When he shows up at my door, I’m sipping my second cup of coffee, forcing myself to stay awake.
“We brought bagels!” Cailin sings as she skips to the counter.
Adam closes the door and turns to me. “I hope that’s okay.”
“Yes, of course. Please, come sit down.”
He takes his same seat as yesterday. He’s so comfortable, sitting at my table like he’s been there a thousand times, as he pulls the bagels out of the bag and places one at each place mat.
“Can I get you a cup of coffee?” I offer.
“Sure. Here, I’ll help.”
He steps into my small kitchen, which feels even smaller with his tall frame. I reach up to grab a mug and hand it to him. When he takes it from me, our fingers brush, and he keeps them there before pulling my hand into his.
He puts the mug into one hand and keeps mine in his other, dropping it down to hang in front of us. “I really want to thank you for all you have done for Cailin. I’d like to invite you over for dinner tonight. Are you available to join us?”
My mind goes completely blank. “Um, what? Um, I mean … dinner?”
God, I’m such an idiot! Mouth, meet words. Now, speak.
He smirks.
Of course he smirks. And, damn it, it’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.
“Yes, dinner. At my place. I just purchased the Pleasants Valley property. We’re having Linda and Wayne over, and I’d like it if you could join us.”
“You purchased what?”
Now, I’m more shocked than surprised by his offer. That place has been on the market for years. It’s worth millions, and the people of this town always wondered who would purchase it.
The 1800s ranch-style home was fully refurbished by a builder who did it as a side project, one room at a time. Everything was brought back to its original design but with modern conveniences. The owner passed away a few years ago, and his daughter was trying to uphold her dad’s dream but was barely making ends meet.
“Do you know the property?”
He lets go of my hand, and I instantly miss the tingles from his touch.
“Everyone knows that property. It’s not very incognito if you’re trying to stay low-key.”
He steps to the side of me and pours his coffee, taking a sip and leaning back against the counter. He crosses his ankles, looking cool as a cucumber. “Yes, but with the gate and the land around it, I can keep people off my property to keep some kind of privacy.”
The property is five acres with the house directly in the middle of tall trees and lush landscaping.
“Do people know it’s you who bought it?”
“Not yet. It was purchased under my trust with my real name. I had people move us in and get everything set while I was on tour. We slept there last night for the first time.”
“And it was amazing!” Cailin joins our conversation.
I step toward her, welcoming the space for a minute so I can breathe a little easier. Whenever he’s close, I forget why I need to stay away from him. “What’s your favorite part?”
“My room! I have a bench in my window that’s covered in pillows and my bed has a sheer thingy hanging around it.”
“Sheer thingy?” Adam laughs.
She shrugs. “I forget the name. I feel like a princess though.”
“But will you actually sleep in there anytime soon?” he asks, setting his mug down.
She lowers her head at her father. “I will … eventually.” She takes a big bite out of her bagel like it’s no big deal she didn’t sleep in the bed she’s excited about.
“If you didn’t sleep there, then where did you sleep?” I ask before I take my own bite.
“In my daddy’s bed, of course!”
Adam lets out a sharp laugh. “Yes, and this little girl can throw some massive kicks in the middle of the night.” He stands up straight, placing his hand on his back like he’s hurt.
“Oh, stop. You’re the wild sleeper, not me. And the way your breath smells in the morning.” She makes a face, and I have to cover my mouth to keep from laughing.
“Really, Cailin?” Adam lowers his head to her.
She puts her hand on her hip and gives him the same expression. “Really, Dad?”
The two of them together are adorable. Who would have ever thought Adam Jacobson—master of the scream, mosh pits, and wild parties—sleeps side by side with his five-year-old daughter?
I grin as I glance his direction. When our eyes meet, he winks, sending a shiver down my spine.
Damn shiver.
* * *
We pull up after school to see Adam’s lifted black truck already in my parking lot. Trucks are a way of life in our small farming town, and pretty much every teenage boy drives one. Adam’s is just a little newer and not covered in mud.
Cailin hops out of the car and into Adam’s arms.
As I make my way to them, he turns to me. “Thank you again, Sarah. We’ll see you in a few? Say, five?”
I inhale a sharp breath and nod. “Yes, I’ll be there.”
He nods back and helps Cailin get secured in the backseat.
“See you later, Miss Russo,” Cailin says.
I wave at her, and as soon as I’m in my apartment, I drop my back against the door and take a deep breath. I’ve been a nervous wreck all day. Fighting an internal battle. My mind is screaming stay away, but two seconds later, it’s dying to go tonight. I’ve never felt so torn.
I call Maggie. She denies my FaceTime call but calls right back as a normal phone call, so I bring the phone up to my ear.
“What’s up, girl?” she says after I answer
“He invited me over for dinner tonight.”
“Who’s he?” She snaps her gum in my ear, and I wish I could see her face for what I’m about to say.
“Adam Jacobson.” I pull the phone away from my ear, awaiting the impending scream.
“What?”
Yep, there it is.
I laugh, knowing she’d have this reaction.
“Are you going to his house? Will his daughter be there too?”
