by Jenna Payne
“I take it you heard all of that,” he says in a weary voice, attempting a smile at me.
“That would be a fair assumption,” I say, walking over to him and sitting down on the edge of the desk in front of his chair. Just like I always do when we have chats like this.
“You okay?” I ask. I know the answer, but, I know he needs to talk and this gives him the opportunity.
“Yeah...no...I don’t know,” Gus answers without conviction, “Ramona’s just been driving me a little crazy lately.”
“What’s going on?” I ask. I try to tell myself not to get too excited about the prospect of the bloom falling off Ramona and Gus’s romance. Especially since there’s an unbelievably attractive, witty young man waiting for me on the other side of Gus’s office door. Still, old habits die hard, I suppose.
“I found out today that she used the company credit card to pay for the wedding invitations,” Gus says.
“You mean...your company card?” I ask in shock. Gus doesn’t even let me use that for business lunches. He says unless it’s strictly a business expense it goes on a personal account. And I can see why. CEOs have lost their companies over things like this.
“Yeah,” Gus says running a hand over his face. “Anyway, I tried to talk to her about it and she freaked out. She kept saying that me keeping her from using my money means that I don’t trust her.”
“But, it’s not your money,” I say. “It’s the company’s money.”
“That’s exactly what I said,” Gus says. I can hear an ebb of frustration in his voice. I know enough about my stepbrother to know he’s not frustrated with me. He isn’t even really frustrated with Ramona. He’s upset that he couldn’t make her understand.
“Then she said that if I didn’t want to give her the wedding she always dreamed of, maybe we shouldn’t get married at all,” Gus says.
“I’m sure she doesn’t mean it,” I tell him. And, I try to tell the horrible part of my brain that wants to see Ramona out of his life to shut up and turn off.
“I know,” he says wearily. “She’s just tired and frustrated but...so am I! And, if she can’t see why her spending money without telling me is a problem, then…”
Gus stopped and looked down at his desk. I could tell he didn’t want to finish that sentence. Had no intention of following the thought to its logical conclusion.
He looked upset by the very idea of not getting married in a month. Dazed by it, in fact. And, I knew that if I was to help him, really help him, I had to give solid objective advice.
Advice that didn’t have a secret agenda. That didn’t try to ruin his relationship but also didn’t push him into a relationship if it wasn’t the right thing for him.
We sat in silence as I thought about the situation. I thought of everything I knew about Gus. He was kind but very stubborn, rich but incredibly thrifty, some would even call him stingy.
Then, I thought about everything I knew about Ramona, through my interactions with her these past two weeks as well as everything Jake had told me.
She did not seem like the type of person Gus would be happy with. She was beautiful, true. But, demanding and controlling. And self-absorbed.
Despite all this, I can’t help but remember how happy Gus had seemed the day he walked in the office with Ramona on his arm two weeks ago. Clearly, this is a relationship that won’t be dissolved overnight.
So, with a deep breath, I decide to dispense my advice.
“I heard she gave you the night to think about it,” I say hesitantly. Even though the ultimatum was shouted for the entire floor to hear, I can’t help but feel like I was eavesdropping.
“She did,” Gus says with a sigh. “I just don’t know what to do.”
“I think you should take her advice,” I say. “Sleep on it. Really think about what she did. Then think about what she means to you. The way I see it if you decide you can’t live your life without her...that’s worth a little extra spending every now and then.”
I try to smile as I say this and, when I see Gus beam at me, I finally manage it.
“Thanks, Em,” he says. I feel my heart begin to beat quickly when he reaches over and puts his hand on top of mine. He’s done this before. I know he means it in a friendly way. Still, my jumping pulse doesn’t seem to understand that.
“I do need to think about this,” he says, “Maybe this all went too fast. Maybe I rushed into it.”
“Sleep on it,” I tell him. “Don’t make a decision until the morning.”
“I won’t,” he says.
“Promise?” I ask jokingly. This is something we’ve done since high school.
“Cross my heart, hope to die,” he replies, “stick a needle in my eye.”
I giggle in spite of myself and his smile broadens. I can’t help but notice that his hand is still on mine.
“One thing I do know right now,” he says looking down at our tangled hands, “I don’t think I would last one day without you.”
He looks back up at me with a look I’ve never seen before. At least, I’ve never seen it directed at me before.
He moves the hand that’s not on mine up to my cheek and I remind myself to breathe. Gently, he closes the gap between us and kisses me.
I’m frozen in shock for a moment before I open my mouth and return his kiss. He brings his hand down from my cheek to rest on my shoulder. He moves his hand from my hand to my waist. He pulls me to him in the chair and suddenly, I feel his warm body all around me.
Something in the back of my mind is telling me to stop. Telling me that we shouldn’t be doing this. But that tiny voice is drowned out by the sensation of his lips on mine, his hand wandering over my body.
I throw my arms around his neck and push myself as close to him as I can possibly get. His hands are roaming all over my body. Tangling in my hair then moving along my back, brushing over my breasts.
His hand finally moves to the bare skin of my leg. He begins to move his hand up my skirt and I heave a sigh into his mouth.
