by Ashlee Price
“Miss, we’re sweeping the place for any other gunmen. You need to get out of here. I’ll take you to get checked out.”
Looking down at the blue dress, I shook my head. “I didn’t pay for this dress. I need to change.”
The look of concern was back. “Miss, you need to come with me. I’m sure that no one is going to mind if you take the dress. There is no one to mind.”
His words were cryptic, but it was almost instantly clear what he meant. Save for a dusty man in a business suit who had his head down in his hands, no one else moved. There were police officers everywhere, but the majority of people in the small shop were on the ground with pools of blood around them. There was blood everywhere, and I covered my eyes, stopping just feet from where I’d been hiding in the changing room. I couldn’t look at the cold, dead stare of the woman lying just feet from where I’d been. That could have been me.
“Come on, Miss. We need to get you out of here. Just try not to look at them.”
I tried to listen to him, I really did, but it was impossible. It was even harder when I saw a familiar sweater that Marge had been wearing. I could see a slip in her hand. Was that the one that she was getting for me?
I had to step over the body of a young man as we made our way out of the store. Each person that I passed, I was forced to wonder what they were doing and who they were. So many lives gone in an instant. It was hard not to think of what would have happened if I’d had to wait for the dressing room. Was it all really luck?
When I got to a place that the policeman finally stopped, I looked back at the chaos and wondered how I’d made it out of there unhurt. It didn’t seem right. The more I thought about it, the more I could feel myself shaking inside. The what-ifs plagued me, and it was hard to focus on the questions that the man was asking me.
“Miss, what is your name?”
“Camilla Loring”
“Do you have an ID?”
I went to reach into my pocket and realized that it was in the slacks that I’d taken off in the changing room.
“It’s back there where I changed my clothes. Please don’t make me go back in there.”
His hard face softened, and there was a bit of something else in his dark depths. “Miss, no one is going to ask you to go in there. If you would like, I’ll bring your belongings out.”
“Thank you, Officer.”
“Officer O’Brien.”
I repeated his name and thanked him again. It was hard to focus, but in a moment he was gone and I was answering questions from an EMT that he’d directed me to in the parking lot. After checking my eyes and blood pressure, I think, he cleared me and said that I seemed to be okay. Everyone kept saying that, but I didn’t feel okay.
“Here you go, Doctor.”
The officer was back with my things, and by my new title I knew that he’d looked at the ID already. My driver’s license was in his hands when I finally looked up. “Thank you, Officer O’Brien.”
“We’re going to need you to answer a few questions before you leave. I’ll also need a way to contact you if I have anything further. You’re one of just a few witnesses so far.”
“I didn’t witness anything.”
“Is there nothing that you can tell us about what happened?”
There wasn’t a lot to tell, but I tried to describe it as best I could. While I would have wished for some time to gather myself, the officer assured me that it was better to do it while everything was fresh in my mind. He was right, and I seemed to remember more than I’d first thought. I could still hear the sounds of the gun in my ears, and the smell of the gunpowder still filled my nostrils with that acrid reek.
“Is there anything else, sir?”
O’Brien shook his head and told me that I could go home. I thanked him for the tenth time and made my way into the parking lot where my car was. There were cars and lights everywhere, police tape going up to cordon off the area. I just felt cold as I walked away. How had everything changed in the blink of an eye? One minute everything was okay and the next moment my life was forever going to be different. Nothing was ever going to be the same again.
Chapter 3 – Camilla
I felt numb all over, and I realized how badly I was affected. There wasn’t a day or night that went by that I didn’t think about all of those people in the mall. The news was on every station, but I just couldn’t bring myself to watch it. The only thing that I could bring myself to do was sleep. My bed became my sanctuary, no matter what responsibilities I had. I just couldn’t do it.
When the phone rang I looked at it suspiciously and tried to ignore it. I had a feeling that it was the office, and since I wasn’t coming in that day either, I didn’t think that there was anything that I could do but ignore the call. I didn’t want to go in and help people with their problems when I had problems of my own to attend to.
The cordless phone stopped ringing, and I was closing my eyes again when the cell phone next to me started to go off. I knew then it was Sara and the only thing I could do was answer. Sara would understand that I just couldn’t do it. Besides, I wanted to talk to someone, and Sara had tried for days.
“Hello.”
“Thank God, Camilla! I was so worried about you. Why haven’t you picked up your phone?”
Her worry was nice to know, but the barrage of questions was going to be a little harder to deal with.
“I just was sleeping, that’s all.”
“Camilla, it’s almost noon. What are you doing sleeping?”
I shrugged to no one in particular. Sara couldn’t see me, so I just closed my eyes and settled back into the bed. “I’m just tired.”
“Camilla, it has been a week. They caught the guy. You don’t need to worry about him anymore.”
