Seasons of Sugarcreek 02. Spring's Renewal

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  She could have felt more secure about nearly everything. Like she had options.

  When she could have been free to pursue her dreams…free to think about a life without people staring at her…she’d been confined by lies.

  Her mind raced. Minutes ticked by. And then there was only one thing to do, she realized as she slowly closed the ledger and put everything away.

  It was time to begin anew.

  Chapter 20

  “Ruby, I can take you to the train station, if you would like,” Lilly offered after clicking on a number of screens on her computer and showing Ruby and Tim when the next trains to Indiana were going to leave. “It’s a pretty long ways from here.”

  “Thank you,” she said coolly. “I would be most grateful.”

  Warily, Lilly glanced toward Tim, but there was no help there. His face looked carefully blank. She cleared her throat as she moved her mouse around and clicked on another screen. “So, it says here that there are seats available on the train leaving tonight, as well as the one leaving tomorrow morning at ten A.M. Which time do you prefer?”

  Ruby stepped in front of Tim to get a better look. “Do we have time to make this evening’s train?”

  Careful to keep her face expressionless—because, really, Tim Graber looked like he was about to lose his temper at any moment—Lilly said slowly, “It leaves in two and a half hours. We’d need to leave in about an hour for you to make it. That seems too soon.”

  “I don’t think so at all. Lilly, please book that train. I don’t have much to get ready at all.”

  Tim scowled. “Ruby, I wish you would be more reasonable. There is no reason for you to get on this train and travel all night.”

  “I am being reasonable. I’d prefer to leave as soon as possible, I think.”

  “Your family would never forgive me if I let you travel alone at night.”

  “Luckily for you, it’s not your choice, is it?”

  Lilly was tempted to slink out of the room. She hated the idea of getting in the middle of a couple’s argument. Though, she supposed she had no choice. Both Ruby and Tim seemed to be wrapped up in their own world, and at the moment, it was a pretty ugly one.

  Not that they seemed to care, but if Lilly had to go drive to the train station in an hour, she was going to need some time to get organized, too. “What do we do? We need to decide.”

  “She’ll go tomorrow.”

  Warily, Lilly looked to Ruby. She looked mad and extremely irritated, but after a few increasingly long seconds…she nodded. “That will be fine.”

  “Can you book her a ticket?” Tim asked.

  “I can.” With a few more clicks, she was able to write in Ruby’s name, enter her destination, and with a credit card, she booked the ticket. Tim had already offered to reimburse her with cash. “Ruby, you’re all set.”

  “Thank you for doing that.”

  “You’re welcome,” Lilly said as Ruby walked out of her kitchen and through the back door without a backward glance. “Wow,” she murmured to herself. That girl was mad!

  As they both watched Ruby trot down the Allens’ driveway then dart through the hedge, Tim sighed. “I’m sorry you had to witness our fight. Ruby is upset with me—though I guess you noticed that.”

  “I had an idea things weren’t all roses,” Lilly said. Talk about an understatement!

  Still looking out the window, Tim grimaced. “I suppose I could have handled this better, but I’m not really sure how I could have.”

  Since she was practically involved, anyway, Lilly looked him over. His face looked set in stone, his shoulders tight. Obviously he was expending an enormous amount of energy in order to keep all his feelings to himself.

  And though they didn’t know each other well, and his business certainly wasn’t hers…she spoke. “I broke up with my boyfriend a while back. No matter how good the reason is, breakups are hard.”

  “I’m not really even sure what happened.”

  Lilly had seen Ruby’s face. That girl had been mad enough to hold a grudge for years. There was no going back from that! “Trust me, you two are done.”

  For a moment, he looked taken aback, then he slowly smiled. “I imagine you are right.” He glanced toward her kitchen door. “It all just seemed to happen so quickly. All I told Ruby was that I needed to stay here at least until fall.”

  “That’s it?”

  “Well, there’s a little bit more.” He scratched his chin. “I said that I liked being friends with Clara.”

  She knew who Clara was, of course. The gal had risen in her estimation ever since Anson had come over and spent a whole evening recounting the Las Vegas postcard, and her warnings against judging people by their face value. “I don’t really know her—I’ve only met her once by the creek—but I think she’s pretty great.”

  “You do?”

  Lilly shrugged. “She’s impressive. At least to me. She’s got a good job, she’s not afraid to say what’s on her mind—and I think she’s pretty. Tim, it’s not my business, but maybe all this was meant to be.”

  “Being here and meeting Clara and pushing Ruby away?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’ve been thinking the same thing,” he said quietly. “But how do I say those things to her? I asked Ruby to visit and now…”

  “You’ll find a way. And maybe it won’t be all that hard,” she said gently. “I’m no expert on love, but I am discovering that sometimes the best thing to do is to ignore what everyone else thinks and concentrate on what you want.”

  “I imagine you might be right.”

  Lilly smiled his way as he said goodbye and slowly walked out her kitchen door. Boy, was she glad she wasn’t a Graber tonight. She had a feeling that house was going to be filled with ugly tension.

  And someone was going to finally lose their temper. She wondered who would blow first.

  “Would you bring me some water?” Clara’s mom called out. “I’m terribly thirsty.”

