend or about their happiness. I care about yours though. I can’t watch you be unhappy. I can’t let your heart be broken cause I couldn’t stand it. Just don’t forget this is new for me too. I’m making mistakes and I get carried away thinking you might end up hurting me. I promise I won’t desert you, though. Before all this — before the romance — you’re my friend and I’ll always be there for you. No matter how much time you’ll need.”

  I lifted my head, kissed his cheek and tried to apologize for my behavior, but Jayden cut me off, telling me I had every right to feel the things I did. That he never wanted me to think I couldn’t tell him about my feelings, that I had to protect him somehow, that I wasn’t in control of how far and how fast we were going. That we’d both learn to navigate this alongside each other, not alone.

  Twenty-Two

  Elin

  Recovery took longer than I liked, and I was mostly restricted to spending my days in bed or in the office reading while Jayden worked. Sometimes I went to the atrium to check on what Jonah, Kathy and Nigel were doing but Jayden had the habit of stopping by every few minutes with a new excuse when, in fact, he wanted to make sure I wouldn’t pick up a shovel and work.

  When we were alone we spent hours talking and sometimes words wouldn’t suffice so instead we got tangled up in each other’s limbs and emotions, not caring about the world around us.

  By mid-January I’d gotten my sutures removed and whereas Jane had allowed me to start light work, Jayden didn’t share her opinion, reminding me for what seemed to be the hundredth time to let Jonah carry the heavy stuff when I worked in the atrium. I was going to put my foot down and tell him I was perfectly capable of taking care of myself and he was overprotective, but he distracted me with kisses.

  I giggled, reminding him of the open door that anyone could walk by any minute but when he kissed my neck, I forgot all about it myself, and instead shoved my hands in his hair and brought his mouth to mine. I kissed him slowly and then pulled back, asking whether he was trying to keep me from my duties.

  “Would it be working?” Jayden laughed and then sighed over-dramatically when I shook my head. “Fine, go. Work if you like it so much better than making out with me. Just hurry back here.”

  I was already out the door when he snatched my wrist and pulled me back.

  “Just one more,” he murmured against my lips and I giggled, turning and walking out of the room before things escalated again.

  Cam walked towards the office just as I left and while he always seemed genuinely happy for us he also hadn’t been able to stop himself from joking. This time he asked whether Jayden would be able to hold a serious conversation or if he had to wait for him to take a cold shower first. I laughed, having gotten used to his remarks, most of them directed at Jayden anyway.

  The atrium had been well-taken care of in my absence. Nigel proudly showed me the eggs the hen was breeding so we’d raise more birds for eggs and meat soon. He also asked whether Cam had given me the picture he’d drawn of the den and I told him that it had a special spot on the wall in our room, something that made him puff his chest with pride.

  Over the years, the soil beneath the floor tiles had compacted, so we dug it over, a chore that quickly proved I wasn’t as fit as I believed. I was quickly out of breath and sweating, but I didn’t want to leave the work to Kathy and Jonah again, despite them throwing me cautious glances. After a good two hours of work my ribs burned and I was so exhausted I could barely push the spade back into the ground.

  Jayden called my name from the door. “Do you have a moment?”

  Admittedly, I was thankful for an excuse to take a break, but I threw Jonah and Kathy an apologetic look nonetheless.

  “I gotta go and get started on lunch anyway,” Kathy threw in, before returning inside. Even Jonah followed her. It was as if the three of them had come to the quiet agreement that I needed a break. I huffed under my breath and shuffled towards the door.

  “You look ready to pass out,” Jayden mumbled when we walked into his office. He offered me a glass of water and ushered me to a chair.

  “Thank you. You look great, too.”

  He ignored my sour response, instead kneeling in front of my chair and asking to check on my side. I lifted my shirt enough for him to see the scars, mostly healed but some were still scabbed over, and he softly ran his fingers over them, asking how they felt, sighing when I admitted they were a bit sore.

  Pressing a plastic bag filled with snow to my ribs, he told me he’d expected that. Yeah, well it wasn’t as if it were a wild guess.

  “You’re pale as a sheet. I’m almost hoping to make you blush just to get some color back into your cheeks.”

  “I wonder how you want to do that.” I feigned innocence.

  He winked as he slid his hands up my legs, smiling sheepishly as he pulled me from the chair and fell back so I was straddling him, his hands still on my hips, thumbs hooked into my waistband.

  “I could get used to that,” he whispered.

  I bent down to kiss him, and he kissed me back hungrily, his hands creeping up under my shirt, up my stomach, careful on the tender new skin at my side, raising goose bumps as he went. He stared at me, always assessing my reaction, ready to stop if I needed him to, but when I didn’t, he wiggled his fingers under my bra, making me gasp into his mouth and then squirm against him. This time he made a surprised sound, something that seemed completely unintended and was so endearing I just had to hear it again. I arched against him, fully intentional, and his reaction was equally rewarding, his hands flying to my hips and steadying me there, his voice barely more than a rasp.

