He stands back a tiny bit with a shit-eating grin on his face. “Following me?” He smirks, and I want to smack him.
“You know what I mean.”
He grips my hand again. “Come on, I’ll walk you out.”
I grab my purse and follow him out to my car.
He opens the door and pauses with it between us. “This is new to me too, you know. I’ve never really gotten to know anyone outside of Linda and the guys in my band. I haven’t met anyone I cared to actually get to know.”
I smile as I take in a deep breath. He talks so nonchalantly, like him wanting to spend time with me isn’t a big deal. To me, it’s astronomical, yet to him, it’s just getting to know someone. I need to remember that.
I place my hand over his that’s holding the door open. “I’d be honored to get to know you, Adam, just by what I’ve learned from Linda and your daughter and nothing more.”
His expression softens, and I see it—the man who just wants someone by his side. A friend, a confidant, maybe even a lover. He’s ready to let someone else in. I just hope I’m strong enough to be that person.
14
Adam
I’m asleep on my stomach with my pillow curled under my arms when Cailin comes running into my room.
“Did Miss Russo stay the night?”
“Excuse me?” I ask, trying to hide my surprise while being half-asleep.
“I thought she was going to have a sleepover.” Her little lip pouts out, so I reach out to her, pulling her into my bed to cuddle with me.
“No, sweetie. Adults don’t have sleepovers like that.” I close my eyes while kissing the back of her head.
“Why not? It’d be fun to wake up and have breakfast together, and then we could hang out.”
“Maybe we can call her later.” I sigh, closing my eyes, hoping for a few more minutes of sleep.
Last night was the first night—without Cailin hitting me—in my bed in months, and I don’t want to get up yet.
Cailin sits up and turns to me. “Oh, please, Daddy, can we?”
I open one eye to see her pleading with her hands curled up under her chin. I fall to my back and push out my arms to stretch my body awake.
I didn’t think about how wanting to get to know Sarah better could affect her. Cailin knew her first, and she’s her teacher. Is there some line I shouldn’t be crossing when it comes to Sarah? Linda was quick to point out how she thought Sarah would be good for me. If it’s wrong, I don’t think she would have suggested such a thing.
Is this all moving too fast though? I don’t even know the woman, and Cailin’s begging for her to come over when she barely left a few hours ago. I don’t want Cailin to get attached and then have something happen, putting Cailin through unnecessary sadness.
I cross my arm over my eyes. So, this is why I haven’t dated all this time. Why am I putting my feelings over wanting to get to know a woman better in front of hers? But she likes her too. I guess that’s better than bringing a stranger around, right?
I tell my brain to shut up and sigh, giving in to both of our desires.
“We’ll give her a call, but I don’t know if she already has plans, so I don’t want you to be upset if she can’t.”
She climbs off my bed. “I’m going to go get dressed. Get up, so we can call her.”
I glance at the clock to see it’s seven twenty—otherwise known as too early. It will take some getting used to, being on a more normal schedule. While on tour, we’d stay up late and crash on the bus until we arrived at the next venue.
I should have gone to bed last night after Sarah left, but being around her made my mind buzz with lyrics. I stayed up until two in the morning, jotting everything down.
It’s been a while since I had inspiration like that, and I didn’t want to stop until I got it all out.
Devil’s Breed’s lyrics are raw and gritty, but everything coming out of me last night was anything but. It wasn’t sweet and lovey-dovey, but it had meaning. I use a lot of my past to fuel my songs. I like to give people something to believe in through my music. I want them to know they aren’t alone in their anger, their anxiety, and the fucked up lives they were born into.
The lyrics I wrote last night were hopeful. They were looking toward the future instead of dwelling on the past.
I slip on a T-shirt and head downstairs, walking straight to the coffeepot and pouring the morning goodness.
“What are these?” Cailin asks as she climbs onto the barstools next to the kitchen counter where I was sitting last night, multiple pages of my lyrics strewn about. She picks one up and reads the title, “Hear Me Now? What’s that?”
