I move to the back of the house and see Adam sitting at a piano. It wasn’t here when we left, so I wonder where it came from, but when I hear Adam start a song, I pause, not wanting to interrupt as I slowly make our way toward him.
I’ve always thought he has an amazing voice, and as I listen to him sing with no other instruments or loud stage performance, I’m blown away.
The talent this guy has is nothing short of spectacular.
The slow song he’s singing surprises me as I recognize the lyrics of Turn the Page by Bob Seger. The classic rock tune is different than Adam’s normal hard stuff and shows off the talent of his voice like nothing I’ve ever heard.
It’s obvious the lyrics are meaningful to him. His body moves with the words, and his voice gets a little deeper with certain spots. All of his emotions are pouring out onto the keys, sending chills down my arms.
I lean back against the wall to enjoy the show when Cailin comes up behind me, trying to peek through to see what I’m staring at.
“This is one of my favorites that he sings,” she says.
“You know this one?” I whisper, not wanting him to stop.
She nods. “He sings it to me whenever we’re playing on the piano.”
“It’s always been one of my favorites too,” I say more to myself than Cailin as I place my head on the wall and take in the man I’m falling head over heels for.
With every key he presses and every dip of his shoulder, my heart feels like it’s going to burst with emotions.
To witness the magic of this moment is almost too much, and I close my eyes as I mouth the words along with him, letting every note take over my body as I wrap my arms around my body.
When he sings the last lyrics, “There I go,” I imagine the sound of the saxophone playing the iconic notes from the song as a huge smile graces my face.
Perfection. Absolute perfection.
Cailin breaks the moment as she pushes past me, asking, “When did the piano arrive?”
Adam turns suddenly, like we surprised him. Our eyes meet, and I inhale, remembering that I need to breathe, his performance moving me so much. Cailin jumps up next to him, and he wraps his arm around her.
“Just a few minutes ago,” he responds after he kisses the top of her head.
She places her hands on the keys and practices a song.
The grin that covers Adam’s face is adorable as he pats her back and climbs over the seat to greet me. “How was the movie?”
He kisses me hello, and I have to try hard not to melt at his feet after what I just witnessed.
“It was fun. I’m amazed at what I just heard.” I point toward the piano. “I wouldn’t have pegged you for a Bob Seger fan.”
“It’s Linda’s fault.” He grins, and I know that’s not meant to be completely honest. “This is one of her favorites. So, when she started teaching me piano, I promised I’d learn it.” He shrugs like it’s no big deal as he turns his attention back to Cailin.
I grab his hand, making him look back at me. “That’s always been one of my favorite songs too.” Our eyes meet, and I know there’s something more to this story, so I wait to see if he’ll continue.
He motions for us to go back to the piano and join Cailin. I stand, placing my elbows on the back of the baby grand.
He rubs his hand down Cailin’s hair before meeting my eyes again. “It’s funny how the song means so much more now.”
“Do you feel like you’re playin’ star sometimes?” I ask, using the lyrics of the song as my motivation.
The song’s like a journal entry from the singer living on the road. He doesn’t feel like he’s any different, yet everywhere he goes, people treat him like he’s someone big.
He chuckles under his breath while nodding and slightly raising his brow. “Sometimes.”
“I think that’s what the song is supposed to mean. He wrote it well into his career, just like you are. It’s okay to feel like that, but it’s also okay to celebrate your success too.”
He inhales deeply as he slowly nods his head, looking down at the keys and playing a few notes as he exhales.
I wonder how much living in this town has brought out a different meaning as well. There’s a moment in the song where the singer is being judged by his looks as people glare at him. I’ve seen the stares as well as people pointing, and the incident with the cop has to still bug him. He acts unfazed, but no matter how much he says it doesn’t bother him, deep down, it has to get old.
Something’s weighing on his mind, and if we were alone, I would ask him what, but before I can do anything, he perks up and says, “Why don’t you guys perform your song you did the other day?”
Cailin jumps up in excitement, clapping her hands together, and I can’t help but smile at her enthusiasm.
“Move it, Dad. This is Sarah’s spot.”
His eyebrows rise to me again as he tilts his head and stands up for me to take his spot. “Sarah, huh?”
“Yeah, you know, after waking up in her house, I figured she could call me Sarah when we’re out of school.” I wave my hand like it’s nothing.
He kisses my forehead and whispers, “I like it.”
I take my seat and place my hands on the keys. “Do you want to go over the words, or do you remember them?”
She waves her hand in front of her. “I remember. Let’s do this!”
I glance up to see if Adam thought that was just as cute as I thought, and the glimmer in his eye proves he did without any words said.
We start our song, and just like before, she hits every note on cue.
Adam’s lip trembles as we finish, and I celebrate by wrapping my arm around her shoulders and bringing her to me.
“Great job, sweetheart.”
Adam claps his hands together. “Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. Both of you.”
I grin shyly his way before I stand up to give him his spot back.
“Can we sing it tomorrow again at church?” Cailin asks.