I breathe in, thankful for the reminder. I’m going because of Cailin, my student. Nothing else. “Yes. He’s having a barbeque with Linda, the woman who has been taking care of Cailin, and he invited me.”
“Holy shit, girl. What are you going to wear?”
I scrunch my eyebrows. “He’s already seen me today. Wouldn’t it be weird if I changed?”
“OMG, have I not taught you anything? And let me guess; you have on skinny jeans, ballet flats, and a tank top with a cardigan over it?”
I glance down at my outfit that she pretty much nailed. “How do you know that when you can’t even see me? Where are you anyway?”
She pauses as the click of her high-heel shoes stops. Instantly, I can guess where she is. Bleecker Street. The place my life changed forever. That’s why she didn’t answer my FaceTime.
My stomach turns, but I push it aside and forget I asked the question. “Never mind. Okay, is that bad if I don’t change?”
Thankfully, she rolls with the punches like that didn’t just happen and groans into the phone instead. “Let me repeat this slowly. You are going to Adam Jacobson’s house. Do you want him to notice you as Sarah or Miss Russo?”
Memories of the way he said my name makes my heart flutter. I think he already sees me as Sarah. I close my eyes, my internal battle having an all-out brawl.
“Now, you have my nerves pinging,” I say, looking up to the sky for any guidance.
“Why do I live so far away? Why is it you and not me getting this opportunity? God, what I would do to climb on the man of my dreams.”
“Did you forget that I’m going to be there with his daughter?”
“Have you learned anything more about that? Where’s her mom?”
I bite my inner lip. Even though Maggie’s my best friend, I still feel weird about sharing anything about Cailin. Adam obviously kept her hidden from the worl
d for a reason.
“I don’t know much. I’ve never asked about her mom, and all I know is that Linda’s a family friend.”
“I’ve tried to follow the news apps and blogs, but since no one could find anything out, the story has kind of fizzled. You’ve done a good job, helping to hide her. I’m hoping, now that his tour is over, it picks back up. I’m dying to know the scoop.”
My stomach knots for other reasons. I don’t want Cailin to be forced into the media. No little girl should have to endure that.
“Okay, I’m walking into a meeting, and I’ve got to go. Text me photos of outfits if you want my opinion, and I expect a full report when you get home!”
We say good-bye, and I head to my room. If I’m going to change, I have a lot of work to do.
Every time I thought about it today, one thing came to mind: he’s probably the only person I can be myself around here. I’ve tried for so long to force that person away, yet here he is.
I put my faith in the hands of the Lord years ago, asking him to guide me. If this is his guidance, he’s either brilliant or he has a horrible sense of humor.
I inhale a deep breath, ready to give my life to my faith and see what happens. I figure, why not see if the woman I used to be still exists under this coat of armor I’ve been living under?
12
Sarah
I take apart my entire closet, trying to decide what to wear. I still have most of my clothes from when I lived in New York, but I haven’t worn them in years. When I moved back home, I went back to dressing the part of the pastor’s daughter, and when I started teaching, I completely gave up on any style I’d once had.
I don’t wear skirts or dresses like most women do here, but I don’t wear my short shorts or tank tops either.
I want to come off cute but not seem like I am trying too hard. This is just a dinner at his house with the other people who have been helping him with Cailin, so I don’t want to go overdressed.
I decide on a pair of ripped shorter shorts to show off my legs. It’s been years since I’ve let these puppies out, and I’m ready to rock them. For my top, I choose a muted fuchsia color sweater that’s a V-neck and tapered yet on the baggy side, so I can bunch up the arms and look more casual. I slide on some cute sandals and am out the door.
When I pull up to the Pleasants Valley estate, the gate is closed. I hit the intercom button, and Adam’s voice comes over the loudspeaker. “Come on in.”
The gate opens just as fast as my nerves turn my stomach upside down. I can’t believe I’m here, at Adam Jacobson’s house. My entire life, I’ve wanted this—to meet a man who is just as into music as I am—yet I gave up on that dream years ago.
How is it all coming back now?
It makes me want that dream again. I feel like I’m an alcoholic walking into a bar, not sure if I should take that sip and fall down that hole again. Those feelings I felt back then, they’re resurfacing, and I can’t help it.
I’m sick of being so afraid of them.
I try to rid my thoughts as I glance down at my outfit, hoping I made the right choice. I inhale deeply through my nose and drive onto the property.
Cailin runs down the stairs of the two-story home with a wraparound porch. The house is painted white with dark steps leading down to a circular driveway. Flowers and trees line the concrete driveway that leads to a massive play structure where Cailin has her bike, scooter, and mini basketball hoop sitting next to an adult-sized one.
“Miss Russo.” Cailin gives me a hug.
Being in such a personal setting, I feel kind of odd, having her still call me that, but I don’t want things to change at school, so I disregard it and wrap my arms around her instead.
She grabs my hand and pulls me toward the house. Adam is casually leaning against the entrance.
Our eyes meet, and his lips slightly tilt up. “Hi, Sarah.”
“Hi, Adam.” I realize this is the first time I’ve said his name to him. It feels … intimate. And right. “Thank you for inviting me,” I say.