I take a sip of my coffee before setting it down and reading over the pages she has in her hand, impressed she can read it at all. “It’s the title of the song I was working on last night.”
“Is it finished?”
“Not yet, but I got a start on a few different ones too.”
She picks up the other sheets and tries to read my handwriting, but as the night went on, my writing got messier and messier. “Daddy, you have bad handwriting. Miss Russo can help you too. She has these sheets that I trace, so you can learn to write the letters better.”
I’m lucky I already swallowed my coffee, or I would’ve spit it out in laughter. I love Cailin’s innocence and how she’s always looking for ways to help.
“I know. It’s pretty messy. When I’m on a roll, I’m more focused on getting the words out instead of my handwriting, but I’ll try next time.”
We head to the living room to curl up and watch cartoons for a little while.
Once we’ve watched a few, she hops off the couch and heads toward the kitchen. “Can I have cereal for breakfast?”
“Sure.” I head to the pantry and grab the box as she takes the milk out of the fridge. After I pour it and grab a spoon, she asks, “Did you call her yet?”
I put the milk away and grab a few eggs to make my own breakfast. “It’s still early. Let’s give her some time. Besides, I don’t have her number.”
She grabs my phone and reaches across the counter to hold it up to my face to unlock the screen as I crack the eggs.
“Did you just unlock my phone?”
“Yep! I like this one so much better than having to get your thumbprint.” As her tiny tongue sticks out, she opens my phone app and dials Linda.
“Morning,” Linda answers happily.
“Hi, Linda,” Cailin says with it on speakerphone while lying the phone on the counter between us. “Can you give us Miss Russo’s number? I want to call her to see if she can come over to play today.”
“Morning, sweetheart. I can give it to you, but make sure it’s okay with your dad before you call her. He might not want her to come over to play today.”
“Yeah, I want to play with Miss Russo,” I shout toward the phone.
Linda chuckles under her breath. “Adam …” she says teasingly.
“What? You asked; I answered.”
I hear giggles again as she says, “I’ll text it to you. You guys have fun today.”
We both thank her as Cailin ends the call and goes back to eating her breakfast.
“What should we do today with Miss Russo?” I ask. “When you call someone, you should have a plan in mind. Our cover has already been blown, so no having to hide out at home. Where should we go?”
“How about the zoo?”
“Isn’t that a little far?”
Her tiny shoulders pop up to her ears while she holds her hands out to the sides. “I don’t know where it is. I just want to see the giraffes. I heard they had some here.”
I pick up my phone and search for the closest zoo. It shows one about forty minutes away, and yes, they have giraffes, so I guess that works.
Since we have a plan that we should get on the road sooner than later, I decide now is as good a time as ever to call Sarah. I click the number and step into the hallway as the line rings.
“Hello?” Sarah says, and my lips instantly
tug into a smile.
“Good morning,” I say, seeing if she’ll know who I am.
The audible gasp into the phone says she does. “Adam?”
“Yes. Sorry, I hope it’s not too early.”
“Oh no, it’s fine. I’m used to getting up early.”
I step further into the family room, wanting that little bit of privacy with her. “Cailin wanted to invite you to join us at the zoo today. Are you available?”
“The zoo?”
“Yes. I know it might not be the most enjoyable thing, but Cailin wants to see—”
“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that,” she says, cutting me off. “I’d love to go with you guys.”
Cailin comes running around the corner. “Can she come?”
I nod as I say, “Great. We’ll pick you up in, say, an hour?”
“Sounds good. See you then.”
“Yep. Oh, and, Sarah?”
“Yeah?”
“Make sure to save my number, okay?”
I hear her breathy laugh through the receiver. “I will. Don’t you worry,” she teases, and it feels real.
I like that she’s able to play with me like this. Maybe, today, she’ll finally get past what I am and start to see who I am.
