by Jenna Payne
Realization flashed in his eyes, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he gulped. He blinked several times, not knowing what to say, but I could see a slight smile tugging on the corner of his lips. “I want us to be together...” He trailed off and my hopes began to drop once I realized there was going to be a “but” coming after.
“But...? What’s holding you back?” I asked him, scared of what his answer was going to be. I nibbled on my bottom lip nervously, waiting for his answer as he ran his fingers through his hair frustratingly.
“I don’t know how you’re going to react to this but I can’t hide it from you any longer.” He rubbed his temples, nervous. I gave his hand a reassuring squeeze, convincing him that he could do this but honestly, I was as scared as he was.
“You can tell me anything, Nathan.”
He stared off into space for about ten seconds before facing me, clearing his throat. I raised my eyebrows, my stomach churning nervously since I had a feeling this wasn’t going to be anything good.
“You know how you thought there was another woman?” he began. I nodded my head. He let out a shaky breath. “Well, there wasn’t.”
My heart dropped, my grip on his hand loosening. This was a good thing that there wasn’t another woman, right? So, why the hell did I feel so disappointed? “So, you lied to me?”
He shook his head immediately. “No, I didn’t lie to you. I did fall in love with someone else.” He paused, running his hands over his face. Okay, now I was more confused than ever. After dropping his hands away from his face, I could see the anxiety worn in his eyes. “I fell in love with another man.”
My heart dropped on the floor and shattered into a million pieces once again. Disgust ran through my boiling blood and immediately, I shot up from my bed. Incredulous, I stared at him as if he grew a second head. “You cheated on me with a guy?!” I screamed, suddenly feeling my self-esteem plummet. He didn’t cheat on me with a woman, instead he cheated on me with a man. That’s the worst thing that can possibly happen to woman, the worst.
“Melissa, I can explain!” he pleaded, shooting his hand out for my reach but I backed away as if he’d caught a disease. Suddenly, I felt shittier than I did the day he abandoned me. I felt completely stupid now. I worked my ass off last night to win his heart back and it worked, but then I find out the next morning that he fell in love with the mere feeling of a guy’s penis going up his ass.
“You’re gay?!” I questioned, tears welling up in my eyes. I felt like crying, I felt like screaming, I felt like punching him. There were so many emotions that I was feeling all at once. I was a total wreck.
“No, I’m bisexual. I think,” he stammered before grabbing a handful of his hair. “I don’t know!”
“How do you not know?!” I threw my hands up in exasperation. “You fell in love with him behind my back, you’re obviously into guys too!” I laughed dryly, tears rolling down my cheeks. I just felt so embarrassed at this point. Embarrassed of myself. “What, did you have sex with him too?”
“No, we never got to that point! We only kissed and did other things...” He trailed off, a mixture of disgust and shame written on his face as his nose scrunched up. “But, I liked it.”
A nasty feeling erupted in my throat and I was surely going to throw up later today. I would never look at Nathan the same after this confession. This must be what he had been hiding from me the entire time, which is probably why he avoided the topic during lunch the other afternoon. I pointed at my bedroom door, adverting my gaze on the floor. “Get out.”
“No please Melissa, I’m sorry! I still love you, I just don’t know why I fell in—”
“Get out!” I screamed, my broken voice piercing through the room. Nathan looked at me as if he were near tears before nodding his head in understanding. He slowly grabbed his dress pants and shirt, and put his clothes back on. I silently cried to myself, covering my mouth as my body shook and my heart throbbed in agony. He carried his blazer in his hands, and walked shamefully towards the door.
Before he walked out, he cranked his head over his shoulder to look at me with his depressed eyes. “I’ll love you forever, Melissa. Don’t you forget that.” And with that said, he left the room and shut the door behind him. That’s when I lost myself and slid down onto the floor, falling into loud sobs. I was more heartbroken than before and at this point, I wished that he had cheated on me with a woman. Anything that didn’t involve him with being with another guy.