  In a daze, Clara obediently picked up the container she kept in the refrigerator and poured a glass. Only when water splattered along the counter did she realize her hands were shaking.

  Being lied to for years had something to do with that, she supposed.

  Trying again, she filled the glass, then mopped up the spill on the counter with a dishcloth. And tried to get her bearings.

  “Clara? Did you hear me? Are you coming?”

  “I did,” she replied, feeling as if each word had to be pried from her lips. “I’ll be right there.”

  She couldn’t help but let her gaze stray back to the ledger again. The source of truth. Or the hiding place for all those lies.

  Resentment fueled her feet as she carried the glass into her mother’s room. Where she lay reclining on the bed. Almost looking worse. Almost.

  “Ah. I was beginning to think you’d forgotten about me,” she said as she reached for the glass. After taking one careful sip, she set it on the bedside table and eyed Clara. “What have you been doing since you got home?”

  “I’ve been keeping busy,” she replied. “I decided to help you pay some bills.”

  Nothing but a vague interest filled her mother’s gaze. “That wasn’t necessary, Clara. Paying bills is the least I can do for our household. When I feel better tomorrow I’ll get to them.”

  Clara agreed. It was the absolute least she could do. Resentment and anger, fueled by hurt and righteousness, rose within her. Though a tiny voice inside warned her to mind her tongue, Clara found she was tired of listening. Tired of trying to be good. As good as everyone wanted her to be.

  “I’m glad I did take the time to look over things.” With a slow, meaningful look she added, “I was even able to examine our savings account.”

  “Ah.” Her mother shifted, looking a little uncomfortable.

  Clara reached behind her mother and adjusted one of her pillows. “Both of the accounts.”

  “Both?”

  “Mamm, why did you never tell me about
the money you had from Daed?”

  Her mother’s face turned as white as the pillow behind her. “There was no need…”

  “There was every need. You led me to believe he’d left you—left us—with nothing. That wasn’t the truth.”

  Worry flickered in her mother’s gray eyes. “It was none of your concern.”

  “I’m afraid it was.” Tired of speaking in circles, Clara folded her arms over her chest and glared. “You’ve lied to me about that money. You made me think I had no choice in life. That I had no prospects beyond teaching school and living here with you.”

  “It is a daughter’s duty to care for her mother.”

  “Without ever finding a love of my own? I think not.” She shook her head with impatience. “I could have had that surgery.”

  “It would have been wrong.”

  “For whom?”

  “For you. It would have only been for vanity’s sake, and that is a sin, Clara.”

  “I say you’re wrong.”

  Sitting up a bit, her mother’s eyes flashed. “What?”

  “I said that you are wrong. I say that surgery wasn’t a bad thing. You were wrong to not let me have it.”

  “You have no idea how many surgeries I sat through, worrying about you. I couldn’t do another one.”

  Her mother’s pain was nothing compared to what Clara had to go through. But now that she’d finally spoken what was in her heart, her anger started to dissipate. “I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry that you insisted on keeping me here. I’m going to leave.”

  “Where in the world would you go, Clara?”

  “I’ll find a place. I need some time to be on my own. I’m going to take the last year’s salary and start my own bank account.”

  “But how will I manage?”

  “I don’t know. I guess you’ll either have to do more for yourself…or accept more help.”

  “This way you’re speaking, this tone…the things you are speaking of, they are all bad. Daughter, you are shaming me.”

  The words stung. What she was doing stung. So much of her being was screaming for her to turn right back around and apologize. To pretend that she’d never seen their bank account. To pretend her own mother had never taken advantage of her.

  But for better or worse, she couldn’t. It was too late.

  And the only thing left to do was to find a new place to live.

  Because it was time to start living.

  Chapter 21

  Clara was in a daze when she left the house. With methodical movements that could only come from years of experience, she got the buggy and Daisy ready to go, and gently motioned her toward town.

  The rain had started again. Little drops hit her windshield in angry slaps, mirroring her mood. “It’s all right, Daisy,” she murmured as they made their way onto the main road and headed toward town. “It’s all right. We’ll just get through this as best as we can.”

  Her determination, along with God’s grace, had gotten her through many a tough time. She supposed that was how she was able to do her best in front of her students day after day. She knew it was how she’d been able to accept the confines of her mother’s needs and expectations.

  But Clara knew herself well enough to realize that that determination and single-mindedness had also become a flaw. It was like she’d had a horse’s blinders on. She’d become so intent on only focusing on what she thought she had to do, she’d forgotten to look around to see if perhaps there was something else in her future.

  As the rain continued to pour and the Englischer’s cars continued to slowly drive around her, their curious faces peering at her as they passed, Clara finally gave up the solid control in her life. Little by little, she loosened the strings of her consciousness and allowed someone else in her life. Into her thoughts.

  The only being who could truly make a difference. The only one who could make things clearer than the muddy worries she currently had. Her real father. “Father?” she murmured. “What is it you want of me? I’m not so sure anymore. I’ve held my burdens and tried not to let them weigh me down. I’ve done my best to accept my responsibilities and to accept the way things are. But now…well, but now I’m wondering if maybe they were merely trials that you’d like me to overcome.”

