by Karen Kirst
“I know what you meant.” She opened the barn door. “When we’re in public, we’ll gaze into each other’s eyes. I’ll hang on your every word and find excuses to stroke your cheek and run my fingers through your hair.”
“And what will I do?”
She laughed at his slightly dazed look. “Easy. You’ll act the solicitous gentleman. You’ll fill my plate for me, sit very close beside me and shower me with compliments. Oh, and don’t forget a lady likes to receive flowers.”
“Hmm.” He walked past her into the barn and strode for his horse. They would take the buggy out to the picnic spot. “Are those the types of things that impress you?”
She hung back, surprised at the serious turn. “That hardly matters now. The baby is my chief priority.”
Working without speaking, he hitched the horse to the buggy and led it out into the sunshine. He assisted Ellie onto the seat, waiting until she was comfortable before going on the other side and climbing aboard. Lost in thought, neither spoke until they reached the popular picnic spot. The forest opened up into a huge clearing. In the distance, mature trees edged the river.
Alexander parked the buggy. While crossing the field toward the Hatcher clan, they spotted Ben lounging on a blanket with Sally. The young girl was chattering and gesturing, and Ben was regarding her with an indulgent smile that was more brotherly than anything.
“Speaking of romance, that isn’t going to end well, is it?” Alexander said.
“I’m afraid Sally is going to have her hopes dashed. I’ve tried to point out the obvious, but she’s convinced Ben’s resistance to commitment can be overcome.”
“She’s a sweet kid. He’d better let her down gently.”
Her fingers tightened on his sleeve. Despite his intentions to remain uninvolved, he cared about his employees’ welfare.
“At least her heart will be bruised, not broken—unrequited infatuation is an all-too-common rite of passage in life.”
Ben laughed at something Sally said, his green eyes sparkling with mirth.
“He looks wholly entertained in this moment,” Alexander murmured. “No wonder females across this town have fallen prey to futile hopes. Why do you think he resists settling down?”
Ellie shrugged. “I have no idea. Aside from his flirtatious ways, the deputy has a reputation as a fair and honest man. He’s committed to keeping our citizens safe. He’s a faithful churchgoer. It’s my estimation that Sheriff Timmons doesn’t suffer fools gladly. He wouldn’t keep Ben around if he wasn’t a top-notch human being.”
Their conversation was cut short when Sally saw them and came over.
“I hope you brought your appetites. We’re almost ready to eat.”
She gestured to the center quilt laden with heaping platters of meats, vegetables and homemade breads. The aroma of fire-roasted pork filled the air, and Ellie was suddenly ravenous.
“Thank you again for inviting us,” she said.
“Of course. You and Mr. Copeland work too hard. You deserve to relax now and then.”
Ben joined them and, wearing an ear-to-ear grin, enveloped Ellie in a quick hug and then clapped Alexander on the back.
“I hear congratulations are in order.” He winked. “I know you weren’t too pleased with our interference in your business, but just think what you’d have missed out on if we hadn’t hired Ellie.”
Ellie wished she could guess Alexander’s true thoughts. Did he regret ever meeting her? She’d been forced on him, after all.
A small gasp escaped as he slid his arm around her. His hand light on her hip, he nudged her close to his side. Despite her expanding form, she fit perfectly against him. His crisp, clean scent and the lean strength of his body sent heady longing spiraling through her. She adored being close to Alexander. Yearning to truly belong by his side struck her unawares.
“I’m a fortunate man,” he said huskily. “Ellie is one of a kind.”
Blushing, she recalled her role in this charade. Snuggling even closer, she placed her hand on his chest and gazed up at him with adoration. “Better watch out, Alexander. With talk like that, you’re bound to inflate my sense of self-importance.”
His gaze growing smoky, he took her chin between his fingers. “Impossible, my dear.”
Her heart stilled, then thundered against her ribs. Who would’ve guessed he was such a skilled actor?