* * *
We pull up to Sarah’s apartment, and she’s already outside, waiting, since I texted we were on our way.
She looks a little more casual today in jeans that are ripped in a few places and a black top with a long necklace. There’s no cleavage showing, and her jeans aren’t super tight, but goddamn, she looks sexier now than any woman I’ve ever seen.
I love that she’s not flaunting her body or going over the top. She seems comfortable in her own skin, and that is damn hot to me.
I jump out of the truck to greet her before she makes it to us. “I think I’m supposed to come get you, aren’t I?” I tease.
She blushes. “I didn’t want you to have to get Cailin out of the truck.”
I pause and look into her eyes. “You look good.” I scan her body up and down just because I want to see her face become even redder. I don’t know why that turns me on as much as it does.
She tucks her long, wavy hair behind her ear. “Thank you. So do you.”
A tattoo that seemingly wraps around her entire shoulder, which I didn’t know was there, shows from under her top. “Nice,” I say, rubbing my finger over the ink of flowers mixed with music notes.
“I figured it was okay to show it off while I’m with you.”
“Hell yeah, it is. I can’t wait to see the rest of it.” That flush reappears, and I have to stop before my cock wants to come out and join in on the conversation.
I open the door and assist her into to the tall truck. Cailin’s excited voice as she greets her makes me so fucking happy to hear.
When I sit back in the driver’s seat, I hear Cailin talking about the giraffes she’s dying to see. Sarah not only engages in conversation with her, but she’s also actually teaching her about the giraffes.
“Did you know a baby giraffe is six feet tall when it’s born?”
Cailin’s eyes go wide. “That’s bigger than my daddy!”
“Um, not quite. I’m six-four, but that’s pretty damn close.” I hold up my finger to make my point before putting the truck in gear. “What should we listen to, little girl?”
Cailin taps her finger to her lips as she thinks. “Has Miss Russo heard your new album?”
I let out a hard laugh. “She doesn’t have to listen to that.”
“It’s okay. I really like your new stuff,” she says, surprising me.
“You do?” My eyebrows rise in question.
She grins as she tilts her head at me. “Yes, I do. Tears Don’t Fall is my favorite so far.”
I nod slowly, impressed she even knows the name of one of the songs. “So, you’re okay with our harder stuff?”
Tears Don’t Fall is a more personal song I wrote about my past with my mother as well as Cailin’s mom. No matter what happened, it’s time I’ve dealt with it all, especially for Cailin. I’ve always done what I wanted, but now, I owe it to her to not mess things up.
She shrugs, faking nonchalance. “I like them all. The harder stuff gets me going more.” She gives me a grin, mischievously narrowing her eyes, and I have to stop myself from leaning over to kiss her.
The urge is real and strong. And it’s not even truly sexual. It’s happiness. She makes me fucking happy, and I’m taking it in like a drug, wanting more every time I’m around her.
The drive to the zoo is relaxed and comfortable. Sarah keeps up in conversation with Cailin while I fall for her even more. Gone is the nervous girl I thought would never see me as a normal person, and in her place is the woman Linda and Cailin raved about.
I park the truck when we pull up to the zoo and hop out to help Cailin with her booster seat. When Sarah meets us from the opposite end of the truck, her expression makes me question what’s going on as she searches around us.
I drop my head to hers and whisper in her ear, “What are you searching for?”
Her wary eyes meet mine. “Aren’t you afraid people will recognize you?”
I reach in, grabbing my black hat and pulling it down low. “This will help a little. It’s going to happen though. Just get ready. I try not to allow it to slow me down, so I can live my life.”
I throw Cailin’s backpack we grabbed with our water bottles and snacks over my shoulder and shut the door.
“But what about Cailin?” Her sincerity is admirable.
