by Ashlee Price
She sat up with the last thought. She had so many resolutions for the New Year and one of them was to stop lazing about in bed till noon. Even with a hangover, it didn’t seem like a good idea to break it on the first day. The bed was empty next to her and she sighed to herself. Another one of her resolutions was to get rid of Billy. He was never any good for her, but she missed waking up to his hot, naked body next to her. The older man had showed her things that she never could have imagined possible, but at the same time, he had torn her heart into as many pieces as it were possible to be without falling apart completely. He was never any good for her and losing him was hard, but it had to be done.
Pulling her mind from the past, she walked into the kitchen squinting at the coffee pot that she couldn’t just will on. The morning was bright and by the look outside, it was going to be a beautiful day. Going out to the porch, Foster took a few puffs from a cigarette and shivered in the morning breeze. It was beautiful outside, but looks were deceiving. It was freezing outside and she went back in before she could get halfway through the cigarette.
Shaking, she went back to her room to get dressed, adding a sweater to her outfit, still chilled from the few minutes outside. Grabbing a cup of fresh coffee made her feel a little better, warming her from the inside. Her phone rang and she knew who it was by the ring. “I’m up and as soon as I get some caffeine in me, I will be there to take you to the doctor, okay?”
Carol thanked her and hung up. She knew her daughter was never very good at remembering things, but she knew even more that Foster was horrible in the mornings. Carol didn’t like to wake her up if she didn’t have to.
Foster got herself together and made her way to her mother’s house across town. She had been having some issues with what they hoped wasn’t cancer, but Foster knew in her heart that it was. Her mother knew as well, becoming quieter and even meeker since they had done the biopsy. “It’s going to be okay mom. Doctors can do all kinds of things now mom. Even if that is what it is, I am sure there are many things they can do.”
She tried to sound sure. She wasn’t, but at least her voice was strong like she was. Carol smiled at her and tried to look as brave as her daughter needed to be. There was nothing to be said about it, no sense in worrying until it was all said and done.
The two tried to draw strength off of each other, but they were both nervous going into the doctor’s office. Even when Foster knew the words that were going to come out of the doctor’s mouth, she was still holding onto some hope. There was none according to doctors and the sinking feeling in her stomach. Her mother was not given a diagnosis, but a timed departure that she was supposed to go home and live with. She was given six months and as the two drove back to her place, neither one of them could think of anything to say.
Finally Carol broke the silence, her mind working since they had left the hospital. She had known it was coming, feeling the changes and the feeling of not right in her body for some time. “You know, it’s going to be okay Foster. I know you are not going to like the decision I make, but just know that it is going to be okay.”
She looked over at her and didn’t know what she was talking about. Her mother was being cryptic and she wanted to know what she meant. “What do you mean?”
“I am going to decline the chemo Foster. I know that they said it will extend my time, but it won’t be time worth having.”
“So what are you going to do, just let it make you worse until you die?”
Her voice was rising and she looked over at her while at a stop sign down from her mother’s house. “No, and calm down, Foster. It’s not going to be like that. I want to travel, see things that I haven’t seen before. I was hoping you would come with me.”
Foster had not expected that answer. Her mother had never been one to travel, content in the small town with her family. Foster had tried to get her to travel before, but she had never wanted to. “Of course I will go with you mom. Where ever you want to go.”
“There has always been one place that I never got around to visiting.”
She waited for her to answer. “I have always wanted to go out west. I know it is not exotic, but I have always wanted to see the horses and the big skies.”
It was not the answer she had been expecting. Foster had been thinking more along the lines of a beach somewhere, but it was her mother’s choice after all. “So you want to go see the cowboys and tumbleweeds huh?”
Carol laughed a little. “I figured that was how you would see it, but what do you say? You want to come with me?”
Foster was close to tears. “Of course I will go with you mom. Where ever you want to go. But don’t you at least want to get a second opinion? That is just one doctor and one test.”
Carol shook her head. She didn’t want to spend anymore of her time worrying about what she couldn’t change. She just wanted to live the next few months as happily as she could before it all caught up to her.
“Whatever you want. When do you want to leave?”
“Well I know you will have to rearrange some things.”
Foster shook her head. “No need. It just a job and to be honest, I never liked it anyways. We can leave as soon as you are ready to.”
“Thanks Foster. I knew that you would be up for an adventure.”
Foster smiled back, but she felt a little part of her breaking. The year was starting much the same that as how her last year had begun. It didn’t bode well for the future, but Foster tried to think about the good. Her mother was in good spirits with everything going on, so Foster figured she could be as well.
“It sounds like it will be fun Mom.”
Chapter 2
It actually was fun. It was almost a month into their trip before her mom even started showing more signs, getting fatigue and such. Carol wanted to keep going, but Foster convinced her to stop for a time. For her sake, they stopped in Nevada in a small town and rented a vacation house. It was bigger than they needed, but the views couldn’t be beat and Carol found herself wanting to leave less and less as her health started to deteriorate.
