by Karen Kirst
“God gave me the strength. He was my refuge during my darkest days.” She slid her heavy mane behind her shoulder. “I slowly healed and was able to see the good in life again. I’ll never forget the babies I lost. That pain will stay with me until my last breath. But I’m more grateful than words can express for this last chance to be a mother.”
The sadness in her eyes was eclipsed by hope. They shared many similarities, he and Ellie. They’d both lost their parents. They’d lost their spouses. They’d lost children. The difference was in how they’d coped with these misfortunes. Ellie had endured with grace—like gold in a refiner’s fire—while Alexander had grown bitter. Ellie had flourished. He was dead inside.
When his self-recriminations lengthened the silence between them, she said, “I suppose speaking of such intimate matters isn’t quite the thing to do with one’s boss.”
“Please don’t be embarrassed. I’m honored you chose to share your burden with me.”
“You’re not discomfited by such talk?”
“Perhaps I would be if I was a green bachelor.” He rubbed the empty spot on his ring finger and wondered when she planned to cease wearing hers. Nolan Jameson didn’t deserve continued loyalty. “But I’ve experienced the reality of bringing a child into the world.”
She touched his hand again. He liked the sensation of her cool, soft-as-kitten-fur skin against his. He would’ve liked to flip his hand over and capture her fingers, perhaps raise them to his mouth and kiss them one by one. Yearning exploded in his chest. Floored, he was reaching to do just that when her next question chilled him to the bone.
“Will you tell me about your son?”
He froze. The memory of holding Levi in his arms, the powdery scent that clung to his clothes and the slobbery kisses he’d gifted Alexander with chipped away at the already dangerously thin ice layer protecting his heart.
“I’m sorry, Ellie. I can’t.”
“I understand.”
She wasn’t affronted that he wouldn’t reciprocate. Compassion wreathed her features that no longer struck him as passingly pretty. Ellie Jameson was beautiful. He simply hadn’t wanted to acknowledge it before. Or maybe she’d grown more lovely to him the more he’d gotten to know her?
“You’re the first person here I’ve told about my miscarriages. I have to admit it’s comforting to know that someone else in the world knows about the children I lost. Thank you for listening, Alexander.”
Leaning over, she kissed his cheek, murmured good-night and slipped inside the house. Alexander pressed his hand to the tingling spot where her lips had grazed. His gaze drifted to the window where faint light seeped around the curtain edges. He could hear feminine voices but couldn’t make out the conversation. The prospect of returning to the empty café and his quiet, impersonal quarters above did not appeal. Instead, he wanted to follow Ellie inside and join her and her hostess. He wished to see Ellie in better light, to be bathed in her healing presence, to soak up a portion of her goodness and strength.
But he wouldn’t. The strict rule he’d set for himself the day he left Texas—that no matter how tempting, he would not involve himself in other people’s lives—had been bent one too many times since her arrival. He had to correct his behavior, because the other way led to destruction.
As he walked into the dark night and left their cozy haven behind, he reminded himself of his ruthless adherence to that rule these past several years. A pregnant widow wasn’t going to be his downfall.
Chapter Nine
Just for one day, Ellie wished Alexander would resume his role of grumpy café proprietor. On today of all days, when the secrets she’d spilled under cover of last night’s darkness made her cheeks sting and that brazen kiss made her palms sweat, why couldn’t he disappear into his office and refuse to be drawn out?
She had assured herself upon waking that morning that she wouldn’t have to spend more than five minutes in his presence, if that. She’d go in at ten o’clock to relieve him of his duties and then he’d do his famous disappearing act. But it became obvious the moment she arrived that Alexander was not going to follow the script.
“Before you start on anything, Ellie, I’d like to show you something in the barn.”
To her relief, his manner was professional, his blue eyes free of, well, everything. The common observer would never guess they’d shared a private, poignant discussion on a darkened porch like a pair of courting adolescents.
He removed her frilly apron from his person and hung it up, his long, tapered fingers careful with the fabric. She imagined what it would feel like to have his hands in her hair. Or framing her face, caressing her cheek. Had he been an affectionate person before the catastrophe that shattered his life?
Ellie smothered that line of thinking as she would a flash fire in a frying pan. Theirs was strictly a working relationship, she reminded herself sternly, even as she recalled the faint hint of stubble that had tickled her lips with that fleeting kiss.
As he strode toward her, she couldn’t help but be affected by his striking good looks. Where Nolan had been the epitome of a rough-around-the-edges outdoorsman, his proud features hewn from a mountain, Alexander was lean strength clothed in sophistication, quietly refined yet one hundred percent male.
He stopped before her. “Is this not a good time?”
Without thinking, Ellie reached out and straightened his silk puff tie. The underside of his chin was smooth. A slightly woodsy scent clung to his clothes. His larger hand closed over hers. Neither one moved. The difference between the inner blue rings in his eyes and outer, darker ones was more pronounced than usual. His Adam’s apple bobbed.
“Well, don’t the pair of you look domestic.” Flo reached into the oven and slapped a pan of rolls on the top. The jarring sound jostled Ellie to her senses.