I stumble on my words, remembering the lies I told. “We’d have to learn a new song first. Maybe we can find time to work on a new one since the piano is here. When I’m done with the other things I have going on, I’ll see what I can do.”
Her bottom lip sticking out guts me. I’ve gotten to know them both better, and I feel even more horrible for lying. Now, I’ve created this lie that I have to figure out.
“It’s okay.” Adam’s arm goes around my waist. “We have all the time in the world.”
The words weigh heavy on my shoulders.
“What should we plan for dinner?”
I fidget with my hands, biting the inside of my lip. I don’t deserve to be here after lying to them like that. “You know what? I actually have to get going.”
Adam’s eyes narrow, but he doesn’t question as I slide out of his hold. I lean in to softly kiss him, begging for forgiveness through my lips.
“Sorry,” I whisper.
He tilts his head in question. “About what?”
I glance to Cailin, who’s playing away on the keys. I chicken out by saying, “That I can’t stay.”
“It’s okay. I’ll walk you out.” His hand grips mine as I say goodbye to Cailin, and he follows me to my car.
Once there, he opens the door, standing behind it like he does every time we say good-bye. The stance is starting to make me laugh, as I’m pretty sure he does it to keep the distance between us so we don’t devour each other.
“Thank you for everything these past few days.” He leans in to kiss me, and I’m thankful the door is there, so I don’t jump him right here in the driveway with the way his tongue is working the fire in my body to a raging inferno.
He pulls back, and I lean in, wanting just a little more and kicking myself for already saying I had to go.
“I’ll call you tomorrow,” he says as he positions his arm on the handle, getting ready to close it.
I slip in and start the car. “Bye, Adam.”
He closes
the door and waves his goodbye before backing away and heading back to his daughter, where I’d be if I wasn’t a big, fat liar.
24
Sarah
I’m the biggest piece of shit ever. Lying to Adam again about church broke my heart. I must find a solution to this before I really cause a kink in our relationship. I can’t imagine what he’d do if he found out I was lying. Would he forgive me? Would he understand? Oh God, would he hate me?
The thought makes me ill, and I stop to take deep breaths, promising I’ll figure this out today.
I just wish my father weren’t so close-minded. I’ve stayed here because it’s all I know. I tried to live my life outside of his grasp, and look what happened.
At the same time, I can’t help but think what’s been happening since I’ve been back. Each day, a part of me is lost. My happiness, my soul is dying here. I’ve been scared to try again, to put myself out there, but that fear is floating away.
What happened in the past is totally different, and if I can move on, then so can my father. Isn’t that the Christian way anyway?
Lumping Adam in that category just because of his looks and career is not fair. I need my dad to see who Adam is—as a man, a father, and a boyfriend.
I stare in the mirror, trying to see if the person I once was is still there. Lately, I’ve felt that rush, that happiness that I thought I’d never feel again. I’ve been lost for so long, and being with Adam is finally bringing me back. I don’t want to lose that.
All the memories flash through me, and I close my eyes, ridding them from my head and focusing on Adam instead. When I reopen them, I see her. The girl I thought had died years ago. The girl with drive, passion, and a dream.
Adam is giving me her. I won’t let my dad or anybody take her again.
I reach in my drawer to pull out the dark lipstick I threw in years ago. I don’t want just a portion of me back. I want it all. Damn what anyone says. Just like Adam mentioned, there’s always going to be haters.
I swipe the dark rouge across my lips, loving the way it brings out my eyes and plush bottom lip. With a renewed sense on life, I pull my hair up, put on a top where my tattoo shows the slightest bit, put on a little more blush, and lift my chin to the mirror.
Bring it.
At church, a few of the older woman seem caught off guard, but I also get a few compliments from the younger ones. I smile sweetly at them all, trying to prove that it doesn’t matter what I choose to look like. I’m the same person on the inside, and I’m ready to let everyone else here meet the real me.
When my father sees me, he’s quick to request I walk with him to his office.
“Is there something I need to know about?” he questions, giving me that expression I feared as a little girl. “Why did Officer Kelly tell me he ran into you up on Mix Canyon? Who were you with? And what’s with the makeup?”
I stand tall, not willing to back down. “I was with a friend. We weren’t doing anything wrong, and once he saw it was me, he backed off.”
He places his hands on his desk, leaning forward. “Who’s this friend?”
My heart rate spikes, and I inhale a breath, feeling more ready than ever to tell him exactly who he is. “He’s—”
“Pastor Russo, we have a visitor who wants to meet you before you start the service,” the church secretary says as she walks into the room.
Dad takes a breath and straightens his tie. “I’ll be right there.” He turns back to me. “This conversation isn’t over, young lady.”
I turn on my heel and exit his office, more determined than ever to bring me back.
I was set to sing another song, but after I greet everyone, I make my way to the stage where the band members are sitting and ask for a song change. It’s one I’ve done many times, but today, it’s feeding my soul with the strength I need to get myself back.
When it’s my turn to sing, I get up, belting out the words to one of my favorite songs, “Power,” feeling every word, every note rip through my body, changing me even more.