Carol got to watch the horses from the ranch next door and Foster got some quiet time to spend with her mother. It was a win, win, but when she started to get sicker, Foster knew that it might be the last leg of her journey. After another couple of months, she was starting to see Cross Junction as her home too. The house rental was affordable because it was not in the big city and Foster didn’t want to take her mother away from a place where she had found so much peace.
She didn’t have to move her though, her mother died in half the time that they had given her. Foster tried to see it as going to a better place, but the selfish side of her wished that she could have stayed longer. There was no feeling of sorrow beyond her being gone. Everything was said that needed to be said and Foster would always be thankful for that.
Foster went to the house after the cremation was done and she didn’t want to leave. When she was there, it was like a part of her mother was there as well. It gave her peace and she wasn’t ready to give that up yet. Cross Junction had become her home and Foster went into the summer months trying to find a job where she was. With no experience in animals or the western lifestyle, she found a job cooking at one of the only restaurants in the small town. It wasn’t her first choice, but she had worked in enough restaurants to pick it up quick enough.
She was on her own path then, her own adventure, trying to figure out what it was that she needed to do. With no family left, Foster did not have a focus or even a direction or where she wanted to be. She liked to watch the horses in the morning though and the sunset that came up on a sky that was bigger than life. Foster wasn’t sure what she was going to do, but she knew that she had to stay where she was.
The restaurant gig got old quickly and Foster knew she had to get into something else for work. When she saw a sign in town that the local veterinarian shop needed to hire help, Foster went in there thinking that she could help. Her mind was still thinking puppies
and kittens when she went in. There was no application to fill out, just an older woman by the name of Karen that asked her some questions. When it became clear that she really knew nothing about animals, Foster figured she had wasted her time. “Sorry to bother you Karen. I don’t know what I was thinking coming in here with no experience. I just thought I might be able to learn something and be a help.”
The older woman smiled and urged her back into the straight-back seat. “There is no need for experience here. Every day is something new anyways, so the most important part is to want to help. I think you fit the bill and as long as you can pick up and learn, I think I have a place for you here.”
Foster was beaming. It was the first goal that she had set that she had found herself able to complete. She had known that she was going to need to find a better job and in such a small town there hadn’t been that many options. It was one of those things that she had wanted to do when she was younger and now she was going to be able to.
They talked for a while longer about when she would start and then more details about what she should wear. “We will be on location most of the time, so make sure to just wear some jeans and some good boots. You will regret wearing anything pretty.”
Foster laughed a little, still thinking about cats and dogs, but she didn’t ask what working on location meant. She didn’t care. She had a new job that paid better and would allow her to stay in the house that she had come to love. There was nervousness in her about starting something new, but Foster was ready for the challenge.
***
What she wasn’t ready for was the actual job. Her mind had conjure up cute kittens that needed help, but by noon she was almost knee deep in manure and a whatever else was on the bottom of the stalls. Her kitten was actually a cow and then a couple of horses. One minute she was helping deliver a calf and the next moment she was across town helping another rancher with a horse that was walking different after a fall. Karen had been right, it was always something different.
Foster was exhausted about halfway through the day. She was starting to wonder if she was going to make it in her new line of work. There was the question in her mind of if she could get back her cooking job if it all went belly up. She didn’t want to think about failure, but it was harder than she had thought.
After a lunch eaten at the very diner she had just quit, Karen asked her how she liked it so far. “Be honest, what do you think?”
Foster smiled and wondered how honest she really wanted her to be. Since she had never been one to gauge that very well, she figured it was best to just be completely honest. “I don’t know how you do it Karen. I like it, but I am worried about keeping up is all. I feel like every muscle in my body is screaming at me to just stop. You look like it is not even bothering you.”
She nodded with understanding. “It will get better, I promise. The first week is always the worst, but then your body will get used to it. You have definitely been a big help today. I hope you decide to stick it out. I’ve been looking for a good assistant for a long time. Everyone here works for the ranches, but someone has to keep all the animals healthy.”
“I am going to try Karen. It makes me feel a little inadequate that you are running circles around me.”
Her weathered face grinned back at her and she patted her on the hand, trying to assure her that she was doing fine. Foster wasn’t so sure, but she was thankful that she cared enough to lie to her.
Chapter 3
Foster took on the rest of her day with a renewed optimism. She knew that it would be over in a couple of hours and Karen’s pep talk helped her get through. She could go through a week if it would get better after that.
The fourth stop of the day was at a smaller ranch that had no sign in the front of it. “So what is this place called?”
“Trent never wanted a name on it, but everyone knows that he is the place to go to get a horse trained.”
“Do you work for him a lot?”