This seems to bring him back to himself.
He moves quickly back from me and stands from his chair, breathing as though he had nearly drowned.
I have to grab hold of the wall to keep myself upright when he stands. By the time I find my bearings, he’s already half way across the room at the office door.
As soon as he reaches the door, he turns back to me.
“Emma, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t…” he looks from me to the floor as though unsure of what to say next. “I mean, we shouldn’t have….I’m sorry.”
As soon as the last two words are said, he rushes out the door. For the next several minutes, I’m left staring at the door, tears silently falling down my cheeks.
*****
I don’t know how long I stay in the closed office, silently crying, staring at the wooden door where Gus had disappeared.
I know that, at one point, I sink down into Gus’s chair, put my face in my hands and begin to cry openly. Not caring that snot is running down my nose or if my sobs can be heard through the door and down the hall.
Just when I think I might have been be over him. Just when I thought I might be able to move on; to give up on this stupid little crush, he has to do that.
I know I shouldn’t be upset with him. I know he was sad and vulnerable and his fiancée had just walked out on him. He was weak and I was there. He couldn’t possibly be held responsible, not fully.
Still, I couldn’t help but clench my fists in anger as I thought about what he’d told me.
‘I don’t think I would last one day without you.’
So, he needed me. But for what? Did he need me just to keep his schedules, go to his meetings, and help run his company? Did he need me to be a shoulder to cry on? To put my life on hold when he needed me and disappear into a convenient stepsister corner when he didn’t?
The more I thought about it, the more I realized I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t keep being his employee, his sister, his best friend, h
is emotional rock and everything else without really being anything definite to him.
It’s killing me. Something has to change.
I barely wipe my eyes free of tears when I hear the door creak open. I look up, half hoping that Gus will be in the doorway so that I can yell and scream at him for playing with me like this.
It’s not Gus. Instead, Jake’s face looks back at me, concerned.
“Hey,” he says, “you okay?”
I stand up and wipe more tears away. I walk towards him thinking of telling him that I’m fine. That nothing’s wrong. Or that I’m just stressed because of the wedding and everything else.
Instead, I’m horrified with myself when I feel two more tears run down my cheeks and I find that I can’t speak.
“Em,” he says urgently walking in fully and closing the door behind him. “What’s wrong?”
I open my mouth and try to answer. I try to form some logical sentence. But, nothing comes out. Instead, I simply shake my head ‘no’.
And, before I know it, Jake is hugging me and I’m sobbing onto his strong shoulders as he makes soothing circles on my back.
“Hey,” he whispers finally. “Do you want to get out of here? Maybe get a drink and talk about it?”
I pull away nodding and wiping my eyes.
“A drink would be good,” I answer thickly. My nose still running like a faucet. Jake reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a handkerchief.
In spite of myself, I laugh when he hands it to me.
“I think you might be one of the last guys I know who still carries around a handkerchief,” I say.
“Always happy to prove that chivalry isn’t dead,” he says with a smirk.
I wipe my eyes and then my nose on his white handkerchief and smile gratefully.
“So,” I say once I’ve sufficiently cleaned myself up, “where do you want to go for drinks?”
“Well...if you want...I’ve got a temporary apartment just a block away,” he says. “It might be best to go someplace quiet.”
Though he offers this explanation, I know what he really wants. To tell the truth, I’ve had a feeling this was coming for the past two weeks. With all the teasing and flirting Jake and I have been doing, not to mention the kiss we almost shared just before Ramona and Gus’s big fight, I’m surprised it hasn’t happened yet.
The reason for that, I know, is Gus. The truth is, as attracted as I am to Jake, I haven’t wanted to make a move because, somewhere in the back of my mind, I’ve still been thinking that Gus might come to his senses. I’ve imagined Gus dumping Ramona and then confessing his never-ending love for me.
Now, after what just happened, after what Gus and I did, I realize just how pathetic that is. And I’m done with it.
I’m not going to sit around waiting for some guy to decide whether or not he wants me. Instead, I’m going to live my life and try doing a few of the things that I really, truly want to do.
And, at the moment, that includes going with Jake to his apartment for drinks.
I look up at Jake with a smile on my face.
“That sounds perfect,” I tell him. “Lead the way.”
*****
“He doesn’t deserve you,” Jake tells me as he pours me another glass of red wine. It’s my third and my head is starting to buzz pleasantly. I’ve told him the whole story between me and Gus. Up to and including what happened in Gus’s office that afternoon.
“Well, I know that now,” I answer. “I just wish I’d figured it out years ago. It would’ve saved me a hell of a lot of heartache.”
Jake sits back down next to me on his couch. It’s black with white pillows and matches the rest of the color scheme in the small, one bedroom apartment.
“I still don’t get how he could do that,” Jake says, reaching over to the coffee table and taking a sip of his own wine. “I mean he had a beautiful girl in his lap, clearly into him and he just...stops? How could he do that?”
“If you knew Gus you’d get it,” I answer. “He doesn’t cheat. Not on tests when we were in school, not in business and definitely not in his relationships.”
“I guess I get that,” Jake says, “but, no matter how you try to explain it, I’ll never really understand how he could fall for Ramona when you were right there the whole time.”