She snatched her hand away. “I, ah, your tie was crooked.”
“I figured.” His gaze sliding to Flo, he spoke in quiet tones. “Next time, tell me the problem, and I’ll fix it myself.”
Ellie blinked and stared past him at the swept floorboards. “Of course.”
With a curt nod, he led the way outside into the welcoming sunshine and fresh mountain air. The barn doors stood open. She waited on the threshold in case the odors of animals and stale hay upset her stomach. And in case she had another urge to touch his person.
Her skin heated with embarrassment.
Flicking her a glance over his shoulder, he lifted a bulging sack from the floor and brought it over. “I checked my traps this morning and discovered a pair of rabbits. Would you be able to use them today?”
That’s right, Ellie. Think about cooking, not how appealing your boss is.
“I can rearrange the menu. I haven’t served rabbit stew in quite a while. I can dredge the meat in flour and brown it before adding parsnips and carrots.” When she reached for the sack, Alexander moved it out of reach.
“I’ll dress them.”
“I’m perfectly capable of doing it myself.”
“I’m aware of that. However, it’s time I start pitching in more than I have been.”
A breeze toyed with his midnight hair. He absently pushed it out of his eyes.
The signs of his illness had all but disappeared. Healthy color had returned to his complexion, and the hollows in his cheeks had filled out. She liked to think her ministrations were partly responsible but really it was his commitment to guarding his diet and sleep habits that were key in his recovery. And for him to do that, he had to care at least a little. The man she’d met weeks ago hadn’t cared about much of anything.
“It is your café,” she said lightly. “There’s nothing wrong with pride of ownership. Flo and Sally have had only good things to say about your recent efforts. Apparently even the customers are in awe.”
Telltale color crept al
ong his cheekbones. “It must be the sight of me in your pink-and-lace apron.”
She laughed, her lingering awkwardness dispelled. “I happen to think it makes you look dashing.”
“You’re being generous.” He kneaded the back of his neck and grimaced. “Now, if I could manage to catch those fish you asked for.”
“They aren’t accommodating you, are they?”
“Maybe it’s the way I hold my line.” He shrugged, chuckling softly. “To be honest, I never was much of a fisherman. Too impatient.”
“You’re a man of action.”
He got a faraway look. “I used to be.”
Ellie pictured him in cowboy gear astride a horse, rifle across his lap and a blade of hay dangling from his lips. Repressing the questions she’d dearly like to have answered, she gestured to the building behind her.
“I’ll leave you to your work.”
“Ellie?”
“Yes?”
He shifted the sack to his other shoulder. “After our conversation last night, I got to thinking, and if at any time you feel unwell I want you to go straight to the doctor. Don’t worry about any costs you might incur. I’ll cover those. The important thing is that you and your baby are safe.”
Shocked, she stammered, “Th-that’s sweet of you, Alexander. I assure you I’m taking proper care of myself.”
“Are you?” he challenged quietly. “Before I made the decision to cut your hours, you were on your feet from dawn to dusk slaving in a hot kitchen. If I’d known about your condition, I would’ve acted long before I did. Now that I know about your miscarriages, I have serious reservations regarding your employment.”
His words made her feel like she wasn’t as alone as she’d feared. They also sparked misgivings. “You aren’t considering firing me again, are you? I thought we’d reached an agreement.”
“No.” Worry churned in his eyes. “I won’t fire you—if you promise not to overdo it. I want you taking regular breaks.”
Her heart tripped over itself. He acted as if her well-being and that of her baby was his top priority. Because you’re his cook, Ellie. He depends on you to turn out decent-tasting fare for his customers. Don’t make this personal.
“That goes without saying.” She covered the spot where her baby was nestled deep inside. “Trust me, there’s nothing more precious to me than this child. I’ve been to see Doc Owens. He reassured me that everything is progressing as it should. More importantly, I feel differently this time.”
His attention settled on her middle then flitted away. “Good. I’m glad to hear it.”
Sally’s calls startled them both. Frowning, Alexander laid the sack on a hay square and strode past Ellie. She hurried after him.
“What’s the matter?” he demanded, his long strides carrying him past the garden.
Sally twisted her hands together. Her eyes were wide and frightened. “Flo cut her hand. It’s bad.”
Inside the kitchen, Flo hunched over the preparation table. Her round face was whiter than parchment. “I made a clumsy mistake, boss.”
Ellie stayed near the door with Sally while Alexander snagged a clean cloth from the shelves and deftly wrapped her injured hand.
“Happens to the best of us,” he said, aiming a sympathetic smile at the shaken woman. “I’ll accompany you to the doctor.”
Flo looked to be in a daze. “I don’t need a doctor. I’m sure my husband will bandage it up for me. He’s not a bit squeamish.”
Taking careful hold of her uninjured arm, he steered her toward the door. “I’d feel better if you saw a professional. He can dispense a salve that will help stave off infection. Sally, will you assist Ellie with lunch preparations until I return?”
“Yes, sir.” Her voice wobbled. “You can count on me.”
As the slow-moving pair came abreast of them, Alexander’s gaze melded with Ellie’s.
