Then there are nights like tonight. I try to avoid nights like tonight. I couldn’t this time. The club is celebrating Carrot Top’s birthday. Carrie is the girl Nicole said the club was protecting because of Dancer. Don’t get me wrong, I like her. She’s sweet, if not a little too innocent. That’s not the reason I have issues with her. No, I have issues because she gravitates towards Zander. At first it didn’t bother me, but then she started calling him Alexander and he lets her…
She’s everything he should have. Sweet, innocent, untouched by the darkness that’s in this world. Someone that could love him wholly and freely. She’s everything I’ve never been. She’s everything I’ve never had the chance to be. She’s sitting with my man, Bull, Freak and Nikki, Nicole and Dragon and they’re laughing. They’re happy. She’s accepted. She hasn’t fucked up. They don’t resent her. They look out for her, they care about her…they gave her a sweet nickname and not because they think she doesn’t have a heart…Yeah, I really should have avoided tonight.
“What’s up Ice? You want to dance?” I look up to find Gun standing by the bar. I shake my head. The man gets an A for effort.
“I thought we agreed you should give up trying?” I ask turning my attention back to my rum and coke, which these days has a lot more coke and very little rum—of course if tonight keeps going this way, that might change.
“Nah, eventually I figure you’ll give in,” he says sitting down.
“Have a seat,” I say sarcastically, but not really being a bitch. Truth is I like Gun. If he’d quit trying to get in my pants, I’d probably talk to him more than anyone.
“Thank you, don’t mind if I do.”
“Why aren’t you over there eating cake and doing birthday shit?” I ask talking about the big table Zander and the others are sitting and laughing at. I don’t turn around to see it, because it kind of…hurts.
“Not my scene,” he says taking a pull off a beer that Six puts down for him.
“What is your scene?” I ask not really interested, but Zander’s laughter rings out and it hits my stomach and pains me. I made this situation and I’m jealous. God, I am so screwed up.
“You got nothing to worry about you know,” he says instead of answering my question.
“What are you talking about?”
“Crush, he’s all tied up over you babe, you got nothing to worry about.”
“I think you should probably quit after that drink, Gun. You’re not making a bit of sense.”
“He’s worried about Red, he thinks of her like a little sister. She’s a lot like Melly and he’s worried because Dance comes back next week.”
His words hit me in the face. Melly? My first instinct is to ask him all about this Melly, but I can’t. That would give away more than I should.
“I figured Dance coming back would be good? I thought Nic said him and Carrie were family.”
“She made a bad decision and Dance got in the crossfire because of it. It’s the reason he’s been in the can for the last two years.”
It seems me and Carrot Top have more in common than I imagined. I thought I was the sole heir to the throne of bad decisions. Guess I have some work to do to keep the title. So, fuck it, let’s add one more into the list.
“So, who’s Melly?” I ask, my vision filled with the drink I’ve barely touched.
Gun laughs, and pulls my attention to him. He’s holding out his hand.
“C’mon Ice, if you want that story, I get something out of it. Dance with me.”
“I don’t dance,” I grumble, but let him pull me off the barstool.
“Sure you don’t, I guess Pussy’s just hired you because of your sweet disposition.”
“I never realized you were such a sarcastic ass, Gun. Besides, in case you haven’t noticed, Pussy’s hasn’t let me dance since I got out of the hospital—all I seem good enough for these days is waiting tables.”
“Yeah well, you didn’t think Crush was going to let his woman dance for other men, did you?”
“Motherfucker! I knew it.” Gun laughs as we reach the dance floor, which is really just a corner of the club that’s covered in old, scratched parquet flooring. The rest of the boy’s club has concrete floors. He pulls me in way too close and when I try to put space between us, he pokes me in the ribs, causing me to yell out. “What was that for?”
“Loosen up Ice, I know when I’m out of the running.”
“Yeah well, I heard all too well what you wanted to be in the running for,” I grumble as we start slow dancing to a song I can’t even place, and could care less about.
