by Lyssa Layne
“Mari—”
“No!” I hold up my hand, taking a step back. “Don’t, just don’t. Look, we hooked up one night. One night and that was it, we both agreed to that. Sure, it was a great one night but we both need this living arrangement to work out. We let ourselves get too close so now we’re damned if we do and damned if we don’t, but the we don’t rule still stands. Do we have an understanding?”
P.J. shakes his head. “Of course, that’s not what I’m trying to say here, Mariana. I’m telling you that Kade Sumerton is not someone that you want to be around.”
I stomp my foot and let out a frustrated growl as I look up at the ceiling. “Get out, Jefferson.”
“Jefferson?” P.J. asks, an inquisitive smirk on his face.
“Yeah, Jefferson. You and me and whatever we had is done. We’re roommates now and that’s it. Got it?”
His smirk disappears and he reaches out for me but I take another step back, crossing my arms. He opens his mouth to rebut but stops and hangs his head. Without another word, or even another glance in my direction, he walks out of my room. Stunned by everything that just transpired, I drop to the floor, pulling my knees to my chest and rocking slightly. I either just made the best or worst decision of my entire life.
Chapter Seven
Mariana
Caffeine, I need lots and lots of caffeine. Last night was the longest night I’ve ever had and the funny thing is that I wasn’t doing a damn thing. Literally, I laid in bed just staring at the ceiling and replaying my life from the moment Paul Jefferson walked into it to the moment I threw him out of my bedroom the day before. My head is still spinning as I try to figure out exactly what yesterday’s debacle means for our future as roommates or better yet, as friends.
“Turn that frown upside down, sweetheart. You’re much too beautiful to not smile.”
The sweet scent of a caramel macchiato tickles my nose and my brain stumbles to wake up. Kade Sumerton holds my lifeline to surviving this shift. The treat in his hand makes me immune to his deep voice and the effects it should have on my body. Like a child with a piece of chocolate being waved in front of her face, I snatch it out of his hand and bring it to my lips before I can mutter my appreciation. He chuckles and shakes his head as I let out a moan in place of the thank you I forgot to share.
“I’m a little offended that you’re more excited to see that macchiato than me.” He wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls my body against his. “But I’ll let it slide this one time.”
I smile, wiping my lips of any leftover deliciousness. “Sorry. Thank you for the drink and it’s good to see you. Ready for another shift?”
Kade kisses my forehead, taking me by surprise. “I’m always ready to spend more time with you.”
I fake another smile and nod as my stomach sinks. Breakfast with Kade was… just breakfast. The guy is nice and hot, oh, he’s totally hot, but he doesn’t give me butterflies. I don’t get excited at the thought of seeing him or hearing his voice. In fact, I feel bad that I don’t see him the way most women do. P.J. is the one to blame, whether he means to or not, he’s professionally cockblocking every man that I might have any remote interest in.
Kade clears his throat, reminding me that I never responded to his comment. Nodding, I hold up the drink and walk toward our rig, mumbling as I move away from him. “Yeah, yeah, me too,” I say in the least enthusiastic voice I’ve ever heard.
My face is burning as I climb into the passenger side. My drink in one hand, I fumble for the seatbelt with my free one, desperately avoiding Kade’s face. My heart rate still rapid, it jumps another level when his thick hand rests on my thigh. Glancing up slowly, I brace myself for embarrassment but am shocked to see a gentle smile on his lips.
“What’s going on, Mari?” Kade asks sincerely.
I shake my head, trying to look as innocent as possible. “Nothing, I’m fine.”
His hand squeezes tightly around my thigh and finally my body reacts the way it should to a man of his stature. Then again, aside from sleeping beside P.J. and the ‘accidental’ brushes of his hand, this is the closest a man has been to my lady bits in a long time.
“I may not know you that well, yet, but I know you’re not fine. I’m your partner, we’re supposed to be able to tell each other stuff, help one another out.”
