This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Wright, Brett, author. | Dickens, Charles, 1812–1870. Christmas carol.
Title: Scrooge #worstgiftever / Charles Dickens and Brett Wright.
Description: First edition. | New York : Random House, [2016] | Summary: A miser learns the true meaning of Christmas when three ghostly visitors review his past and foretell his future. Text accompanied by emojis.
Identifiers: LCCN 2015030065 | ISBN 978-0-399-55064-5 (hardcover) | ISBN 978-0-399-55065-2 (ebook)
Subjects: | CYAC: Christmas—Fiction. | Ghosts—Fiction. | Great Britain—History—19th century—Fiction. | Social media—Fiction.
Classification: LCC PZ7.1.W75 Sc 2016 | DDC [Fic]—dc23
LC record available at http://lccn.loc.gov/20150300
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v4.1
a
To my family ,
who made every holiday season a
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Who’s Who
Chapter 1 - Christmas Eve
Chapter 2 - Ghost of Christmas Past
Chapter 3 - Ghost of Christmas Present
Chapter 4 - Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come
Chapter 5 - Christmas Day
Chapter 6 - The Day After Christmas
The 411 for Those Not in the Know
Some Emotions You Might Find in This Book
About the Authors
FOMO? Read on for a peek at Darcy Swipes Left
- Volume 1 -
Who’s Who
Scrooge
Marley
Fred, Scrooge’s nephew
Fred’s Wife
Ghost of Christmas Past
Ghost of Christmas Present
Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come
Bob Cratchit
Mrs. Cratchit
Martha Cratchit
Belinda Cratchit
Peter Cratchit
Tiny Tim Cratchit
Unknown Number #1, 555-6650
Unknown Number #2, 555-5586
Unknown Number #3, 555-1422
Mrs. Dilber, Scrooge’s housekeeper
Old Joe, buys Scrooge’s old possessions
Laundress, former employee of Scrooge
Undertaker
Husband and Wife
Grocer
— REST IN PEACE —
Jacob Marley is dead. Dead as a doornail. As stated in Mr. Marley’s will , he leaves his estate to Ebenezer Scrooge .
Yes, you read that correctly. Mr. Marley’s business partner, Mr. Scrooge—whose is as cold as —has signed the papers declaring Mr. Marley’s death.
Mr. Scrooge will continue to operate their business under both names and shows no signs of slowing down.
Not even for Christmas tomorrow.
Fred and Scrooge have checked into Scrooge’s office on Christmas Eve, seven years later.
Fred
Scrooge
Fred
Scrooge
Fred
Scrooge
Fred
MERRY CHRISTMAS, UNCLE SCROOGE!
Scrooge
I knew that’s where this was going. BAH!
Fred
Aw, lighten up! It’s CHRISTMAS EVE. The best time of the year!
Scrooge
HAMBURGER.
Hmph! HAM BUG.
#autocorrectfail
HUMBUG.
I haaate Christmas.
Fred
You don’t mean that.
Scrooge
You bet your sweet , I do. What’s there to like about this holiday?
Scrooge
First of all, it leaves you broke.
Second, it means you’re a year older.
And third, WHO CARES? I wouldn’t mind at all if there was never another stupid Christmas again.
Fred
That is , and you know it! It’s a wonderful time. Maybe the only time of year when people are actually nice and full of love for others.
Scrooge
Fred
You’re impossible.
The whole reason I reached out to you is to invite you to dinner tomorrow.
Scrooge
No ty. I would rather dine with the devil than visit your .
Fred
Ooooookay. Little harsh. Why?
Scrooge
Why did you get married?
Fred
Because I fell in love.
Scrooge
HA! Love! That’s the only thing in this more ridiculous than Christmas.
Fred
That’s why you’re not coming?
Scrooge
Hmph.
Fred
Whatever, Uncle Scrooge. Invitation still stands if you change your mind.
Scrooge
I. Won’t.
Fred
Merry Christmas!
Scrooge
Fred
And a HAPPY NEW YEAR too, ya old grouch!
Group text: 555-6650, Scrooge, 555-5586
555-6650
hi!! is this scrooge and marley’s??
Scrooge
WTF. Who’s this?
How’d you get my number?
555-5586
r we speaking 2 scrooge or marley??
Scrooge
Marley’s been dead for seven years exactly tonight, so I’ll give you two guesses and the first one doesn’t count.
555-6650
oh, great!! we’re from a charity that mr. marley used to donate to ALL the time. knowing that it’s the anniversary of his untimely death , we’re sure that you’ll want to donate as generously as he did, mr. scrooge! perhaps in his name??
555-5586
& now is the perfect time of yr 2 donate. so many ppl can barely get by as it is & that can b esp hard @ xmas.
Scrooge
BAH! There are PLENTY of places for those people to go.
I am NOT one of them!
Ever heard of prisons? Workhouses?
555-6650
but, sir!! we just want to bring some warmth and good cheer to those who need them. now, how much can i put you down for?
Scrooge
NADA.
555-5586
u want 2 b anon? that’s cool!
Scrooge
No! I want 2 b left alone.
Adding you both to the Do Not Call list. TTYN.
