“You need to go,” he evenly said.
A tear spilled from her eye and she quickly blinked back the ones that wanted to follow it. Beau stepped around her, fetching his lantern from its spot on the wall.
“I’ll walk you back to the house.”
“No.” She cleared her throat. “Nat will do it.”
Not looking at him, she went to the door.
It was four steps from Beau’s cabin to Nat’s. Four steps through darkness. Four steps taken in terror and uncertainty.
But experiencing that pain was better than remaining in Beau’s cabin for so much as one more minute.
Chapter Fourteen
14. Beau
Chapter fourteen
The days grew shorter over the next week, canceling out all possibilities of any warm weather. Beau spent longer hours working, though. Being up at the main house didn’t feel right. Being all alone in his cabin didn’t, either, even on the nights when Bubba came to visit.
Nothing was right and Beau knew just why.
But what was he supposed to do about it? He wanted Cadence. Lord, he did. A part of him had known it the moment he’d set eyes on that feisty woman. The problem was he just didn’t trust himself. He’d messed up before, so what was stopping him from doing it again?
On Friday, he rode back from the North fields with Samuel and Mitch, the cold stinging their faces and working its way under their coats. With the sun close to setting soon, warm supper and the light of the kitchen would be welcome.
Cadence would be there as well, like she was every meal. Beau had taken to skipping most of them, but he knew he couldn’t keep on doing that three times a day for the next five weeks. He couldn’t cook to save his life.
Plus, a twisted part of him wanted to see Cadence—even if he never allowed himself to talk to her.
Entering the yard, Beau took the horses from Mitch and Samuel and sent them on to dinner. He could waste a few minutes putting the animals away. As much as he wanted to see Cadence, the less time he spent around her, the better. It only drove him mad. The more he got to look at her face, the more she snuck into his late-night dreams.
Just as he was about to leave the stable, a horse and rider entered. Beau froze as Dunst dismounted and gave him a smile.
“Beau Johnson. How you doin’? It’s been a good while.”
Beau shook the farmer’s hand, his throat all thick and hoarse. “Yes, it has.”
There was only one reason Dunst would be here and that was to call on Cadence. Had she accepted his proposal after all? The way she’d told it to Gemma, it didn’t seem like she had much choice. Cadence saw the benefits of marriage and wasn’t about to turn them down.
“Cold day,” Beau said.
Dunst rubbed his hands together for warmth. “Yes, it is. I was stopping by to call on Miss Hurley.”
“Hm.”
Dunst stared back at him, no doubt waiting for Beau to offer to put his horse away. Not a single word could escape from Beau’s clenched jaw, though. His pulse was pounding, fire spreading through his veins. Though he had known that Cadence would likely marry Dunst, having the man come to the farm, knowing he might even put his hands on Cadence—it was more than Beau could handle.
Jealousy like Beau had never known coursed its way through him. This was his home. Dunst had no right to be at Winding Path. Nothing on that land belonged to him.
“She’s in the house?” Dunst asked, brows raised.
“Miss Hurley is ill. She has a fever.”
“Oh.” Dunst frowned. “That’s too bad, now. I was gon’ share some good news with her.”
Beau didn’t know where the lie had come from. He’d never made spinning tales a habit, but he couldn’t stand the thought of Cadence being taken away from him. She was his.
His.
The realization sunk in, making Beau’s heart beat loudly.
“I best be going, then,” Dunst was saying. “Tell her I stopped by, will you? I’ll come and see her again soon as I’m able.”
“Uh-huh,” Beau murmured, mouth dry and vision blurring. Dunst got back into his saddle and left the stable, leaving behind a silence filled with a dozen questions.
Beau clasped his hands together behind his neck and walked back and forth across the stable floor. What was he doing? Did he really think he had the right to sabotage the rest of Cadence’s life just because he was jealous?
Or had he turned Dunst away because a part of him believed that not everything was hopeless?
Excitement sparked in Beau’s chest. He’d done some bad things, made some mistakes. Awful ones that he wouldn’t wish on the worst of humanity. But wasn’t that all in the past? He’d been at Winding Path Ranch for a good time now. He worked hard, looked out for others, always stuck to his guns, and did whatever needed to be done.
Could it be Cadence had seen the good part of him that he always refused to?
Beau couldn’t be sure. For years, he’d kept himself at arm’s length with most people. He’d get friendly with men, sure, but with most women, it was always different. He’d always told himself that he couldn’t risk hurting them.
But in that moment, with the danger of Cadence being taken from him forever, Beau realized the truth. It was himself he’d been protecting all along, not others. He was afraid of loving another woman because when he loved, he risked losing.