His mouth captured her attention. It looked firm and soft at the same time. What would it be like to be kissed by him? Would he be gentle and thorough, or—
Ben’s low chuckle scattered her inappropriate ruminations. Feeling heated, she fanned herself with her hand. Alexander didn’t seem to notice.
“Tell me, Deputy, don’t you think it’s time to tie the knot yourself? The appeal of bachelorhood is short-lived.”
Defiance surged in Ben’s sparkling eyes. “It hasn’t lost its shine for me yet. I’ve no interest in settling down. Not now, maybe not ever.” Oblivious to Sally’s flagging spirits, he lifted one shoulder. “That happens when you grow up the only male in a household of simpering sisters.”
“Surely you’d like a family of your own someday.” Sally’s brown eyes reflected hope.
“That life isn’t for me.”
An awkward silence descended. Mrs. Hatcher’s summons saved them. And while Ben’s mood was restored by a hearty plate of delectable food, Sally remained subdued. Ellie wanted to wrap her arms around her and console her. She intercepted Alexander’s frequent, concern-filled gazes toward the girl.
She reminded herself that underneath his gruff exterior beat a compassionate heart. He cared about his workers. As one herself, he viewed her as a responsibility. She couldn’t afford to forget that the playacting wasn’t real. This engagement was a farce intended to keep her in-laws at bay, nothing more. Perhaps they’d do well to keep their public appearances to a minimum from here on out.
* * *
Pretending to adore Ellie wasn’t as difficult as it should’ve been.
She was witty and insightful, earnest and kind. Any sane man would be proud to have her by his side. Alexander’s gaze was drawn to her once again. Seated beside him on the quilt with her legs tucked to one side and one hand resting on her tummy, she listened along with the rest of them as Ben regaled them with humorous tales from his years of law-keeping. Contentment smoothed her features and warmed her dark eyes. A slight smile curved her rosebud lips. With her shining tresses and peach-tinted cheeks, she was lush and inviting and too beautiful for words. The attraction budding inside astonished him. For a moment, he let his imagination forge into forbidden territory. Thoughts of kissing another woman hadn’t crossed his mind since the day he left Texas, and now his pregnant, widowed cook was inspiring them?
What was wrong with him? As Ellie’s boss, he had a duty to look out for her best interests. Normally, his responsibility would be limited to their work environment. He couldn’t allow his feelings to become muddied because their interaction had spilled into personal territory.
Children’s laughter erupted nearby, moments before a ball rolled into his lap. He twisted around to return it, his mouth drying at the sight of the two boys standing a few feet away. The older one looked to be about seven or eight. He put a protective hand on the younger boy, who couldn’t have been more than three. His honey curls shone in the sunlight, creating a halo effect about his cherubic face.
“Levi,” he murmured, grief gripping him.
Thankfully no one heard the slip.
“We’re sorry, sir,” the older one said. “The ball got away from us.”
“Ball!” The younger one held out his chubby hands.
“Here you go.”
Alexander held it out to the boy, mesmerized by the sweet face. He missed his son each and every day. He’d grown accustomed to the dull ache. But now, so cl
ose to a boy who could’ve been Levi’s twin, the emptiness and loss ballooned to a demanding, physical pain that stole his breath away.
The boys snatched the ball and ran back to their playing spot. Alexander felt Ellie’s cool hand close over his. Without him saying a word, she recognized his distress.
“Alexander, would you care to stroll with me?”
He tore his gaze from the boys. Compassion turned her eyes a molten chocolate color. Nodding, he stood and bent to assist her to her feet. She murmured an excuse to the others and, linking their arms, directed them to the river. She didn’t chatter about inane subjects or prod him for a confession. Instead, she walked silently beside him, her presence alone soothing his tormented soul.