“She’s my daughter. That’s a fact that I only hid for her sake, not mine. It’s time the world knew she existed. She’s old enough to handle it now, and I’m sick of having to try and hide. Right now, I’m more interested in showing my daughter these giraffes she’s dying to see.”
I wink as I grab Cailin’s hand and nod my head to Sarah, motioning for us to head toward the entrance.
I pay our admission, and we enter through the gates as I open the map to see everything the place has to offer.
“Should we see the lions, snakes, or monkeys first?” I ask, faking nonchalance.
“Daddy!” Cailin yells. “Which way are they?”
“Hmm …” I search the map. “Giraffes, giraffes… where are they?”
I glance up to see Sarah’s lips trying to hide her grin. I match her expression as I announce, “Found them!” I point my finger to the right. “This way, my dear.”
Cailin takes off running, and we jog behind her. Once they’re in sight, Sarah and I slow down and stroll the rest of the way with our eyes glued to Cailin.
“You like to play with her, don’t you?” Sarah asks.
“It’s my absolute favorite thing on earth. She’s so easy to mess with, and seeing her face light up is the best thing ever.”
“Daddy, hurry, hurry. Look how tall they are,” Cailin yells, calling us over to her.
“See what I mean? How can anyone not love that?” I run over to Cailin and pick her up, so she’s closer to where the giraffe is feeding off a tree.
“His tongue is crazy!” she says in amazement.
Sarah joins us on my side. “Their tongues are almost a foot and a half long.”
I turn to her in shock. “Seriously?”
She slightly drops her head back. “Yes, seriously. That’s how they get the leaves off of tall trees.”
“How do you know this stuff?” I ask.
Her eyes crinkle at the sides. “I teach kindergarten, remember?”
Cailin wiggles her way out of my arms and runs to where a baby giraffe is walking toward us. “Daddy, come here. Is he taller than you?”
I head to where she is and stand up tall to the animal that seems to be my same height.
Sarah takes out her phone. “Here, let me take a picture of you two.”
I make a silly face at the giraffe, hoping she’ll get the shot. Laughter from both her and Cailin make me turn to face them.
; “She meant me and you, not you and the giraffe, Dad,” Cailin says through a fit of giggles.
“Oh, sorry.” I fake ignorance while I pick her up, and we pose with the baby animal.
“Perfect,” Sarah says.
Cailin runs toward her. “I want to see!” Her face lights up at the vision on the screen. “Now, one with me and you, Miss Russo.”
I pull my phone out from my back pocket and click on the Camera app. “Yes, let me take it.”
Sarah leans down to pose with Cailin. As I stare at the vision of the two of them through my screen, something hits me in the chest. I’ve never wanted Cailin to go without, and I’ve tried to give her the best life I could, but I’ve never seen her radiate happiness the way she is now.
Peacefulness I didn’t even know existed flushes through my body. I thought Cailin was the ultimate high, but seeing her with Sarah has just taken that up a notch. I never thought that Cailin needed anyone else besides me and maybe Linda, but have I been wrong—for both of our needs?
* * *
“Thank you for going with us today,” I say after getting settled on the freeway, heading back home after having dinner together.
Cailin didn’t even make it this far before passing out.
I sneak a quick glance at Sarah and feel a pain in my chest when I meet her eyes. There’s something about her that makes my heart pound for seemingly no reason at all.
“I had so much fun. I’ve never been with just one child who’s old enough to walk on their own and actually be interested in the animals. I brought my niece a few years ago, but she was a little too young. It’s fun to be able to relax more and enjoy the animals without stressing over where everyone is or if they are taken care of.”
“Do you enjoy teaching?”
She lets out an uneasy breath, and I turn to see her expression. She’s staring out the window like she’s thinking. I touch her hand. I can feel that whatever she is thinking isn’t good. I felt it last time we had this conversation too. There’s something she’s not letting me in on.
When our fingers first meet, she flinches ever so slightly. When she doesn’t turn, I grip her harder, opening her palm and entangling my fingers with hers.
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