Yet, from where he stood right then, the other option didn’t look too good either. He’d done fine as a bachelor up till then. What would happen in ten years? Twenty? Everyone but Beau would be married. Come that time and he would finally, really be alone.
He wasn’t gonna do that to himself. And he wasn’t gonna let the woman who belonged to him just vanish into thin air.
A frantic energy filling him, Beau left the stable and ran across the yard. The wind knocked against his hat, threatening to push it right off, but Beau just held it down and jogged on. Throwing the front door open, he barreled into the main house and across the hall, into the dining room—where the whole farm sat, staring at him.
“What’s wrong?” Mitch asked, standing up from his seat. A couple of the other men’s hands went to their holsters, ready to draw at a moment’s notice.
Realizing loudly bursting into the house hadn’t been the right thing to do, Beau shook his head. “Nothin’. Just, ah, cold out there.”
Samuel guffawed. At another time, Beau would have shot him a withering look, maybe even demanded the man stand up and try laughing right in Beau’s face, but right then, he didn’t care. Cadence Hurley was going to be his. Nothing else in the whole world mattered at all.
The swinging door to the kitchen opened and Gemma entered, carrying two bowls. Right behind her came Cadence, hands full as well. Once she saw Beau, her eyes went wide. She quickly looked away, occupying herself with setting things on the table.
Beau shuffled along the length of the dining room, trying to get Cadence’s notice without causing any more of a scene. Getting right up behind her, he whispered in her ear.
“Cadence.”
With a little gasp, she turned around. Her eyes narrowed. “What?”
“I need to talk to you.”
She blinked repeatedly, probably not knowing what to think.
“In private,” Beau said in a hushed voice. “It’ll be real quick.”
Cadence slowly nodded and Beau stepped to the side, allowing her to go first. They found themselves in the main room, where Beau shut the door behind him. This side of the house was cold and dark, with the hearth empty and the curtains drawn closed.
“Well?” Cadence asked. Her face was hidden in the poor light, but Beau could see she was crossing her arms.
Going to the closest window, he yanked the curtains open. Finally, Cadence’s features came into view.
“That will only make it colder in here,” she dryly stated.
“I wanted to see your face.” Beau took a step toward her, but stopped when nothing about her expression changed. “Cadence
…”
She shrugged her shoulders, dropped her arms. “What is this about, Beau? You have not spoken to me all week long, and now—”
“I want to marry you.”
The emptiness in the room rang. Beau had never guessed silence could be so loud.
“Why are you doing this?” Cadence seethed, her eyes filling with tears. “You ignore me, and then you mock me. I am not going to be part—”
“No,” he harshly said, the words just spilling out of his mouth, like they were a speech he’d long ago memorized and then forgotten until now, the moment when he finally needed to say the right thing. “Just listen. I don’t want you to marry Dunst. I want you to marry me. Not right now, because I don’t have a home for us. But soon. Real soon.”
Cadence’s eyes were wide and unblinking, her mouth open in shock.
Beau went on. He had to keep talking, because if he stopped, he’d lose whatever little courage he had. “I know this sounds crazy and it’s nothing like what I told you last week, but I realized that I’ve been lying to myself, Cadence. I’m not perfect. I never will be. But when I think about you, I know…” He struggled to find the words. He had never been good at eloquently expressing himself. Heck, he had never been good at talking in general.
Cadence pressed her quivering lips together. “You are being truthful?”
“Yes. Very.”
She sniffed, but the tears collecting in her eyes seemed to be ones of happiness. “I do not know what to say. What changed?”
Beau came closer and took her hands in his. “Dunst came by looking for you.”
“When?”
“Just a few minutes ago.”
“But… where is he now?”
“This will probably make you think less of me...”
Cadence peered at him in question. “What?”
“I couldn’t stand the thought of him calling on you. Of him… being with you. So, I told him you were sick and couldn’t take visitors right now.”
“No!”
Beau grimaced. “I know. It wasn’t right.”
Cadence covered her mouth with her hand, but behind her fingers, there was a smile. “Beau Johnson, I have to be honest. I do not know whether to thank you or slap you right now.”
“I probably deserve the latter.”
She slowly shook her head. “So, you became jealous and only then decided you wanted me.”
Beau wasn’t sure what to say. She was no longer smiling.
“It is just like with a child,” Cadence slowly said, “whose toy is to be taken away. He does not play with it, but he cannot stand the thought of someone else having it.”
“Cadence.” Beau pressed his hand against the back of her neck, dipped his head to look into her eyes. His heart was hammering faster than it should have been. “You’re not some plaything. You’re a strong, beautiful woman. And it’s not just about Dunst. It’s not him at all. It’s me. I...” Beau shook his head in exasperation. Where were the right words?
“You said that you would hurt me,” Cadence whispered, her eyes pleading for the truth.
