by Lyssa Layne
“Nice to meet you, Jefferson. Murph here used to my lieutenant.”
I pull my hand back, crossing my arms. “Where ‘ya at now?”
“Fire inspector in Baltimore. How’s it working with these guys?”
I shake my head and head for the exit. “You already know.”
The alarm shrills throughout the firehouse, a noise I used to love and look forward to, but these days, I couldn’t care less. Murph wobbles past me in a rush while I take my time moving toward the bay. I’m pushed forward slightly when someone slaps me on the back. I turn around and see O’Neil grinning at me.
“Come on, you’re with me.”
I shake my head, still not moving any faster. “I’m with Naj.”
“Nah, today you’re with me. Now, let’s move it before we get left behind.”
He plants his hand firmly in the center of my back, guiding us to the engine faster. I roll my eyes, irritated that this ex-firefighter who has had to resort to being an inspector thinks he has my back. I’m sure he’s just going to fake it like Murph, Naj, and the rest of the guys… brotherhood my ass.
Mariana
Riding along aimlessly on one of my last shifts, I close my eyes and let my mind wander. My new partner doesn’t talk much which is fine by me. I only have to get through a couple more shifts and then I’m leaving New York behind. A new start, a chance to begin again… I should be happy, right? Well, I’m not.
I love my job. It’s my dream occupation. I’ve wanted nothing more than to help people and save lives on a daily basis, it doesn’t get much better than that. Being a paramedic in New York City is as good as it gets. I’m in the city that never sleeps which means there’s always someone that needs to be saved. In less than a week, I’ll be headed home to a town with a population of one-hundred-thirty-five. I’ll be lucky if I run a call once a week, that is, after one of the current medics croaks and I can take his job.
Also, it should be noted that in a town that small, there isn’t many people my age. Most of them were smart enough to get the hell out of town the second the diploma hit our hands. I was one of them but it’s obvious that this small town girl isn’t cut out for the big city living. The last few weeks, I’ve been playing the “what if” game.
What if I’d never met P.J.? Well, then I wouldn’t have even lasted a month in the city because there was no way I could make rent on my salary alone. What if I hadn’t fought my feelings for P.J. so hard? Well, who knows? We could either be happily together or right where we are now. What if I hadn’t been so determined to prove to P.J. that I could date someone other than him? Well… then I wouldn’t have been almost raped.
I gasp out loud, quickly opening my eyes. Saying that word, if only in my mind, is so much harder than I imagined. Mentally, I’ve been blocking that thought although it’s been at the front of my mind ever since it happened. What if P.J. hadn’t shown me how to defend myself? Then Kade would have fully taken advantage of me and there wouldn’t have been a damn thing I could have done about it. The ambulance suddenly feels tiny and the oxygen is leaking out of the vehicle but none is coming back in. Hyperventilating, I roll down my window trying to get any little bit of air I can find.
“Whoa, Barbosa, what’s going on? You okay?” my new partner Riggs asks, glancing over at me while trying to keep his eyes on the road at the same time.
I nod, although I’m anything but okay. An image of me in the side mirror catches my attention and I focus on myself. I watch my chest rapidly pumping up and down until it almost becomes cathartic. Slowly, watching myself in the tiny mirror, I calm down so that I don’t look like a completely crazed woman.
“What the hell was that?” Riggs repeats, shaking his head. “Do you need medical attention?”
“I’m fine,” I mutter, reaching over to turn up the radio. My finger touches the knob but before I can crank up the tunes, the dispatcher crackles across our radio.
“Calling all medical and fire units to 3-7-1 Eleventh Street. Unknown number of victims inside.”
Riggs lets out a wicked laugh as he turns on the siren. I lean back in my seat, closing my eyes again. This is not the kind of day I was hoping for…
Chapter Fourteen
Paul
A peaceful glow illuminates the area around the burning warehouse. It’s easy to get mesmerized by the beautiful ways that fire works. It’s moments like these that remind me why I wanted to be a firefighter. I always thought Fire Department New York was where I wanted to spend my career but with my short time here, I’ve come to the realization that I don’t want to be a part of this exclusive crew. Hell, I don’t even want to be a part of this city.