“Hey, I’m a man and you’re a hot piece of ass,” he responds.
“You’re such a sweet talker Gun. Really, with lines like that I’m surprised there isn’t a gang of women behind you, just waiting for their turn,” I tell him, rolling my eyes.
His hand moves down to my ass and he squeezes.
“If you want to keep your hand, how about you move it up to my back?” I warn him. He laughs, but does as I ask. When he makes no move to talk, I sigh—loudly. “Hello? Melly?”
He laughs, and I know right then he was waiting for me to push it. Asshole.
“Melly is a girl Crush grew up with. He was in love with her. Young love, you know?”
“As in you never forget your first,” I say, while inside my heart feels like it’s in a vice grip. Fuck. “Yeah, I’m familiar.”
“Who knows, they were both kids though. Crush tried to save her and couldn’t. He blames himself.”
“How did she die?”
“Her own father shot her and then turned the gun on himself. Crush was the first to find her,” Gun says with distaste and who could blame him? Even as jealousy hits me, my heart breaks for this unknown girl.
“He told you all of this?” I ask him, not even noticing we’re now dancing on our second song.
“He had nightmares about her in the service, broke down and told me and Freak about it one night while he was drunk, some ghosts don’t let go.”
Fuck, don’t I know that better than anyone?
“Why are you telling me?”
“Because, you can be a hard bitch, but I see that same haunted look in you. Just thought it’d be good if you knew Crush gets it.”
Jesus, men are clueless. He doesn’t even realize he’s ripped me to shreds. I look at my hand and the way it lightly trembles on his shoulder and know I need to get out of here and soon. I’ve not had an attack since Zander came and got me, but I can feel this one coming and it’s going to be bad.
“Can you take me home?” I ask, because I know I can’t drive. There’s just no way.
“I can get Crush to…”
“No!” I yell before I can stop myself. “I mean I don’t want to bother him, I just…I really need to get out of here.”
“Sure, Ice. Come on.” He takes my hand and leads me off the dance floor.
I follow him like a robot. I feel like I’ve taken a knife to the gut and since that’s happened before, I’m all too familiar with the feeling. Trouble is, this one hurts more than the real knife ever did. As we leave the club, I don’t look at the table Zander is sitting at. I don’t look at anything but the back of Gun’s cut, stumbling behind him and wondering if I will survive. The nightmares Zander’s been having? Were they really about this Melly? Does he see the same darkness that Gunner sees? Is he trying to save me because he couldn’t save Melly? The woman he loved, the first woman he loved? Heat surges through me, heating my face. I feel like such a fool. I knew it was too good to be true that someone like Zander could want to be with me, for me—love me for me…
When we get back to the house, Gun insists on going inside and making sure everything is okay. After he inspects every room he comes back down. I’ve already downed some meds. I’m sitting on the couch and trying desperately not to cry until he leaves. I don’t know why the possibility that Zander is only with me to try and fix what he couldn’t with someone else hurts… so deeply. I know I’m probabl
y not even acting logical. Then again, I’ve never been logical. All I know right now is my world is upside down, because with Zander I wanted one thing. I wanted a piece of something good. Something that was all mine. Something that had nothing to do with anything or anyone else, just me.
I’m so broken and lost in my own misery that I don’t even realize I’m already crying until Gun comes and sits beside me and pulls me into his arms. The echoes of my cries can be heard in the quiet room. Gun says nothing, he just holds me. Turns out that’s exactly what I needed because I just let it all out. I cry for everything I’ve lost over the years, everything that’s been done. I cry for everything I want and everything I’ll never have. I cry for me. I grieve for me and then when I’ve finished, I cry for one other person. I cry for Melly, for a girl who should have had everything wonderful in the world including the best man I’ve ever known in my life. The girl whose life was stolen from her by a bastard just like Michael. I hope they get to meet each other in hell someday.