He places his hand on my back, sending warmth up my body as I enter the house. “Glad you could make it.”
I head toward the kitchen where Linda is at the sink. After drying her hands, she opens her arms to give me a hug. “So glad you could join us, dear. Can I get you anything to drink?”
“Sure. I’ll take whatever you have.”
Linda pours me an iced tea as Cailin opens the sliding glass door to the back patio where Adam stands over the grill.
His jeans are loose on his hips, and the metal-looped belt that holds his pants up is sticking out from his fitted black T-shirt. His lean body is hard in all the right places yet skinny in other spots.
I stare for a second too long, and Linda smiles a knowing smile when she hands me my iced tea.
Embarrassment heats my face. Thankfully, she doesn’t say anything and turns to head back to the sink where she washes lettuce.
Needing to keep busy so I don’t ogle the homeowner, I say, “How can I help?”
Linda glances around. “I think everything’s set. Adam made the potato salad and got everything ready for the grill before I even got here.”
“He cooks?” I say, a little too surprised, which I know I shouldn’t be. How come we never assume famous people actually live normal, everyday lives outside of their jobs?
“Yes, he’s a pretty amazing guy.”
I fidget with my fingers, drifting my eyes around the room until I see place mats along with table settings sitting out, ready to go, so I jump on the opportunity. “Here, I’ll help set the table,” I say, picking the items up.
“Oh, yes, please do. I think Adam wanted to sit outside.”
Cailin left the sliding glass door open, so I step through, and Adam places the tongs down and heads my way.
“Here, let me help you.” He takes the silverware off the plates as I place everything else on a picnic table on the wraparound porch.
My eyes glance to a swing that looks so enticing to waste a day away on. This place is so homey and not what I would expect a rock star of Adam’s stature to purchase or call home.
“Thank you,” I say.
As I set each place mat down, Adam follows closely behind, placing napkins and the utensils on the correct sides. Every time I step to the next setting, his scent disappears, only to reappear when he comes closer.
I’m not a fan of a man who wears so much cologne that you know his presence five seconds before he even enters a room. Adam isn’t this way. His scent is subtle and intoxicating as it plays with my senses. It’s woodsy, it’s spicy, and it’s all man.
I tilt my head to get a look at him and see he’s doing the same to me. Once the last seat is set, I rub my hands together, thinking of what to say or do.
“Glasses,” I say too loud and want to roll my own eyes.
I’m acting so strangely, and I know he notices. How could he not?
“It’s okay. Everyone has their drinks already. Maybe see if they need refills before we sit down?” Adam says as he heads back to the grill.
“Oh, yes, right. Can I get yours? What did you have? A beer?”
He shakes his head. “Nah, I have my iced tea right there. Cailin will take milk or water. You can get that for her, if you want.”
I move quickly to the refrigerator, pausing for a second so I can breathe behind the open door before I grab the milk when Linda comes to my side.
“Don’t be so nervous. He gets that from everyone everywhere he goes. He invited you here to get to know you, so try to get to know him as a person, not as what everyone else knows him as.”
I sigh, dropping my shoulders as I set the milk on the counter. “I’m sorry. I’m really trying. It’s just … it’s Adam Jacobson.”
I want to tell her it’s so much more than just him. It’s everything. My life. His life. I was trying to be him, yet here I am, years later, standing in his house. Everything that was thrown away in the blink of an eye, that I tried to
bury years ago, is rising up, deep in my soul. All of what could have been flashes through my mind.
Add in how attracted I am to him, and I’m a jumbled mess.
She lets out a bark of a laugh. “I know. And you should treat him like just Adam and nothing more.”
“How long have you known him?” I feel brave enough to ask as I pour the milk.
She pats my arm. “Long enough, dear. Long enough.”
“Chow’s on!” Adam yells, and we head outside after I place the carton back in the fridge.
Cailin comes running up from the swing set with Wayne and climbs up to the seat next to Adam. He dishes her some potato salad while she whines about not liking it. Watching the interaction between them brings my nerves down a notch.
I hold up my plate, hoping if Cailin sees me wanting some that it will help. “Potato salad is my favorite. Have you tried it, Cailin?”
She crosses her arms in protest. “No, but I was there when he made it today, and it smelled awful!”
“That’s just the egg. You like eggs, right?”
She glares at me. “Eggs do not smell like that.”
“When you dye Easter eggs, they do. Will you not dye Easter eggs because of the smell?”
She turns to her dad. “I don’t remember them smelling when we dyed them last time.”
He taps her nose with his finger. “That’s because I cooled them down, getting rid of the smell before we did.”
She purses her little lips together in thought. “Fine. I’ll eat it, but next time you make this, I get to dye the eggs first. Deal?”
We all chuckle at her offer.
“Deal,” Adam says with a nod to his head and a scoop on her plate before placing some on mine.
Our eyes meet, and I don’t see the rock star anymore. I see normal. I see the man, the dad he’s trying to be.
By the end of our dinner, I feel even more comfortable, sitting here with them. Linda shares stories of Cailin that have me laughing so hard that my sides hurt.
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