After two long hours of crying, I recollected myself and decided it was time to be stronger. I couldn’t let this destroy me, I had to be happy. I was tired of crying, I was tired of feeling worthless. To take my mind off things, I called Veronica and asked her to meet me at the local café for a talk. Nothing was better than having a deep conversation with your best friend, especially after a bomb like this.
“Melissa, over here!” Veronica called out from a booth once I made my entrance in the café. I quickly made my way to her, hoping that my puffy eyes weren’t as evident as they were earlier. But, that hope left once she widened her eyes at me. “Holy shit, are you okay? Did dinner go bad with Nathan?”
I shook my head, throwing her a smile. I mentally thanked her for already ordering our coffee, two hot caramel lattes already placed on the table. “No, dinner went really great. We made love and relighted our candles.” I lightly giggled, taking a sip of my latte.
A grin appeared on her face, excitement shown in her brown eyes as she frantically waved her hands. “What, that’s great! Then, why do you look like you been crying for years?”
I sniffed my nose, looking down at the latte in my hands as I prepared to tell her. I didn’t even want to say it out loud. How could I tell my best friend that the love of my life was bisexual? But I had to say it. “Umm...” I began, pausing. “Veronica, Nathan’s bisexual.”
She nearly spat out her coffee, wiping the bottom of her lips as some spilled out. “What?!” she shouted so loud that a few heads turned at us, curious. “No way in hell that’s possible.”
I laughed sarcastically. “Yeah, I thought the same thing for a split second until I realized that he actually said it and that it wasn’t a dream.”
“God, I’m sorry Melissa,” she drowned in sympathy, putting down her latte. “What are you going to do?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t know if I still want him back or not as my fiancé after finding this out because hey, he may cheat on me with a man again!” I dryly laughed, covering the hurt emotions that were building up in my chest.
Veronica held my hand in support across the table, rubbing circles on top of my hand. “All I can tell you is that time can only tell. If you guys are meant to be, it’ll happen. If not,” she paused with her lips pressed together, shrugging. “You’ll have to move on.”
She was absolutely right. I couldn’t stress myself any longer about making things right. If we were meant to be lifetime lovers, fate would make it happen. I loved him, but… how could I spend the rest of my life with a bisexual man? Constantly worrying if he’ll cheat on me again is not on my bucket list. How could I ever look at him the same way again?
*****
“Come over, I want to show you my new place.”
Some time had passed since Nathan’s big confession, and my feelings of anger, nausea and humiliation had subsided. Nathan had invited me over to meet this other man at his new mansion. Curiosity got the better of me.
I got out of my car, staring up at the tall, modern mansion in awe. His new house seemed ten times bigger than his previous one.
“Mr. Glass is waiting for you in his master suite,” the doorman told me as he opened one of the front double doors for me to enter. I thanked him, walking inside the colossal mansion. I went up the long staircase and had to look for the master suite, which took me a total of twenty minutes.
“Nathan?” I called out as I stepped into the suite, looking around his luxurious room. That’s when I spotted him looking out his huge w
indow before turning at the sound of my voice.
“Melissa! Thank you for coming,” he nervously said, making his way over to me as he popped the collars of his blazer.
“No problem...” I trailed off, not seeing a third person in the room. I turned to him with a dumbfounded expression.
Nathan sheepishly rubbed his hand behind his neck as if he was embarrassed. He couldn’t even look at me directly in the eye. Before he could even open his mouth to speak, my eyes widened in astonishment when a familiar blonde guy walked out from another door in the room with a smile but then dropped once he spotted me.
“Melissa?”
“Erick?” I scoffed, looking between him and Nathan.
“You two know each other?” Nathan’ said.
I sighed in frustration, pushing my hair back. I couldn’t believe this. “Yeah, we know each other! Erick used to be my best friend, many years back then,” I said through clenched teeth, shooting daggers at him with my eyes.
“Why is she here?” Erick turned to Nathan for an answer, crossing his arms on his chest. I rolled my eyes as I noticed the huge blue and silver Rolex watch on his wrist.
