by Sandra Bats
“I was planning on just putting him to bed, and Diane already said she’d watch him. Thanks though,” Cam responded, turning and heading towards Jane’s office.
When Jayden and I made it outside, most of the guys were already waiting. Of course, some would have to stay behind for guard duty, but most were hanging around and joking.
“So Elin, what would you say if we got Jayden to get your name tattooed on himself?” Ray asked.
I raised a finger and mock-threateningly pointed it in his direction.
“I’m making you personally responsible for returning him in impeccable condition. No tattoos, no shaved head, and most importantly no bruises from stupid bar fights.”
“Yes Ma’am,” Ray mocked as he performed a little bow.
I turned towards Jayden and pressed a short, sweet kiss to his lips. “Have fun,” I said.
“How could I? You’re not coming,” Jayden responded, grinning sheepishly.
“Good answer.”
“I aim to please,” he grinned again then let go of me.
I watched as they walked off, and because it was such a nice, warm night I decided to stay outside a bit longer. I wandered along the side of the building over to where the shrubs branched out so close to the wall that we didn’t have anyone patrolling the area. The feeling of the warm breeze and the sounds of the evening, squirrels rushing by and birds settling in for the night, reminded me of my childhood. After some time, I turned to walk back when I saw him standing there. My heart stopped for a second.
“Hello Elin.”
I froze as I tried to keep breathing evenly, and not let him see the panic that rose beneath my skin. I needed time. How long would it take for the guards to come within hearing range again? Ten to fifteen minutes at most, which was still an awfully long time.
“What do you want, Alex?” I asked, struggling to keep my voice steady. I looked around, trying to map out an escape path as a shiver crept up my spine and sweat made my palms tacky. Alex chortled, in a way that was clearly intended to mock me; to scare me.
“Well, you know, nobody asked me to go to your man’s fancy bachelor party,” he said.
I swallowed, knowing very well the implication of his words. We both knew there were only a handful of people around.
“I’m sorry to hear that. I’m sure they just forgot. You know, they just left, if you hurry you might still catch them,” I told him.
He was both too close to the building and too close to me, I would have to take the long way around him to make it to the back door.
“Oh well, it doesn’t matter, does it? It’s one of your last nights of freedom, too. How about I make tonight one you’ll always remember?”
Not taking my eyes off him, I leaned into my toes and I counted down in my mind. When he took a step forward, I darted to the side, running as fast as my legs could carry me. Alex was taller and faster, and he caught up with me quickly. He grabbed my hair and yanked me back. I yelped and twisted around to kick at him, but he just wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me off the ground. I started screaming, kicking and scratching at anything I could, but his hand covered my mouth and muffled my cries for help.
He carried me to the side of the building. This was bad, so horribly bad, nobody would find me there. I squirmed and reached into my pocket for my knife but I’d taken it out earlier. Panic invaded my mind and I could barely think. I wouldn’t let this happen. I wouldn’t let him get me someplace nobody would find me. What if he killed me? Jayden would come home, and they wouldn’t find me for a while, weeks maybe. It would break Jayden.
Alex pushed me around the corner where nobody would see us. I was back on my feet but still restrained. I kicked, and my foot connected with his shin. His hand slipped. The moment my mouth was free I screamed. I screamed as loud as I could, but it did no good, Alex hastily covered my mouth again and he was outraged, furiously telling me to shut up. The next moment I was dizzy and tasted blood. His punch must have split my lip. He pressed something against my throat, sharp, cold and stinging. A knife.
“Shut up or I’ll make you.”
I brought my hand up to push the knife away; there was no way I’d be muted. I promised Jayden I’d never give up. The knife cut into my palm, and warm blood trickled down the inside of my arm, but at least it was away from my throat. A punch to my ribs had me doubled over and gasping for air. Alex’s hand was on my neck, and he pushed me down, knocked my head into the wall in front of me. I screamed again. I scratched at his hands, or so I thought. Things were getting blurry.