Chapter 22
Crusher
I’m fucking pissed. I pull up in my woman’s driveway to see Gun’s bike in the driveway. When I watched the two of them leave I wanted to beat the shit out of him. I didn’t. I stayed where I was. Dragon wanted a meeting after the party with me, Bull and Dance. So, I had to stick around. In four fucking hours, Gun never returned and now I find him here. He is not moving in on my woman. No fucking way. That shit ain’t going to fly. I jump off my bike and make a bee line for the house. When I come through the kitchen, I can see Dani asleep on the couch with her head in Gun’s lap. He’s sitting there watching TV, combing his fingers through Dani’s hair and I see mother fuckin’ red.
I don’t even think about it. I charge in and grab him by the upper arm and haul him off the couch. Now, Gun and I are close to the same size but I’m pissed and I catch him unaware. I can see out of the corner of my eye that Dani almost gets pulled off the couch with him, but she stops herself. I can’t stop to think of her just yet. I have Gun up and my fist plowed into the side of his face before he can get his feet under him. He sways back against a chair, but damn it. He doesn’t fall. He comes at me and lands a pretty solid hit into my stomach, but I bring my knee up, grabbing the back of his head and slamming him into it. This time he falls on the floor, blood spurting from his nose and I feel immense satisfaction until a remote control slaps me hard across the side of the face before falling to the ground.
Dani threw the remote control at me and she’s standing in front of the couch breathing fire at me. She gives me a look that could kill a lesser man and then goes to Gun’s side.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” She growls going down to inspect Gun’s nose. She yanks her t-shirt over her head and now only has on a sports bra thing that she uses to work out in. Again, I must say, fuck no!
“What the hell are you doing? Put your motherfucking shirt back on. Wasn’t it enough you were hanging all over each other when I got here?”
She pushes the bottom of her shirt against Gun’s nose. Asshole that he is, he just sits there and watches me.
“You have completely lost your damned mind, Zander. What the fuck gives you the right to storm in here and start throwing punches at anyone?”
“Well hell, could it be that my woman had her motherfucking head in another man’s lap?’
“So? It’s not like I was sucking on his cock! I was sleeping!”
“You shouldn’t be sleeping on any fucking part of another man’s body! Besides I know you weren’t giving him head, that’d be a fucking miracle.”
She freezes and I know I’ve gone too far. In the last couple of months I’ve done everything, but get down on my hands and knees and beg her to take my cock like that. Still, I shouldn’t have said that shit, especially in front of Gun.
“I can’t believe you right now,” she says her voice quiet, but hard at the same time.
“Yeah well, excuse me if I get pissed off when I see my woman getting close to another man.”
“Did you see me snatching Carrot by her hair and dragging her away from you?” She asks going into the kitchen. I give Gun another hateful look and this time the motherfucker looks entirely too cocky.
“What the hell you looking at?” I growl at him.
“Another one bites the dust,” he says cryptically and I don’t have time to figure it out because, I’m busy trying to decipher Dani’s words.
“Why would you grab Carrot? I ask, thoroughly confused.
“Gee I don’t know, maybe because she keeps hanging all over what is supposed to be mine. Always with those big eyes saying Alexander this and Alexander that. It’s pretty damned pathetic.”
“Are you jealous?” I ask in amazement. That was apparently the wrong thing to ask because a kitchen bowl comes sailing at my face. I dodge to the side just in time. The bowl was metal and falls against an end table with a loud clang. Gunner walks around me and hands Dani her shirt. She takes a sandwich bag filled with ice and wraps it in a kitchen towel putting it gently against his nose with a hiss, and bites her lip. She’s so concerned about him that I want to hit the son of a bitch again. Gunner has been hurt worse from throwing punches in the ring we keep when one of us wants to let off steam. So when the son of a bitch wiggles his eyebrows I make a note to kick his ass, when he can’t hide behind my woman. “Answer me, woman! Are you jealous?”