“Melissa, Erick.” Nathan guided us to take a seat on his majestic couch, making me sit between him and Erick. We stared each other down with the same cold expression, but also with the same confused feeling. Nathan turned to me, “Erick’s the one I fell in love with.”
Shatter! There goes my fucking heart again. I gasped, exchanging incredulous looks between the two billionaires. The love of my life cheated on me with my ex-best friend? Are you seriously kidding me?! I mean, I already knew Erick was bisexual but him out of all people?!
“Erick,” Nathan began with a sigh, slightly leaning forward to look at him as he pointed at me. “Melissa’s my ex-fiancée.”
Erick’s defined jaw tightened, disapproval evident in his eyes as he looked at me. A sarcastic chuckle came out of my throat, rubbing my temples since I had a feeling a headache was going to form soon. Nathan remained silent the whole time, staring at the floor as we both took in the news.
“Wow,” I said. I shook my head, finally getting the courage to look into Nathan’s eyes again. So much regret was evident in them, but it didn’t matter anymore. I still loved him but this...this is just ludicrous. “You don’t fail to surprise me, you know that?”
“I’ve been disappointing you lately, haven’t I?” Nathan asked.
I nodded my head, being honest with him. He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose before his expression changed to a disappointed one himself. It was weird how his mood transitioned from shameful to disappointed in one second but what he told me next let me know why.
“I know you slept with Jason.”
I had to suppress a shocking gasp but from how surprised my faced look, he must already know how taken aback I was. “He told you?”
Nathan nodded his head, his lips clamped together. “It’s okay, I’m not mad. At least you didn’t do it while we were together.” He threw in a sarcastic chuckle. “But, it was really unexpected from a girl like you.”
I bit my inner cheek, feeling judged by Nathan even though he basically claimed that he didn’t care, as long as we weren’t together. It still felt weird hearing it come out of his mouth though. I shook my head. “Let’s not talk about it, please. I regret it so much.”
He laughed half-heartedly, staring at me adorably from under his long eyelashes. “I mean, I don’t blame him for wanting to sleep with you. You are beyond sexy,” he suddenly flattered, his hand slowly tracing up my exposed thigh. My breath hitched in my throat and I could feel goosebumps forming on my arms as his hand slowly approached my bikini line. Wrong day to wear a skirt.
“Nathan...” I breathed. “W-what are you doing?”
He gazed into my eyes with such lust, possibly with more lust than the night at my house. His lips were slighted parted, as if he was ready to devour me. I gasped once the mere tips of his fingers slipped over my panties, feeling my wet stain. Then, he leaned over and began to slowly kiss on my neck. I wanted him to get off me, I wanted him to stop because Erick was right next to us but instead, I pulled him closer by his hair and tilted my neck even more to give him more access.
Suddenly, I felt another pair of lips on my other ear and that’s when a gracious moan escaped my lips. That’s when it occurred to me that we were on the edge of having a threesome. A threesome! Last time I had a threesome was back in my freshmen year of college, I’d never thought I would do this as a thirty-year old woman. But, twice the pleasure made an overload on my inside. I couldn’t resist. I wanted more.
I grabbed Nathan by his face, roughly kissing him as Erick moved my hair out of the way to kiss on the nape of my neck. A shiver crawled down my spine and I moaned into Nathan’s mouth, biting and tugging on his bottom lip. Next thing you know, my shirt came off, and in a couple of seconds their lips had fastened themselves to my chest to gently kiss and suck on my nipples.
“Oh god,” I moaned breathlessly, leaning my head against the couch as I relaxed. Both of my nipples were being caressed at the same time and it was double the pleasure for me, plus Erick’s fingering. He went deep inside of my vagina, making me gasp by the overwhelming feeling.
“Fuck, Erick! Keep going, don’t stop!” I screamed, releasing my broken moans with uneven breathing. “Yes, yes!”
I felt like I was overdosed with pleasure, like I was on a cloud. Yes, I felt super vulnerable but all I could think of right now was wanting them.