“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”
I glance to my left where Jesse O’Neil is smiling up at the fire. He’s wearing full on FDNY bunker gear and it irks me. He might have been part of the department way back when but he’s not now. The fact that he can so easily walk in and put on the uniform while I bust my ass and barely get to run calls pisses me off so I’m not real happy that he’s planning to run this fire with me.
I shrug. “We doing this or what?”
He looks over at me with a sparkle in his eye that I’ve seen before. I see it every shift from every firefighter. It’s the love we have for the inferno, the thrill of the challenge. When a building is engulfed in flames, we have absolutely no control over it and we do everything in our power to try to overpower it. Funny, that’s just like life… like Mariana and me.
O’Neil pats me on the back and takes a step toward the building, expecting me to follow him. I sigh, knowing I have no other choice. Well, I do have a choice, I could disobey and get fired which would be fine by me since I’m giving my two weeks as soon as we get back to the fire station. Sighing, I trudge behind him ready to get this torture over.
Our breathing masks on, I trail behind the veteran FDNY firefighter, hating him more and more every step of the way. The first three floors already claimed, O’Neil and I enter the fourth floor. Quickly, we clear the floor but instead of moving on, he stands in the middle of the room like a statue.
“Come on,” I mutter, heading toward the stairwell.
“Watch it.” He points to a line of fire dancing across the wall. “Look at her move. She’s so elegant and graceful, unaware of the damage she makes.”
I stare at the spot he’s looking at and listen to his words, knowing he’s not just talking about the fire.
“Why’d you leave?”
He doesn’t tear his eyes away from the dancing flames. “A girl.” He glances over at me. “Why are you going to leave?”
I stare blankly at him for a few seconds then shrug. “A girl. Was your girl worth it?”
Even through his mask, I can see his smile as he nods. “Definitely.”
“I hate the guys here,” I admit, not caring anymore about trying to fit in.
O’Neil turns to me. “They’re good guys who would do anything in the world for you.”
I scoff and shake my head. “I doubt that.”
He hits my shoulder, squeezing it as best he can through our gear. “I don’t. I’ve seen a guy give his life for a proby, a guy he barely knew. Once you become part of the department, you’re part of the brotherhood… even if they hate you.”
He smiles at that last comment and I roll my eyes. “What proby?”
The smile dissolves and he turns away from me, heading for the stairwell. “Doyle.”
O’Neil is already halfway up the stairs by the time I catch up to him. “Wait, what did you say?”
He turns to me, a scowl on his face. “My wife’s first husband, my best friend, gave his life to save Doyle’s. Don’t take it for granted that any one of these guys would do the same for you or any other proby out there.”
Pushing open the door next to the seven written on the wall, O’Neil moves forward, ending our conversation for the moment. Taking his lead, I chase behind him, trying to keep up. I ponder the information he just shared. It all makes sense now why Doy
le keeps to himself, he has to carry around the guilt of living while someone died for him. My brain won’t let go of this thought, it was cycling through my mind over and over until the last piece of the puzzle clicked.
“Garrity!” I call out.
Jesse O’Neil stops and turns toward me. Before he can answer me, I’m freefalling as the floor beneath me gives out. With no time to react, I have no chance to fight. Then, as quickly as I fell, I stop, suspended in mid-air. Reaching up, I flip my mask off so I can look up and see what stopped me. With gritted teeth, O’Neil stares down at me, lying on his stomach. Our eyes lock. Our lives balance with each other, whether we live or die depends on if we work together or separately. If I take another breath outside of this inferno rests in the hands of a man I just met, my brother of fire.
Mariana
The entire street is illuminated by the burning building. Stepping out of the ambulance, I watch in awe at the beauty of the beast in front of us. When I’m working, I see broken arms, bloody gashes, mainly all gory injuries. P.J. and the rest of his crew are lucky they get to work with this natural beauty although its destruction is sometimes deadly.