  “Don’t move.” It sounded almost more like a groan. “If you do … Oh heck, you drive me nuts.”

  I grinned slowly, wickedly, and then I very slowly tilted my hips forward and before I knew it Jayden had rolled me onto my back, hovering over me. His body pressed to mine. He was all warm and hard edges and I wanted to press myself closer to him, losing myself in him, but before I could I lost my breath. My body tensed and my heart raced, I was no longer aware that I was in Jayden’s safe office.

  I remembered an alley instead, foul-smelling, and a rough wall that I was forced against. Panic took full control over me, I wanted to scream. I reached out to push Jayden off me, but he’d already moved. He sat next to me, speaking like one would to a frightened animal, repeating over and over that I was safe, that he was there, telling me where I was and bringing me back from the brink of losing myself in my own horrors.

  “Look at me, Elin. It’s me. You’re safe. I won’t hurt you.”


  I inhaled deeply and sat up, saying I wasn’t sure what happened. His voice was pained when he pointed out that I seemed afraid of him.

  “It wasn’t you. … I panicked and all these memories surfaced, but you need to know that I wasn’t afraid of you,” I said.

  He scooted closer, so we were sitting side by side. I leaned into him, needing the reassurance of him next to me, of our fingers clasped together. He sounded like he needed it too.

  “I’ve been expecting something like that. I should’ve known that flinging myself on top of you like that could’ve had that effect,” he admitted quietly.

  I told him that it wasn’t his fault, but how could I make him believe when he knew well enough that I’d felt crowded to the point where I’d been unable to breathe, where I felt reminded of nights when others had tried to force me into giving something I wanted to offer him freely.

  Jayden brushed his thumb over the back of my hand. “It’s going to be ok. We’re going to keep figuring this out.” His voice was tight with worry though and I wasn’t sure he even believed his own words.

  “We can’t even make out without you worrying about me freaking out. I know you do, so what if …” I inhaled deeply but still blushed. “What if I’m never ready for more? I know what us making out does to you. I’m not stupid. You said you haven’t been with anyone since you met me so I’m wondering. Aren’t you going to, you know, grow impatient at some point?”

  At the end of me rambling Jayden shook with silent laughter. I shoved my elbow into his side, but he snorted, holding his hands up to appease me.

  “I’m sorry!” When I glared at him he at least tried for a somber look. “I’m sorry, I really am. But … that’s what you think of me? That I don’t have enough self-control to make it through a couple months without sex?”

  “Well, have you ever?” I asked, eyebrow raised and this time it was actually his cheeks that turned a little pink.

  “Uhm … I guess … no, ok. But that’s because I never had a reason to. I feel like a jerk for what I’m going to say but those women, the ones I slept with, they were just one night stands. I couldn’t have cared less about them and if they didn’t want me it was fine too. I’m not like that anymore. I’ll be waiting forever for you if that’s what it takes.”

  I frowned at him and he held my stare.

  “So you seriously want me to believe you’re not thinking about sleeping with me?” I asked.

  Again, with the chuckling. I was going to seriously punch him for making me feel embarrassed one of these days.

  “Nope, I don’t. That’d be blasphemous in how far from the truth it is. You just need to give me that look, the one where you bite your lip and look up at me, and it gets me going. I think I’m going to lose it when your skin brushes mine. The worst part is I’m so doomed because even if I wanted to find another woman, I couldn’t. No woman I’ve ever met has had this effect on me. I’m constantly thinking about what we could be doing when you’re around. Sometimes you don’t even need to be around. Sometimes thinking about you is enough to give me ideas. So yeah, I’m longing for you with everything I have and I’ve been horny as hell since I’ve met you.”

  I gaped at him. Fully open-mouthed, rendered speechless, stared at him and he gave me a helpless little grin.

  “That’s just half of it, though. What I feel for you runs so much deeper than that. I want you happy. I love seeing you laugh and finally living. And I’m so scared because I don’t want to overwhelm you with these things. I don’t want to scare you off and ruin this, because it’s the single best thing that’s ever happened to me. In all my life, the hell I’ve been through, I’ve never been as terrified as I am now that I’m with you. I love —,” he paused and instead of what I dreaded he would say, he shook his head slightly and added, “— us. I love this thing between us and I’m not going to say it yet. I want you to be ready for that too, when the time comes, so you won’t doubt when I do, but believe me Elin, I already know I’ll say it. There is no way out for me anymore.”

  He paused and watched for a reaction. When it didn’t come — really, what was I supposed to say? Nothing could compare to his speech — he tilted his head a little.

  “Please, just say something. This is getting kinda nerve-wracking.”