“Stop fighting. You’re just like her, just like Mary. She always said she didn’t want it either, but she still slept with him. I know she actually wanted it, just like you want this.”
I felt his breath, hot on my neck, and it made me sick. Next thing I knew, I was on the ground, his weight heavy on my legs. I thrashed at anything I could, but I was quickly losing strength. I cried and whimpered but that only seemed to motivate him. The tip of his knife scratched my thigh and fabric was torn away. I could feel the warm summer breeze on my legs as he ripped my pants. I screeched again and scratched at his hands. I screamed as loud as I could. Alex pressed my face into the dirt and I kept screaming even then, even as I tasted blood and dirt. His fingers were on the insides of my thighs now, pressing at them, forcing them apart and I could do nothing to stop it. Just as I was about to give up hope, he froze.
“Did you hear that?” A voice in the distance. My senses were hazy, but I knew that voice.
“What? Probably just a couple wildcats fighting or something,” a second voice responded, and I grasped at the recognition. Josh! Josh and Cam were late to the party. I screamed again, Alex knocked the handle of the knife against my temple, but I twisted and screamed as loud as I could.
“Over there!” I heard Cam’s voice and then footsteps coming closer. I screamed and whined until suddenly the weight on my legs was gone. Alex ran away, and I rolled onto my back, crying, trying desperately to breathe. I was hurting all over, I couldn’t think. Was he gone? I was so dizzy I could barely make out shapes in the shadows of the building and when Cam crouched by my side I screamed, for a horrible moment, thinking Alex had returned.
“Elin — fuck. What happened?” Cam asked.
I flinched from his touch and I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t think clearly. I stammered some words, but I didn’t know if they made sense.
“Josh, get Jane or Maddy. If you can’t find them get another woman out here.”
I heard pattering again, growing distant, but Cam was still by my side, he draped his jacket around my shoulders. I was still shaking.
“Elin, I’m here, ok? Nothing’s going to happen to you. I’ll sit here, and we’ll wait for Jane, all right? Do you understand me?”
I might have nodded. Maybe. I wasn’t sure. I felt sick to my stomach, I hurt so much, I must have looked a mess. Jane stopped dead in her tracks when she saw me.
“Honey, what happened?” she asked. She was so friendly as she sat on the ground next to me. Words didn’t come. My face hurt, and I felt sluggish.
“I think she’s in shock,” Cam explained.
“Ok. Well, Elin, how about we get you inside, where it’s cleaner. Can you walk?”
I couldn’t react, how was I supposed to walk? Some time passed, and I didn’t move. Jane tried reaching for my hands, all the while mumbling soothing words to me. I screamed when she touched the cut on my palm.
“I’m so sorry, honey.”
I finally scrambled to my feet with her hand on my arm. She instructed Cam to get Jayden and I wanted to thank her because I needed him, but I couldn’t force out any sound.
“Very good. Now let’s go inside, nice and slow,” Jane whispered and wrapped an arm around my waist to steady me.
Her office was so bright and warm. I blinked and squeezed my eyes shut for a moment, then I saw Maddy’s shocked face staring at me. She quickly played over it and helped me onto the table, but I could see her ha
nds shaking, I didn’t want that. She was my baby sister, she shouldn’t see me like that.
Jane’s voice was very caring, but I couldn’t explain what had happened, not even when she asked. The only thing my body would let me do was shake my head and then I curled up on my side, but everything ached, the table was too small for me. I had to sit again. I hunched over and stared at the floor. I didn’t dare look up where I could have seen my reflection in the mirror.
Jane gently turned towards Maddy. “Treat what you can see. Cuts and abrasions need to be cleaned and I’ll try to assess her bones and internal organs with HealthScan.”
They moved so quickly it made me dizzy. My tired eyes couldn’t follow. Jane talked me through most of it but I didn’t care for once. Nothing else could have made me feel worse. The painkillers began to kick in and numbed the stings and the hammering in my head. Jane kept talking and asked who did this to me, but I couldn’t speak. It would become real if I did. For the time being, it felt like a nightmare and I’d learned to deal with nightmares. As long as Jayden came, I’d be all right, he always kept the nightmares at bay.