“He thinks it’s different with us,” I answer. “I mean, we’ve known each other forever and we’re practically related.”
“You’re not actually related,” Jake says, “not by blood anyway. And knowing each other forever is supposed to be a good thing for a relationship.”
“Sometimes,” I say.
“Anyway, like I said,” Jake tells me, “you’re better than him. Any guy would be lucky to have you.”
“Yeah try telling all the guys I’ve met that,” I answer. I can feel the wine I’ve had loosening my tongue, “I haven’t been on a date in a year. And I don’t get a lot of offers.”
“I offered,” Jake says.
“This doesn’t count,” I tell him. “You only asked me here because I was upset.”
“That’s not the only reason,” Jake says. I feel him scoot closer to me on the couch and I can feel the warmth from his thigh press through my skirt.
“It wasn’t?” I ask. I look up at him with a suggestive smirk on my face. I don’t know if it’s the wine, or Gus, or Jake’s gorgeous eyes but, I’m suddenly feeling very flirty.
“No,” he answers. “Truth is, I’ve been wanting to get you up here ever since I met you.”
“Then what took you so long?” I ask, moving closer to him.
“Just waiting for the right moment,” he says.
“And the right moment just happened to be when I was crying over another guy?” I ask.
“Like I said,” he answers moving closer so that his lips are almost touching mine. “I’m always happy to prove that chivalry isn’t dead.”
He leans in and meets my lips. He’s not gentle, not sweet or hesitant the way Gus was.
His lips press against me passionately as his tongue forces its way into my mouth. It’s as though he doesn’t just want to have sex with me, he wants to possess me. Every inch of me.
Intoxicated by this idea, I wrap my arms around him and push into his chest. It’s solid and warm and oh, so inviting.
I feel him press me against the couch as his hands wander down my hips and to the hem of my skirt. He touches my knee at the exact spot where Gus did, but Jake doesn’t stop there.
He moves his hand up along my inner thigh and a pool of desire floods to my center at the thought of where he’s going next.
When he reaches his destination, I moan out in pleasure. He moves his lips to my neck and bites down on it as his free hand begins to fondle my still fully clothed breast.
He continues to touch me through my panties and while I whimper and writhe, it’s not enough for me. I need to feel him against me. Skin on skin.
I move out from under him. He looks at me confused for a moment before I begin hastily unbuttoning his shirt. I’m so quick and so eager that he laughs at me as he grabs my hands to stop their progress.
“Wouldn’t we be more comfortable in the bedroom?” he asks.
Not trusting my voice to speak, I look at him and nod. Immediately, he leans down and kisses me again.
I gasp when I feel my entire weight being lifted off the couch. I wrap my legs around him, my mouth still desperately on his as he moves us to the bedroom.
My back still straight, I soon feel myself being lowered onto the bed. When I open my eyes, he is crawling towards me with a predatory gaze.
He moves his hands to my legs again and yanks my underwear down to my ankles. His hand again makes its way to my folds and I gasp at his touch.
His hand circles my bare flesh over and over and over again. I cry out in agonizing pleasure. Finally, he moves his hand from my center up to my skirt.
I lift myself from the bed to allow him to pull the skirt down over my legs. I can feel his
member pressed against me through his pants as he moves up my body and unbuttons my shirt
Soon, I am naked, completely naked in front of him.
“God, you’re gorgeous,” he says looking me over. Then he leans down and whispers into my ear. “I’ve been wanting to fuck you since the first moment I saw you.”
Unable to stop myself, I move my hands once again to undo the buttons on his shirt. This time, he doesn’t stop me.
He shrugs out of his shirt and I feel his strong, toned chest against me. Soon, he is as naked as I am and our bodies are completely entwined. All thoughts of Gus or Ramona or anything else have left me.
As his long, slender member slides into me I can’t think of anything but the intense, immense pleasure of this moment. How amazing it feels to be desired exactly as I am.
When we fall back, exhausted and spent, I roll over with his arms wrapped securely around me.
Here, for the first time in a long time, I fall into a blissful, easy sleep. That is until I wake up in the middle of the night to find that Jake is nowhere to be found and there are voices coming from the living room.
*****
“And you’re positive there’s no way she’s going to find out?”
I’m standing by the bedroom door listening through the crack like a child listening to her parents argue. The female voice belongs to Ramona. I know that much for sure.
“Babe, it’s fine,” Jake says to her. My breath hitches in my throat and my heart starts to pound when he calls her ‘babe’. “I’ve got her eating out of the palm of my hand. After tonight, she’s not going to give her stepbrother a second thought. I promise you.”
“You seem very sure of yourself,” Ramona says.
“Have I ever let you down before?”
“There’s a first time for everything. This girl’s not some ditzy little secretary. She’s smart,” Ramona says. I can’t help but feel a small swell of pride. “And she’s uber-protective of Gus. If she gets even a hint—”
“So, what are you saying? We should get rid of her too?” Jake asks.
“Don’t be stupid,” Ramona answers. “Two deaths in one family will start to look suspicious. Just keep her away from Gus as much as possible.”