Beau ground his teeth together, but he had to nod in agreement. “I did say that.”
“So, what is different now?”
He closed his eyes, giving it some real thought. This was his chance to reach out to Cadence, to choose a different path. He couldn’t mess up.
“I can’t stand the thought of being without you,” he admitted, opening his eyes and looking into hers. “I’m not an angel by any means. I’ve done some real bad things.”
“We all have.”
Beau shook his head. No sins she had committed could be half as bad as his. One day, he would share the full story of his life with her, but they weren’t at that point yet.
“It just hit me,” Beau went on, “While I was out in the stable after Dunst left. I’m wasting my life away. All these years I’ve been at Winding Path—six years—I’ve done fine. I haven’t done the damage I’ve… I’ve always been afraid I would.”
Cadence slowly nodded. He wasn’t sure if she could truly understand what he was talking about, but she looked like she might.
Beau licked his dry lips. “I don’t want to hurt you, Cadence. If you stay with me, I promise I’ll spend the rest of my life protecting you and doing everything I can to make you feel good. And that means keeping you safe from myself as well… I’ll make sure that I never hurt you.”
Cadence lightly pressed her hand against his cheek. “What is it that you’ve been so afraid of? Why do you talk about yourself like you’re this great criminal?”
A lump formed in his throat. “It’s my own judgment that I’ve always wondered about. My ability to make good decisions.”
Cadence’s eyes squinted in confusion. “See, I just do not understand how you can say that.”
“And you don’t need to worry about it,” Beau fiercely whispered. “I can take care of you. I promise. What I… The truth is that I was just afraid of caring for someone. Afraid that if I loved someone, they’d be taken away, simply because of how much I wanted them around.”
Cadence’s lower lip trembled. “I understand,” she emphatically whispered back. “My parents died years ago. At the same time.”
Beau stroked her cheek with his knuckles. Once again, he couldn’t find the words. Just thinking of Cadence all alone in the world, without anyone to care for her or help her out… Her strength and feisty attitude now made sense. She’d learned to fight for herself because she had to.
But that was about to change. She was his. He’d been too foolish to see it in the beginning, but now, he understood. They’d come into each other’s lives for a reason. Maybe he was still afraid of loss, but he would do everything he could to work past that. Cadence was worth it.
“My folks are gone as well,” he gently said.
She gave him a sad smile. “What makes you so sure that you want to marry me, Beau Johnson? Other than the fact that you are incredibly jealous of Mr. Dunst and you only just now realized you struggle with the fear of loss?”
The question hit home, painfully sucking the air from Beau’s chest. That Cadence. She could lay a punch just where it mattered.
He sure loved that about her.
“When I first saw you, I couldn’t stop thinking about you,” he answered. “And it didn’t make any sense. I wasn’t looking for a woman, but you… just wouldn’t leave my mind.”
Cadence’s lips pursed as she tried to hide her smile. The pink in her cheeks gave her away, though.
“You are being truthful?” she asked.
“Yes. Absolutely.”
Only one other time in Beau’s life had he felt that way, like he was being pushed in the direction of a woman, unable to control what was happening. One day, he would tell Cadence all about that, but not yet. Today was about just the two of them.
“I want to kiss you,” he rumbled, the words shaking his chest.
Cadence’s eyes went wide and she lethargically nodded. Her breathing deepened and Beau gently cupped her face as he pressed his mouth to hers. The curves of their lips fit perfectly together. It was a sign. This was the correct thing to do.
No more fighting what was right. Cadence belonged to Beau. Living in the past would do him no good. Not when he had a future to get to.
Chapter Fifteen
15. Cadence
Chapter fifteen
The late afternoon sun flooded the schoolhouse, mixing with the heat of the stove and helping to warm up the room. Cadence hummed as she swept up the straw and mud from the day. It was cold outside of the schoolhouse, but inside, thanks to the warmth in both the air and her heart, it was spring.
A knock on the door made her pause in her work. Beau? He had taken time that morning to accompany her to school and had promised to fetch her not long after the day ended. It was the first full school day after their kiss in the house and Cadence had spent every waking moment with him on her mind.
Leaning the broom against a desk
, she went to open the door. Instead of Beau, though, in came Mr. Lenox, bringing with him a rush of cold air.
“Good afternoon, Mr. Lenox,” Cadence greeted him, quickly shutting the door to prevent any more cold from encroaching on her little heaven.
Since taking the teaching position, Cadence had learned that Mr. Lenox was the superintendent of the schools in the area—meaning he was in charge of running the classrooms in that whole part of Wyoming. He had worked in New York City before migrating to the West some years before.
Her Wild Journey_Seeing Ranch series Page 9