There was a time I questioned if I’d get back to her, get back to having my faith fully in God the way I’m putting myself in his hands right at this moment. I’m depending on him, feeling his strength, just as the lyrics suggest.
I’ve sung many times in this church, in class, and just on my own but not the way I am now. There’s a difference between letting the lyrics fall from my lips and actually feeling the song deep down in my soul.
As I sing the last note, applause breaks out, reminding me that I’m here, in front of everyone, and not lost in my own world that I escaped to momentarily. And by their reaction, they noticed it too.
I inhale slowly, taking it all in and breathing out the old Sarah completely.
After making my way to my seat, my mom comes over, wraps her arm around me, and cries into my shoulder. I know she saw it too. From that moment on, I let the tears fall, enjoying the feeling of relief each one gives me.
* * *
The rest of the service flew by. I couldn’t wait for it to end.
I want to call Adam. I want to be by his side and feel this free in his arms. It’s because of him that I’m able to be this way, and I want to share it.
People approach me, saying how amazing my performance was. I take it all in, letting the happiness wash over me.
Once I’m ready to leave, I step outside and see Linda with a puzzled expression on her face. All the glee I was feeling washes away as I search around for sights of either Cailin or Adam nearby.
I approach with caution, having no clue if she’s even talked to Adam about me at all, especially when it comes to church. “Hi, Linda.”
Her sigh tells me instantly that she knows. “Miss Russo. Sarah. I … I just don’t know what’s going on, and I’ve tried very hard to stay out of Adam’s personal affairs because, honestly, they are none of my business, but …”
She lets out a long sigh, and my heart breaks in two.
Please don’t let her think badly of me.
“I asked Cailin if she wanted to come with me this morning because I actually enjoyed the sermons, and I thought it would be good for her to continue to hear things like that. But they said—”
I place my hand on her arm. “Please, I can explain.”
She holds up both of her hands in front of her face in surrender with her eyes turned down to the street. “No, you don’t owe me any explanation. As I said, it’s none of my business.” She looks back at me. “Just please don’t string them along. I get the feeling he really likes you. He’s had a hard life, and there are not many people he trusts.”
My eyes well with tears as she places her hands over mine.
“Just be careful with his heart. Whatever reason you didn’t want them here with you is yours, but please don’t lie to him. Tell him the truth. Believe me, he’ll thank you for it.”
I nod as I inhale a shaky breath. “I didn’t mean to lie. I promise there’s a good reason.”
She nods. “And I believe you. Just”—she pauses, glancing around at the people leaving the parking lot—“be honest, okay?”
“I will. I promise.”
She wraps her arms around me. “He’s an amazing man. Don’t let him slip by, you hear me?”
I nod, sniffing and wiping my eyes. She gets in her car, and I slowly make my way to mine.
My father’s glare is seen from the front door of the church, but without a second thought, I head straight to Adam’s house. His chipper voice at the call box gives me the strength I need. I know he’ll understand. I just hope I have the strength to tell him about my past.
25
Sarah
To my surprise, Linda is there when I pull into the long driveway. I meet her at the front steps.
“I thought you’d be coming here.” She smiles, and I feel the weight lifted just a little. “I’m grabbing Cailin, so you guys can talk.”
I whisper, “Thank you,” just as Cailin comes running out of the house.
“She surprised us,” Adam says as he steps through the front door, dressed in dark jeans and a long-sleeved Henley scrunched up to his elbows.
Cailin’s puzzled expression makes me laugh, as she glances between the two of us, not sure who she should hang out with.
“It’s okay. Go with Linda. I’ll be here when you get back, and we’ll play a board game.”
“Candy Land?” she asks with excitement beaming from her pores.
“Yes, we’ll play Candy Land.”
She holds out her hand to shake mine. “You got yourself a deal.” We shake one solid shake before she jumps off the rest of the stairs and into Linda’s car.
As they drive off, I nod my head toward the swing that’s around the back of the house. “Shall we?”
Adam suspiciously eyes me. “Everything okay?”
I wrap my fingers around his. “Actually, it’s more than okay. I just need to fill you in on something.”
We make our way to the swing and position ourselves side by side as I nuzzle up close to him.
“Do you remember when you asked me if I always wanted to be a teacher?”
He rubs his thumb over my shoulder, leaning down to kiss the top of my head. He feels I need the strength from him right now, and knowing he’s here to catch me if I fall helps guide me forward even more.
“Yeah,” he whispers.
“Meeting you was bigger to me than just meeting the Adam Jacobson.” He laughs out loud before I continue, “I moved to New York when I was eighteen. I had a dream.”
“What was that?”
I turn slightly to face him. “I wanted to be a singer.”
His eyes sparkle. “Everyone says you’re an amazing singer. Both Cailin and Linda rave about your voice, and I love what I’ve heard so far, even if it was a children's religious song.”
I inhale a breath and lean back against him. “They’ve heard me sing gospel, which I like, but I wanted to be a rock singer, like Jen Ledger from Skillet or Hayley Williams from Paramore.”
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