He acknowledged that Sarah wouldn’t have been able to accomplish it. She hadn’t possessed Ellie’s inner strength. His wife had labeled him her rescuer from the start, a label that hadn’t changed over the course of their marriage. Alexander hadn’t wanted to admit it then, but looking back, he’d found it exhausting at times. To always be Sarah’s source of support. To bolster her mentally and emotionally, day in and day out. Whereas Sarah had shied away from adversity, Ellie faced it head-on. As his pa would’ve phrased it, the woman had pluck.
At the water’s edge, they strolled north along its banks, occasionally encountering fishermen or adolescents splashing each other in the shallow depths. A pair of approaching riders picking their way through the woods caught his attention.
“That looks like Caroline and Duncan.” Ellie slipped free of him.
Farther upstream, the newlyweds guided their mounts through the water. Calling greetings, they dismounted. Caroline was effusive in her congratulations. Duncan was much more reserved. When he pulled Alexander aside, he didn’t waste time voicing his misgivings.
“What’s happened between you two?” he said quietly. “You could’ve toppled me with a feather when I heard the news. You certainly had no intentions on involving yourself in Ellie’s life to this extent, that much I ken.”
Alexander opted for the truth. The Scotsman had seen him in his lowest point. He wouldn’t be fooled.
“This whole thing is an attempt to protect her from her late husband’s family?” Duncan’s blue eyes reflected shock. “And ’twas your idea?”
“She doesn’t have anyone else to protect her.”
“You dinnae think she can take care of herself?”
“That’s not what I’m saying.”
“Listen, I understand why you’re doing this, but I have to offer a word of caution. Watch that you dinnae hurt her. She’s in a vulnerable place right now.”
Alexander glanced over his shoulder at her. “I would never hurt Ellie.”
“Not intentionally. But a woman in her position—expecting her first bairn with no husband and only you for support? And pretending to be in love, to boot?” He shook his head. “It’s got the makings of disaster.”
His own reservations rushed to the surface. “Don’t worry. I’ll proceed with caution.”
“See that you do.”
Chapter Thirteen
What was he thinking?
Ellie couldn’t determine what Alexander’s silence meant, whether he’d enjoyed the outing or whether he was contemplating calling off their agreement.
A light in the window of June’s house beckoned. Near the azalea bushes hugging the porch, she turned to face him. “Do you regret agreeing to the picnic?”
“Why would you ask that?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because you had to dance attendance upon me? Or maybe because of those young boys and what they reminded you of?”
Alexander paced a few steps away and stared off into the distance. The sun had already dipped behind the mountain ridges. Shadows lengthened.
“For years, I’ve eschewed society. I thought by doing so I could manage my grief.” Running his hands along his vest front, he said, “Thanks to this farce of ours, I’m learning it doesn’t matter whether I’m alone or surrounded by people. The pain doesn’t go away.”
Her heart breaking for him, she sought for the right words to say. “It’s been my experience that loss and grief can’t be ignored. You have to work through it.”
“Maybe I wouldn’t struggle so much if their deaths had been the result of an accident. I can’t let go of the fact that fire was meant for me.” His voice thickened. “Elias and Cyrus plotted to get rid of me. Their evil deeds netted disastrous results. I can’t stop hating them for it. To be honest, I don’t want to.”
“Is that why you haven’t been going to church?”
He twisted around. His eyes were stormy. “I can’t forgive them. I know I’m supposed to, but how can I when they aren’t sorry for what they did?”
“Sarah’s own father isn’t remorseful?”
His gaze dropped. “I haven’t seen him since before the fire,” he admitted. “I barred him from the funeral.”
“Your siblings haven’t mentioned him in their letters?”
“I forbade them. Told them I would cease correspondence if they did.”
“I think—”
June emerged from the house then. “I thought I heard voices out here. Supper’s ready. Alexander, won’t you join us?”
“I appreciate the offer,” he said. “I should be getting home. Another time, perhaps.”
“Yes, please. I’d like to hear all about your plans for the wedding.”