I wasn’t worried about the shooter, although her words sent a shiver down my spine. I’d thought he’d been killed in the shootout. That was how most of these things ended. The shooter never got away, and the idea that he was just caught made me nervous. I didn’t want the man to get mad that there was a survivor who could identify him. I hadn’t really seen him, just his boots, but the idea made me feel a little cold inside.
“I would tell my patients that it’s okay to be afraid and to take time to heal.”
“That’s the problem, Camilla. You need to come back to work. There are a few survivors who’ve been sent our way. They start coming in Monday. Turn your fax on so that I can send you the information. Since you were part of it, I think that you should take them. Maybe it will be beneficial for the both of you.”
I’d only seen one man who was there with me, although I’d been out of it and I certainly hadn’t gone through the place looking to see if I was the only one with the blank stare in my eyes. It was a dilemma, and I wasn’t sure what to do. How could I just be okay after something like that? I knew what I would tell a patient about it, but now the words just seemed so hollow when I tried to say them to myself. It just didn’t have the same weight as it would have before.
“I don’t know if I’m ready yet, Sara.”
“Camilla.”
Her voice had changed. She was using that voice that she used with her clients, the one that said she was sorry for what they had gone through. I was used to that tone, because I also used it from time to time. It was the empathy that bothered me, and I felt my feathers getting ruffled. I didn’t want her to feel bad for me.
“I’ll come in next week. It’s Friday and the day is almost over.”
Sara made a sound that told me she didn’t agree with my decision, but the fact of the matter was it was my decision. I didn’t want her to know how badly I was affected. I was embarrassed about how scared I felt. I was the doctor who was supposed to help people, and I didn’t know if I could. How could I help others when I was such a mess myself? It didn’t make sense, and the longer the silence dragged out, the worse it was.
“So how is everything? Are you guys busy?”
“You know we are. I’ve had to send
away countless people who were here to see you. You have to come in. They need you, and I need my friend back. I can’t talk to Greg all the time. You know how he is.”
She made me smile, but I refused to laugh. It was funny to me that she was calling. She had her own clients to take care of.
“I’m fine, really Sara. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I don’t feel like I’m going to be much help to anyone right now. Not like this.”
“Sometimes you need to show your vulnerabilities to help others. Take the rest of the day off, the rest of the week off, but Monday morning you’re going to have survivors in here. I can’t think of anyone more qualified to help than someone who went through the same thing. I think it would be good for you.”
Sara was sounding too much like a doctor and not enough like my friend. The pragmatic side of me knew that she was right, but that didn’t really matter. What mattered was the fact that I did have to get up and do something. I couldn’t lie in bed all day.
“I’ll be there Monday. Thank you for taking care of my patients. I know that I need to get it together, I know that, but I guess it’s harder than I thought it would be. Sara, there was just so many bodies, and Marge…” I felt my voice catch and I stopped talking, not sure where I was supposed to go from here.
“It’s going to be okay, Camilla. I’m here for you if you ever need to talk.”
I did need someone to talk to, just not yet. Every time I said anything about it, or heard a loud noise, I was unable to stop the shaking in my body and the fear that coursed through me. Was this how my clients felt? If it was, I felt bad for any time that I’d told them to basically get over it. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to get over it, and this is what I did for a living. Once again, I felt like a fraud, and I wasn’t sure what more I could do. Was I going to feel like this forever?
“Just turn your fax on and I’ll send you the files. Start there, Camilla.”
I agreed, but looked back lovingly at the pillow and warm sheets that I’d left. Couldn’t I just stay in bed a little while longer?
Chapter 4 – Camilla
I heard the fax machine going off. I didn’t really want to see what Sara was sending over. It was going to be files of people that I was expected to help. It was hard to fathom how when I didn’t even know how to help myself. I could have just gone back to bed, but something had me getting up and turning the television on.
The mall shooting was still one of the top stories. I’d stopped even trying to watch the TV, but I knew that it was going to be the first step in my healing process. I had to take it on right then or I was never going to be able to. I had to face it, no matter how hard or painful it was going to be.
“The latest is on the arrest of the shooter. Twenty-eight-year-old Kingston Dowell has been arraigned and there will be no bond set for him. The police are keeping him in protective custody for his own safety as there have been threats on his life.”
I just shook my head and wondered for a moment why the police were so keen to protect such a man. He’d destroyed many lives, and it seemed like there was more worry about him and his life than all of the lives that he’d taken in his rampage. To me, it just didn’t make any sense.
“Billionaire tycoon Tyler Hudson was one of the many survivors of the mass shooting. However, no one has been available for comment at this time.”
The newswoman to the left of the announcer asked why that was, and I let out an unladylike snort. There was no way that I was going on air to tell my story, and I started to wonder why anyone in their right mind would do that. It just didn’t make any sense to me. I wondered again how many had survived. There were pictures of the victims flashing across the screen, and each one of them could have been me. Why was I the one who’d been in the dressing room, instead of one of the other women? Why had I survived?
“John, I know that this is hard on the whole city. We haven’t seen that kind of violence here for a long time.”