I closed my eyes. There were too many words and too many images, and they crushed me. I wanted to be in my bed, back to that morning when the world had still been ok. I wanted Jayden there, just wanted to forget about it all. I opened my eyes again, afraid I might fall asleep, and if I did, I was sure Alex would follow me into my dreams.
Someone shone a bright light into my eyes and moved her hands over my head. Maddy and Jane were still carefully telling me everything they did. I was still shivering. I wanted Jayden.
I flinched at every touch, every movement. I was a wreck. I thought I was safe but there was no safety in the world, not even there, not even the place I considered home. If I spoke, everything would become true and I couldn’t. I just wanted Jayden by my side.
Forty
Jayden
We were at the bar where I’d first met Elin and had just ordered our first round of drinks. It started out being a fun night until Cam rushed in.
“You need to come with me,” he said, his face a mask of panic.
That exact moment, I knew it was about Elin. Knew it by the pain in my chest. By my inability to take another breath. I barely noticed the sudden silence around me. I just got up and followed Cam outside.
“What happened?”
“I’m not sure. Elin was … injured. That’s all we know so far. We found her by the side of the building after she’d been attacked. She’s in shock, won’t talk. Jane’s with her.” I sucked air between my teeth. I couldn’t lose her.
“You’re here with the motorcycle?” I asked. My only clear thought was to get to her immediately. Cam handed me the keys.
“You sure you can drive?” he asked.
“Yeah.” In my mind I was already halfway home. I barely noticed my surroundings as I drove. I almost crashed the bike instead of parking it and I ran inside, headed straight for Jane’s office. It felt like moving through quicksand. I took a second before I pushed the door open.
Maddy and Jane spun around to look at me. I ignored them. My eyes zeroed in on Elin. I gasped and momentarily clapped a hand over my mouth. I forced my features back to neutral positions, for Elin’s sake.
Her arms were folded around herself. She shivered intensely, despite the blanket around her shoulders. I could make out a bandaged hand and butterfly stitches on her forehead. There was blood on her shirt, mixed with tears. Her face was dirty in some spots, bruised in others. A streak of hair was glued together by dried blood from a laceration up in her hairline. She had her eyes closed but opened them when I stepped closer. She didn’t utter a word, but I could tell she recognized me.
“Hey, I’m here,” I whispered because there was nothing else I could think of.
She broke right in front of me. A sob that shook her body. Then tears started streaming. I moved forward, wanting to cup her face in my hands. I wasn’t sure it was the right thing to do. Maybe touching her would scare her like it once had. I found myself close to her. My fingers hovered in front of her face. She didn’t move, and I inched closer. I wiped the tears away with my fingertips.
Maddy left the room and then Jane whispered close to my ear. “I’ll give you some privacy. It would be good though if you could find out what happened. I have no clue if there are internal injuries we might have missed.”
I kept my focus on Elin. The door closed, and I carefully brushed my hand over hers. When she didn’t flinch, I kept my hand on top hers. Her left seemed all right; no bandages there.
“Hey,” I whispered, my voice shaking a little. Elin met my eyes in acknowledgement. “Can you tell me what happened?”
Her breathing sped up and evolved into tiny panicked pants. I couldn’t push for an answer. More tears ran down her cheeks. I cupped her face gently, aware of her bruises.
“Hush, it’s ok. It’s ok, sweetheart. You’re safe. I’ll keep you safe. Tell me what you need. What do you need me to do?”
“Get me out of here,” she sobbed. “I want to be in my bed.”
Her plea was so quiet it was barely audible. Jane’s was the best location for her from a medical standpoint. I knew that. But I’d offered to do what she needed so I slid my arms under her legs. I cradled her close and readjusted the blanket so she’d be covered. Her arms went around my neck. She clung to me as she buried her face in my shoulder. I stepped out into the hallway and Jane instantly moved to my side.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“She asked me to take her to our room.”