I stare down at his hand, way too concerned at the way he said “yet” than the fact that his thumb is mere inches away from my most sensitive area. Still wondering how long he thinks it’ll take for us to know each other better and if I can stand however long it might be, my mind snaps back into place and I look up at him.
“Do most co-workers put their hands so close to their partner’s lady bits?”
Unsurprisingly, Kade smirks, but his hand doesn’t budge. “Probably not and they probably don’t want to kiss their partner as bad as I do either, but let’s put all that to the side for now. Start by telling me why you’re guzzling caffeine? Sleep bad? Party too hard?”
Thankfully Kade squeezes my thigh again, distracting me from dwelling on his whole confession. The pressure on my leg from his hand keeps the blood flowing long enough for me to focus on his question.
“Roommate stuff,” I say with a casual shrug as I flip on our radio, hoping to end the conversation.
“Paul Jefferson, right? The cocky proby with Engine 58?” Kade asks, his eyebrow raised as he starts the engine.
I turn to him, my jaw slightly agape. How did he know that? I know I never mentioned P.J. by name to him, much less about his attitude. I guess he must’ve asked around like P.J. did on Kade. Suddenly, I feel like an asshole for shunning P.J. the way I did since apparently Kade did the same thing.
“Yeah, that’s him, but...” I start to get defensive about Kade’s description of P.J., but instead, I shake my head and laugh, “Yeah, that’s him.”
“What kind of troubles?” Kade looks at me, his face serious as he drops his voice. “He hasn’t touched you, has he? If he has, Mariana, I’ll—”
“What? No! P.J. would never hurt me! No, it’s nothing like that.” I shake my head, my heart races as I think about the harm that could result in a rumor like that.
Kade nods, turning back to the steering wheel and pulling the rig out of the parking spot. “Okay. Then what’s the drama?”
I tilt my head back on the seat, closing my eyes. “It’s complicated.”
“Are you two… a thing?”
“Wh-what?” I ask, snapping my head up. “No, no way!”
Kade purses his lips then smirks again. “That was a pretty quick denial. Anything ever happen between you two?”
I bite my bottom lip, answering without speaking. My mind races, trying to figure out how to explain my way out of this. I’m not attracted to Kade but I don’t want anything going around about P.J. and me, true or not.
Kade pulls onto the road, not looking at me as he speaks. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
“Kade, I’m sor—”
“Sorry? Why?” He glances over at me. “Mariana, we all have a past and hopefully we don’t all get judged on actions we’ve made when we were younger and naive. You hooked up with your roommate, no big deal. If you and him have something going on, that’s fine, tell me and I’ll back off.”
I sigh, relieved and shocked at his answer. Whether Kade and I develop into anything more, I need to be honest with him. Especially now that he’s called me out, I don’t really have any other choice.
“Yes, P.J. and I have slept together… once and only once, I swear! It was a few months ago, the first night we met—” My heart rate increases as I realize I just basically called myself a slut. “I swear I don’t usually sleep with guys the first night I meet them!”
Kade laughs and shakes his head. “It’s fine, Mariana. Remember what I said about not judging each other over our pasts?”
I swallow, trying to keep my heart from jumping out of my throat. “Right. Anyway, he was new to FDNY, I’d just started the job here, and
we were both struggling to get by with the costs of everything. Neither of us had experienced city life and how expensive everything is. Anyway, the morning after we, uh, met, I woke up in his tiny, shitty apartment and in what seemed like a great idea at the time, I suggested that we become roommates so we could afford something nicer and safer so we didn’t have to risk our lives leaving our buildings every day.”
Kade nods, keeping his eyes focused on the road. “Makes sense…”
“Yeah,” I mutter, not sure where to take the story now. Do I tell the guy who took me on a date that from the first month of us living together, we’ve shared a bed? Sure, nothing sexual has ever happened after that first night, but emotionally our connection is much more intense than most couples I know. Do I tell him my drama is over P.J. telling me to back off him? Why did I start this story to begin with?
“Did you guys not connect? Why don’t you two date?” Kade asks casually.