“Leave the rabbits. I’ll dress them later.”
She nodded. “We’ll serve them for supper.”
He cocked his head toward the accident spot where blood had spattered on the surfaces. “Do not go near that table, understand?”
“The sight of blood doesn’t bother me,” she protested.
His brows descended. “Maybe not under normal circumstances. Do you really wish to test your mettle and risk becoming nauseated?”
“My ma has a cast iron constitution except when she’s expecting,” Sally interjected. “Then any little thing threatened to send her into a swoon.”
“Speakin’ of swoonin’,” Flo groaned and sagged against Alexander’s side. “We best hurry, boss. I don’t feel so good.”
He curved his arm about her stout shoulders. “The cooler air outside will help.” Opening the door, he guided her onto the stoop. “We’ll take it slow and easy.”
Ellie closed the door behind them and went to fetch her apron. The lunch rush would descend in little more than an hour, and she had to start the meal from scratch. She began to cover the mess with towels.
Sally hadn’t moved from her spot. “It happened so fast. One minute she was chattering about her eldest son’s birthday celebration and carving up the ham, the next she was staring at her hand like it didn’t belong to her.”
“She’s going to be fine. You’ll see.”
“I bet getting it stitched up will hurt something fierce.” Her gaze became unfocused. “I’ve never had to get them, but my younger brother had a mishap with an ax when he was twelve.” She shuddered. “You should see the scar. Do you think Flo will have one?”
Ellie walked over and cupped Sally’s shoulders. “Let’s not dwell on the details, okay? Alexander is counting on us to get our customers fed and time is short.”
Her brows tugged together. “You’re right. He was very kind to Flo, wasn’t he? I thought he’d be furious.”
Smiling, Ellie lowered her hands and, searching the cabinets, retrieved a heavy stock pot. “He’s changed in recent weeks.”
Her opinion of him had undergone a huge shift, so much so that she feared she was developing an infatuation. Most inconvenient. He’d be appalled if he thought she was entertaining romantic thoughts about him.
“It’s because of you.”
“My presence has nothing to do with the differences in his behavior,” Ellie said firmly. “He’s taken an interest in his business, that’s all.”
“If you say so.”
“I do.” Wiping her damp palms on her apron, she said, “Now, would you mind fetching me a couple of onions while I gather the green beans? I hope folks are in the mood for hearty vegetable soup.”
To her relief, there was no more mention of Alexander. They bustled around the kitchen in a rush against the clock. It was ten minutes past noon, and the dining room was already half full of customers when he returned and discovered her serving soup and corn bread from one of the hutches.
His enigmatic gaze took in the soup station and the sight of Sally calmly pouring coffee. The menu board advertised a discounted rate for the day’s special.
“I’m sorry I’m late.” He divested himself of his suit coat. “Doc had another patient, so we had to wait to be seen. I took her home afterward. She was in need of rest after her ordeal.”
“Is she all right?” Ellie measured out broth and vegetables into another bowl, concentrating on her task instead of his handsome profile.
“As long as she keeps the wound clean and dry, she should heal quickly.”
“I’m glad you were willing to take control of the situation.”
“Instead of hiding in my office, you mean?”
She lifted her gaze to him then, surprised to see faint humor edging his mouth. She couldn’t help smiling in return. “Yes, that was a refreshing change of events.”
Rolling up his sleeves, he nod
ded at the heavy pot. “Good idea.”
“We thought it would save time for me to serve right here in the dining room. Saves Sally needless running back and forth.”
“You’re full of good ideas.”
Before she could respond, Colleen Hatcher approached, her youthful face wreathed in happiness that should’ve warned Ellie.
“Good afternoon, Mr. Copeland.”
“How are you, Mrs. Hatcher?” he said politely.
“I’m wonderful, especially knowing what I know.”
Sally was talking to a young couple with a baby. She glanced their direction, and a panicked expression chased the smile from her face. “Mama,” she started over. “Remember what we talked about?”
Ellie experienced a flash of discomfort. Something wasn’t right.
Colleen ignored her daughter. “I wanted to be the first to congratulate you on your news, Ellie.” Her voice boomed to the rafters. “What a wonderful gift God has bestowed on you, a baby to remember your late husband by.”
Beside her, Alexander stiffened. The clinking of dishes faded along with the conversation.
Sally finally reached them, water pitcher in hand. “Mama! That was supposed to be a secret!”
Colleen’s tinkling laughter assaulted Ellie’s ears. “My dear, one only has to look close enough to see the truth.” She addressed Ellie. “How far along are you?”
Alexander shifted closer, and his hand came to rest on the small of her back. She zeroed in on his protective touch and reminded herself that she wouldn’t have been able to hide the news indefinitely. Still, it would’ve been nice to control when and how others found out. Once it spread, and it would spread like wildfire, she dreaded Gladys and Nadine’s reactions.
“I’m sorry, Ellie.” Sally looked distraught.
“It’s all right.” Ellie forced the dismay from her face. “I agree, Colleen. God has indeed blessed me. If He allows, I’ll be welcoming a child in the spring.”