“You can’t. We don’t know the full extent of her injuries yet, she might be bleeding internally for all I know.” Jane’s words cut deep. But there was no way Elin would even be able to tell us what had happened, as long as she didn’t feel safe. Getting her to feel safe was in our best interest, to find out what had happened and to better judge her injuries.
I told Jane so then stepped past her, making clear that was the end of our discussion. I ignored everyone else in the hallway. Elin had started shaking uncontrollably in my arms, and her tears soaked through the fabric of my shirt. I mumbled that everything would be all right. That I’d make it all better. That I’d keep her safe even when I had no clue what I’d have to do to accomplish that.
I gently sat her down on the couch and knelt in front of her. Her gaze was weary when she looked at me with those big watery eyes. I had an idea of what had happened. I couldn’t just confront her with that right away though.
“How about I ask you questions you can answer with yes or no, ok? Like when I talked you through your nightmares?”
Elin nodded softly. At least she was communicating. I gave her hand an encouraging squeeze.
“All right. You think it’s just cuts and bruises? No internal injuries?”
She nodded. That was at least some relief.
“Was it Alex?”
The way she flinched at his name was answer enough. Growing streams of tears ran down her cheeks, her jerky nod wasn’t even necessary. I was going to kill him. There was no way he was going to get away with laying a hand on Elin. I had to fight the urge of finding him right away. Elin needed me; I couldn’t run away from her to seek revenge. I gently hugged her, mindful of her injuries and body language. She leaned into me for support. I kept my voice steady when I let her go. Had to make sure my anger at Alex wouldn’t seep into my words. I didn’t want her to think any of it was directed at her.
“Did he try to kill you?”
She shrugged. This hadn’t been about taking her away from me. I let my eyes carefully wander over her again, carefully glancing at her injuries. He’d beaten her, that much was certain. The cut at her throat looked like a knife wound.
“He cut you with a knife?” I stammered.
Elin nodded and moved her hand to show me the bandage around it. Her movement caused the fabric of her pants to shift. They were torn. My heart skipped a beat and bile rose in my throat. That sick bastard! How h
ad I not noticed this right away?
I reached out for the fabric, but Elin swatted my hands. Her sobs broke my heart.
“Sweetheart, I just want to see how badly he hurt you, ok? Can I do that?”
She pulled her hand back and gently nodded. I moved the cut fabric off her leg. The inside of her thighs showed bruises the shape of fingerprints. I rolled back on my heels and looked up at Elin. She stared like she was trying to read my face. I was afraid she’d think the horror and disgust there was directed at her instead of Alex.
Up until then, my guesses hadn’t been far off. I hoped my next question was completely wrong. If it wasn’t, I didn’t know what I’d do. I’d never forgive myself for having left her alone with that predator.
“Did he … Did he rape you?”
I watched her. Time seemed to stop as I waited for her answer. I tried giving her an encouraging look. Tried to make sure she knew her answer would never change how I looked at her or what I thought of her. Hoped she’d understand that my rage would always be directed at him for having dared to take something that wasn’t his to take. That I’d never think any less of her. That she had no reason to feel guilty or ashamed for not having been able to prevent it.
“He tried … he didn’t get to it,” she muttered quietly. I squeezed my eyes closed for a second. She was waiting for me to listen when I opened them again. I gave her a soft smile.
“He ran when Cam and Josh came. I was so scared,” she sobbed and sank into herself a little. She seemed to almost tip over and I reached for her shoulders to hold her steady.
“I won’t let him hurt you again. I swear I’ll never let him get close to you again,” I muttered. My words came out choked. I hurt with her. She seemed so small in my arms.
“I’m so tired. I just want to sleep,” Elin uttered when her tears had slowed.
“I understand. Just … I’ll help tuck you in, but please let Jane finish checking your injuries first.”
She agreed, and I got up, pressing a soft kiss to the crown of her head. I hated leaving her behind. I hated closing the door when I left the room, but the hallway was full of people. Jane waited right by the door.