Fresh guilt pierced Ellie. June was such a dear lady. A romantic at heart, she was ecstatic over the news of Ellie and Alexander’s betrothal.
When they were once again alone, his somber mood deepened. “Ellie, please don’t forget this is make-believe. I’m a broken man. I have nothing to offer you.”
“You’re assuming I want a husband,” she retorted. “And that I’m somehow lacking the ability to discern what’s real and what’s not.”
Alexander could never know how wonderful his attentiveness made her feel. Ellie liked being his fiancée. She liked being one half of a couple and the sense of belonging that imparted. And if she’d occasionally imagined what it would be like to be his wife, she’d quickly dismissed the notion. He was too afraid to risk his heart again, and she was too afraid to risk disappointing someone again. Failing at marriage had eaten away at her self-esteem. She wasn’t eager to repeat the experience.
“I wanted to remind you. Just in case...”
“Don’t worry, I’m not going to tumble into love with you and hang on your heels like an affection-starved puppy dog.” Spinning on her heel, she stalked toward the door.
“Ellie, wait—”
“Go home, Alexander. No need for you to prolong your time in my company—there’s no one around to witness our performance.”
Inside the house, she sagged against the door, exhaustion invading her body. She cradled her middle. “You’re all I need, my love,” she whispered. “It’ll be me and you, and that’s enough.”
* * *
“Have you seen Ellie this morning?”
Alexander checked his pocket watch again. He told himself it was simple concern for her causing his unease and not the lingering tension that marked their conversations. If he didn’t know better, he’d think she was avoiding him. Ellie, the woman with the heart of a lion who could conquer any obstacle, didn’t want to deal with him. His stomach clenched. He waited for the familiar burn, but it never materialized.
Flo continued chopping heaping mounds of cabbage and carrots. Her hand wasn’t completely healed, but she was able to work at a slower pace. “She’s out behind the barn.”
“Is something wrong? Is she unwell?”
She flashed a coy smile. “Your pretty little fiancée is perfectly fine. She’s skinning and gutting fish.”
“Fish?”
“Yes
, sir. We’re going to have a tasty spread of fried potatoes and onions, slaw, fried corn bread, corn on the cob and golden fried fish.” She used her knife for punctuation. “And the best part? Lemon meringue pie.”
Alexander’s mouth watered. Not that long ago, he wouldn’t have been able to eat such rich fare. Now that his ulcer had calmed—largely thanks to Ellie’s nurturing—he could occasionally indulge. He went in search of Ellie. Laughter, a man and a woman’s, drew him to a spot behind the barn where carcasses were cleaned. A large oak tree with wide, interwoven branches provided shade from the autumn sun. His stride faltered at the sight of Ellie with Ben MacGregor, their heads bent close as they rid the fish of bones. Something Ben said made Ellie smile and blush. She hadn’t been doing much of that in Alexander’s company lately.
Frowning, he advanced, eventually garnering their attention. Ben straightened and smiled. A pleat appeared between Ellie’s brows, and she seemed to have trouble holding his gaze. She must still be mad at him for what he’d said more than a week ago. Couldn’t she understand he’d simply been trying to protect her?
Maybe that warning hadn’t been as much for Ellie’s benefit as your own.
“Good morning, my dear,” he murmured before brushing a kiss against her cheek.
Ignoring her flashing eyes, he nodded at the deputy. “Morning, Ben.” Gesturing to the large pail spilling over with bounty, he said, “What’s all this?”
“I like to fish in the early hours before my shift,” Ben said. “Today was unusually successful. And since I couldn’t possibly eat all of this myself, I offered to let Ellie have it.”
“On the condition he eat lunch for free.” She nudged Ben with her elbow.
The easy camaraderie between them stirred feelings of jealousy. She’s not really yours, remember? Besides, she knows Ben isn’t interested in a genuine relationship. And neither are you.
He extended his hand, palm up. “I’m not busy right now. How about I take over for you?”