Bob Cratchit
Um. Mr. Scrooge?
Scrooge
OH, WHAT NOW??
Bob Cratchit
Um, um, um. I was just wondering if it would be OK to take t
omorrow off? So I can spend Christmas with my family?
Scrooge
Lemme guess. You expect me to give you a paid holiday too?
Bob Cratchit
It’s only one day of the year….
Scrooge
Don’t remind me. Every December 25.
Fine. But you better be here EXTRA early the next day to make up for it.
Bob Cratchit
Yes, sir, I promise! Thank you! Merry Christmas!
Scrooge
Bah HUMMINGBIRD.
OMG. Adding a shortcut to my keyboard.
Bah humbug!
Scrooge
I. HATE. CHRISTMAS! I that someday we live in a where we don’t celebrate such a lousy holiday. #BahHumbug
Be the first to like this.
REPLY
Scrooge: I’m going to bed, and I hope I through this entire week!
Marley
boo
Scrooge
Who is this? Do you have any idea what time it is?
Marley
bOOooOOooOOoo
Scrooge
Stop messing with me!
Marley
i think u mean, who WAS this?
Scrooge
Fine. Who WAS this?
And how did YOU get my number? I swear I’m unlisted!
Marley
it’s me, ebz! jake! jacob marley.
Scrooge
I don’t believe you.
Marley
i’ll send a selfie.
#nofilter
Scrooge
What? This is ridiculous. I’ve gone mad.
Buzz off.
Marley
i’ll prove it.
ur wearing a robe 4 bed rn.
Scrooge
How do you know that?
Marley
weeelll, i’m kind of a so i can still u.
i’ve been watchin u 4 a while now.
Scrooge
Really? Um. What’s it like to be…dead?
Marley
not so gr8 tbh w/u.
i’ve got all these covering me. #OOTD #NAGL
Scrooge
Why?
Marley
it’s my own fault.
i’m locked up bc of how i acted when i was alive.
Scrooge
That’s outrageous! Because you were a successful businessman?
Marley
that’s just it—i worked 2 much, ebz.
i never left our office 2 rly LIVE & b w/ppl i cared abt.
Scrooge
I can’t believe you’re being punished for all the good you did….
Marley
i didn’t do as much good 4 others as i did 4 myself. i shouldabin leaving the office on time , volunteering & rly helping ppl.
not just taking shortcuts by donating dough & believing that was enuf 2 make up 4 my selfishness.
now i’m basically screwed. forced 2 roam w/out peace n quiet.
Scrooge
Marley
ya, total bummer…
buuut…
here’s…
the…
thing…
hello?!
Scrooge
What? I’m listening.
Marley
oh, that was supposed 2 b suspenseful but whatevz.
there’s still hope 4 u, ebz, so u don’t end up like me.
Scrooge
Whaddya mean?
Marley
yer gonna b visited by 3 spirits …
Scrooge
PASS. I choose to end up like you. NBD.
Marley
…4 the next 3 nights.
Scrooge
Aw, C’MON! Can’t they visit me all at once and get it over with?
Marley
the 1st spirit will show up @ 1 tomorrow.
2 days l8r, the 2nd will come at the same time.
& on the 3rd nite, the last spirit will visit you at midnight.
Scrooge
Should I be writing this down?
Marley
u won’t hear from me again after 2nite, ebz.
so remember what i said.
gl2u!!
Ghost of Christmas Past
W
Ak
E
WaK
GAH.
Scrooge
Um, hi?
Ghost of Christmas Past
Wakey, wakey!
Sry about that. I’m still getting used 2 this thing.
Plus, my fingers are way 2 big for this.
N-e-way. Wakey, wakey, Scrooge!
Scrooge
Who is this?
Ghost of Christmas Past
Ghost of Christmas Past, at ur service.
The ultimate #tbt and #fbf.
Scrooge
That’s impossible. I literally just fell asleep!
Ghost of Christmas Past
Did u LITERALLY just fall asleep? Like LITERALLY?
Scrooge
YES!
And Jacob said you wouldn’t be here until tomorrow. I couldn’t have slept through an entire day.
Ghost of Christmas Past
IDK what to tell u. It’s on the dot. And we don’t have a lot of time, so let’s get to saving u!
Scrooge
You can save me by letting me sleep more.
Ghost of Christmas Past
UP!
I’m ur past, Scroogey. And I got some to show u that ur probs not gonna like.
Scrooge
Maybe I’ll take a rain check.
Ghost of Christmas Past
Nice try. Follow me!
Scrooge
But I’m not a . I can’t just reappear somewhere else like you can.
Ghost of Christmas Past
Ghost of Christmas Past
Did u tap it?
Scrooge
What? Of course!
Ghost of Christmas Past
Try again. Don’t think it worked.
Scrooge
Fine! There.
Ghost of Christmas Past
Nope. Didn’t work. Sorry, it’s this app. Pictures disappear after 10 seconds.
Here u go.
Ghost of Christmas Past and Scrooge have checked into the countryside.
Ghost of Christmas Past
Recognize this ?
Scrooge
I grew up here. This is my childhood home.
Scrooge #worstgiftever Page 1