And that’s exactly what I did.
*****
For a short period of time, having threesomes with Erick and Nathan became a guilty habit. It lasted about a week and a half to be exact. We would meet up at one of their houses, have an innocent dinner then have a threesome on the kitchen counter or the bedroom. One time, I climaxed twice in one round and it was the best feeling in the world. The hilarious part about it was that it was more of a “no strings” thing when it came to me and Nathan. But Nathan, on the other hand, has been catching his feelings back. Strongly. And I didn’t like it.
“You’re leaving?” Nathan shifted up from his bed, sitting on his butt. Erick went downstairs to the kitchen to grab some champagne but I didn’t want to stay. I actually wanted to go home and have a girls’ night with Veronica. I needed a break from all of this madness.
I turned to the disappointed-sounding man, slipping into my white blouse and blue jeans. “Why would I stay? Spend some time with Erick, I’m going to go home and relax now,” I said more harshly than I intended.
Nathan quickly shuffled out of the bed, grabbing onto my wrists with pleading eyes. “Come on, I liked spending time with you. At least have a glass of champagne first.”
“I don’t want to,” I said. I pulled away from his grip, his expression feigning hurt. “Don’t you think we spent enough time together lately?”
He blinked, puzzled. “I thought this was what you wanted. To spend time with me and work things out.”
I laughed dryly, running my fingers through my hair in attempt to tidy up. I grabbed my purse from the bed seat, hanging it on my shoulder. “Not anymore, Nathan. After everything, I kind of don’t want anything to do with you. Not in a romantic way, at least.”
“Melissa...” Sadness clouded in his green eyes, making them appear darker. “You can’t give me a second chance?”
I hesitated, getting lost in his eyes that always seemed to bring me in. Did I really not want to be with him anymore? Was I so disappointed by what’s been occurring to him lately that it turned me off and scared me away? I didn’t think I could deal with being with a bisexual man, let alone one that cheated on me with a man. Also, cheating on me with my ex-best friend, even though he didn’t know.
I shook my head at him, receiving the saddest expression from him. “I’m sorry Nathan...I don’t want us to work. I officially give up on us,” I breathed, not believing that I was saying this. I backed away from him to head towards the door, keeping my
gaze fixed on him. “I’m getting over you... and I’m perfectly okay with things being that way.”
“Wait!” he yelled out, throwing out his hand for me to stop, but I kept going. Shooting him one last smile, I turned around and walked out of his room, ignoring the cries of my name behind me. It was time to let him go, it was for the best. If I didn’t let him go, I was sure I would just end up getting hurt again in the long run and that was a risk I wasn’t willing to take again.
As I was going down the long staircase with my wedges, Erick was coming up with a tray of glasses with champagne and fruits. He shot me a questioning look, following me with his eyes once I passed him. “Hey, what’s wrong? You look devastated.”
I snapped my head to him, realizing that I must have been in deep thought. He actually looked concerned as he stood there, shirtless with his amazing buff body. We hadn’t spoken in more than ten years and yet, he could still tell whenever something was wrong.
“Nothing’s wrong,” I lied smoothly before proceeding to go down the stairs.
“You can’t lie to me, Melissa,” he simply said from behind me, making me stop on my tracks. “Just because we haven’t spoken in years doesn’t mean I forgot how to read you.”
I turned around to look at him with a sigh. “This is going to be weird to say this to you but, I love Nathan. But I just can’t be with him anymore, and I don’t want to.”
He remained silent for a couple of moments, looking down at the tray before looking up at me again with his brown eyes. A strand of his blonde hair fell over his left eye as he did this. “And why was that so weird for you to say to me?”
My throat went dry since I was about to bring up the past. My thumbs started fiddling with each other but I stopped myself before he can catch on. “Because we used to be in love. I always thought you were the love of my life.”
His jaw tightened and his eyes grew cold and distant as he dozed off. Then, he picked at the pineapple on the tray and puts it in his mouth. “Well, you thought wrong. We got into a huge fight then you—”