Still hypnotized, a thunderous clatter snaps me back to reality. Windows pop halfway up the building, raining glass and fire over those of us underneath. I throw up my arm, protecting my face until the glass shower stops. Instantly, the radios around us start to buzz and the first responders move a little quicker. I scan the fire engines at the scene and my heart sinks when I read 58 on the side of one of them. Running toward the engine, I look for P.J. but don’t see him anywhere. I stop beside an older man with a pot belly who is screaming into the radio.
“Talk to me, O’Neil! What’s going on up there?”
The radio is silent then screeches white noise. The firefighter, his shirt says Murphy, repeats his question, taking a few steps to the left as he waits for an answer. Finally, a voice comes through the radio.
“Murph… tell Kate I—”
The radio cuts out and Murphy turns to the guys standing beside the engine. “Get in there! Nothing’s happening to that kid on my watch and I sure as hell ain’t about to make Katy Garrity a widow for the second time.” The men stand there until Murphy screams at them. “GO! Get me some gear and I’ll go in there myself!”
The firefighters jump into action, bringing him bunker gear, and heading inside themselves. I grab the helmet someone is trying to hand to Murphy and hold it until he looks up for it. Having his full attention, I look into his eyes and lift my shoulders trying to find some sort of confidence that I lost long ago.
“Who’s the kid?”
He shakes his head, reaching for his helmet. I pull it out of his reach and ask again. “Who is the kid?”
His lips drop into a deeper frown and he holds out his hand. Reluctantly, I hand it over, knowing he won’t give me an answer. Murphy pulls the helmet over his head but before he walks toward the danger awaiting him, he takes my hand and squeezes it lightly.
“I’ll take care of Jefferson for you, don’t worry.”
My stomach flips as I watch Murphy march into that burning building that has my P.J. hurt somewhere inside. My heart burns with a pain I’ve never felt before and it hurts more than anything I’ve ever experienced in my life, even that slap to the face from Kade. I take a step toward the blaze… then I take one more... then another… and another until my cheeks are warmed by the proximity of the fire. As I lift my foot to take one more step, a hand wraps around my waist, holding me back from a treacherous decision.
Chapter Fifteen
Paul
Dangling like a pendant isn’t exactly how I saw things ending for me but here I am, swinging back and forth in the hands of Jesse O’Neil. This is nothing like the movies portray when someone dies, there’s no white light flashing at me, a reel of the greatest highlights of my life aren’t playing. In fact, the only thing on my mind is that I wish I could tell Mariana one more time that I love her.
“Come on, Jefferson, hang in there,” O’Neil mutters through his clenched jaw.
Looking down, I can see straight to the bottom of the building, seven floors down. I wonder if the fall would kill me before the fire. Sweat runs down my face, stinging my eyes but I laugh because it’s the least of the pain that’s about to come.
“Let go,” I say calmly.
“Fuck that,” O’Neil responds, still struggling as he’s holding all of my body weight. “We don’t work that way. Firefighters don’t work that way. You go down…” He adjusts his grip on my jacket as best he can before finishing, “I go down.”
I look up at him and shake my head. “I’m not worth it.”
He shakes his head through his strained face. “Your girl doesn’t think that.”
The radio comes back alive and Murph’s voice screams through it. “Talk to me, O’Neil! What’s going on up there?”
With one hand, I reach up, ready to pry O’Neil’s fingers off my coat, my only lifeline to safety. He grits his teeth and shakes his head, speaking in spurts as he talks to me.
“I married my best friend’s wife, both of my kids have one parent dead so I get it, life is screwed up… trust me, I know, but it gets easier… and better. Anything in life that’s good is worth fighting for so fight for your own life here and get out there and win the girl.”
Mariana. I want her. She’s good. She sure as hell is worth fighting for. I’m willing to give up my dream of being a FDNY firefighter to leave her alone if that’s what she wants but I don’t want to leave her alone. I want to make her see that we’re meant for each other, that I love her, and that she’s my entire world.