“Um, no, we connect, pretty well,” I say, trying not to lie and trying not to put too much emphasis on any part of that. “We both agreed that we couldn’t date. Professionally, he wants nothing more than to work for FDNY and I don’t want to have to move back home to Smallville, USA, where I’d have to wait for one of the only two paramedics to croak before I got a job offer so really, neither of us can afford to not have each other as our roommate.”
“So basically, if you could each afford a place on your own then you’d date?”
“What?!”
His question catches me off guard and he chuckles. “I like you, Mariana. I just want to know what I’m getting into. If you want me to back off, just say so.”
My stomach flips. I’ve admitted to myself that I’m not attracted to Kade romantically but if I tell him to back off then am I giving in to P.J.? Why am I denying myself the chance to date and have fun when P.J. goes out and does it? It’s ridiculous not to! Besides, I can date someone without sleeping with them. It’s just someone to hang out with, right?
Turning the tables, I reach over and pat Kade’s thigh. “There’s nothing between P.J. and me, you have nothing to worry about.”
The rig comes to a stop at a red light and Kade turns to me with a smile. “Perfect. Then how about we do breakfast again after our shift?”
Nodding, because I don’t have any other option, I agree. Don’t lead him on, Mariana, and this will all be fine. I don’t have to let P.J. know I only think of Kade as a friend, like he doesn’t have to tell me about all the girls who send him dirty texts. Everything will be okay. P.J. and my fight will blow over and I have a feeling that Kade is going to end up being a great friend.
Paul
Heat envelopes my body, a feeling I used to long for, but lately it’s beginning to make me claustrophobic. I watch the fire dance across the floor, mesmerized at how elegant it looks, like a perfectly choreographed dance. On my shoulder, my radio screeches with commands but I only hear my heavy breathing in my mask. One breath in, one breath out. Condensation forms on my mask as I breath out and disappears when I breath in, distracting me from the blaze threatening my life.
Aggressive. Cocky. Asshole. Two weeks ago, those were the most popular words to describe me around Engine 58. Today, I’ll be the first to admit, that I’m worse than a proby on day one of fire school. I haven’t slept since Mariana kicked me out of her room. It astounds me how accustomed I’d grown to sleeping with her in my arms. In the sleepless nights I’ve had the last fourteen days, I have come to realize that since I moved in with her, I’ve never slept without her. When I worked at the firehouse, I never slept, but I’d go home, crawl into bed with her, and I’d sleep like a baby.
When things were good between Mari and me, I was loud, obnoxious, over the top at work. I felt like I had to prove to the guys that I wasn’t the typical proby who came in not knowing shit and scared of everything. I pissed them all off but I showed them I what I was capable of doing. It was always such a relief to go home to Mariana and not have to act up or show out, I could always be myself with her and she was okay with that.
So, two weeks ago, when she kicked me out of her room, only seeing her in passing a few times since, I quit being that aggressive, cocky, asshole. It’s like I’ve reverted back to my first day of fire school or worse, Patrick Doyle’s first day. I try to tell myself that I’m all bent of shape because I’m scared for Mariana and what Kade Sumerton might do to her. The more stories I hear about him, the more I want to pound him into the ground, but then I know I’d lose Mariana forever. I’m trying to stay out of her way and just lay low until this whole thing brushes over, until then I can’t afford any enemies without her on my side so I’ve toned it down at work, too.
The radio crackles underneath my breathing and the fire but I ignore it. I take a step forward, wanting to get a closer look at the way the fire is moving. Without any notice, a loud pop breaks my attention and the floor gives out beneath me. Stunned, I don’t have time to react and try to run away so I mentally prepare for the fall that could be my untimely end. Instead of fear or panic, there’s a calmness that runs through me and I focus on my breathing again since it’s amplified from inside my mask.
“Fuck, Jefferson!” Naj’s heavy voice carries over all the other noises. The last of the floor underneath me is about to give away when Naj grabs me by the arm and yanks me to safety. “What the hell are you doing?” He screams at me as he shoves me ahead of him, down the stairs.