  I didn’t say anything because the kinds of words I had at my disposal would never be able to describe what he needed to hear. I leaned into him though, kissing him and then brushing my hands over his arms and making sure that with every touch, every caress he’d understand the words I couldn’t say. That I finally started to understand, that I finally knew I wasn’t the only one feeling this way. That we were in this together; excited and scared at the same.

  ◆◆◆

  My flashback still hadn’t left my thoughts when I woke the next morning. Especially after the day before, I wished to be able to relax more around Jayden and when I turned towards him, I stared unabashedly because he was still asleep and I could look without shame.

  I pressed a kiss to his naked chest and he murmured something in his sleep that I couldn’t understand but it sounded appreciative, so I kissed his skin again. He remained quiet this time but that was no reason to stop, so I moved my lips over his cheek, then his eyelids, nose and mouth until I wandered down to his shoulders, glancing up to find him still asleep before I moved my fingers lower, over the muscled planes of his chest to his abs. A small jolt went through him when I moved along the side his ribs as if he was suppressing a chuckle and when I looked up I was met with blue eyes and the biggest smile I’d ever seen.

  “You were awake?” I stuttered.

  “I was trying to see how far you’d go. You tickled me.”

  I gave him a wicked smile. He dared me not to do it, but I was already hovering my hand over the ticklish spot on his ribs and watched as a shiver went through him. He grabbed my wrist, but I just wiggled the fingers of my other hand and attacked him until he secured that as well. He snatched both my wrists in one hand and used the other to tickle me, but I could see him holding back. I was so tired of that, so I used my momentum to roll him on his back and straddle him.

  It wasn’t until I saw his smile that I remembered how, making out the night before, he’d stripped my shirt off. While I hadn’t minded in the dark of night, I suddenly felt exposed, ashamed of my flawed body and tried rolling back onto my bedside. Jayden’s hands were on my hips though, holding me there.

  “Don’t hide from me. I think you’re beautiful. I could stay like this all day, staring at you.”

  I made an indignant sound, rolling my eyes at him because I knew every spot on my body that I hated. Instead of an answer, he sat up so quickly I was barely able to move my head out of the way and then he swung his legs from the bed and got up, carrying me.

  “What are you doing?” I squealed only to be sat down by the mirror moments later.

  Jayden stood behind me, both of us faced the mirror, his arms wrapped around my waist. I hated having to look at my body. Jayden’s mouth was right by my ear and his voice was soft when he explained.

  “I want to show you what I see when I look at you. Would you let me?”

  I frowned but let him because he sounded so sincere, and at least his hands covered some of my scars.

  “Your skin is the palest shade of ivory I’ve ever seen. It looks like immaculate porcelain. Your hips are perfectly curved, just made for running my hands over them. I love how soft your skin feels and how you nestle yourself against my body when we kiss. I love that tiny belly button of yours.”

  I gasped at the suggestive way he licked his lips before he moved his hands further up my ribs.

  “I love the curve of your waist and how my hands fit perfectly onto your ribcage. Every deep breath you take makes my fingers rub over your skin and it’s one of the best feelings in the world.”

  I held my breath as he moved his hands further up and cupped my breasts. Watching him do so was a completely different thing than simply fool
ing around in the dark like we had last night.

  “Well, I sure love those,” he cleared his throat, his voice starting to sound rough. “They fit into my hands as if they were made for them. I love how you react to me touching you, too.”

  As if to underline his point my skin prickled under his touch, causing me to whimper the tiniest bit at the heady ache that quickly spread through my body. One of his hands came to rest on my hip bone again, while the other wandered further up to my collarbone, up the side of my throat; my heart was racing. Surely, he felt it.

  “I love the soft ridge where your shoulder meets your throat. I just want to bury my head right there and smell you.”

  He kissed that spot, inhaling deeply.

  “You smell like heaven. I love your face. Your impish little nose and the soft freckles. Your eyes had me captured right away. It’s not just their color, but how you look at people, as if you truly see them. I love those perfect rose lips, especially now that I know how they feel on mine. I love the faces you make and how you laugh. I think I’ll always remember the first time I saw you truly smile — it was the most heartwarming thing I’d ever seen. I love how you blush at the least hint of innuendo. Oh, and I adore your hair. It was the first thing I noticed when your hood flew off your head outside the bar. It was unbelievably beautiful. I might have a thing for redheads that I didn’t even know about till then.”

  He dropped his hands back down to my waist, muttering my name and asking me to look in the mirror and see myself through his eyes. I really tried, but my eyes kept wandering to my scars, first the older ones on my lower stomach, then the new ones twining up my side.

  Jayden shrugged. “So? I have scars too. You still think I’m hot, don’t you?”

  I blushed.

  “I know you do,” he said.

  He didn’t agree when I told him things were different because he was a guy and guys with scars were daring. Instead, he held me in his arms when I grew tired of my own reflection and turned towards him.