“Fuck you, Zander.” She growls, stomping out of the kitchen heading towards our bedroom.
I follow her, stopping beside Gunner to throw a fucking elbow into his side. “Get the fuck out of here before I kick your ass so hard they’ll find pieces of you on Highway 80 for the next fucking twenty years.” His laughter echoes behind me as I go find Dani.
“Shouldn’t have tried to keep you two a secret, Crush Man.”
“Fuck off.”
I slam our bedroom door against the wall when I come in. She’s searching through her closet and comes out with one of my faded t-shirts. It’s the one I let her sleep in, when I allow her to wear clothes to our bed. Which honestly, isn’t very damn often. Hell, even if I do, I always end up taking it off her in the middle of the night. I’m getting hard just thinking about it, and I need to have this out with her. Damn woman has me so messed up over her, I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
“Answer me, Dani. Are you jealous of Carrie?”
“See? That right there!”
“What?” I ask, completely clueless.
She goes into the bathroom for a second, coming back out without her jeans on and rubbing that face cream between her hands she always puts on her face before we crash. She stands in front of the mirror, rubbing her face and all I can think is, she is everything I have ever wanted. Everything.
“Carrie! See?”
“Woman, you need to start making more sense!”
She turns to me then, drying her hands on a towel she finds on the dresser.
“You call her Carrie! No one else does! Not one of them! They all call her Red, but not you, no way! You call her Carrie!”
“It’s her name!”
“And she’s sweet! She’s so damned sweet she makes my teeth hurt.”
I fall back on the bed, letting my elbows prop me up. I’m pretty sure I’m going to be here for a while. “Is there a problem with Carrie being sweet?”
“She calls you Alexander! You call her Carrie!”
“Sweet fucking mother of Hell! That’s our names!”
“Do you hear anyone else using them? No! Just you two! And she zeros in on you, no matter where we are or who is around! She sees you and it’s like a heat seeking missile or something. Bam! Zander’s here! Cue Carrie!”
“What the hell do you want from me? Do you want me to hurt her, just so you will feel better? Is that it?”
“No! She’s who you deserve!”
With those words, I’m not finding this so funny anymore. “What the fuck are you talking about, Hellcat?”
“She’s sweet, and ki
nd, and good. She’s beautiful, innocent, and everything you should have!”
I look at her like she’s insane. Does she not look in the mirror? Does she not realize how she is with me when we’re alone?
“She’s also in love with Dance,” I try reasoning with her first, because other than fucking a woman or eating her pussy, I haven’t really dealt with this drama bullshit.
“That’s just because you don’t press it. If you did, the minute you had sex, she’d be yours.”
The way she says that, grates my nerves.
“You know Hellcat, I am more than just a cock.”
“I know that!”
“It sure doesn’t sound like it,” I grunt falling back on the bed. Jesus this relationship stuff is for the birds.
“I just meant with her you’d have someone who isn’t scarred and broken. She doesn’t know the ugly in the world. You could make her happy. She’d love you, and give you babies and the life you deserve.”
“Jesus, you got all this from her calling me by my first name?”
She’s got these big tears in her eyes and my gut twists yet again. I really need to kill the motherfucker who hurt her.
“You should go, Zander. This isn’t working.”
“The hell it isn’t!” I growl. “Get over here now, Dani,” I order.
“Zander…”
“Now, Dani. Don’t make me come to you, get your uptight, high maintenance, drama filled ass over here, now.” She doesn’t move. I stare her down. “Now.”
She frowns, but it’s more with sadness and confusion than anger. With a broken, dejected noise she walks towards me. When she gets close enough, I reach out and grab her hand and pull her down on top of me. I slide my hands up under the t-shirt, my dick instantly hardening at the feel of her soft skin, so heated to my touch. I pull her until our faces are mere inches apart.
“Quit trying to give me away, Dani. I’m not going anywhere. I’m yours.”
“You deserve someone better…”
Claiming Crusher: Savage Brothers MC Page 15