“The fire’s not out.” I point behind us, the near death experience not even phasing me.
“Your fire was about out. You need to get out of here,” he says again, shoving me harder and I stumble down a couple stairs.
We get outside and Naj yanks off his mask, putting his large hands on me again and pushing as hard as he can. I trip over my own two feet and fall to the pavement. Old me would’ve jumped up and thrown the first punch, but me without Mariana, doesn’t have a feeling or a care in the world, so I stand up and walk in the opposite direction.
“What the hell was that about?” Murph yells behind me at Naj.
“‘Ole proby pretty boy fuckin’ collapsed a floor, almost killed himself and he doesn’t even care,” Naj screams in my direction, making sure that I can hear him.
He’s right, I don’t care because the one thing I care about, doesn’t want to acknowledge my presence. Mariana is in a bad situation and doesn’t even know it. Kade Sumerton has a long list of domestic abuse charges, all hidden because of his father’s status as prosecuting attorney, but just because it doesn’t show up on his record doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. The part that’s eating me alive isn’t that Mariana isn’t talking to me but the fact that she’s in danger and I can’t do shit about it, which is why Naj is right. I don’t care that I almost fell through that floor seven floors up.
“Jefferson!” Murph yells at me.
Pulling my helmet off, I fill it with water from the hydrant and dump it over my head to cool off. After doing this a couple times, I make my way over to Murph who isn’t pleased at my delay. As soon as I’m within reach, he reaches out and forcefully taps me on the head.
“What the hell is going through that brain of yours?”
I shrug. “We all make mistakes.”
Murph’s face, already red from the heat, gets even darker. “Yeah, we do, Jefferson, but not to the extent that you have for the last two weeks. You’ve almost gotten yourself killed on more than one occasion, not to mention your fellow firefighters. You’re too much of a risk, Jefferson, I can’t take any more chances on you getting hurt up there or injuring any of my other guys.”
That gets my attention and the haze I’ve been walking around in for the past two weeks starts to clear. Yes, Mariana is important to me but it’s my dream since I was a kid to work for Fire Department New York and it seems I’m on the verge of letting that go, if I haven’t already.
“When we get back to the station, pack your bags,” Murph says, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and tapping it against his hand to
get one out.
“What? Come on, Murph! Give me another shot. I haven’t—”
“I am, Jefferson. You’re going to Dallas,” Murph says, lighting up his cancer stick.
“You’re transferring me?”
Murph lets out a loud, boisterous laugh. “I wish I could, Jefferson, I wish I could. I’m sending you to Station 58 in Dallas, Texas. Lieutenant Nate Boone is offering training for bonehead probys like yourself. You go down there, you learn, you come back, and you fight fires without getting yourself or anyone else killed, got it?”
I wave my hand to acknowledge that I understand. I highly doubt any kind of training, anywhere in the world is going to help me. The only way I’m going to get back in the game is to get over Mariana Barbosa and hope like hell Kade Sumerton doesn’t hurt her. If he does, he and I are both good as dead.
Chapter Eight
Paul
Dallas is hot and I don’t like it. The only heat I appreciate is that coming from a fire, not the weather. That’s what I need to keep reminding myself. I used to live and breathe for fire, watching it grow, being the boss that it is, destroying buildings, melting away its exterior, and then I would swoop in and extinguish it. It was the best feeling in the world… until I met Mariana. The way I used to feel about fire is how I feel when I watch Mariana move around our apartment or how it feels to have my arms wrapped around her. Now that I can’t have that, I’ve got to find that original burning desire of mine or else I’m going to be without the girl and without a job.
The fire crackles around me in the burning house I’m standing in. Five hours into this training, miles away from our station and my home, and I haven’t learned anything that wasn’t covered in basic fire school. I haven’t quite figured out if Murph decided to send me here to either scare me into quitting or if he honestly feels like I’ll learn something. Shaking my head, I aim the hose at the base of the fire, tuning out the directions coming over the radio. The way I see it, the sooner I get this fire out, the sooner I can get out of this training.