Shifting my weight, I look up at Jesse O’Neil, still a stranger to me but forever a brother in fire no matter what happens in the next few seconds. Swinging my left arm up, I reach out for O’Neil, clutching his jacket as I try to gain leverage.
He nods, adjusting his hand to help me. “That’s it… come on… pull…don’t look down. Jefferson, keep your eyes on me,” O’Neil coaches me, trying to get us back on the same level.
Then, like fire does because she has a mind of her own, the flames and heat flash over the ceiling of the sixth floor… exactly where I’m dangling. My mask gone, the heat attacks me and I’m immediately overwhelmed by the smell of burnt flesh and hair. I try to scream out my pain but the fire muffles my cries and jumps into my mouth. The last thing I hear is O’Neil’s voice, “Murph… tell Kate I love her…” and then the weight of the world is gone as I black out and drop out of the sky.
Mariana
Looking up into the eyes of the person holding me at the waist, tears flood down my cheeks and I shake my head, shrieking like a wild woman. I shove my hands against the firefighter’s chest although he’s a solid wall of muscle. I’m doing nothing but wasting my energy but in my irrational state of mind, I keep beating on him in hopes he’ll let me go so I can run into the burning building and find P.J. myself.
“Whoa, ma’am, calm down!”
“Calm down? Calm down? Get me Jefferson and I’ll chill out!” I scream even though I’m mere inches away from his face.
His grasp gets tighter on my waist and his face softens. “He’s with O’Neil, he’s one of the best.”
I shake my head. “I don’t care. I want to see him and I want to see him now!”
My wish is my command as a pack of firefighters exit the building, two of them carrying limp, lifeless bodies over their shoulders. All of my energy is zapped and the firefighter that was holding me back is now holding me up. I watch them lie each body on a stretcher and the paramedics jump into action.
“Come on, ma’am. You can wait over here until there’s any news.”
I look up at the firefighter. He has a baby face, unlike every other firefighter I’ve ever met. The fire ages them as does the stress of the job but not this guy. He is stoically calm and the look of desperation on his face to get me to move almost makes me go with him. Instead, I take off in a sprint, running to the f
irst stretcher.
“Who is this?” Murphy asks, throwing off his mask and breathing heavy.
“I can’t tell yet, sir,” the medic responds.
I look down at the body and cringe. His mask is gone and his face has been seared by the fire, all that’s left is charred skin that’s been melted. Suddenly, the stench of burning human flesh overpowers me and I feel sick to my stomach. Carefully, the medic cuts off the injured firefighter’s jacket and I gasp as I recognize the colorful tattoos and the cross necklace I last touched when I pushed P.J. away. Murphy turns to me and points in the opposite direction, calling for another one of his men to take me away.
“Get her out of here!” he barks at his crew.
A hand takes mine and starts to pull me away. I keep my eyes trained on P.J. until I see his hand raise and reach for his face. Jerking my arm quickly, I get away from my captive and run back to the gurney, grabbing his hand before he touches his burns.
“P.J.! It’s Mariana, I’m here!” I shout, not knowing the extent of the damage that’s been done to him.
He wastes no time squeezing my hand and tears, happy, relieved tears fall from my eyes. I bring his hand to my lips and kiss it. The medics work on his wounds but I don’t let go of his hand because I never will.
“I’m so sorry, P.J., I didn’t mean to say goodbye.” My tears flow faster and I’m overcome with so many emotions but all I can manage to say is one reassurance. “I’ll never say it again, I promise.”
Chapter Sixteen
Mariana
Crossing back and forth in the waiting room, I fidget with P.J.’s cross necklace. The hospital is quiet, at least the room we’re in is, but there’s also a wall of firefighters blocking the entrance so no one can bother us. The hallways are also littered with more first responders waiting to see how the two wounded firefighters will be. If I had any tears left, I would let them fall as I’m overcome by the support and I suddenly understand the brotherhood and why it was so important to P.J..