  The sign signaling the entrance to downtown loomed ahead. She still wasn’t sure why she was going to town, or who she intended to see.

  All she knew was that she felt as if she was being pushed forward. Guided by powers other than herself.

  And after all this time, she was very grateful for that. “Lord, have I failed you? Or did I need to go through these trials, just like Job in order to truly be as one with you?”

  No sense of peace wrapped around her. She hadn’t really expected it. But she did feel something new. A feeling of courage and hope that had been held at bay for far too long.

  And she let those feelings guide her as she parked the buggy under the long overhang outside the Grabers’ store.

  “We’re going to get so wet, we’ll be able to wring out our clothes,” Gretta called out as she scurried across the parking lot. “I had to run to the post office and got caught in the storm.”

  “This rain is terrible,” Clara agreed as she got out of the buggy. “All the water is making it difficult to get around. Some of the side streets are flooding.”

  “I heard that the creek is rising, too.”

  They walked briskly into the store, which was unusually quiet for a Friday afternoon. Joshua was standing at the counter. His eyes lit up when he saw Gretta. “I’m glad you’re back,” he murmured, kissing her lightly on the cheek.

  Clara turned away, lest she get caught staring. Joshua’s and Gretta’s love for each other was a tangible thing. They both looked so happy to be with each other, seemed to only have eyes for each other, that it seemed almost a shame to be in the same room with them.

  “Are you looking for anything special, Clara?” Joshua asked moments later.

  “Yes, though I don’t know if you can help me with it.”

  “What is that?”

  Caleb appeared out of one of the back storage rooms. As he walked closer, she looked at all of them. “I…I need a new place to stay.”

  Gretta frowned. “Did something happen?”

  “It’s a long story, but the fact of the matter is that I find I need to live on my own for a bit.”

  She’d hoped that would be enough said, but instead, Gretta gave her a knowing smile. “Did something happen with you and your mother?”

  “Jah, but there’s other reasons, too,” she said quickly. “I hope you don’t think this is bad, but it’s time I went out on my own.”

  “Mrs. Miller would probably let you stay in the apartment over her garage,” Caleb said. “I heard she was looking for some extra money, but didn’t want to rent it to someone sowing their oats.” His lips twitched. “Somehow I don’t think she’d have to worry about that with you.”

  “No, she wouldn’t. I’ll go visit with her now.”

  “Would you like some company? I could go with you,” Gretta offered.

  “I’ll go with her, if you don’t mind, Joshua,” Caleb said. “I know Mrs. Miller well.”

  Joshua nodded. “That’s fine.”

  Gretta reached out a hand. “I hope everything works out.”

  “I hope so, too.”

  Caleb walked her down the street. Though each was under the safety of an oversized umbrella, Clara knew the bottom of her dress was going to be wet enough to wring out.

  After a short walk of three blocks, they came to a beautiful old white farmhouse on the corner. Everything about it was as neat as a pin.

  As was Mrs. Miller. Clara knew the woman, of course, but had never spent much time in her company. They’d never had much in common. Mrs. Miller’s children were a good seven or eight years older than Clara, and while Clara’s mother was almost completely inactive, Mrs. Miller was the complete opposite. She was constantly organizing quilting be
es or charity auctions or helping to baby sit boppli in the community.

  She smiled broadly when she saw Caleb.

  “Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes on such a rainy day! Come in, come in!”

  “You know Clara Slabaugh, yes?”

  “Oh, yes.” She looked at her, a bit puzzled. “It’s kind of you to pay me a visit.”

  “It’s more than that,” Clara said. “Caleb mentioned you might be interested in renting out your apartment over the garage?”

  She nodded slowly. “I might. Do you know of someone who needs a room?”

  “Me.”

  “You? But, don’t you—”

  “She needs a change, Mrs. Miller,” Caleb said confidently. “She’d be a perfect tenant, too.” Smiling, he said, “No wild parties.”

  “No, I imagine not.” She looked at Clara up and down, then nodded. “Come sit down. We’ll have some kaffi and talk.”

  Clara looked at Caleb with worry. “Can you spare the time?”

  “Sure. The storms are keeping everyone at home…and well, sometimes it feels like Joshua and Gretta wouldn’t mind some time alone,” Caleb replied.

  Mrs. Miller chuckled. “They are in lieb, of course. That’s how newlyweds should be. Sit down, you two. We’ll sip kaffi and have a little snack. I made raspberry bars! You’ll each have to try them. They are delicious.”

  Raspberry bars did sound delicious. So did an understanding ear. With a feeling of hope, Clara took the offered chair. “Danke,” she murmured. “Kaffi and a treat will be most welcome.”

  Chapter 22

  “Anson, it’s nice to see you. Would you like some lunch?” Lilly heard her mother say as she entered the kitchen.

  “I already ate.”

  “Well, then, what do you and Ty plan to do today?”

  He sighed. “Nothin’ much. It’s raining again, you know.”

  “All it ever does is rain,” Ty added, his voice thick with irritation. “I can’t believe that we finally get a week off of school, but we can’t do nothing because the rain is so bad.”