Karen nodded. “He likes to get all of the horses checked out before he starts working with them. Trent wants to make sure that there is no injuries to worry about that will affect the horse’s performance or change their demeanor. Horses are just like humans whereas they get a little grouchy when they are in pain like we do.”
Foster followed her to a freshly-painted barn and her eyes started to adjust to the darker interior. Her nose was already accustoming her to the smell of manure. It was apparently the smell of the west or the west that she was part of.
“Ah, Karen. Glad to see you.”
Foster turned around to the deep voice coming from behind her. Her eyes took in the man in front of her. The shadows playing over her face, so she had to pay more attention to the strong build and sure stance. The man’s jeans perfectly molded to his strong thighs and even though she couldn’t see his face very well, Foster could see and feel his eyes just fine on her.
“Hey, Trent. I didn’t see you out here. Which ones are we looking at today?”
“The last two in the back. They just came in over the weekend and I wanted to make sure they were fit to train. So you have a new assistant?”
“Yes, Trent this is Foster. Foster this is Trent. Like I was telling you, we do a lot of business with him, so we will be here often.”
He smiled and started walking where he had gestured before. Foster was still not so sure about horses. They were huge and they made her nervous, but she didn’t want to appear that way to him. As she walked next to him, she got a better look at his face and he had a strong jaw line with generous lips. There was a darkness in his depths when he looked at her, but she looked away quickly. The horse nuzzled her hand and she jumped, making the man chuckle at her discomfort.
“You’ve never worked with horses before?”
“Trent, be nice. Foster is new to all of this. She comes from the east and this is her first day with me so don’t you dare scare her off.” Karen cautioned the man, knowing he liked to jest. Foster was more serious than she was and Karen didn’t want to lose her helper. Not many people could keep up with her and Karen liked the girl and she wanted her to stay around awhile.
“Yes Ma’am.”
Karen gave him a look and he gave her one of innocence back, but they both knew that he wasn’t very innocent. “Well if you are going to live in Cross Junction, you will get used to them. I think there are more horses than there are cars in this town. Where do you come from?”
“Chicago.”
His face screwed up and she was the one that almost laughed. He was so serious-looking one minute and then animated the next. “I never could do the city. Too many people and not enough fresh air and trees. What brought you out here to the middle of nowhere if not horses?”
It was an innocent question, but it was one that she was not prepared to answer. Foster blinked back a tear from her eye and looked down. “I came here with a friend and decided to stay.”
Trent looked at her strangely for a moment. He knew the look in her eye, having felt it before and he didn’t push. Karen watched the two interact with each other and she started to wonder if the new assistant was what the tall, brooding man needed. He was the sweetest man, had a heart of gold, but it was one that had been broken too many times. It left Trent distant and ever since Karen had known him, she had wanted nothing more than to see him happy and settled.
“I need to go get a few things from the truck. Foster, why don’t you help Trent get them out of the barn and into the corral so we can look at them properly?”
Foster nodded and did as the woman asked. She avoided eye contact with Trent, still trying to get the thoughts of why she was there out of her mind. Why was she still there? Was she holding onto that place because it was her only connection to her dead mother and was she just fooling herself that it was where she wanted to be?
“Sorry if my question bothered you before Foster. It wasn’t my intention.”
“No, no. It’s okay. I have just had a long day I guess.”
“
It will get better.”
“That’s what Karen says, but my arms seem to differ.”
“Well that will sort its self out, the rest just takes time.”
She didn’t answer him or comment back, but it was as if he almost knew what she was going through. When she finally met his dark blue eyes, she had the distinct feeling that he knew too well. That was the look she had not recognized before, loss. Foster was sure that it was just as clear on her face as it was on his. “I sure hope so.”
Karen came back in through the barn and even though the two young people were quiet, Karen had a good feeling about things. She showed Foster how to check the horses and what they were looking for. One of the horses what looked to be a sprain, the other one was ready for training. While Trent would usually go off to take care of his work, he stayed around and watched the new assistant. He even invited them to stay for dinner, but Karen was in a rush to get home. Foster would have stayed, but she thought it best to go with Karen. “Thanks for all of your help Foster. I hope to see you again real soon.”
***
“Well that went well. Don’t you think? Seemed like a good end of the day.”
Foster stared out at the darkening sky. It looked like there was a storm blowing in and she wasn’t sure if she was happy to see it or not. The blackness matched her mood though after Trent had reminded her of her mom by asking the very same question that she had been asking herself. Why was she there?”
“Are you okay Foster?”
“Yes. Sorry, I was just looking at the clouds. They are moving fast and it looks like it is going to be quite a storm.”
“Have you seen one here yet?”
Foster nodded. “I stayed her with my mom for a few months and we saw some really bad storms. I guess they are just different then what I am used to back east. Here the skies are bigger and it seems like the storms are just as big.”
“I have lived here my whole life and have always loved a good thunderstorm. You be careful driving home in this.”