My mind started to wander after the two newscasters began to talk about the bombing that occurred ten years before at the court house. I hadn’t lived in the city at the time, but it was a case that I’d studied extensively. It was my job to help people recover from traumatic events, and I worked with the police department a lot. They were the ones who’d sent the few survivors to me for help. Now I wondered if I was going to be able to provide it.
The newscast then showed pictures of the business tycoon they’d mentioned earlier. I wasn’t sure how it related, but the news show tied one of his up and coming business deals to the man in the same breath that they proclaimed him a survivor.
When I got to the fax, it was the billionaire’s file that was on top. He was one of the people that I was going to have to see Monday, and I wasn’t really looking forward to it. The man was handsome, put together by the looks of it, and he was most likely better off than me. How could I help anyone given the state I was currently in? It just didn’t seem possible.
Scanning through the file, nothing really jumped out at me. The file was a generic one, most likely compounded by the police, and didn’t tell me much about the handsome man who was smiling on my television screen. Just because he was rich, I didn’t see why he was getting that much time on air. It didn’t seem right. At the same time, I was happy that it wasn’t my name and face being blasted all over the TV.
I turned the television off and felt better almost immediately. There was nothing I wanted to do more right then than go back to bed. I was sure that was where I was going to find the most comfort, and that was all that I needed. I just wanted to sleep some more and pretend like none of it had really happened. But my eyes went back to the files in my hands. I knew that Sara was right. I had a job to do, and there was no one who was going to do it for me. I was going to have to help myself so that I could help others. That was what I’d gotten into psychology for in the first place. I couldn’t fix my own damage, but I knew how damaged a soul could get, and I wanted to help others in a way that I couldn’t help myself.
Getting up for the first time in a long time, I went into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee. It was part of my job to learn about the clients before I saw them, and since Tyler Hudson was first on my list, I figured he was as good a place to start as any other.
The small picture on the file was one that I’d seen on the news. He was not at all what I expected. The man was gorgeous. He didn’t look like a billionaire tycoon. He looked too young, and the dark stare that came back from the paper made me nervous. How was I going to meet with this man and make him better?
The information that the file contained was limited, and I learned more about him from a quick internet search. He was everywhere, and although a lot of the press was about the business, there was a little bit put in about his love life and his marriage several years back. Watching a couple of clips of him speaking at ribbon cutting ceremonies, I knew that the man was going to be a challenge. I was already looking at him in a way that I shouldn’t, although in my defense it was hard not to.
I ignored the phone when it rang again and let the machine pick it up. It was Jesse, the man I’d been so excited to see. He was worried, but I didn’t answer. The last thing that I wanted to do was talk to him. What was I thinking in the first place? He wasn’t for me, and since he was one of my patients, it all seemed even worse. It was time for me to make some better choices and stay away from clients in that way. I didn’t have time to think about everything, but I never did call Jesse back. Maybe I would soon, but for now, I had work to do.
Looking back at the picture in my lap, I tried to push away the thoughts that I wasn’t supposed to have. I was a professional, after all. It shouldn’t matter what he looked like. I was going to help him.
Part 2: Tyler
Tyler Hudson, one of the survivors of the mall shooting, finds himself walking into the office of Dr. Camilla Loring. He doesn’t want to be there, but he’s been pressured into going by his family. The man dreads the appoin
tment – until he sees who his new doctor’s going to be. Dr. Camilla is breathtaking, and all of his doubts disappear.
When he tries to get more information on the buxom brunette, Camilla doesn’t want anything to do with him in that way. He sees the look of need in her bright blue eyes, but she seems immune to his charm. No woman has ever been immune to the billionaire’s charm before, and it just makes him want her more. Tyler is ready to play the game to get his way and get the doctor into his bed. One way or another, she is going to be his.
Chapter 1 – Tyler
“Tyler, it’s for your own good. Your mother has been on me for days to say something to you. So just go, tell the doctor what they want to hear and deal with it. It won’t be long before she’s happy with your progress. Just do it and save me from getting calls at six o’clock in the morning.”
So Dad didn’t really give a damn if I went or not. It was my mom. She never called me, and it didn’t seem to matter that the two of them had split up years before. If there was a problem, she would call Dad, and then I would get one of these calls.
“Do you know what kind of schedule I have right now? I’m already working more than a lawyer bills.”
“It’s a few sessions for an hour. You can’t squeeze it in for a little peace?”
He was trying to use my emotions against me, but what he didn’t know was that I didn’t have any. Just like him, and it was one of his traits that I didn’t mind sharing. “Let’s talk about the Rothwell deal and then we can talk about peace.”
His face changed as the smile grew on my own. I knew that I had him, and I knew that it was going to suit me well. I was going to make plenty of money for a few hours at a shrink’s office.
“You’re too much like me.” He didn’t realize that his thought mimicked my own.
“Yeah, so do we have a deal?”